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/ By Waterlily- [+Watch]

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[center [font "Nyala" This is my personal journal. Keep your comments to yourself, unless I know you.]]

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Roleplay Responses

[center [pic https://imgur.com/kp6tMv9.gif]][google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center [u March 7th 2018.]]]

[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center It's been two weeks already.. Two weeks since I watched you die.. Seeing you like that honestly breaks my heart.. I can't get the images out of my head, the way you looked, the way Jason was breaking down, watching as you were brought out on a stretcher and put into the ambulance.. I honestly hate it. I thought I was able to sleep at least for a little while, but I can't even do that anymore.. Every time I close my eyes, I see the way you looked..]]

[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center You and Jason fought like cat's and dog's, and you made him feel like a horrible son, but in the end it was you and him against the world. You were his right hand man, and you were the one who brought us together. You were always there with a smile, even when you were depressed. Even when you were making our lives hell, you always brightened my day. I was glad I had the chance to know you, and I'm glad you raised a son who loves me for who I am. It's him and I against the world now.]]

[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center It's honestly hard coming home every morning, and not seeing you there. It's hard waking up in the middle of the night, and not seeing the T.V. on.. It's hard not having you around to tell me random things about Jason when he was growing up. I miss you more and more everyday, I still break down once in awhile when I'm alone. The only distraction I have is work, and my books. Nothing else keeps me distracted.. I just wish I could get the images out of my head..]]

[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center I know it won't happen for a long ass time, and I know my dreams will forever be haunted by how you looked in the end. I'm doing my best to remember the good memories, but sometimes the bad outweigh's the good.. I miss you so fucking much.. I know Jason want's you back, but I want you back too.. I can't wait for June to roll around so we can spread your ashes in the ocean. I know it's what you wanted, and I hope you are watching over us like you said you would. You are dearly missed..]]

[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center Thank you for bringing Jason and I together, and thank you for coming into my life the way you did. I will forever love you Cheryl.]]

[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [right ~Heart Broken/Dead Inside~]]
  Waterlily- / 81d 3h 24m 22s
[center [pic https://imgur.com/kjVlizi.gif]][google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center [u February 3rd 2018]]]

[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center Jason mentioned moving to Colorado and starting new. We would both start new jobs, or I would stay with Wal-Mart and he'd get a new job. I don't know though, it's something we would have to talk about more. I mean it would be a good start for him and I, and it'll get us away from everyone around us. Yes it would be hard leaving my family, but I think it would be a new chapter in my book. I've moved out of state before, but I always ended up coming back.]]

[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center Would I want to come back? Or would it be a forever thing? I don't know, but just the thought of it makes me smile. It'll be a new adventure, and one that I've been needing. Moving on. Monday I have an MRI set up, to see if I need to get surgery or not on my foot. So for right now I'm in a walking boot, and it's hard to get used too. I've been off work for a month because of it, and I can't wait to go back. I need to go back..]]

[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center I'm going nuts not being at work, and staying at home all of the time. I seriously can't wait to see my work family again. Blah, I honestly don't have anything else to say. It'll be a year this month though. I love you so much Jason, you don't even know. I can't put it into words how much I love you, but I will show you every day, and make you feel loved and wanted. You are mine, and I am yours. Thank you for choosing me.]]

[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [right ~New Adventures Ahead~]]
  Waterlily- / 113d 2h 24s
[center [pic https://imgur.com/FBQAtFQ.gif]][google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center [u January 18th 2018.]]]

[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center [i You know you are in love, when reality is finally better than your dreams.]]]

[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center That quote has been running around in my head this past week. I honestly don't know what I did to deserve this man of mine. He treats me like I'm gold, he makes me smile, makes me feel like I'm the best thing that happened to him. I love our deep talks we have. He doesn't normally do that, but when he does I feel like I'm learning more and more about him. He really is someone special to me. I wouldn't trade him for anything.]]

[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center The other day, I don't know what came over him but what we talked about, he never thought of doing. He's told me about all of his past relationship's, and how they had treated him. It brakes my heart whenever he talks about his ex's, because of how they treated him. But what he said kind of scared me. He wants to marry me. He never felt that way with anyone else. He wants me, and only me. No one else.]]

[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center That's honestly how I feel too. Everyone at work calls me his wife, or better half, or whatever else. When he said he does want to marry me, but not right away I understood. We are at a good pace in our relationship. I don't want to rush into anything, he doesn't want to rush into anything and I don't blame him. He wants it to be perfect, he wants everything to be perfect. He's scared that we aren't gonna last, and I know we are. It's almost been a year since we got together, and it's crazy to think.]]

[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center I'm just ready to see what this new year holds for him and I. I know things are perfect, and he's scared of losing me but that's not going to happen. He has me, and I have him. I'm not going anywhere baby boy, I promise you that. I love you more than anything in this world and I wouldn't trade these feelings for anything. You make me happy, and I know I make you happy. Let's just take it slow like we have been, and when it's meant to happen you'll know.]]

[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [right ~Forever Yours~]]
  Waterlily- / 129d 12h 46m 42s
[center [pic https://imgur.com/K5PaK22.gif]][google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center [u January 6th 2018.]]]

[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center This wasn't how I wanted to start off the new year.. I have to take a week off work, because I fucked my foot up so bad. It's already driving me insane not being at work, and it's driving me insane not seeing my baby either. When I told him I was staying at mom's for the week, you could hear the pain in his voice.. I'm not doing to to hurt him, I'm doing it so that way I don't do more damage. With the animals we have I know I would.]]

[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center I do miss being able to curl up against him and just falling asleep like normal. Whenever I'm not with him, I can't sleep. My mind races and I can't think straight.. Soon I will be home baby, I promise you I will be. It's hard on me too, and he doesn't seem to understand that.. Once you get the taste of sleeping next to someone you can't fall asleep alone. Ugh is all I have to say on that matter. I don't know, I've been trying to stay busy, but I can't.]]

[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center Maybe curling up and trying to sleep will help a little bit.. I don't know.. I'm just so meh without my baby laying right next to me..]]

[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [right ~I miss you~]]
  Waterlily- / 141d 15h 20m 12s
[center [pic https://imgur.com/S4edu2y.gif]][google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center [u December 3rd 2017]]]

[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center I seriously thought I would like being throwing a different area in my store. When in reality I hate it.. I hate the fact my mom had to have surgery, and I hate the fact that I'm doing this by myself pretty much. Our Assistant Manager is a fucking bitch. I loved having her on over nights, but now I can see why mom had a hard time with her on day's. She's been riding me, and J a lot lately. I know it's not just me, but it sure feels like it.]]

[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center She wanted me and Roxie to fucking do a lot in appeal the other night. What was I supposed to do? I got three boxes thrown, and then the rest of the time I was sorting like she wanted me to do. She was so pissed off with me, I could see it on her face. I felt like I failed horribly, and I know I did. Maybe it's time I just go back to day's, or talk to my store manager and see if I can be back in Cosmetics. The DM over there wants me back anyway. She's seen me work, and she loves having me over there.]]

[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center I'm tired of the favorites we have, and I'm tired of getting the shit end of the stick. I'm being streached to my breaking point, and I can't handle it. Doesn't help that J backed out on me.. He reached his breaking point with his mom, and now he's not wanting to move out. I knew it wouldn't happen, but it still hurt like hell. I understand he feels like he owes her, but he doesn't. I see the toll it takes on him, and I hate seeing him like that.]]

[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center I don't know if I'm just being a drama queen or what. I'm just tired of this shit. I'm tired of his mom not doing anything, I'm tired of being yelled at work. I'm tired of everything. I honestly want to start cutting again.. I know that's a bad idea but I'm honestly to that point. I can't handle this shit much longer. I hope to god his mom realizes what she's doing, and tonight's gonna be a fun night at work. Not looking forward to it whatsoever.]]

[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [right ~Fuck Everything~]]
  Waterlily- / 175d 14h 55m 33s
[center [pic https://imgur.com/q1INtlE.gif]][google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center [u November 5th 2017]]]

[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center Seriously, leave me the fuck alone. It's starting to become stalking with you guys. I might log into old accounts, to make sure I have everything I want off of them. Doesn't mean I'm looking for you guys period. So like I said, [b leave me the fuck alone]. Stop looking at my shit, stop getting your friends to look at my shit. Stop fucking stalking me. I'm tired of it. It's turning into bullying too if you really think about it.]]

[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center Let's talk about something else real quick here too. You called me sneaky, and pretty much didn't even let me explain. I wasn't being sneaky at all. [i YOU] were the one who was being sneaky. You befriended someone whom you called toxic to you. Am I mad at you for it? I was at first yes, because if you were honestly a real friend you would have told me. I didn't tell you right away, because I had to get sleep for work. I was planning on messaging you, but no I didn't even get that chance.]]

[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center Go ahead and tell me that I was the toxic one, I don't care. I'm just done with the petty shit from you and your little gang. I have people I care about, and that's all that matters to me. I have a job I love, a boyfriend whom I'm head over heels for, and a friend I can't wait to meet. It's taking a while to do it, but I'm slowly getting there. Do I regret losing you? No. Honestly, I feel slightly better without you guys in my life. Just leave me alone, that's all I'm asking from you.]]

[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center Now onto something better right now :D]]

[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center The way J looks at me makes my heart skip a beat. The way he holds me, or hugs me makes me feel safe. He's let a couple things slip like calling me his [i wife]. The look on his face is priceless. I honestly can't get enough of this man of mine. He really does mean the world to me, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. He makes me feel beautiful too. He tells me everyday how beautiful I am. The other day he took my glasses, and just stood there looking into my eyes.]]

[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center Seeing the pure love there, made my heart melt. He really has been threw a lot in his life, and I just hope that I'm making up for the better times. I'm one lucky girl to have someone as sweet as him. To be able to treat him the way he needs to be treated, and show him what it's like to finally have someone who won't hurt him, who won't use him, and who will love him the way he needs to be loved. I'm always walking on cloud nine when he's around, or when I'm thinking about him.]]

[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center I can honestly say, I have found my forever after.]]
  Waterlily- / 203d 1h 14m 42s
[center [pic https://imgur.com/yQuNRt0.gif]][google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center [u October 17th 2017]]]

[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center This has been eating at me for the past few months. You think it's easy living with J and having you around? You don't do fucking shit, period. The deal was you'd help with the dishes, and cleaning the house. What have you done? Nothing. All you do is sit on the damn couch, watching the same movie over and over again. You expect us to cater to you, and you think it's all fun and games. Well news flash, it's not. It's really pissing me off that you don't do shit.]]

[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center I have a fucking full time job, J has a fucking full time job. We don't ask you to do much. Just help keep up on the house work. Then you had the guts to tell me that we didn't have enough money. Bitch, we have rent, and food for us, and the cats to buy. You don't think I'm paying enough? I pay more than you fucking know. J pay's the rent, and then my check goes to food, and to your fucking smokes. When we got home Saturday, we didn't have your smokes for you.]]

[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center You had the balls to fucking attack me! I didn't do fucking shit, we didn't have the money for your damn smokes. You start yelling, at me and that sets J off. I didn't deserve that at fucking all. I know you are ignoring me, and honestly I don't give a fuck. You just need to fucking watch yourself, otherwise I will bitch right back at you. J has every right to kick you out, but he won't. Because of what you did for him in the past, he feels like he owes you. He doesn't owe you shit.]]

[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center You don't have the right to tell J what he needs, and doesn't need. So what if you have to message me to talk to him? It's not that hard. If you wanna talk to him, you have to message me and you don't wanna do that. You are nothing but a lazy fucking bitch, who thinks you are on a high horse. You aren't. You need to get a fucking job, before J snaps. When that day comes, you are gonna be out on your own with no where to go.]]

[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center Honestly, you can take your pill money, and food stamps and leave. Him and I can manage on our own. We don't need you, period. You better watch yourself these next two days, because if not I will fucking snap, and I will regret it later on. Grow the fuck up, open your eyes, and realize it's not all about you.]]
  Waterlily- / 222d 9h 4m 47s
[center [pic https://imgur.com/mci5Yjx.gif]][google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center [u October 11th 2017]]]

[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center There's so much on my mind, that I can't even think straight. I know that sounds weird but it's true. I pretty much lost everyone I cared about, but I gained an old friend back. I guess the good comes from the bad. I know I still have people at work, but I feel like I'm growing distant. Jason's noticed too. God I miss sleeping next to him.. Waking up to him in the morning, and seeing his bed head. I miss my baby so much when I'm not with him.]]

[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center I did sprain my ankle pretty good though at work. It's slowly getting better, but it still hurts. The doctor said somethings that got me thinking. I know I need to get back into going to the gym, and that's what I'm going to do. At least for an hour or so after work in the morning. It'll feel good to get back there and getting underway. I feel like I'm not pretty enough either.. I know Jason calls me beautiful, but am I really? I want to know what people really see when they look at me.]]

[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center Blah. I don't know. I just feel like I'm not good enough all of a sudden. Maybe I am, maybe I'm not. All that matters is I have Jason with me, reminding me how beautiful I really am. He makes my day with the simple things he says. I really do love that man with everything I am. I wouldn't trade anything for him. Halloween's just around the corner too. I can't wait for the 27th to get here. I need some sister time away from everyone else.]]
  Waterlily- / 228d 21h 2m 39s
[center [pic https://imgur.com/MDjcNMP.gif]][google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center [u October 3rd 2017]]]

[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center There's honestly a lot that's been going on. I don't know where to start. I don't know if I should start with the bad, or the good. Right now I just wanna bash my head against a wall. I guess I'll start with the bad, and end in the good.]]

[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center So about two days ago now I found out an ex-friend of mine was asking about me. She was talking to another friend from work, and asking if I still worked there. Yes I do, I just work over night's now. Maybe it's because I wanna avoid your ass. But then this same friend, was telling this ex-friend of mine that I have a boyfriend, and that I was living with him. It's none of her damn business anyway.]]

[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center Who cares if I'm living with my boyfriend? Who cares if I'm still working at Wal-mart or not. She's tried texting me, but I won't say a damn word back. You don't deserve my time anymore. Not after what you did to me. You made me feel like I was a horrible friend, you were telling people that you were living with me, when you weren't. That was before I was even with Jason, and it still bugs me.]]

[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center You are still cheating on your husband with someone else, and that sickens me to no end. You are nothing but a fucking whore, who can't keep her damn legs closed. You shouldn't even be married, and your husband deserves to know what's going on. I know you won't tell him, and he will never know either. Just learn to stay away from me. Don't ask about me, and don't fucking try and come see me now that you know I'm overnights. If I see you, I will walk the other way.]]

[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center Now onto the good, and confusing part.]]

[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center Jason and I have been together for over a half a year, and I honestly couldn't be happier. I haven't felt this connected to anyone in a long time. I love being able to wake up next to him, and to come home from a long night at work to him. I love his hugs, his kisses, everything about him. He's really bringing out a side of me that I Haven't seen in a long ass time. He makes me smile, he makes me feel safe, and I feel like I have a home with him.]]

[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center I know he's been dealing with a lot of stress lately. He found out he has to pay child support to someone who he had been with. The little boy isn't even his. But he's been doing a lot of thinking, and he wants to see him. So we are both saving up for a car, and then we will be able to see him. So in a way, I'm already becoming a mother. Another thing that made me smile, was this. We were at work when he told me, he wanted to see his son, and he said he wanted to start a family with me.]]

[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center I know I've been having bad baby fever, but I knew he didn't want to even have kids. But since this whole child support thing, has gotten him thinking, I'm kind of happy. I know we aren't ready for a baby yet, but just the idea that he wants to have one with me, makes me happy beyond words. My life might not be the best, I don't have many friends, but I do have Jason. I have my baby boy right here with me, and I couldn't ask for more.]]

[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Caudex][caudex [center My life hasn't been the best, but I'm slowly putting my life together, and I love it. I have Jasmine too, and that's all that matters to me. I have people I care about, and I know they care about me. I couldn't ask for anything more. I'm in a good place, and I'm finally happy. Took me forever to get here, but I'm finally here and I'm not going back to that dark time ever again.]]
  Waterlily- / 236d 13h 55m 15s
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