Personal journal turned public. Only locked from people who like to make drama. So if you like public journals with all the perks of a drama-less one please request access. If there is drama you will be removed.
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I feel so defeated. The way everyone has acted towards me since last night I just....it feels so off. I'm not okay. I'm really not. And the way I feel like you are giving me the cold shoulder...not helping. I said so much. You said so little. When I said little you said nothing. I'm sensitive and I overworry. I mean we got in a tiff about it yesterday when we were acting normal. I can't help these worries and they are eating me alive.
I love him..
but he's an ass.
I love him...
but he's needy.
I love him...
but he's too good for me.
He loves me...
but I'm a brat.
He loves me...
but I'm needy.
He love's me...
and He's still too good for me.
Why can't I love myself... I guess that's the question I ask everyday. Body shaming myself. Why can't it stop? Oh right. Because of all of the fucks who have told me that everyday, I now believe it myself. Le sigh.
[size10 Those two can hate me all they want. I don't even bother with them and I am not bothered by them. I regret having gotten excited for a minute. But I leave it at that.
I cannot hate neither of you back.
There is no point in hating people who hate themselves more than I ever will.
That idiot didn't tell me the damn anime wasn't finished and now I need to find the rest of the story! UHG I could just strangle him! Jerkin my feelings around like that! I cant stand unfinished stories and you know it you big ol' meanie! How could you hurt me like that and let me watch it when there probably isn't gonna be a second season ever! I was having such a good day until I found out I had no more to go and now you are gonna pay for letting me get hurt like this. Stupid boyfriends and their stupid good animes.
On another note I so identify with Chi. That girl gives me life.
I don't know why small stuff like that hurts me so much but it does. I know that we are together and you'd never leave me but like...seeing you pine after her so much....makes me wish shed never come back. I knew you liked her before but...it never really showed you just loved me more than anything. I was your number one priority. I guess it just hurts to see...im not really. That she's the person you put all your energy into. She keeps you up wishing she was something to you other than an enemy when you are supposed to lay beside me and fall fast asleep knowing I'm there and all your enemies don't matter...It just hurts that no matter what I do I'll never fix you.
I hope you are fucking happy. I've never wanted someone to really die but my god if you did I wouldn't shed a single fucking tear. Sure you helped me that one time but how much have you tormented me? How much have you put those terrible thoughts in my head? You torment me constantly, even when you do nothing. You just breath and it is a fucking burden on my life because I'm waiting for your next fucking attack. I would never say this to someone as strongly as I say it to you. I fucking hate you. Stop tormenting me. Get out of my damn life. Get out of your damn delusion where he will be yours one day and grow the hell up! I'm a teenager I start drama what is your fucking excuse Mrs. "I'm 26-27 and I act like a crazy teenager." God I hope your child turns out nothing like you because you are fucking psychotic. You are in this little delusion in your head where somehow you get the guy but fucking news flash you are a fat ugly person inside and out. Your personality is terrible. And lets not mention the baggage you carry. A 21 year old should not have to have a child before he is ready. Not to say he doesn't love your daughter but he needs to live his life He needs to have a wife and some wild fun times with said wife before he gets a child. He needs to be able to do the things people in their early 20s do. You are not what he needs nor wants. Stop trying. Stop being delusional. This is just hurting you in the long run. And its hurting him. Stop saying you are his girlfriend it damages his reputation. Hes trying so hard on Twitch and you are ruining it by causing drama. Just stop hurting him. Please I don't care that it hurts me but I know it huts him. Please stop!
It seems all I needed to relieve all my stress was talking to you my dear. Sure it was bumpy but that's how it is. And waking up and hearing you first thing in the morning is the most wonderful thing on this planet, even if I'm triggered you went back to sleep. XD They don't know what they are talking about when they say that our relationship is bad. We aren't the same as we were a couple weeks ago. You and I are a team. You are my escape. My rock and I will be yours if you'll let me. I love you so much my dear. You have mended my heart in your own special way. We're going places you and me. This is a love that's gonna last for a long time, or at least a long time for such an early stage in life as we are.
I'm a little triggered but its nothing I can't handle. Just gonna throw my mini tantrum and go to bed like a good little child. You know because every high school senior has a bedtime given from their mom. v.v
It's like I'm playing keep away with my bae. Stay away. No hoes allowed okieeeee? Kay thaaannkkkssss. ❤
All posts are either in parody or to be taken as literature. This is a roleplay site. Sexual content is forbidden.