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/ By Lapis_ [+Watch]

Replies: 45 / 146 days 6 hours 13 seconds

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It hurts. More than I thought it would. She was just always so mean to us...
  To edit / Lapis_ / 82d 7h 40m 43s
Working the haunted amusement park again. It’s easy money and it’ll help pay off some of those missed appointment fees. I may be getting a job at a call center too. That’ll help immensely with paying doctors’ office fees and bills and home repairs.
  Lapis_ / 100d 14h 37m 22s
I hate the scale... I fear it... I want to leave... I hate living here.
  Lapis_ / 103d 4h 34m 18s
I got a rose from his casket. It reminds me of the one that we’re on memaw’s casket... Today was hard, emotionally...
  Lapis_ / 105d 9h 7m 23s
I was just told that if I refused to be weighed, I’d have to give up on my cosplays and art. That I shouldn’t be able to enjoy the things that make me happy and not want to kill myself because “I’m falling back into old habits”. My only source of expression will be taken away from me. Anorexia is a bitch I’ve been living with since I was nine years of age. Mom, don’t you understand by now I have it under control?

I guess you’re just worried because I’ve lost some belly fat from doing yoga and exercising to gain a little bit of muscle to my body. Not to lose weight or be thin, but look healthy and feel good about myself...
  Lapis_ / 106d 5h 53m 43s
Flooding everywhere.

The power even went out.

Everyone was like “Hurricane Nate won’t do shit.”

No, he just caused flooding, tornadoes, and power outages. Damage to homes and businesses.
  Lapis_ / 107d 14h 49m 25s
I had to stop myself from going down and talking to my one of my other uncles yesterday. I already messed up and called him by the name of my recently deceased uncle... I just don’t want him to be mad at me...
  Lapis_ / 108d 15h 36m 6s
It’s 1:03 am. I’m currently up and crying. I don’t handle death very well, especially when it comes to people I was very close to. It finally hit me that I won’t be able to sit outside and talk to him every day like used to do. I literally watched this man wither away and leave this world... I guess it only hurts this much because I actually watched him get worse.
  Lapis_ / 109d 21h 40m 14s
I need to sleep.

Rest won’t come easy. However, staying awake is harder to do as well.
  Lapis_ / 110d 3h 53m 54s
I'm just going to stop speaking for while. Too much is going on and my voice is just shutting down...
  Lapis_ / 110d 4h 25m 33s
The funeral is either Monday or Tuesday... I'm not ready...
  Lapis_ / 110d 4h 39m 28s
Maybe I shouldn’t go this convention. I don’t know...
  Lapis_ / 110d 6h 25m 59s
There’s a storm heading this way. I’m not too worried about it. I’m more worried about my aunt after today’s events. She needs to rest.
  Lapis_ / 110d 6h 28m 0s
He’s gone. He’s really gone.

I’ve already skipped steps in the mourning process. Denial is one of them. There’s just no point in denying what was already happening. Dementia won. That’s all have to say for now.

Rest In Peace.
  Lapis_ / 110d 14h 3m 40s
That permanent feeling of hopelessness is a fucking killer.
  Lapis_ / 110d 14h 37m 8s
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