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It hurts. More than I thought it would. She was just always so mean to us...
Working the haunted amusement park again. It’s easy money and it’ll help pay off some of those missed appointment fees. I may be getting a job at a call center too. That’ll help immensely with paying doctors’ office fees and bills and home repairs.
I hate the scale... I fear it... I want to leave... I hate living here.
I got a rose from his casket. It reminds me of the one that we’re on memaw’s casket... Today was hard, emotionally...
I was just told that if I refused to be weighed, I’d have to give up on my cosplays and art. That I shouldn’t be able to enjoy the things that make me happy and not want to kill myself because “I’m falling back into old habits”. My only source of expression will be taken away from me. Anorexia is a bitch I’ve been living with since I was nine years of age. Mom, don’t you understand by now I have it under control?
I guess you’re just worried because I’ve lost some belly fat from doing yoga and exercising to gain a little bit of muscle to my body. Not to lose weight or be thin, but look healthy and feel good about myself...
The power even went out.
Everyone was like “Hurricane Nate won’t do shit.”
No, he just caused flooding, tornadoes, and power outages. Damage to homes and businesses.
I had to stop myself from going down and talking to my one of my other uncles yesterday. I already messed up and called him by the name of my recently deceased uncle... I just don’t want him to be mad at me...
It’s 1:03 am. I’m currently up and crying. I don’t handle death very well, especially when it comes to people I was very close to. It finally hit me that I won’t be able to sit outside and talk to him every day like used to do. I literally watched this man wither away and leave this world... I guess it only hurts this much because I actually watched him get worse.
I need to sleep.
Rest won’t come easy. However, staying awake is harder to do as well.
I'm just going to stop speaking for while. Too much is going on and my voice is just shutting down...
The funeral is either Monday or Tuesday... I'm not ready...
Maybe I shouldn’t go this convention. I don’t know...
There’s a storm heading this way. I’m not too worried about it. I’m more worried about my aunt after today’s events. She needs to rest.
He’s gone. He’s really gone.
I’ve already skipped steps in the mourning process. Denial is one of them. There’s just no point in denying what was already happening. Dementia won. That’s all have to say for now.
Rest In Peace.
That permanent feeling of hopelessness is a fucking killer.
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