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It is starting to feel like nothing is okay.
I don't want to be around it. I don't like it.
These feelings, these thoughts, they're familiar.
And it makes me sick.
I wish I could find you.
I'm sure you'd know how to make light of things.
All you venemous hoes ever are anymore is a [https://youtu.be/KAA8N150vkA Memory].
My past relationship will forever haunt me, won't it? Make me feel like my feelings aren't important by everyone and anyone because that's what had happened. I really do.... loathe you. I try so hard not to resent you, because I don't want that. I don't want to dislike you. No matter what crap you dragged me through. It eats at me And I want to breathe and walk everyday without feeling like I'm being tugged at. You make it so hard not to loathe you.
Dear god, do I loathe you.
You're so goddamn selfish.
Do you even care?
You just want everything and anything your way.
Trying to be positive and sending positive vibes is wearing me out....
I might just....
Disassociate for a bit...
I feel really socially bummed for no reason.
I just want to fix this world. But
I c a n ' t . . .
I keep wanting to save these people. I see in them the hurt I have in me. I know though that I can't be enough for anyone. No matter what I do, I'll never be enough. I just want to help. I want all of these people to smile.
Is that so selfish of me?
These people don't deserve these things. I could have done anything. But I can't. I don't have enough time or energy to save them all. I just wish I could push harder to help everyone.
I have to keep telling myself.... yeah.
I care about you.
But I shouldn't expect anything from you.
I don't expect you to acknowledge me or to really care.
Just that you enjoy my company when you choose to be here.
I've never minded if people used me. It was with my consent, anyhow.
But if to others... and they caused pain?
I could not tolerate that.
But I can see you do your best.
And I believe the best in you.
I've seen ugly before,
And no beast is scaring me away from my duty.
I'm much happier today.
You didn't have to call me that... >~<
After all, I haven t proved my worth.
And I have no worth. qwq
I just want to protect you. If I can do something about your happiness I won't sit idly by.
I never was one to.
I really appreciate you.
You get me all giddy. You're really a treasured friend.
Thank you for paying attention to little ol me.
You didn't have to.
I just adore you and really think you deserve better qnq
I have to keep telling myself this shit.
I have to.
It needs to work. I need this to work.
I'm so infuriated. All the time. I need this.
Oh boy... the mess my family is.
I'm glad I'm away from all of that shit.
Today is it. An awful day. Carry on. Don't bother with me.
I can't sleep.
I can't stop but wonder why I can't help you.
I'm glad you keep tabs on me though. I know I shouldn't expect anything from you. And I won't. I'm trained to expect the worse in everyone. But I just can't help but enjoy myself around you. No matter what.
I'm not special. So just a glance makes me happy. I've wanted friendships in this way too. I suppose I should just let it be. Keep my distance. This is a good length. If I'm consistent, I'm sure you won't try to push me away. Even if you do I suppose I'll wait. For you to get better. I don't know. I'd rather be blown up on than ignored.
I don't know why I hurt over you. You don't deserve it. I'm happy where I am. But for some reason I'm so irritable.
I think I need my medications. I need a safety net. This isn't normal. It isn't normal to be so angry.
Get me out of my head...
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