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Ah. Gut pain. My old friend.
I've been gaining weight and it's been really upsetting me.
I don't know why I let it bug me. But I do.
I guess typically I wouldn't but when I'm with my baby...
It feels like he can get better than what I am.
Not at my prime physically anymore.
Mean and selfish.
Ugly. Inside and out.
You lot are more out of it than you think.
Go see a doctor.
I don't know what's the matter with me.
Didn't even realize I was hungry.
Shouldn't let people bug you.
My job is going to end here pretty soon. I'm in need to find another one-but guess what? I haven't found any place hiring that I would be capable of doing. I'm too stupid and useless. I just need a ho. That isn't fast food, please, god.
When you hurt someone, you don't [i get] to say whether or not you hurt them. You hurt them. You are not them. You don't feel what they do. You can't tell someone how they feel. You should learn to take the blame when it is as vlear as day it is your fault.
Growing tired, my friend.
Perhaps not all is well in paradise.
Maybe I should get back on my meds. People read this-the neurotypicals, might come to the assumption I'm a lunatic. For being on meds. Well that's just how this world is, everyone is unwell. And it doesn't help when it's in your blood. Nature vs Nuture. Both have got me fucked. I'm positive all the drugs my old fart of a father messed eith my genetics. It does that, right? I'm almost positive drugs can. Perhaps only as a fetus. Hm. Will research into sometime later. There was a study on trauma being passed geneticaly. Queer, aint it? Didnt bother to read it but frankly sounds like horse shit. Back to the main subject.
Right before I stopped I doubled the dose. I was hoping it would help. But didn't give it much of a chance. I need to be medicated. Too easily set off to not be. I've got a burn in my core that wants to break through and blaze. I might be a normal person and just assuming I'm not neurptypical but... this illness makes me feel so alone.
Who would have thought that grown ups have grown up things to do besides entertain pubescent self entitled kids by going online and chatting them up? I think it's your nap time. Then afterwards homework, and some short tv time. Don't know. You lot seem to have negligent parents. Maybe they're working their asses off and little do they know their spawn is off wasting their time on people who... how do you say.... "give zero fucks."
My eyes hurt. My heart finally stopped. Oh. Speak of the devil...
And he shall appear.
I'm the one who puked twice and still can feel it in the back of their throat but fuck me right
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