⌜ANTI⌟

/ By sinssbinss [+Watch]

Replies: 189 / 144 days 20 hours 16 minutes 47 seconds

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[center Now to see if I can track down some of Sleepy's stuff.][center [youtube https://youtu.be/2svUJj0BBfk]]
  admin / fkuropinion / 97d 17h 22m 13s
[center [size10 Sometimes I'm fucking hilarious]][center [size10 Other times other people fill that void for me]][center [size10 All I can say is bless you, you make life so much easier]]
[center [size10 At least I don't try to play myself off as things I know I can't actually back up tho. I ain't mature like that's obvious and I fully admit that. Oh boy can I be a petty ass bitch, but damn pretty sure I've admitted to that numerous times. I'm not perfect but at least I don't try to make myself out that way. I willingly admit I'm a nosey fuck it's inherited from my ma. God the list of flaws I could type out right now but who tf has the time, amirite??? Oh wait what would you know about flaws, my bad.]]
  ooc / fkuropinion / 97d 17h 38m 8s
[center Rewatched the Honeymoon mv from B.a.p a few times. There are pills all over the ground. The fucking red bloodied looking hand. Zelo fucking climbing out of a fucking coffin. The tombstone that says "B.a.p" I've been fucking bamboozled.]
[center Also watched the Japanese version of the mv cause apparently it had a better shit of the tombstone near the end and can I just fucking say that when Jongup started singing in Japanese I was fucking shook. I mean his voice got me shook like 100% of the time like his entire existence but God fucking DAMN IT BOI WHY YOU GOTTA DO ME LIKE THIS]
[center Also tell me why so many groups having comebacks and shit right now like boys pls I can only handle so many of you at a time]
  ooc / fkuropinion / 98d 8h 52m 22s
[center I swear to God this is the last one cause from what I've seen this is the last new mv that's dropped so far today/the last few days all I can say is yuto and e'dawn's raps got me man. Like bbies pls fuck me up more kthnx][center [youtube https://youtu.be/AeLifhqRggg]]
  admin / fkuropinion / 98d 9h 10m 45s
[center I didn't even trust b.a.p to make a bright colorful mv with out making it dark in some way shape or form but they surprised me. Tbfh they're all pretty af in this and as much as I want to hate Jongup's hair his face a vocals make it where I can live with it. Bless these boys every last one of them][center [youtube https://youtu.be/J65BF4NogoI]]
  admin / fkuropinion / 98d 9h 12m 42s
[center If Irma does wind up a direct hit I'm just gonna stand outside in the storm and hope I get hit in the head by something, anything, and fucking die tbvh. It's prolly easier than drowning would be lol]
[center back to us not being able to sleep properly again I guess. Either sleep too much, not enough, not at all, or super shitty like with lots of waking up][center Also if my kidney could maybe not that would be greeeeeaaaaat]
  ooc / fkuropinion / 98d 11h 1m 20s
[center Definitely prefer this song over Boomerang solely because the lines are spread out better between the members. Sehun literally just gets "Tik tak bam" in Boomerang and it's fucking auto tuned miss with that shit kthnx. Plus Xiumin gets maybe 2-3 tops like why are my biases at SM always the ones who get so few lines??? Like in NCT 127 it's Winwin and Johnny like stop fucking attacking me like this SM]
[center [youtube https://youtu.be/sGkx8HXzbl4]]
  admin / fkuropinion / 98d 13h 18m 54s
[center 100% love it because of the general feel of the song and MV together and because it's kind of a homage to the original concept for EXO which was them all having powers and shit. JRE mentioned it has the feel of like a kids show opening and how it ends with Baekhyun at the end makes it seem like they might continue with the theme so hopefully this is supposed to be like the show's opening theme and the next MV that comes out it like the episode because I fucking love everything about the repackage and tbh I wouldn't mind some how acquiring the album.]
[center [youtube https://youtu.be/sGRv8ZBLuW0]]
  admin / fkuropinion / 98d 13h 36m 56s
[left [pic https://i.imgur.com/Ve6x9Uj.gif]][center [size10 My anxiety is a wreck today, but it's okay, I had my second therapist appointment today. We talked about the homeless shit and it's pretty bad when you therapist agrees living with your mother would be too stressful is supports you living in a homeless shelter instead. I talked about my personalities waking up and a new one appearing. We talked about what treatment I wanted for my DID and I said I was okay with them existing so long as a violent one didn't pop up. There's also a possibility I have a personality I don't even know exists since I lose time so much, sometimes days at a time. I brought up being hypnotized to unlock repressed memories but she said that it could make me much worse since I'm not ready to confront them. She admitted she highly suspects PTSD but obviously we haven't talked enough and that's not something you just assume so she's trying to see if she can rule it out or not. My fear of the dark is connected to my past traumas apparently. Honestly the more we talk the more I've had to come to terms that my childhood wasn't as normal as I thought. I have had to confront things a little more than I would have before. It's no longer something I can reason away as "discipline". It makes me feel like shit tbh but it's oddly nice, it's answers, it helps explain things, I don't feel crazy anymore tbh. I just feel fucked up??? I just need to work through this shit, I need to try and build myself up. Do whatever I need for myself. Everything is horrible but so beautiful and eye opening at the same time.]]
[center [size10 I'm so glad that I reached out and looked for help, even if it's just therapy right now. I'm okay with this, it helps so much more than I ever thought, even tho I know I have so much further to go. At this rate it's going to be an uphill battle but I can't give up.]]
  admin / fkuropinion / 98d 16h 34m 36s
[center I can't just abandon them. As much as it kills me to have to stay here longer than planned that's the part that I would regret. I have to find a place to take them, but every place has a fee per cat and I can't afford that. So I guess both me and them are staying here until I have no choice or I fucking do myself in. Which with the amounts of stress from just this I'm feeling it's super fucking tempting but that would defeat the purpose of me staying to try and find some place, any place for the babies. I can't look at them and not feel like it would be incredibly unfair to leave them just outside which is my only option right now. I can't even imagine it positively all I see is Hoosier meeting some horrible fate or even joffrey. My heart can't take it. I already lost Hadalgo to the outside I couldn't bare it if Hoosier met some horrible fate as well.]
[center I wish she would listen. I wish I knew of she was serious or if this was some ploym I can't even trust my own mother anymore. I have enough trust issues I didn't need more. I wish she would come help. I wish she would have have a shit about the house sooner. I wish she'd give a shit about me but that's asking so much of someone I shouldn't have to ask that of. Tbh if legitimately proved he could get me there I'd fucking go. I don't care at this point. Anywhere is better than here and then I might get to keep the babies and not rip my heart out over this.]
  *꒡* / AdminSWAGistrator / sinssbinss / 102d 12h 4m 8s
[center I'm just tadbut incoherent and it makes it hard to properly enjoy this so i'mma have to come back and listen to it later but let me tell you as per usual he looks damn good][center [youtube https://youtu.be/l88k5JHhdrA]]
  admin / AdminSWAGistrator / sinssbinss / 103d 15h 31m 37s
[center 11 pm tomorrow Crush is gonna release a new song with the Wanderlust band. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Gimme.][center Also Pentagon got a comeback soonish, but where tf my SF9 boys at I miss them, specifically I miss Zuho's legs. Like I love watching that boy move cause mmmm]
  *꒡* / AdminSWAGistrator / sinssbinss / 104d 11h 10m 0s
[left [pic http://i.imgur.com/EgqpU8f.gif]]
[center So strange how little shit you realize you actually have or give a shit about once you start packing it all up lol][center and she says my generation is fucking spoiled and entitled. Yeah I'm entitled to not take your fucking bullshit anymore nor having to live with you. I'm entitled to run away and never look back and never talk to you ever again.][center I keep trying to tell myself I will regret this but I'll regret not doing this just as much at this point. Damned if you do damned if you don't.]
  admin / AdminSWAGistrator / sinssbinss / 104d 13h 40m 27s
[left [pic http://i.imgur.com/EgqpU8f.gif]][center I just realized Ali is coming by tomorrow with Guy to mow the front portion of the yard, but now I don't think I can sleep in case the place for the cats I called that I'm hoping will take them calls. I only left them a voice mail and it could take god knows how long for them to call back. Depending on what they say and if they will actually come pick them up I might just do it tomorrow and rip the bandage off. I hate doing this so soon but they're going to be the part that could take the longest, and just I'd rather make sure they get where they need to sooner rather than wait and fuck everything up for them.][center They are my world but I can only do so much for them]
  admin / AdminSWAGistrator / sinssbinss / 104d 15h 17m 10s
[left [pic http://i.imgur.com/EgqpU8f.gif]][center [size10 It kills me but I'm legitimately looking into no kill shelters to possibly give the babies and Hoosier up to because I barely manage to care for them with Ali's care let alone if I wind up on my own and pretty much homeless I definitely won't be able to care for them. Let alone they won't qualify for any pet friendly shelters since they've never been to the vet ever. So this is what my life has come to. Having to give up my children because I have no other choice. I have no one I can go to only because I can't bother them they have their own shit. Clair would prolly take me in if it weren't for the fact her apartment is already full so I haven't thought to ask her, even though I know if she could she would. I just have to start consolidating and find somewhere to keep most of my stuff that isn't clothes or necessity. I don't even know if I'm even going to bother selling any of my shit at this point. It would take so much effort I don't have right now. I'll just box any stuff worth selling up and send it to wherever my other stuff winds up and sell it once time passes. Bad enough I'll have to pack up my desktop but hell I might lend to to Clair if she wants it if comes to it. I could sell it but I can't do that to myself just yet. Any of the things bought by Suga or with money Suga gave me are never being sold ever unless I'm dead and even then it would prolly all go to clair or back to Suga so she can decide what to do with it.]]

[center [size10 I feel like shit, I feel like I'm becoming a fucking sob story and I fucking hate it. I could just suck it up and live with my mother, I really could but I know what she does to my mental health. It's not good. I can't stand being around her for the short amounts I am now let alone if I lived with her again. She doesn't understand how my depression and everything works. Of course I can be this happy piece of shit on a daily basis but that's a fucking front and it kills me. I manage that and don't know how to turn it off anymore. I really wonder why I even exist anymore. Why was I forced to exist in the first place to live this fucking pointless life? I'm not going to give up because I've made it this far and I do want to try to get better and be my own person, but it's just so hard when all you strive for is to survive, for simple pleasures. Hoosier is part of why I've tried to stay alive this long, but I may not even have him. I hate everything so much right now. I guess the universe just isn't in my favor right now, but there isn't much I can do besides just go with it.]]
[center [size10 I'll make it through this, somehow, I'll make it out on the other side stronger, or I'll fucking die trying.]]
  admin / AdminSWAGistrator / sinssbinss / 104d 19h 56m 42s
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