New Heroes

/ By sinssbinss [+Watch]

Replies: 238 / 336 days 19 hours 23 minutes 5 seconds

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[center [size10 in other news]][center [size20 I deserve happiness and attention and affection.]][center [size20 I deserve someone who is going to treat me right and not like some toy they can play with]][center [size10 I deserve the simple pleasure of playing video games with him while chilling on discord]][center [size10 Honestly I deserve so much more than I give myself credit for.]][center [size10 I don't deserve abuse or neglect. I deserve love, no matter what form and I get that already. I have people proud of me for pushing myself and doing shit for myself and living despite how much I wish I wasn't. I'm worth far more than THEY could even think I was. I need to stop letting the shit they've said and will say about me get to me. I know I say those things too when I got a low but I just need to remember that those are just angry hurtful words that were used to beat me down. It's actually scary to think even someone I went to school with words it that way pretty much. I'm allowed to acknowledge their treatment towards me but I should honestly stop giving it so much power.]]
  ᵒᵒᶜ / 9S / 219d 10h 32m 56s
[center [size10 Honestly I wish we could have just kept playing Tera for hours but I'm too tired to be able to focus on it and you even admitted you were ready to sleep. It's not just because I enjoyed it with you but also because it's nice to have something so simple to full time and distract me and honestly I dont look forward to today. Even if she lets me sleep all day it makes me wonder what she plans on doing in the yard and if she'll come in the house so she can have something to complain about. But alas, I'll just hope today goes well so I can play again with him. It's nice and Friday Clair should be joining us. It's not exactly the preferred introduction to Ruben for her but it will do and we can all bond over a video game. ❤❤❤❤]]
[center [size10 idk if it's the video games or your company I enjoy more, maybe it's a little bit of both. Idk but I hope this becomes our regular thing because it's so simple but so very much appreciated by me and holy Fuck I hope you never get to see any of this weird shit I write about you because honestly it might weird you out lol]]
  ᵒᵒᶜ / 9S / 219d 10h 49m 10s
[left [pic https://i.imgur.com/pvA0ySf.gif]][center [size10 This is so fucking stupid. I don't want a relationship. I don't NEED a relationship. I'm pulling this stupid shit where I'm trying to fill this stupid void and trying to fix myself with attention and affection that I shouldn't even be worrying about. I know i prolly need the attention and affection but I also can't bring myself to want to subject someone to any of my other fucking issues. I just want someone to love on me when I get like this. I know what I'm doing now at least and honestly I think the only reason I'm dealing with this shit again is cause I'm having to confront shit that I tried to ignore for the longest time. When I dated Dylan he even mentioned that I have this fucking void that I try to fill because of my father, well guess what buddy, it's now not just one hole it's like two or it's like doubled in size idfk but it's cause of my mother and my father and it's just the stupidest shit and I fucking can't stand it. I have a need to be loved and to love but I'm in no condition for either. Or maybe that's just what I love to tell myself because I also just feel like I don't deserve that. idk it's annoying. I'd rather shit be simple but that's asking for far too much and hella unfair of me lol]][center [size10 Then again it prolly just fuels it more seeing other people have people who compliment them so well and are their fucking pillars and then I'm over here trying to like hold myself together with fucking duct tape and some how i'm fucking managing but it's so fucking tiring and I wish I had someone who would just take over when I was tired. I know morte is supposed to do that but he's just doing his own fucking thing right now and trying to let me do shit since he really can only do so much irl. fml why do i have the genetics to live a long "happy" life. Just fucking end me now.]]
  안단테 / AdminSWAGistrator / sinssbinss / 219d 17h 17m 41s
[center [size10 I wanna disassociate so bad right now but I'm fighting it. Its taking all this energy just to come up with responses. He took the time to let me know he was out of his work thing finally the least I can do is ask him what it was and how it went. I'm making this harder than it should be and I feel stupid. I'm not worth being in a relationship. I thought tell him would be a good idea but all I'm doing now is beating myself up because I'm a burden emotionally and financially for anyone into that way. Which is a reason I usually dont bother or worry about relationships because I know it would take someone really willing to take the reigns and be my pillar and shit right now. I also don't want to put that burden on anyone either. I'm fucking stupid I'll prolly be over all this by the time I wake up.]]
  안단테 / AdminSWAGistrator / sinssbinss / 220d 14h 47m 21s
[left [pic https://i.imgur.com/uaHIkeL.gif]][center [size10 Yeah I'm definitely just going to go play tera and shove down these stupid emotions. Or maybe I should just go lay back down cause obviously my fucking depression wanna rear up it's bullshit fucking head. r.i.p my small amount of joy I've been feeling cause i'm doing shit i need to and cause shit been decent. Fuck this constant doubt. "he ain't really interested he's just humoring you" even tho like he's trying to message me at least daily. It takes so much energy to actually respond sometimes too and it's not because of him it's just me and i fucking hate it. I adore him and him making an effort for us to talk and hang out more and then I'm over here beating myself up over stupid shit cause anxiety and depression cause wtf is wrong with me amirite????]][center [size10 I hate actually having feelings for someone and not knowing 100% if they feel the same, I don't want to assume or get my hopes up solely because I'm only used to being disappointed and why put myself in that kind of position so I need to just keep thinking of him as a friend. I can still hit on him and shit i mean i use pick up lines on my friends too so why tf not. I hate attachment to people because even if I know they fucking adore me I still doubt it and think they fucking hate me. Why does this kind of shit make me wanna get drunk lol]][center [size10 Not that my bum kidneys need help killing themselves]]
  admin / AdminSWAGistrator / sinssbinss / 220d 20h 24m 16s
[center My husband over here always looking good it never fails 10/10 would recommend but not share][center [youtube https://youtu.be/kDM5c5ImW_Y]]
  admin / AdminSWAGistrator / sinssbinss / 221d 2h 44m 25s
[center THEY FUCKING DID IT. THIS SONG GOT THEM THEIR FIRST WIN. IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME COMING 2 AND A HALF YEARS. ALL THESE EMOTIONS SWIRLING AROUBD IN ME BUT I'M SO PROUD. I knew they would win with dramarama even if it was just once or me and some peeps would be throwing down][center [youtube https://youtu.be/9Y-oy0Viftg]]
  admin / AdminSWAGistrator / sinssbinss / 221d 3h 27m 27s
[center [size10 i meant to post about this a while back but distractions in general have been a bitch. I'm sorry tho to anyone who I may be neglecting talking to lately. I swear to God it's nothing personal it's just I've been doing a lot and then when I am online I dont even know where my head is. I'm getting to hang with Clair and bro more and it's helping tho not that I think that update is needed since I think I've posted about it else where already. Idk I keep thinking about two certain people and just hoping they don't think I've forgot about em or ditched em. I just suck at keeping in contact with people even of they live in the same town as me or the next town over. I just want you to know that if you ever do just wanna talk my ears off or just randomly message me some shit I'm still here and down for it.]]
  안단테 / AdminSWAGistrator / sinssbinss / 221d 9h 53m 30s
[center idk wtf just happened with morte but that was definitely a different kind of experience that he enjoyed a little bit too much.]
  안단테 / AdminSWAGistrator / sinssbinss / 222d 11h 10m 44s
[left [pic https://i.imgur.com/UgFKnYh.gif]]
[center [+white i'd say i'm mad]][center [+white but boi i ain't mad]][center [+white hit me with them sexual threats]][center [+white gimme that attention i crave]]
[center [b [size10 Me:]]][center [size10 *has someone threaten to use my kinks against me*]][center [b [size10 Also me:]]][center [size10 *continues to go into full detail about my kinks*]]
  admin / AdminSWAGistrator / sinssbinss / 222d 13h 10m 37s
[center If I can actually learn korean to the point I can speak it then maybe my dream of one day running away and never returning will be far more realistic.][center Also my dream of finding an nice Asian man could become more likely too. But with my track record he might wind up a dick like all the other men I've been attracted to.]
  안단테 / AdminSWAGistrator / sinssbinss / 225d 15h 23m 49s
[center Witness Block B murder Ukwon]
[center [youtube https://youtu.be/gg3bhJholhM]]
  admin / AdminSWAGistrator / sinssbinss / 228d 22m 12s
[center *sees crush is losing to a song with Chanyeol in it*][center "Fucking Exo-Ls"][center *sees wonjae losing to everyone*][center "it's okay son, it's not your year it's beautiful you were even nominated"][center *sees winner actually winning a category*][center *released an unholy noise and is close to years*]
[center [size10 award season is usually difficult of you're multi fandom but it's even more difficult since I'm not just into kpop/idol groups anymore and have ventured into some ofntue other genre's because most of the people I'd vote for either aren't nominated or they're up against artists they can't compete with. Basically of they're in a category with bts or exo you can forget it. Oh well all I can do is vote for my bbies and my husband and hope for the best. And also hope that the armys and Exo-ls maybe just take as many of each other out so the rest of us can set shit how it should be cause the koko bop and dna are NOT deserving of best dance performance. I refuse to vote for nct myself but God damn I'll take them winning for cherry bomb over either of those especially since the choreography for Dna was actually kind of underwhelming for.me and because I never got a Fucking dance practice for Koko bop to be able to fully enjoy the choreography. Like I voted for seventeen cause tbh the choreography and the song are both top notch and I would definitely recommend it.]]
[center [size10 none of this is to say I dislike either group tho cause I don't, they both work hard but I know plenty of other groups that deserve the kind of love these fandom give them and it's honestly so depressing because they may never get to that status. Hell Block b has been around prolly as long as EXO but they're not even nominated. 24k is another group that has been around for years but God damn you'd think they were a roomie group with the shit attention they get. It's Fucking depressing to be multi fandom. It's heart breaking af.]]
  zion t / AdminSWAGistrator / sinssbinss / 232d 8h 7m 12s
ARMYs: *turn in Exo-ls to keep them from voting*
Mnet: *starts blocking people who are committing voting fraud from the site*
BTS: *starts losing to exo in the voting*
ARMYs: MNET IS THE FRAUD. SM PAID MNET SO THEY COULD WIN.
Me: *shrugs and keeps voting for my babies who prolly won't win but are forever winners in my heart*
  admin / AdminSWAGistrator / sinssbinss / 232d 8h 35m 48s
[center I'm actually trying to learn their names and actually have a bias and bias wrecker that's how you know a group is growing on me.][center [youtube https://youtu.be/yWLsk-peqJc]]
  admin / AdminSWAGistrator / sinssbinss / 232d 10h 52m 17s
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