New Heroes

/ By sinssbinss [+Watch]

Replies: 246 / 1 years 62 days 2 hours 30 minutes 14 seconds

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[center Someone: BTS is so talented and their choreography is probably the best out there][center Me, a multi fandom intellect:][center [youtube https://youtu.be/iq6s1mCT9BI]][center [s [size10 I could prolly show like 10 other examples but lbh i ain't spamming that many videos lol]]][center [size10 This goes out to exo-l's too cause like booooy i love both groups but some of y'all wearing hella blinders and missing out on some good shit and then come and comment on some groups videos like "whoa where they been?!" like the been in my heart getting my love while you been off clinging to bigger named groups idk how some of y'all miss they hella amazing groups tbh how does it feel to somehow be oblivious to these groups and sleep on em all day i mean i would fucking punch myself like wtf is wrong with y'all shame on you ain't nobody say you gotta learn their names but at least like know who tf they are damn ain't that hard my friends]]
  9S / 306d 6h 48m 16s
[+white ][center [youtube https://youtu.be/Hzhi3UhH-ls]]
  ᵒᵒᶜ / 9S / 306d 7h 18m 19s
[center [size10 idk why i'm even awake i was until like 7 am wtf i might just go lay back down and then make sure I get up later to do my korean and then play just a tad bit of tera]
[center [size10 Also i love reading a good ol' "debate" on why systematic racism doesn't exist with white people tryna act like they know shit. like if you ain't living it don't inject yourself into it??? I mean unless you're willing to actually listen to people who see that shit maybe just keep to yourself i mean idk man. this is why I don't get involved in this shit i'm too white to have a right to argue it but fuck if I don't acknowledge how people talk about shit and how they treat certain people cause lolololol.]][center [size10 Also pretty sure my kidney hella fucking up cause when I went to bed it was doing the weird throbby pressure pain and now that I'm awake I'm having those intense af hungry pangs. Seriously hoping that it doesn't get worse between now and next week cause otherwise i might have to find a way to the er, hell even after my physical i might have to just like go to the er cause idk how long it would take me to get my bitch ass checked out properly.]]
  ᵒᵒᶜ / 9S / 306d 7h 29m 46s
[center over here listening to sik-k then this shit hits me cause lol I ain't good for relationships man][center [youtube https://youtu.be/X8pVl9G5LLI]]
  9S / 307d 21h 50s
[center randomly got some cute ass avater shit on tera. I'm what I did to deserve it but helloooo. Also working towards another avatar weapon and also just grinding to level up my brawler. If I can get her to level 40 I can get me a reaper Elin and I will be mucho happy about that.]
[center all in all my boi gonna be gone until Sunday at least but so far tera is doing well for me and I hope he proud of my progress when he comes back]
  ᵒᵒᶜ / 9S / 307d 23h 6m 47s
[center [size10 time for music and Disassociation]][center [size10 hopefully I sleep better tomorrow idk why tf I'm feeling like this.]][center [size10 I need to mention to Clair I need her to sign my paperwork so I can send it out before my 60 days is up and I have to full on reapply]]
  ᵒᵒᶜ / 9S / 308d 23h 42m 8s
[center [s [size10 I wasn t gonna talk about him in the group chat cause I don't wanna make him feel weird but oops.]]][center [size10 one day imma slip up and say some shit about him and then imma kick myself and it gonna be awkward or maybe not I'm Maaaaan fucking shoot me right tf now before I say some stupid shit. Like watch me say some shit about how I adore his company and he sees that shit I will fucking die r.i.p me I lived a long life full of embarrasment.]][center [size10 wait wtf why am I being like this someone please slap the Fuck out of me and give me my sense back cause I'm who I am fuckkkkk]]
  ᵒᵒᶜ / 9S / 309d 17h 12m 16s
[center [size10 in other news]][center [size20 I deserve happiness and attention and affection.]][center [size20 I deserve someone who is going to treat me right and not like some toy they can play with]][center [size10 I deserve the simple pleasure of playing video games with him while chilling on discord]][center [size10 Honestly I deserve so much more than I give myself credit for.]][center [size10 I don't deserve abuse or neglect. I deserve love, no matter what form and I get that already. I have people proud of me for pushing myself and doing shit for myself and living despite how much I wish I wasn't. I'm worth far more than THEY could even think I was. I need to stop letting the shit they've said and will say about me get to me. I know I say those things too when I got a low but I just need to remember that those are just angry hurtful words that were used to beat me down. It's actually scary to think even someone I went to school with words it that way pretty much. I'm allowed to acknowledge their treatment towards me but I should honestly stop giving it so much power.]]
  ᵒᵒᶜ / 9S / 309d 17h 40m 5s
[center [size10 Honestly I wish we could have just kept playing Tera for hours but I'm too tired to be able to focus on it and you even admitted you were ready to sleep. It's not just because I enjoyed it with you but also because it's nice to have something so simple to full time and distract me and honestly I dont look forward to today. Even if she lets me sleep all day it makes me wonder what she plans on doing in the yard and if she'll come in the house so she can have something to complain about. But alas, I'll just hope today goes well so I can play again with him. It's nice and Friday Clair should be joining us. It's not exactly the preferred introduction to Ruben for her but it will do and we can all bond over a video game. ❤❤❤❤]]
[center [size10 idk if it's the video games or your company I enjoy more, maybe it's a little bit of both. Idk but I hope this becomes our regular thing because it's so simple but so very much appreciated by me and holy Fuck I hope you never get to see any of this weird shit I write about you because honestly it might weird you out lol]]
  ᵒᵒᶜ / 9S / 309d 17h 56m 19s
[left [pic https://i.imgur.com/pvA0ySf.gif]][center [size10 This is so fucking stupid. I don't want a relationship. I don't NEED a relationship. I'm pulling this stupid shit where I'm trying to fill this stupid void and trying to fix myself with attention and affection that I shouldn't even be worrying about. I know i prolly need the attention and affection but I also can't bring myself to want to subject someone to any of my other fucking issues. I just want someone to love on me when I get like this. I know what I'm doing now at least and honestly I think the only reason I'm dealing with this shit again is cause I'm having to confront shit that I tried to ignore for the longest time. When I dated Dylan he even mentioned that I have this fucking void that I try to fill because of my father, well guess what buddy, it's now not just one hole it's like two or it's like doubled in size idfk but it's cause of my mother and my father and it's just the stupidest shit and I fucking can't stand it. I have a need to be loved and to love but I'm in no condition for either. Or maybe that's just what I love to tell myself because I also just feel like I don't deserve that. idk it's annoying. I'd rather shit be simple but that's asking for far too much and hella unfair of me lol]][center [size10 Then again it prolly just fuels it more seeing other people have people who compliment them so well and are their fucking pillars and then I'm over here trying to like hold myself together with fucking duct tape and some how i'm fucking managing but it's so fucking tiring and I wish I had someone who would just take over when I was tired. I know morte is supposed to do that but he's just doing his own fucking thing right now and trying to let me do shit since he really can only do so much irl. fml why do i have the genetics to live a long "happy" life. Just fucking end me now.]]
  안단테 / AdminSWAGistrator / sinssbinss / 310d 24m 50s
[center [size10 I wanna disassociate so bad right now but I'm fighting it. Its taking all this energy just to come up with responses. He took the time to let me know he was out of his work thing finally the least I can do is ask him what it was and how it went. I'm making this harder than it should be and I feel stupid. I'm not worth being in a relationship. I thought tell him would be a good idea but all I'm doing now is beating myself up because I'm a burden emotionally and financially for anyone into that way. Which is a reason I usually dont bother or worry about relationships because I know it would take someone really willing to take the reigns and be my pillar and shit right now. I also don't want to put that burden on anyone either. I'm fucking stupid I'll prolly be over all this by the time I wake up.]]
  안단테 / AdminSWAGistrator / sinssbinss / 310d 21h 54m 30s
[left [pic https://i.imgur.com/uaHIkeL.gif]][center [size10 Yeah I'm definitely just going to go play tera and shove down these stupid emotions. Or maybe I should just go lay back down cause obviously my fucking depression wanna rear up it's bullshit fucking head. r.i.p my small amount of joy I've been feeling cause i'm doing shit i need to and cause shit been decent. Fuck this constant doubt. "he ain't really interested he's just humoring you" even tho like he's trying to message me at least daily. It takes so much energy to actually respond sometimes too and it's not because of him it's just me and i fucking hate it. I adore him and him making an effort for us to talk and hang out more and then I'm over here beating myself up over stupid shit cause anxiety and depression cause wtf is wrong with me amirite????]][center [size10 I hate actually having feelings for someone and not knowing 100% if they feel the same, I don't want to assume or get my hopes up solely because I'm only used to being disappointed and why put myself in that kind of position so I need to just keep thinking of him as a friend. I can still hit on him and shit i mean i use pick up lines on my friends too so why tf not. I hate attachment to people because even if I know they fucking adore me I still doubt it and think they fucking hate me. Why does this kind of shit make me wanna get drunk lol]][center [size10 Not that my bum kidneys need help killing themselves]]
  admin / AdminSWAGistrator / sinssbinss / 311d 3h 31m 25s
[center My husband over here always looking good it never fails 10/10 would recommend but not share][center [youtube https://youtu.be/kDM5c5ImW_Y]]
  admin / AdminSWAGistrator / sinssbinss / 311d 9h 51m 34s
[center THEY FUCKING DID IT. THIS SONG GOT THEM THEIR FIRST WIN. IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME COMING 2 AND A HALF YEARS. ALL THESE EMOTIONS SWIRLING AROUBD IN ME BUT I'M SO PROUD. I knew they would win with dramarama even if it was just once or me and some peeps would be throwing down][center [youtube https://youtu.be/9Y-oy0Viftg]]
  admin / AdminSWAGistrator / sinssbinss / 311d 10h 34m 36s
[center [size10 i meant to post about this a while back but distractions in general have been a bitch. I'm sorry tho to anyone who I may be neglecting talking to lately. I swear to God it's nothing personal it's just I've been doing a lot and then when I am online I dont even know where my head is. I'm getting to hang with Clair and bro more and it's helping tho not that I think that update is needed since I think I've posted about it else where already. Idk I keep thinking about two certain people and just hoping they don't think I've forgot about em or ditched em. I just suck at keeping in contact with people even of they live in the same town as me or the next town over. I just want you to know that if you ever do just wanna talk my ears off or just randomly message me some shit I'm still here and down for it.]]
  안단테 / AdminSWAGistrator / sinssbinss / 311d 17h 39s
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