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[center [size10 Why do i keep taking so long listening to songs i know i'll wind up digging???]][center [youtube https://youtu.be/ul_OqojSu44]]
Why is he having so many breakdowns this week? What is wrong with him, he needs to stop this isn't a good thing. As much as I enjoy being out and having control he needs to pull himself together.
This idiot wears this tough ass shell but is the biggest baby, it's rivals Set honestly. But the people that he clings to are sometimes the fucking worse. We all know how he feels about his mother, but let's delve into his sister shall we? When he first turned 18 and before his sister got mattered she was so willing to look out for him and get him as far away from his mother and step father as possible because she had lived with them and knew exactly how unhealthy of an environment it was and even knew his mother was grooming him to just not be able to take care of himself at all. Of course later his mother would dispute than while also screaming and crying to friends that he was so disrespectful to her because he stood up for himself and wanted a job like a normal adult. Anyways, back to his sister who after a while cut ties with his mother and stepfather because obviously they were toxic people and she needed to get HER life together. He was easily turned against his sister solely because "she is a bitch we don't like her" makes sense when the people who groomed you to be dependent and are the ones who feed you and threaten to kick you out are telling you this bullshit. Well around the time he was arguing with his mother about how he wanted a job wanted to be independent because disability just was not going to happen he'd been at it for 4 years he had just ended a relationship with one abusive dick and then got into a new one and was so easily attached it wasn't funny. Hell he spent thanksgiving with the guy 10/10 out ten can you hear those wedding bells? No, of course you can't the guy was a dick and ditched him the second his mother moved back into the house. Oh yeah, funny isn't how easily she'll move away from her own child that she groomed to be 100% dependent on her? Back to the main story. Not long after all that small bullshit that helped fuck him up more and cause him to have some serious trust issues a guy his mother worked with died, so of course they went to the funeral, by this time they knew his sister was married and had a daughter named Izzy, adorable little shit, she's still adorable just a larger sassier shit that's learned how to participate in road rage with his grandmother. She wound up reuniting with both of them and broke down in tears because she had been wanting to reconnect since she before Izzy was born just because "How can I be a good mother if I don't have a good relationship with my own mother?" Oh I don't know maybe don't be YOUR mother, do you see what she did to your younger sibling? She fucking broke him are you blind? Yeah not that hard to be a good mother, though I guess if you keep her around enough you'll have a physical example of a shit mother right in front of you. But wait a minute, why does your six year old daughter know how to participate in road rage? God damn it you've already let your mother ruin your child. You don't get any reset buttons with children either. I know Ace adores you because of how you were willing to help him out but you're not doing yourself or your child any justice by keeping your mother around. He reached out to you and you husband long ago for help, and he didn't know that at that time you'd wanted to fix things with his mother. It weighs on him if it's changed you opinion of him because he said things about how she treated him that you must not have seen or maybe didn't believe. Honestly he cares too much about family, which isn't something I can understand, obviously, but I also get that his family issues is where his personal issues come from. He's a good egg, and he wants to be a kind giving human being who isn't petty and doesn't start shit but that kind of perfection is reserved for people who have perfect families and that's just not him. I shouldn't have to exist, but alas here I am to be an angry old man and ruin everything for him. And if you try to do that job instead I guess I get to just rip off your fucking head, right? Right.
[center IT'S MY BOY. THERE WERE TEARS. THERE ARE STILL TEARS. I JUST FUCKING LOVE HIM SO MUCH OKAY][center [youtube https://youtu.be/L9iM8qEx-H8]]
[center [s Time to go look up them lyrics]][center Or wait since the only translations I've found were done with google.][center [youtube https://youtu.be/d6uzuvrTG34]]
[center [youtube https://youtu.be/bvKBsiycHq4]][+white fml]
[center Friendly reminder that if God is real it's Taemin][center [youtube https://youtu.be/rcEyUNeZqmY]][center [youtube https://youtu.be/j-aIyueKNcY]][center [youtube https://youtu.be/QWUKCiWuXNY]]
[center THESE FUCKING BOYS SWIMMING IN MY AESTHETIC LIKE HOW ABOUT YOU STOP THAT][center also I like they kept somewhat of the same sound from cactus cause I was concerned how this would sound compared to it and let me tell you 10/10 man I love it][center [youtube https://youtu.be/6uuBP8r3NV4]]
[left [pic https://i.imgur.com/wMRgRge.gif]]
[center [size10 I'm so close to a fucking panic attack, or hell another fucking break down at this point. I've managed to get over $4,000 of emergency room related medical bills racked up over a 4-5 year period. I don't know what to do with this shit, I wasn't taught how to pay of your debt. I hate this. I just want some kind of piece. Maybe I'll just let him out again. I obviously am not ready to deal with this adult shit still.]]
[center [pic http://78.media.tumblr.com/4bfa2e19d270599c1be7c4ca93c8f8e7/tumblr_ovd1jeJdKn1rby04wo1_1280.gif]]
[center DABIN BBY DOING IT AGAIN AND KILLING ME WHY DID IT TAKE ME SO LONG TO LISTEN TO THIS HOLY FUCK.][center Also Rome over here blessing us with them visuals again #blessed][center [youtube https://youtu.be/Jg9NbDizoPM]]
[center I know I want to make that new profile template and try out a few other types of edits tonight but first things first as soon as I get home I gotta do that one thing for that one person before I completely forget and then feel like shit. It's not like they didn't give me plenty of the resources needed to do it with out much of a struggle so idk why I'm tryna avoid it outside of just pure distraction. The sooner I get this shit done tho the sooner they can do what they gonna do with it and the sooner I can worry less about looking like a dick.]
[center Then I'll have time to look like a dick to the right people the proper way. Mmmmyes]
[center [pic https://i.imgur.com/XHAWOWN.gif]][center [http://maelacri.tumblr.com/post/166263199501/the-treat-is-a-lie When you edit someone else's edit]][center Or did ya not know?][center Worst part? Not much difference, and I would know cause if I can reverse google search it and find that original so easily then there's a problem. But keep going on about creativity and people copying you.]
The worst part of all of this is he's fighting me. I can't come out properly. He wants me out but I take so much energy out of him and I'm still not at 100 percent to be out as often as would probably help him. It's a constant battle even for Max anymore and if he keeps this up he's going to implode. The last few times I've been able to manage but he thinks too much. Everything he hears or reads just digs into to him more than it should. It's moments like this when it's hard to be apathetic. He knows but he tries so hard to hold everything together because he can't afford to fall apart. In a way it would almost benefit him to let himself because then maybe someone would notice but he has fallen apart in the past and all it's got him is pity or to be used as some scapegoat and he hates that. He'd rather just limp along and let everything eat away at him. It's unhealthy but it's how he's managed, especially during mine and everyone else's abscence. I hope he can find something to do for Halloween it's the only holiday that matters to him and I'm concerned of he doesnt get out and do something he'll breakdown and as bad as he's been getting lately it won't be good. He needs social stimulation and he can't get that at home or at his neighbor's.
[center I have the urge to fight them idk why][center [youtube https://youtu.be/Diz9Qv95BE8]]
[center Imma just sit here and watch the mv over and over again and hope they gift us with a dance practice cause I need it][center [youtube https://youtu.be/aRTjRNATSRQ]]
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