New Heroes

/ By sinssbinss [+Watch]

Replies: 260 / 1 years 239 days 13 hours 13 minutes 34 seconds

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[center 100% love it because of the general feel of the song and MV together and because it's kind of a homage to the original concept for EXO which was them all having powers and shit. JRE mentioned it has the feel of like a kids show opening and how it ends with Baekhyun at the end makes it seem like they might continue with the theme so hopefully this is supposed to be like the show's opening theme and the next MV that comes out it like the episode because I fucking love everything about the repackage and tbh I wouldn't mind some how acquiring the album.]
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  admin / fkuropinion / 1y 193d 6h 33m 43s
[left [pic]][center [size10 My anxiety is a wreck today, but it's okay, I had my second therapist appointment today. We talked about the homeless shit and it's pretty bad when you therapist agrees living with your mother would be too stressful is supports you living in a homeless shelter instead. I talked about my personalities waking up and a new one appearing. We talked about what treatment I wanted for my DID and I said I was okay with them existing so long as a violent one didn't pop up. There's also a possibility I have a personality I don't even know exists since I lose time so much, sometimes days at a time. I brought up being hypnotized to unlock repressed memories but she said that it could make me much worse since I'm not ready to confront them. She admitted she highly suspects PTSD but obviously we haven't talked enough and that's not something you just assume so she's trying to see if she can rule it out or not. My fear of the dark is connected to my past traumas apparently. Honestly the more we talk the more I've had to come to terms that my childhood wasn't as normal as I thought. I have had to confront things a little more than I would have before. It's no longer something I can reason away as "discipline". It makes me feel like shit tbh but it's oddly nice, it's answers, it helps explain things, I don't feel crazy anymore tbh. I just feel fucked up??? I just need to work through this shit, I need to try and build myself up. Do whatever I need for myself. Everything is horrible but so beautiful and eye opening at the same time.]]
[center [size10 I'm so glad that I reached out and looked for help, even if it's just therapy right now. I'm okay with this, it helps so much more than I ever thought, even tho I know I have so much further to go. At this rate it's going to be an uphill battle but I can't give up.]]
  admin / fkuropinion / 1y 193d 9h 31m 23s
[center I can't just abandon them. As much as it kills me to have to stay here longer than planned that's the part that I would regret. I have to find a place to take them, but every place has a fee per cat and I can't afford that. So I guess both me and them are staying here until I have no choice or I fucking do myself in. Which with the amounts of stress from just this I'm feeling it's super fucking tempting but that would defeat the purpose of me staying to try and find some place, any place for the babies. I can't look at them and not feel like it would be incredibly unfair to leave them just outside which is my only option right now. I can't even imagine it positively all I see is Hoosier meeting some horrible fate or even joffrey. My heart can't take it. I already lost Hadalgo to the outside I couldn't bare it if Hoosier met some horrible fate as well.]
[center I wish she would listen. I wish I knew of she was serious or if this was some ploym I can't even trust my own mother anymore. I have enough trust issues I didn't need more. I wish she would come help. I wish she would have have a shit about the house sooner. I wish she'd give a shit about me but that's asking so much of someone I shouldn't have to ask that of. Tbh if legitimately proved he could get me there I'd fucking go. I don't care at this point. Anywhere is better than here and then I might get to keep the babies and not rip my heart out over this.]
  *꒡* / AdminSWAGistrator / sinssbinss / 1y 197d 5h 55s
[center I'm just tadbut incoherent and it makes it hard to properly enjoy this so i'mma have to come back and listen to it later but let me tell you as per usual he looks damn good][center [youtube]]
  admin / AdminSWAGistrator / sinssbinss / 1y 198d 8h 28m 24s
[center 11 pm tomorrow Crush is gonna release a new song with the Wanderlust band. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Gimme.][center Also Pentagon got a comeback soonish, but where tf my SF9 boys at I miss them, specifically I miss Zuho's legs. Like I love watching that boy move cause mmmm]
  *꒡* / AdminSWAGistrator / sinssbinss / 1y 199d 4h 6m 47s
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[center So strange how little shit you realize you actually have or give a shit about once you start packing it all up lol][center and she says my generation is fucking spoiled and entitled. Yeah I'm entitled to not take your fucking bullshit anymore nor having to live with you. I'm entitled to run away and never look back and never talk to you ever again.][center I keep trying to tell myself I will regret this but I'll regret not doing this just as much at this point. Damned if you do damned if you don't.]
  admin / AdminSWAGistrator / sinssbinss / 1y 199d 6h 37m 14s
[left [pic]][center I just realized Ali is coming by tomorrow with Guy to mow the front portion of the yard, but now I don't think I can sleep in case the place for the cats I called that I'm hoping will take them calls. I only left them a voice mail and it could take god knows how long for them to call back. Depending on what they say and if they will actually come pick them up I might just do it tomorrow and rip the bandage off. I hate doing this so soon but they're going to be the part that could take the longest, and just I'd rather make sure they get where they need to sooner rather than wait and fuck everything up for them.][center They are my world but I can only do so much for them]
  admin / AdminSWAGistrator / sinssbinss / 1y 199d 8h 13m 57s
[left [pic]][center [size10 It kills me but I'm legitimately looking into no kill shelters to possibly give the babies and Hoosier up to because I barely manage to care for them with Ali's care let alone if I wind up on my own and pretty much homeless I definitely won't be able to care for them. Let alone they won't qualify for any pet friendly shelters since they've never been to the vet ever. So this is what my life has come to. Having to give up my children because I have no other choice. I have no one I can go to only because I can't bother them they have their own shit. Clair would prolly take me in if it weren't for the fact her apartment is already full so I haven't thought to ask her, even though I know if she could she would. I just have to start consolidating and find somewhere to keep most of my stuff that isn't clothes or necessity. I don't even know if I'm even going to bother selling any of my shit at this point. It would take so much effort I don't have right now. I'll just box any stuff worth selling up and send it to wherever my other stuff winds up and sell it once time passes. Bad enough I'll have to pack up my desktop but hell I might lend to to Clair if she wants it if comes to it. I could sell it but I can't do that to myself just yet. Any of the things bought by Suga or with money Suga gave me are never being sold ever unless I'm dead and even then it would prolly all go to clair or back to Suga so she can decide what to do with it.]]

[center [size10 I feel like shit, I feel like I'm becoming a fucking sob story and I fucking hate it. I could just suck it up and live with my mother, I really could but I know what she does to my mental health. It's not good. I can't stand being around her for the short amounts I am now let alone if I lived with her again. She doesn't understand how my depression and everything works. Of course I can be this happy piece of shit on a daily basis but that's a fucking front and it kills me. I manage that and don't know how to turn it off anymore. I really wonder why I even exist anymore. Why was I forced to exist in the first place to live this fucking pointless life? I'm not going to give up because I've made it this far and I do want to try to get better and be my own person, but it's just so hard when all you strive for is to survive, for simple pleasures. Hoosier is part of why I've tried to stay alive this long, but I may not even have him. I hate everything so much right now. I guess the universe just isn't in my favor right now, but there isn't much I can do besides just go with it.]]
[center [size10 I'll make it through this, somehow, I'll make it out on the other side stronger, or I'll fucking die trying.]]
  admin / AdminSWAGistrator / sinssbinss / 1y 199d 12h 53m 29s
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[center [+white x]][center [+white x]][center [+white x]]
[center Only me at 2:30 in the morning would sit here and have this great epiphany of me and two other people being AAA just cause the initials for our first names are all A. Jfc I should just go tf to sleep. Which I think I wil]
  admin / AdminSWAGistrator / sinssbinss / 1y 200d 6h 56m 8s
[center Sik-K doing an instagram live to figure out what to eat like two hours from now and someone said "Pussy" and he fucking said it outloud and I had to like sit there for a second cause "did he really just fucking say what I thought????" and booooiiiii let me tell you I'm fucking dying. this man is adorable. like he flips so much from korean to english and back again I neeeeed him. just rambling about anchovy pasta and then Ravi popped up and just him commenting on shit that is usually ignored by others I've watched do lives.]
  *꒡* / AdminSWAGistrator / sinssbinss / 1y 200d 7h 27m 42s
[center [size10 I will eat those orange slice gummies, drink orange juice, and orange soda like it's going out of fucking style but god damn are these orange crush pop tarts disgusting. I regret everything, jfc. why did I think they were a good investment because they were literally the worst investment.]][center [size10 ALSO THESE CHILDREN NEED TO CHILL OR SO HELP ME]][center [size10 oh and my mom comes over to grab some shit from ali's tomorrow and I'm stuck between sleeping through her visit or actually going down there to converse with her knowing she's just going to irritate me with some shit she says. Or with however she reacts to me telling her what my new diagnosis is cause it'll go one or two ways tbh lol. Disbelief or ignored.]][center [size10 Also Max has become such a pain in the ass. Don't get me wrong I love him but he over here giving me shit for smoking when he likes smoking himself so you sir can shove it. Plus he's giving me shit right now cause he wants out to do more than just post in journal entries, like nah you good for now just chill okay bby.]]
  *꒡* / AdminSWAGistrator / sinssbinss / 1y 200d 9h 18m 38s
[center [size10 my moodswings are the worst sometimes. The stupidest shit sets them off and like the only thing I can do for mine and everyone else's benefit is just step away and breath. Take a moment away from the situation until I feel like I won't snap at someone. But in the end it makes me feel like crap knowing the other person prolly feels like they've done something wrong and won't want to speak anymore and that's just not the case Tbh. I can be so easy to snap but I've started to just poor rather than see stay in the situation in which I know I might say something I don't mean. So to anyone who deals with me in that situation it honestly not you, it's 100% me and my shitty moodiness and shitty emotions. I promise I'm not bailing because I'm angry, I mean in a way I am, but it's more so I don't say some stupid was shit and make a fool of myself and hurt feelings that don't need to be hurt over something usually so Damn stupid lol. I mean if my feelings are hurt that's a different story I'm a bitch I wind up letting me hurt my own feelings so there's no reason I gotta hurt anyone else's.]]
  / AdminSWAGistrator / sinssbinss / 1y 201d 6h 18m 30s
[center Why I can't get a man lol][center [pic]][center [s that and i'm fucking crazy lol]]
  admin / AdminSWAGistrator / sinssbinss / 1y 201d 12h 43m 55s
[center I'm gonna go sob over Crush now apparently lol][center [youtube]]
  admin / AdminSWAGistrator / sinssbinss / 1y 202d 8h 49m 20s
[center I thought seeing them all on stage together [s minus Dean] was the best but tbh Crush is fucking beautiful 100% and I cried. Please save me from this man because he just fucking kills me][center [youtube]]
  admin / AdminSWAGistrator / sinssbinss / 1y 202d 9h 3m 33s

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