New Heroes

/ By sinssbinss [+Watch]

Replies: 257 / 1 years 141 days 23 hours 17 minutes 56 seconds

Allowed Users

  1. [Allowed] Gryffindor
  2. [Allowed] Gardner
  3. [Allowed] -Queen
  4. [Allowed] Arsenal
  5. [Allowed] Jaybird
  6. [Allowed] Taeil
  7. [Allowed] Sik-k
  8. [Allowed] 9S
  9. [Allowed] Winwin
  10. [Allowed] Galmaegi
  11. [Allowed] Taeyong
  12. [Allowed] Chittaphon
  13. [Allowed] Scentist
  14. [Allowed] Aishi
  15. [Allowed] Wang
  16. [Allowed] Seo
  17. [Allowed] Mino
  18. [Allowed] Cereal
  19. [Allowed] Crow-Sama

[center [+white fack]][center [pic]][center [size9 Just a journal/storage thread for me, myself, and I]][center [size9 If anything in here offends you it's not my problem tbh.]][center [size9 I can't help if the shoe fits. Most of the shit I say in here]][center [size9 about [u [size10 ANYONE]] will wind up vague af anyways.]]
[center [ ⦻]][center [+white shit]]


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Roleplay Responses

[center [size10 "Have you got laid yet?"]][center [size10 "No"]][center [size10 Boi I work like 5 days a week at least, some weeks I work over 40 hours, and on my days off I either wind up sleeping or I'm running around doing shit, I don't have time to be off tryna get laid. I also don't know how to go about that cause like idk never been good at it??? but also like legit there's only one person I would even think about sex with and even then this shit isn't my priority. Like I'm tryna make that money, I've been contemplating a new job or even just a second job so I can get some extra money, which would just mean I would have even less time to do shit, but it would also be okay, it's not like I don't already just go to the store before work anyways. I mean I really fucking wish I could work day shift but alas here we are with me stuck on night/closing shift for who fucking knows how long. God damn it troy just let me be where the sun is, I don't like closing all the time some day shifts would nice, you let matt have day shifts and you see how I'm learning to do the kfc portion of the line. bless sir I beg you.]]
  / Crow-Sama / 29d 14h 14m 11s
[center [size10 it's pretty stupid to be worried about someone hating me when I'm legitimately wearing the result of my own anger towards myself on my skin right now. But Jesus Christ I don't want to disappoint anyone else. I'm already probably hated by the one person who should care about me and love me I can't take being a disappointment to anyone else. It's why only certain people know that this shit is a problem again. And other people I won't tell only because I don't want to trigger them. Part me wants to blame coworkers who don't even hide it. Another part of new blames stress. But wholeheartedly the only true reason I can think of is because I have such a warped view of myself. Having her turn her back on me and throw me away, someone I loved more than anyone despite how she made me feel, just up and tossed be away maybe once 2019 starts I'll be okay. I'm hoping it's just because the holidays are coming up and that stupid "anniversary" As well. Maybe I should try to not let it get to me so much but it's still so fresh and it just hurts so much. I joke about being the family disappointment but legitimately thats how I feel, otherwise why else would she have done that to me. If she cared why wouldn't she be trying to check on me and see how I am. I know he tries to make me feel better about it by relating and by trying to tell me she still cares but everything about what happened leading up to her decision just made me feel like she had zero concern for me. When I told her what my therapist was saying she didn't seem to acknowledge it. When I mentioned I might have PTSD she just turned it around to be about her. I just wanted acknowledgment that she saw I was trying but all I got was more things added to my list of stressors. That fact that I even have a job up here is amazing. The fact that I've kept it this long and that I'm getting the hours I am is amazing. But even that wouldn't seem like an accomplishment to her, it would just seem like something that I should be doing even though a year ago I was in no condition to be working and was trying to get disability. Even though a year ago having a job terrified me. Even though a year ago I was relapsing and here we are again. I relapsed into drinking and I've done well and haven't drank in two weeks at least. But here we are relapsing into another horrible coping mechanism. I made it so just long enough to think I was finally okay and then today happened.]]
[center [size10 he expected so little of me and here I am again letting him down in the worst of ways. I stopped drinking because he came from a place of understanding and because he wasn't the only one to tell me it was an issue. I don't learn lessons well and am the first to ignore when something is a problem even though I even tell people I shouldn't drink because I have a history as an alcoholic. I have a history of substance abuse in general I admit that shit because I'm not ashamed because usually I'm strong enough to fight it. But honestly its not something you just stop fighting and I don't know why I even touched the shit again. I don't have the control to know when I've drank too much. I literally will just drink all day if I allowed to. God damn I'm letting myself fall into bad habits left and right. I need adult supervision and even then that probably wouldn't help.]]
[center [size10 Whenever I close with him next isn't going to be a fun time. It's going to be horrible. I would apologize to him in advance but then I would have to explain myself and I can't bring myself to tell him. I'd rather just try to hide it and fail and him be angry with me like I am with myself. I can only hope he doesn't choose to just wall away but I can't choose that only he can.]]
  ooc / Jooheon / 37d 21h 42m 40s
[center [size10 I wish coworkers would stop teasing me about Matt especially the ones I've told about my lowkey crush on him. The likelihood that there would ever be something like that between me and him is so slim it's not even funny. Stop teasing me about shit that's non existent. Yeah so I think he's gorgeous but I also just want him to feel better both physically and mentally. Let me stew in my one sided affection in peace with out y'all adding fuel to the fire. Having big Mike tease me on Sunday on Sunday was one thing cause that was just him being him same with whenever Anthony teases me cause they don't know I actually have a thing for him. Regardless I'm still hoping this passes cause being away from him for a while was nice and cleansed me some but now I'm just back to beating myself up for getting attached to someone again and actually having admitted some deep dark shit to them and let them see me having my breakdowns. I don't like this not even xephy has really seen my breakdowns and yet this idiot has. Oops.]]
  / Jooheon / 41d 16h 4m 25s
[center [size10 boy are you psychic because stop. After I posted saying something about my "go to sleep" Message you send me one. And then I got distracted after you told me I was bad. Tbh I did a dumb we'll both agree on that.]]
[center [size10 also your cat is adorable I wanna meet him and say hi and pet him and tell him I wanna be friends with him. I don't even know anymore but definitely he is pretty and I am jealous because I miss my baby so much.]][center [size10 but honestly thank you for keeping an eye on me I'm not easy to do that with I will easily omit information and try to hide shit and I don't entirely do that with you. Only with a certain section of information because I'm not willing to open myself up that much yet. I'd rather just leave shit be as it is and whatever happens happens.]]
  / Taekwoon / 62d 17h 44m 19s
[center [size10 I feel like I wasted their time and should have just finished my shift at this point and have let him go home when he was supposed to. He just wanted me to find out wtf is going on and I don't even know that. And I feel like I'm going to annoy the fuck out of him because he keeps having to get stern and forceful with me. He told me last night he would slap me if I kept hurting myself and even said if I kept acting like a child he'd treat me like one and tonight he wound grabbing me by the shirt and dragging me to the managers office just to make me take an ibuprofen for my fever. Something that Tiffany couldn't get me to do. He even said if he got a break he'd go get me something else to take to help but that never happened and I wound up having him fill in for me and Wendi too. I feel like a mess and tbh at some point my charms will wear off and he'll want nothing to do with me. All I fucking do is remind him of his ex wife and his soon to be ex wife idk why he would keep wind up wanting to keep me around.]]
  / Taekwoon / 66d 16h 31m 42s
[center [size10 whoops had a mental breakdown at work today and the only thing that even remotely held me together was Matt. Not to put pressure on him or anything but the small reminders to breath and him telling me to stop the harmful behavior was prolly the best thing anyone could do. Him reminding me to relax and shot helped and his small little teases we're good distractions. Also I smacked him in the mouth why am I like this that wasn't my intent but the boy moved not my fault. Also I told him to gimme my light and 20 minutes after he did he called me a nag and laughed at me when I said its my only lighter. Hopefully my paycheck goes through soon so I can get him a red bull tomorrow and some other stuff for myself and send xephy some money. I offered to buy him cigarettes but he turned me down but at least he's letting me buy him a red bull tomorrow. I bought him a monster today but I was almost certain they weren't going to call him in so I drank it. Oops.]]
  / Taekwoon / 67d 17h 43m 56s
[center [size10 everyone: matt's a fucking idiot]][center [size10 me to myself: okay true but also offended]]
[center [size10 tiffany: you shouldn't get close to matt he's trouble]][center [size10 me: *does the complete opposite and get entirely attached to him*]]
[center [size10 wendi: he's a fuckboy and a manwhore]][center [size10 me @ me: look what you've done now]]
[center [size10 Matt: *exists*]][center [size10 me: *cries*]]
[center [size10 honestly 100% have a problem because all these red flags waving around all in front of me and yet here we are a month later with me and him having already planned once to move and now I'm planning to help him out with random shit and now i'm tagging him in memes and he's heard my cute baby voice and he's also 100% not been a dick to me and he tolerates me and he lets me beat on him and he laughs at my stupid reactions and he makes fun of me for my faux innocence and just. I don't care how badly this might turn out for me, right now this is the best feeling in the world even if feeling vulnerable to someone new is terrifying and I know I'm self-medicating solely because of this whole friendship I have with him and the feelings involved with it that I don't even 100% understand myself. Life could be much much worse, and I'm putting so much weight on one person and I feel horrible, but at least he seems to understand to a degree that he makes that shit job bearable and it's not just empty weight and I do my best to help him out when I can and I hope he appreciates me as much as I appreciate him even if it's just something as simple as he's thankful I help him out at work.]]
  ooc / Taekwoon / 68d 17h 56m 10s
[center [size10 tonight wasn't great nor horrible. I almost had a nervous breakdown at work because i'd taken my cigarette case out of my hoodie and put it in my backpack that was a precursor. I got stuck on drive thru but as soon as the idiot came in they moved me to front counter until about 6. Then instead of getting stuck doing both front counter AND drive thru Collin stayed and closed lobby so I got to help close line and help Matt finish his stuff. Which comes to Tiffany spreading things that aren't false but with no evidence outside of just assuming and me having to laugh it off when Matt tells me it. Cause oh no I tried messaging him one night and I hang out with him every chance I get. Yeah I have a thing for him but guess what I know my place and if that's not in the cards for less then so be it I'mma just keep hanging out with him and messing with him like I have been. And also numb my feelings with alcohol. Now on the last note I managed to lose my fucking cigarette case in the store tonight so now I have to buy more cigarettes and if they don't find my case and give it to me I'll have to buy a new one of those too. Fml]]
  ooc / Taekwoon / 75d 18h 54m 12s
[left [pic]][center [size10 No, sorry, can't come to the phone right now because it's sunday and fuck your weekend closing shifts with it's skeleton crew. Also it's pretty bad when I really only want to work shifts if he's there because otherwise i'm reminded how much i hate everything there. Oh well gotta be an adult and work the shifts I'm scheduled for. I'm 100% down to come in tomorrow if they need me and my laundry is done in time but no way in fucking hell am I repeating last night by myself. Fuck that.]][center [size10 You know what you could do tho troy? Give my boy some hours, let him work more often. I hope you at least thought about calling him because that's fucking rude if you didn't, he's capable of covering front counter and drive thru as well as closing, I know because he filled in for me this past week for one of my shifts. He got 10 hours too. like I'm okay with all the days off I have this week only because I also realize I'm working more than 4-11 every day. I will still have over 30 hours, and if you call me in on any of my days off outside of friday I'll be back up to 40. I know how scheduling works, I know it's about labor projections and shit, but you need to get your shit together and realize that maybe scheduling 4 of you usual closers to have a day off on a sunday is kind of dumb. I mean Jordon is okay, she's got shit she's doing, but holy fuck I hope you make Tim come in cause he fucked us over last sunday. Boi let me tell you I hope he gets set on fire.]]
  read me / Taekwoon / 78d 5h 31m 57s
[left [pic]][center [size10 Whoa how stupid. Afraid to be vulnerable so we fucking try to numb ourselves and wind up falling off the fucking wagon. Perfect. We weren't supposed to go backwards up here. We were supposed to get better. We were supposed to flourish and be our best. But back to the old routine of "well it's accessible so let's do it." Nope, sorry, we're not doing this. We have a job, we can't just fucking chance this shit fucking that up. I can't chance fucking ruining everything just because I can't fucking deal with my own fucking emotions. Like am I gonna admit any of this shit? Nah, I'mma still prolly hold it in, but I ain't gonna numb myself. I know holding shit in is bad, but it's better than this. So much fucking better. I deserve better than destroying myself just to keep from feeling shit. I know what I was like when I was there before and I don't want that. I want to be what I am and being true to me.]][center [size10 I know shit hurts and I know shit feels helpless and I know you can't trust people's words but at least hold some value to them. You don't have to 100% believe them, but at least trust them like you said you did earlier tonight. You can be vulnerable with them because they've been that way with you. You've seen them show emotion and the fact that you try not to have any with anyone is the worst possible thing you could do. You can't even trust to show emotion to someone you've known for 10 fucking years for fear of judgement wtf is wrong with you.]]
  ooc / Taekwoon / 78d 8h 42m 7s
[left [pic]][center [size10 Matt knows about my daddy kink. He isn't into it himself, but both his ex wife and current wife are into it. He's gone along with it for both just to make them both happy. He knows i react to being called "child" has on at least one occasion that I remember called me "good girl". Then whenever he works with me he calls me "bad child" at least once if not more. Today I mentioned how our outfits made us look like polar opposites to which he responded with "I'm the dark and you're the light. I'm black and you're white" and honestly i thought he was just trying to be funny but like that's not really a joke. He fucking whipped his shirt off in front of me. Legit was just standing there having a whole conversation about his body and shit. This was after a whole conversation about his wife and how they first met face to face. Then we were smoking in the parking lot and he was telling me about the whole situation with his wife leaving him, the wife who now wants to work shit out. Honestly I want to have an opinion on his marriage but I don't feel like I deserve that right solely because I haven't know him that long, but also because I pretty much forget he's married half the time when i talk with him and shit until he brings her up.]][center [size10 idk wtf is going on or what i'm doing anymore but I need to stop. I am ignoring so many red flags like a fuck face and just letting myself walk into a mine field like a dumbass.]]
  ooc / Taekwoon / 80d 20h 47m 51s
[center [size10 I'm living that life right now]][center [size10 They're giving me a fuck ton of hours already, I'm being praised, and I'm being told that if they try to change my shifts that they'll fight them because they want to keep me on closing. I'm being told I have common sense enough to catch onto shit fast enough. I'm being told to just keep doing what I'm doing and it'll move me up fast.]][center [size10 There's also the fact I'm making my own money now, and I can start buying myself things I need and nice things for others at some point. There's also the hopes of getting my own place if I save up enough.]][center [size10 There's also the smoking pot before your shift with your manager and him being upfront with you about a lot of shit. There's realizing how fucking important you are to the people you work with because at the moment you're the only one who CAN do it with school starting up.]][center [size10 There's the money to get drunk every so often, and there's just all around feeling great about myself because I'm not a fuck up after all, and I'm needed by people.]]
  ooc / Taekwoon / 87d 4h 53m 28s
[center me: guys tell me I'm not allowed to suck his dick cause he's a coworker][center everyone: SUCK THAT DICK][center me: son of a bitch]
  ooc / Taekwoon / 98d 17h 24m 12s
[center [pic]][center [size10 We're trying to practice self-love you fuck so here goes]][center [size10 Ace Atticus Tyree, you are a gorgeous [u [size10 MAN]] fuck whatever that guy said. He was just transphobic and in no way delicate. It's his loss if he's going to let your physical body get in the way of what could have been. That's exactly what it is by the way. You're not even in that state anymore at this point he is entirely irrelevant. At this point the only people relevant on a romantic/sexual level are those living where you are now. I would say don't settle but if you feel something for anyone go for it. Don't hinder yourself to your standards of wanting love and to settle down. Not every person you're with is going to be who you wind up with and that's okay. Don't be afraid to go afraid things you would normally shy away from because you never know what could be. Please for our sake do EVERYTHING. Get that tattoo, dye your hair, get those piercings, get your name changed, got that surgery. Do whatever terrifies you and grow into who you want to be. Who gives a fuck what others think, you're you and that's all that matters. You're not that person that woman made. You're that beautiful boy that your father would have loved to have spent time with. The beautiful boy who still loves his father with all his heart that just wants to make him proud. You will always wear his name with pride and no one else's. You'll meet someone who understands you even better than you do, and vice versa. You'll find someone who doesn't make you whole but actually adds to your being, someone who builds you up and that you cherish more than anything in the world. Be that a s/o or a child, don't worry things will work out, don't worry so much. Love yourself first and let others follow you. You're worth more than you've been raised to believe and you're going to use all that negative shit to fuel you to rise above what you thought you were capable of.]][center [size10 You're already pursuing avenues you've given up on in the past because you felt you got nowhere with them and I'm so proud of you. You're willing to try so many things that before you thought were only a dream but are now something you can make a reality. I'm proud of you and in 5 years time I'm sure I'll be even more proud of you. You got this, you're a small frightened little boy being forced into the world on your own so late, but you've got amazing people who will be there for you if you stumble don't forget that. You've got this and so many people want to see you come into your own and that's probably the most beautiful part of all of this. You aren't as alone as you feel, and it's okay to feel like you are every so often, just remember the love and support you've been surrounding yourself with and you'll do just fine. It's okay to look back on the past and cry every so often, it wasn't entirely kind to you but please don't make it your main focus like you did in the past. It's okay if you get angry with people but just remember you have a bigger purpose that is beyond your control and you can't focus on that hate. Build up those around you who matter, don't waste all your time on being angry or spiteful anymore. You're better than that, you're no going to be perfect either and that's also okay. You will make the best of what you were given as gifts. Everyone has flaws, it's about how you cope and deal with them.]]
[center [size10 Just remember that you're never anyone's second choice because you are your own first choice and priority. Don't lose yourself just to fit in, you're a beautiful soul that makes the best of what he's handed, you're so much stronger and resilient than you give yourself credit. You thought you would be dead by the age of 25 but here you are at 27 finally living your life to the best of your ability. You're the man, you got this.]]
  read me / Taekwoon / 133d 23h 36m 59s
[center [youtube]]
[center [size10 boi over here making me love him. Like aesthetic for daaaaayssss]][center [size10 I ain't crying over this shit idk what you're talking about]]
  read me / Taekwoon / 150d 6h 25m 21s

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