☾ ᴀɪ-ᴀɪ's ᴡᴀʟʟ - ᴘᴇʀsᴏɴᴀʟ ᴊᴏᴜʀɴᴀʟ ☽

/ By Caramia [+Watch]

Replies: 16 / 2 years 188 days 12 hours 4 minutes 17 seconds

Allowed Users

  1. [Allowed] Daiji
  2. [Allowed] Mikaze


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[center [Raleway [size11 A wall for myself to plug on into and recharge. ]]
[center [pic http://i.imgur.com/0uqOEJ0.png]][center [Raleway [size11 [b Please note this is a journal/private thread.] I do not have an issue with you visiting this thread.]]
[center [Raleway [size11 Heck, go ahead and watch the thread if it tickles your fancy. I haven't an issue. Read as you please. ]]]
[center [Raleway [size11 I [i do] have an issue if you message me about the [i contents] of the thread.]]

[center [Raleway [size11 I don't mind if you look, but please keep comments/messages/assumptions to yourself.]]
[center [Raleway [size11 This is a safe space in which I may dump whatever is on my mind and move on from it.]]

[center [Raleway [size9 [b I am not responsible for assumptions, miscommunications or misinterpretations of what I write.]]]]
[center [Raleway [size9 ]]]
[center [Raleway [size9 ]]]

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Roleplay Responses

[size40 EY YO WORLD
I LOVE BLUE RACE CAR
A LOT
AND HE'S MY FAVOURITE
AND THAT DOESN'T MEAN I LIKE ANYONE ELSE ANY LESS.
AND I FEEL BAD FOR KEEPING THAT FACT ABOUT ME SO HIDDEN LIKE ITS GONNA START DRAMA
WELL FUCK IT
FUCK YOU
IM ALLOWED T OHAVE A FAVOURITE
GET WRECKED
]
  Reiji / 20d 4h 50m 39s
The reason why most relationships fail is because people don't give themselves enough time to get over their ex, rebuild themselves and work on what they need to after coming out of a relationship. That shit doesn't happen in a month.

Give yourself time. You were JUST bitching about your ex and how lonely you were a WEEK ago.
  Reiji / 30d 14h 42m 59s
[center [font "batang che" [size9 Fido keeps contacting me trying to sign me up for another 2 year contract... offering nothing but data. I have [i exactly] the same plan as I've had for the last 2 years for $30 less a month. They want me to pay $50-60 .. for more data. Like.. No thank you. I have 8 gigs and I struggle to use 1. In the past 2 years I only went to 7GB twice when I accidentally left my phone playing Zelda streams all night so I could sleep while I thought my dad was dying and I thought I was on the wifi when I wasn't. Even when I was in Disneyland, I only used 2GB.

I keep asking them to stop contacting me with deals that don't actually benefit me but they don't seem to understand. "OH! But we're offering you more data to do more things!" .. ok, but look back in my account. I have 8 gigs. I hardly use 1 a month. Why are you asking me to pay more money for shit I don't use??? :]]]
  Reiji / 63d 5h 16m 6s
[center [font "batang che" [size12 I just got paid $200. From 5 working days where I was promised $13-15/hr and worked way more than 10 hours. And he acted like I was super generously paid. In terrible working conditions. And now she's snippy at me because she "gave me money" I'm on the floor in pain, didn't offer her tea when she dropped in unexpectedly without telling me after I've been working all day and I'm so tired and she's doing her hair in my bathroom because hers was just remodelled and she doesn't wanna fk it up. And I asked her to please remove the bath rugs and make sure to wipe up any mess she makes right away bc she's done it in my bathroom before and completely totalled it, and I JUST cleaned it today. ]]]
  Reiji / 66d 9h 49m 8s
[center [size9 [font "batang che" My best friend is an absolute blessing. He messages me right at midnight on my birthday, without acknowledging the day or saying the dreaded hbd or whatever bc i hate that shit, just sends me hug stickers on line and then excitedly talks about cosplay for an hour and then just passes out and messages me again right after waking up and goes on about all of our ships for the last 3 hours. And his "present" is switching the commission into a bribe position/first priority. This is the kind of stuff I like. This is the people who understand I don't like my birthday and put effort into making it a good day and trying to consider my feelings rather than the 3 second gratification they get from telling me "happy birthday" as publiically as possible which makes me as uncomfortable as possible.

The only "happy birthday" I want is from Aurora, Woody, and my favourite livestreamers who I asked to collab and do a livestream today. If you're not on that list get wrecked I don't wanna hear it. I don't want the 9am phonecalls. I don't want to be taken out for coffee or lunch or whatever other crap. Leave me alone. ;;]]]
  Reiji / 72d 19h 48m 45s
[center [font "batang che" [size=10px
"Oh, I'd really appreciate your help for a single day at $13/hr."
"Can I get your help a second day for $15/hr?"

Then I helped for 2 extra days for nothing because I saw you were struggling trying to get a business running and really just needed the help, and a final one where all I asked for was that my meals for the day were covered. I wasn't paid for those first 2 days either. 5 full days of bad working conditions. Also being glared at, told Im doing everything wrong, not being trusted with what I do, being blamed for doing things wrong when I wasn't even the one to do it. I can deal with all of that. I called it quits when I found a black widow in the area. (Ok slight exaggeration I'm not sure if it was a widow but my brain is convincing me the red was there, but it was easily larger than my hand and black. Either way. Massive phobia and sometimes an anxiety attack stressor. So I threw in the towel.

I did some really minor things for one more day and was told "Oh, you really don't have to help me anymore. You've done a lot already. You don't have to do a thing. Thank you. We never asked you to keep helping."

So then I stop helping. Since I was told to stop.

And now. "Oh, what would it take to convince you to come back and help? We can pay you more"

And then I say. I'm sorry. I don't want to anymore. "Oh, but if you don't, we'll have to hire someone else. I really, really need the extra help... we took care of the arachnid for you... shouldn't you be thankful that we did that for you? We could've left it."

Nope. I'm sorry. Not happening.

"Well, if you won't, I'll have to pay someone else to do it. It's good money. I really don't want to pay someone else to do it."

The reason you don't want to pay someone else to do it, is because nobody will. Nobody wants to work in those conditions for long hours and deal with your constant bitching.

I did everything for free. I helped loads. I'm still happy to do small stuff, like put labels on things or open bags so bath salts can be filled easier. I'm happy to keep inventory or whatever else, things I can do from home, for free. I'm more than happy to do that for you. But. I'm not doing the hardcore stuff, in bad conditions, in below freezing weather, where I'm being exposed to stuff I'm allergic to. I already have the flu. Leave me alone.
  Reiji / 79d 20h 12m 2s
[center
[size10

[b What I look for in Chinese Drama's]
[i I'm never sure if I'll actually like something unless it 'feels right'. So I made this list of preferences to fine-tune and help me find dramas I enjoy and will want to finish. ]


- Either centered around war with [i well-written] strategists [i or] in a harem setting with the tale told from the perspective of either the Emperor, Crown Prince, or a leading lady - she does not have to rise to become Empress. I don't like it when they switch back-and-forth. I don't mind minor items of either such as when Xiao Qiao accompanied Zhou Yu to Red Cliff, or Wei Qing went to/from war and was shown. A bad example, though really minor, is Duan Hong when he left for the front lines - that one scene dragged out far too much and really set off the mood.

- Fantasy is a touch-and-go. I'm okay with it, but not in a standard historical setting. Mild fantasy is okay but The Eternal Love took it too far with the new magical realm in the later episodes and I lost interest. If everything that happened in the magical realm was an entirely separate series, I'd probably be interested in that, but when it's mixed together it's too much.

- I don't like when the best friend appears kind for however many episodes and then turns out to be evil, usually with minimal logic behind it. This happened in both Empress of China and Princess Weiyoung.

- Please give me cute little maids

- I love characters with disabilities. Grand Empress Dowager was blind and she played the role wonderfully and had such presence.

- Series where different roles in society are played and challenged. The Four Consorts in.. I believe Empress of China? I really liked, especially when they were later demolished. Scenes like Virtuous Queen of Han where Favourite protects Love Interest, Wife comes in, Love Interest challenges her. Someone higher up on the wife's side comes in, someone higher on the favourite's - etc etc. I love when it shows the differences in roles.
edit;

... yeah this was a wip list i never finished to help me keep stuff in mind while finding dramas that i'd actually like ;;
]]
  Reiji / 5d 13h 23m 16s
I ACTUALLY JUST GOT CALLED A ROBOT

A CUTE ROBOT

IM CRYING IM SO HAPPY
  Reiji / 91d 7h 14m 29s
[center [font "batang che" [size9
I'm not your personal dumping ground for your emotions. That's what journals and therapists are for - I am neither. If all you speak to me about is negative things, I will quickly find you exhausting because I can't handle it anymore. I hate to not be there supporting friends but if every conversation we have is a negative one, I don't want to talk to you.
]]]
  Reiji / 94d 7h 24m 9s
[center [font "batang che" [size9
"Oh! What are your HCs about this one muse?"

< shares HCs>

"Oh, well they're all wrong. I don't like them. I think it would be better like this, how I picture it about the character you're playing."

oh okay. yeah, i guess so. i didn't really put a lot of thought into it before you asked me. but we can do that.

"Oh your mood changed"

Like, no wonder. You're shitting on headcanons [i that you asked me for.] When I share them, you completely dismantle them and change them to be what you want and what you had in your head and what you think suits best. Which is fine, I don't mind - but don't bother asking me, wasting my time, making me come up with things in my head and sharing them and then you just rip them apart. I don't mind doing what you want, but tell me what you want rather than fucking asking me like I have an option. And then get upset with me when I shut down because I'm tired of putting in effort and getting nothing back or getting shit on.

This is why I don't write with other people as much anymore. They're not interested in what I am, they don't think like I do, they don't invest the way I do. Or, everything that I attempt to do is just completely overthrown and like.. why worry about it? I keep putting in enough effort to make something you and I will both be pleased with. But when it's dismantled, I get tired of trying because it takes a lot of mental effort that I don't have. I don't like debating. If you like debating, that's fine, find someone else to debate with because I will just shrug and walk away.

The one story I've poured two years of effort into, that I really want to write, I can't get people interested in either. There's a lot of very complex information and people keep doing that stupid BS they do on ES where they say they're interested and then disappear. ]]]
  Reiji / 103d 7h 50m 3s
I AM THE CUTEST FKING DANCER IN THE WORLD
Someone uploaded a rank match where I played Dancer to youtube
And I said yoroshiku to the hunter before the match and they were
SO
HAPPY
LIKE SO HAPPY
  Reiji / 110d 10h 1m 46s
[center [font "batang che" [size9 "Poor Wujiu."
"POOR WUJIU? POOR BI'AN. Not getting the attention and love."
" .. Maybe Xie Bi'an is too busy constantly looking at Jack and Joseph to realize for five seconds how Wujiu might be feeling." ]]]
  Reiji / 150d 10h 55m 51s
... You really don't know how cruel you are, do you?
  Reiji / 150d 23h 18m 33s
[center [font "batang che" [size9 Don't post a "vent" about people you write with and all of your friends publically, then get upset when people comment on it and tell you that you need to be communicating with people who're making you feel upset. Venting is fine, but you're posting where everyone is able to see and read it and in an open forum where comments cannot be disabled - where you're mouthing off about how people ignore you and treat you terribly. Yes, you're going to get backlash for that. Nobody was rude to you, they gave you constructive criticism and called you out on your bad behaviour and lack of communication. Don't run your mouth about people and then post a second time saying how you "wish people would talk to you privately" about it - no. You need to talk to THEM privately about it. That's what the entire point of those comments were. Your communication is damn awful and you shirk responsibility to talk onto others. No wonder you feel lonely, you don't do anything about it to help yourself. ]]

[center [font "batang che" [size9 Venting is fine. But don't post and call the people who surround you terrible things and make them feel awful. You're seeking attention, not venting. Post more generically if you're going to post it at all rather than bring attention to how you put 0 effort into your relationships - or write it up to vent and then delete it/don't post it.]]]

[center [font "batang che" [size9 I'm bad with communication, personally. But I've gotten much better over the last couple of years and I am so, so thankful that I have someone at my side who loves me dearly who continues to help me grow and learn when I need to voice what's in my head. I tried to be that person for you and you're--- oh okay you messaged me privately. c: thanks ]]]
  Reiji / 153d 4h 23m 14s
Ohhh yikes.

That's some 2007 level stuff.

And not the good kind either.

x - - x rip
  Reiji / 153d 6h 49m 38s
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