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I feel like I can’t do anything to help anyone, and that’s one of my passions! I love laughter, I love smiles, I love seeing people I know get my jokes, I hate tears, I hate sourness. I am crazy I guess to see my friends happy for once, I remembered last year one of my ex girlfriends were talking and I told her that I love to make people happy! And she said "it’s not working so shut up. “ You know when you try so hard.. it doesn’t work, I have depression but I hide it around my friends because they have it too and I want to be happy. I really want hope. I feel unneeded right now.
I want to be a class clown of the group of all of this, but everyone is just eating at each others throats. It’s making me feel crazy, it makes me feel like I can’t do anything. I’m sitting here while one of my friends are going through a mid life crisis and it hurts me too. I care damnit. I MATTER TOO. I'll just keep hiding my true self.. I'm sorry everyone.. I'm a failure like my parents said I was, I can't fix anything anymore with a joke or smile. They. are. fake. smiles. I fake it. I want everyone to be happy, but it's hard to juggle all of this mess. I can't fix this. Please forgive me.
For I am weak, I am no good at this. Like I tell you all the time I feel like am alien to emotions. I'm emotionally unstable to cope with all this. and I'm sorry. I'm just me.. I've lost my touch, I can't make anyone happy anymore.. My jokes are useless now. My memes mean nothing. My smiles are broken.. "If you want it done, do it yourself." But you all can't possible do by yourselves and I'm trying it help..