SD's JournalReplies: 6 / 1 years 112 days 2 hours 22 minutes 56 seconds
Won't be much in here really. Only writing what I feel when I feel like it. Things may only hold up at the time they are written, other things may be more permanent..
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So because I had been thinking about old rps and a dream of mine...my brain kind of decided to bite me in the ass. It's not the first nor will it be the last for it to do so. But this time it decided to draw parallels in Twilight and the Vampire Diaries...ones that I had been too blind and stupid to see but had been there the whole time. Really have to learn to keep my mind busy so it won't be talking down that pretty little road on its own as much..
It's been awhile since I let this feeling take hold. But I guess it's what I get for looking back to when it had all began...rereading the stories and remembering what was. And also remembering all the mistakes I made. Never had I meant to hurt you like that or to make such a mess. I was young and I was stupid in trying to figure things out. I'm happy to see you happy now...as it was all I ever wanted for you. Just now wish I could have been better...and hope one day you can forgive what was. Hate to say it..but a part of me even now still loves you and I think a part always will.
~Little Wolf Girl
Some people are so fucking rude I swear. But guess should be used to it. Can't please everyone.
Why is it that we are still capable to love or to want some of the people who are the worst for us...why is it that toxicity is sometimes so alluring and calls? Kind of like a drug I guess. Like when you try and leave or cut them out...you can't...they still matter so very much.. Why is that?
Sometimes I find when you look back at things it can be both a blessing and a curse. This time it was a curse. I found something from six years ago...and well it hurt all over again. Not much has really changed from what I had written...only the time that has passed and the fact that it reopened an old.wound.
I wanted to say that I am sorry that I tried not to think about you. I'm sorry that I had tried to forget. Losing you had hurt so much...and when mom and...and Derrick had divorced I in a sense tried to push ties with him away...and that had been my thoughts of you too.. I know you are NOT yoir son...and for that I am more sorry than you know. I still miss you even now...and still think of you as my grandma. I love you and may you rest in peace..
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