"Then you don't seem to be."He told her, offering her his perception so far, but this time maybe she would actually be willing to give up it to him. He was only alive because he saved her, wouldn't most drow still kill him even then? They even planned on going on this trip together so far, even if it was for her sake, aside from the stop at the village..that was to prove her point, even if it probably wouldn't do so.
He didn't know how to explain how he was looking at her now, was it as simple as the situation they were in, alone in a tent, the rain pounding against the tent, still it being warmer the closer they were. Still he didn't know how to explain this, to her, she couldn't have been well..coming on to him it just didn't seem possible, yet the thoughts were planted in his head, maybe coming through his vision and she picked up on it. Surely she didn't think it possible either, but she didn't move any, she was still trying to see whatever it was. "Forgive me.."He said, not knowing if it was a bad strangeness to her, "I don't think I can help it.."
Perhaps there were a lot of gods. She wasn't very religious so she didn't care. "" I don't think it's my opinion that matters. Isn't it more perception?" she inquired, looking to him, before clearly pouting, "You're only alive because you saved me." She was not going to get all mushy and whatnot.
The speaking slow had been more because she had been unsure, not that he would tell her that. She wasn't even quite thinking on that, since she couldn't fully read his signals. Though in a way it had to be something base that was in all of them. A feeling of wanting to reproduce and in a way also experience that pleasure.
Him actually stammering was a surprise. She didn't recall him doing that before. "I didn't say a certain way. You're just looking at me strangely," she replied, though her senses too were starting to realize he was closer than most to her, distance wise. Her hand on his felt good, just resting there, not forcing him to stay there if he didn't want to.
"There are lots of gods.."He offered back, thinking on what she was saying though. "So you..repeat..are you as bad as any other drow?"Her pout made him think otherwise even though he already did. "I don't think you are as bad as other drow. I am still alive."He reiterated, more that he didn't think she was, but it was a good thing, and she knew that too. He also felt her jokes landed a lot better than his own, even if she was just picking it up, finding some humor and amusement in her life would be good.
The way she continued to speak slow to him, was it just a natural allure? Was she planning something even now? He had no idea. Whatever was happening in his head she seemed to pick up on, but they were from different cultures? What were baser things like this like in her's? He didn't know what to say now, maybe that was a first. "I.."No, he hadn't already fumbled in his speaking had he? "I am..not looking at you in a certain way.."He didn't know what to say... Now it definitely floated into his head, the proximity, her hand keeping him where he was even if it really wasn't meant to.
"I never said you were dishonest, but so far in my life it's been more important to track dishonesty than honesty," she replied dryly. To her the two were entirely different things, though honesty was something she hadn't experienced a lot of. "I'm pretty sure no god finds value with me," she told him, or at least she couldn't imagine it.
His argument made her pout slightly. It was an effective argument to say the least. "Because you seem to keep implying that I'm apparently not as bad as some others," she replied, "I'm pretty sure that I haven't changed much at all. Unless the potion you gave me didn't heal just my injuries, but also my damned soul." Maybe that was almost a joke.
"Apparently," she agreed slowly. Naturally she could go for saying that they weren't the same breed, but she didn't feel like saying that. The way he was looking at her seemed to change slightly. She couldn't quite place it, but she didn't think he meant her harm. "Why are you looking at me like that?" she finally asked slowly, though didn't move away either.
"I was never dishonest, you should learn to pick up on honesty, not just dishonesty." Somehow they were the same thing, but picking up on one or the other was an entirely different thing it seemed. That was only in reference to her not letting him help. He offered her another simple shrug though, "Maybe it wasn't your god then. Maybe a different god sees better value with you."He told her, though he didn't know about which one might anyway.
Again he offered her a simple argument for her next statement, "Well..somehow you seem to think you aren't now. Before you wanted me to think so. So you must have changed all the sudden?" He wanted to keep her amusement going at least. Her newer stance on this though, he felt he couldn't waiver, but he really wanted to, her gaze was getting more imposing in a different way it seemed, "We have shared some similar experiences.."He didn't know how else to explain that, as for being close those words seem to be a little different coming from her. She could probably go towards some..we aren't close human thing, but it didn't seem like she would at the same time. So he didn't know how to feel. His eyes wouldn't show anything untruthful, he was being honest in what he felt, though somehow he let a little bit of something just a hint work it's way into his eyes. Possibly from the way her words came off, and their near proximity.
"It's what I do, though yes, I suppose that you do as well," she agreed, looking to him. It made sense, considering how all the people he had hurt and possibly killed seemed to drive him. She actually rolled her eyes, maybe that was a sense of amusement showing in there somewhere. "Why should I make it easy? Most people wouldn't have tried to help me and assuming you would be the one person who would isn't exactly a smart move," she pointed out with a shrug, "Divine intervention? I'm pretty sure my god isn't like that." Not that she cared about that god anyway.
"You didn't know about it before. I could have just been a horrible drow," she pointed out. She wasn't sure what to say about being similar. It was hard for her to imagine she was similar to anyone. "You believe we are close?" she said slowly, looking to him, searching his eyes, "That we have shared similar experiences?" Only now did she realize she was still holding his hand, though she still didn't pull it away.
He simply couldn't give her the answers she wanted, he didn't know how to explain just how he tended to be. "I think I use death to drive me don't I?"He replied, based on his story that was sort of true, he carried a lot of deaths at his back. He shook his head at what she next, "Well I suppose that's just a word, you tried not to make it easy to help you."He did remind her, though he did it anyway. He also couldn't give her a reason for that "Divine intervention for some kind?"He didn't know just like she didn't know. "But.. hearing and seeing some of what you have been through was close enough to making me want to help."He shrugged a bit, "You say I know nothing about you..which may be close to true. I do not, however, feel we are very far apart. Something is similar about you. Maybe not how you are or who you are." There was something though, being on the run, being tied to something they didn't want to be. There were a few things possibly deeper than that.
She ultimately simply shrugged at the tundra part. She was not in the mood to discuss geography with him. "That's one way of putting it. It's been stacked against me since always might be the better way of putting it," she replied dryly.
Maybe she wasn't even sure herself what she meant. "Death, me all of this. I don't know," she replied with a shrug, "What about using death to drive you?" It was more or less what she did.
"Easy?" she repeated, thoroughly confused, "Nothing is ever easy with me." She didn't recall anything ever being easy in any way. The thought that there was a reason he had found her in the forest made her look to him. "And what would that reason be?" she asked confused, "I'm sure I would find plenty of people that would disagree with you on that." No one alive still cared for her and maybe that had to do with the fact that since they had all died she didn't let anyone close enough to actually care about her.
Sure, maybe he was too obvious in trying to change the mood, "That's true..though it is mountainous where the towns are concerned."He informed her. He shook his head a little bit, "It was stacked against you in the beginning in drow society wasn't it?"He offered her another shrug as she asked him the question, he had to ponder what she meant. "Death? Why doesn't dying bother me? If I lived afraid of death..it's not very much living."He informed her, but there was obviously more to it, maybe he was just too courageous, too concerned about everyone else at this point. "If it's accepting you..it doesn't bother me, because it's..somehow easy to."He didn't know why exactly, but helping her and accepting her seemed sort of easy since she was a bit similar to him, and in a way she wanted to change so she could be better off away from her society. "There was probably a reason I was the one who found you first in the forest. I don't know how to explain it, but it wouldn't be right to leave you there."
She wasn't supposed to feel. She knew that and yet she couldn't stop herself from feeling and she hated herself for it. If she could be as unemotional as the rest, she imagined life would be a lot easier and she could get her act together.
Him mentioning the tundra, even as a joke really wasn't helping her mood right now. Jokes only seemed to go well with her when she was actually in a mood to receive them. "A tundra has snow," she pointed out, "And often flat." She didn't honestly care if it was a tundra or a mountain, she just wanted peace. To be left alone. She was her own best savior.
"Tell that to all the people that already died around me. I'm sure they would bet to differ," she told him dryly, "Why doesn't it bother you?" His reaction to whatever she did wasn't the norm and it confused her more. He made no sense to her. Most would have let her die, most would have not nursed her back to health, most would not be joking about the death she brought, which she was being serious about.
It seemed he knew the fact was reinforced, but it changed nothing about how he would see it. He knew he wasn't responsible for everything, but he certainly had been responsible for some things, and it was enough to want to be done with it and want to right the wrongs. He noticed how emotional this made her, and how she seemed to have lost enough too. He shook his head a bit, noticing she didn't want to have anymore emotions or feelings. He definitely wouldn't be prying into that, it wasn't the time right now, and she clearly was feeling it already.
Though the way she was describing where she wanted to go he let out a small breath, a small chuckle, "Sounds like..the tundra honestly."He grinned a little bit, but he knew this would come across as a small bit of humor, she'd learned enough of that at least. "Oh..I'm sure enough people I'm around bring in enough bad luck..adding one more won't affect that too much."He offered her, welcoming her easy enough. For a person like her to have him do that, he hoped would convey how he was genuine, possibly different from most.
"You do," she confirmed with a nod, "Theoretically, you could be responsible for any number of things. Just due to causality." He needed a different head space. The contact wasn't bad, she supposed.
His question made a sense of tiredness appear in her eyes. "I never stopped running," she replied in a voice that was almost strained. His further questioning didn't help her right now. "It's better that way. The few people I cared for are killed and the rest I don't care for. Maybe you should reconsider knowing me, if you want to live. I don't want to feel that anymore," she told him. Maybe if she wasn't too stubborn, she would have already killed herself, but she wouldn't say that.
"Peace sounds good. Top of a mountain somewhere in the middle of nowhere might be good," she almost mused. She was tired of feeling and tired of being disappointed. At least on her own she couldn't feel either of those things.
"I told you..I've been told I think too much before." Which was what she was thinking, "But I do know I was indirectly responsible for ordering some of them..and that's bad enough." He offered, though she didn't remove her hand, even while she was responding to his question. He was surprised, did a part of her enjoy that contact too? She did when she was asleep anyway. Still listening to her story, he noticed she didn't seem to want to fit in anywhere, more so as being left alone. "Correct me if I'm wrong..but have you already started running?"He knew they were talking about just that, but if it succeeded she wouldn't have to run anymore. Her answer still brought him to a different thinking, "Are you sure? You'd want no contact with anyone? I know drow live a long time..so that might get kind of..dreary after a while." Still it seemed there was more to the story than he knew, but a part of him was intrigued by it as well. He began to realize he did wish to know more, but he already knew better than to ask her to share. So he could leave it where it was. "Then..I do truly hope there is something to be done about this. That we might find you peace." If she could truly find it by herself.
She didn't withdraw her hand from his. Still his line of thought made her furrow her brow. "If you think like that, you will never be done doing penance," she pointed out, "Theoretically, you could run into someone by accident and that causes them to go on a rampage, because they were having a bad day. Does that mean you are at fault?" He was thinking too much for his own good.
His question made her look up at him. "I want to be left in peace. I don't want to run anymore. I don't want to feel the things I feel anymore. I just want a life where I don't have to be fear death the next day," she replied. It probably made no sense to him, but if he knew her back story it would make more sense. That and she was sick and tired of people, drow or humans or other creatures at this point. She just wanted to be left alone. Then she wouldn't have to feel and she wouldn't have to fear feeling the pain of lose again.
Again, he knew she didn't let him, but she had given him things without meaning to at least. So what he said was true in a way. Though he didn't really see her problem at this point with remaining so guarded, at least to him. He understood that everyone most likely had a past, and by the way she sort of reacted to his story, she must have as well. Her hand brought his attention down to it, his eyes coming back to where they were now it seemed, he let out a small breath. She was sorry? He supposed she was trying at the very least. "I don't like to think on how many situations like that..I allowed. Even if by secondhand..thirdhand."He didn't know how many inadvertent situations could have arose that were similar. Clearly though, any number became too many for him. So he would have to just live with it, try and do good from now on somehow. Meanwhile it seemed for the most part, as a drow would be, she was about self, getting herself somewhere, letting herself live, survive, no matter what the cost. Though something in her did seem to want to change a bit of that. "What would you do then..? If you had no ties to your homeland any longer? Would you go back anyway and try to elevate yourself among them like they do? Or have you seen enough of the world to wish you could belong elsewhere?"
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