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God, I feel sick. My stomach feels like it's stabbed... My doctor doesn't even know what's wrong and I'm getting discouraged.
I miss my best friend... I feel he and I have grown distant in the last couple of months... I guess that's what happens when life gets rough for both parties.
My cousin has skin cancer, it's affecting her liver, she's pregnant too.
I have to call CPS Monday because the cops won't do anything about the fucking crackheads across the street from me.
I'm overworked. I want to die. Yet, I staying here for my family.
My hair is falling out little by little from my depression and anxiety. My doctor doesn't know how to keep it from falling out either. Well, if it does start get worse, I'll own it. I'll stay positive and wear wigs.
Well, I'm gone. It's just a break. A break to get out there and focus on something other than my thoughts.
You're so stupid. You're so stupid. You're so stupid. You always ruin everything.
This why it's hard to keep friends. You're not really be able stick around at this rate. You fucked up, again.
I just want my Japan trip to get here already. My brother, Ryan, he's going with me. It'll be a month or even a two month trip. Destinations are Tokyo, Kyoto, and Okinawa. Just one more year, hopefully. I'll be out of this stupid city and away from this stressful house.
I don't want to be dragged around anymore and my feet hurt. I'm exhausted. Emotionally exhausted and all I want to do is sleep.
Today is going to be a long one. I'll be dragged around this stupid city by my sister. I hate it here. The only thing I like about this place is the closeness to the waterfront. I refuse to live somewhere that isn't by some large body of water or even a river or a creek. I have to be by the water.
Just like that, the void was ripped to shreds by the forceful jaws of my endless depression and a deprived sense of anger. Anger for no reason at all. No, angry towards myself for letting things go this far without even trying to stop it.
No, I've stopped trying because a severe case of Clinical Depression. An eating disorder that can be treated, but it cannot be taken away. I want the pain to be numbed. I want the hurt of this everyday struggle to end...
Never once have I felt this way. I feel like I'm lost in a void. A very peaceful and quiet void, one I never want to be rescued from. I'm staying away from Facebook, Messenger, Instagram, and other forms of toxicities this world is throwing at me.
I just want this perfect feeling to stick around. However, I know it won't stay with me for much longer. Something always comes along to ruin whatever amount of tranquility I feel.
It's sad, but it's life. Life is like riding the waves and waiting for the perfect opportunity to surf the perfect Pipeline.
I honestly hate who I am. Why do I always feel like I'm hurting myself by doing something that's for me for a change? Why is it that I was made to battle against my mind and my body every moment of my life? Just... Why?
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