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Nothing interesting to see in here...But be my guest if you want to stay....
Last chance to turn back. There's probably nothing in here for you. My mind can be a very scary place sometimes.
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I seriously need a more interesting life. It's pretty bad that I can go 40 days between posts and there's nothing new. So a couple of quick updates I guess.
I'm going to get in shape this fall. No ifs, ands, or buts. I need to be ready for the next hiring spree, which will likely be in the winter. I'm hoping to get on at the county jail soon, which means that if the sheriff's office hires for deputies, I'll have a better standing in the hiring process. Besides that, security work is very boring and I need something that pays more. I would be fine if I was at least armed security, but I'm not.
I've picked up my ESO obsession again, so I'm spending plenty of time on there lately. I need some more friends to adventure with on there though. As of now I only have one and he tends to get bored with games quickly, meaning I'll be left solo. If anybody sees me online, feel free to say hello. I've updated my status to include my location in game.
I've also taken up golf again. I got some decent clubs and I've been going every Wednesday after work for the past several weeks. I'm going to continue doing so until it gets too snowy to do so. The cold doesn't really bother me so I'll still golf in that. I'm hoping to actually improve my game eventually.
I'm considering going to a Garth Brooks concert in Lincoln, Nebraska on October 21. Only problem is that I don't have friends that are country fans and I'd rather not go solo. Tickets go on sale Friday and they'll likely sell very quickly. I'm thinking of buying two and hoping that I'll find somebody to go with me. If not, I'll sell one and go anyway.
That's pretty much it for what's going on. Let's see how long it is between posts this time.
And another month between posts. I need some excitement. What can I say, I'm a boring person.
Not much going on this month really. No police departments are hiring, so I don't have any fitness tests coming up. My workout buddy has also been extremely busy, and we've fallen a bit behind on our workouts .
The most exciting thing in my life right now is that I've picked up disc golf again. I forgot how fun it was. It's been almost 4 years since I last played, and I just went last weekend. I'm awful, but that will change. I plan to go at least twice a week if I can help it, even when it starts getting cold. Can't get good without practice, right?
I still have yet to ask the cute girl at work for her number. I'm still extremely nervous about it . What if she isn't interested in that way? It'll just make things awkward in that case. I really would rather not make things awkward between us. I'm wanting to ask her out to coffee at some point, but I doubt I'll ever find the nerve. Hooray for lack of confidence, right?
Good Lord it's been a while since I've posted anything in here. Over a month. That should be a sign of how boring my life is, eh? Well, it still hasn't changed much.
I've failed a couple more police fitness tests. My workout partner has failed them as well. It's very discouraging, especially considering it's usually just by one single push-up or one sit-up.. or when I do get to the run, a minute too slow. My partner is discouraged as well, to the point that she has taken a week off from working out. There are no more tests for her this summer, but I still have one next weekend. I'm not super confident that I'll pass, but I'll give it my all, even if I drop dead at the end of it. If I don't pass this one, then I'm going to increase my workout efforts this summer. When the winter comes around and departments start hiring again, I plan to pass the tests with flying colors. I WILL get there.
So apart from the police-related stuff, there's something else that's gotten my attention recently. There's a girl at work that I'm kind of interested in. She's extremely cute, smart, and is a gamer. She's also a coffee lover and a Supernatural fan. I am very interested in getting to know her better, but I'm in a bit of a jam.
First off, I don't know if it's even appropriate for me to attempt to get her number because I'm the security officer. I'm supposed to be the one person that everybody on the property can trust and come to for help with their problems. I'm not sure if it would be frowned upon for me to even try to talk to her outside of work.
Second, I'm not entirely sure if she's interested. My mind tells me to not even try, because if she isn't interested it would make things awkward at work. On the other hand, there seem to be some signs that she may actually be interested. First off, she smiles and makes eye contact with me every single time she passes by the guard desk. She doesn't do this with anybody else there. She also makes eye contact and smiles while we're having conversations. She's even mentioned that she has no social life and is always free on weekends, which could be taken as a hint that she's wanting me to ask her to go do something. However, I could also be completely misinterpreting everything, and she just happens to be a friendly person. I'm not completely sure about it, and because I've this it makes me very hesitant to ask for her number.
So that's what has been going on with me. Nothing exciting, but hey, it's an update at least.
You know your life is boring when there's never really anything to post in your journal. So what's been going on with me? Not much really.
I finally got to see one of my best friends that I hadn't seen in 4 years last weekend. Spent a few hours hanging out and watching Supernatural. I also finally got to meet her husband and her son. I'm not so sure what her husband thinks of me. He left after only about an hour to go hang out with some of his friends. Her son on the other hand took a very quick liking to me. He had to drag me to his room and show me his toy cars. My friend was surprised, because she said it's rare for him to take to people so quickly. She says I'm good with kids apparently. I get to hang out with her again this week, so I'm looking forward to that.
I failed my police fitness test last weekend by a single pushup. I passed the situps no problem, but couldn't get that last pushup. My arms refused to push me up for the last time. My workout buddy also failed. She failed on the running portion and was only off by one minute. It's discouraging but also shows that we are fairly close to actually passing. I have four more tests coming up for various departments. One of those is a reserve officer test, which I can definitely pass. With any luck I'll pass one of the full time officer tests though. Then it'll be a matter of passing all the interviews and getting the final job offer.
So besides that, not much else going on. M, I'm going to say this again, even though I highly doubt you'll read this. You're still on my mind. I still miss you. I'm sorry for the way I hurt you. I wish I could make things right with you.
It's been a while since I've posted anything in here. There really hasn't been much going on. Work is meh as usual, and life in general is fairly boring right now.
I failed my fitness test for the local PD. My workout buddy failed as well, but she injured herself in doing so. Luckily I've got several other agencies that I've applied to, and I'm confident that I'll pass at least one. I already know that I meet the fitness standards for a reserve officer with a nearby department, so I've got any application in for that, but I'd still rather have a job as a full time officer. Well, I'm determined to get one. With any luck I'll get on the same department as my workout buddy. It would be great being able to work with one of my best friends.
It seems as though Wednesday could be an active weather day. I'm hoping it pans out for a potential chase day. I haven't gotten a new laptop yet, but I can run RadarScope on my phone until then. It's a decent radar app, but I'd definitely rather have GRLevel3 on my laptop. My current laptop just doesn't cut it anymore, so for now I'll settle with chasing via phone radar.
I'm also considering buying a guitar and once again attempting to learn to play. I used to have a guitar until somebody stole it. I never did get good at it, but I'd really like to. If I did get a guitar though, I don't want some cheapo no name guitar. I want an actual good quality, brand name guitar. The biggest problem is that those cost a lot of money. I can afford it, but I also want to upgrade my PC with a 1080 Ti.
Of course, M, I still haven't gotten you off my mind. I have tried, but it still is not working. I know that I hurt you and I'm sorry. I really wish I could make things right between us. I miss having you as a friend.
This weather sucks. It's chilly, rainy, and just not very pleasant outside. If it's going to rain, I'd prefer it to be warm outside. I'd also prefer some thunder with it. As usual, I don't think mother nature got the memo that it's supposed to be spring. It's almost May, the temperatures should be staying fairly steady.
So what's on my mind? Not too awful much. Well, nothing interesting anyway. The biggest thing is that I'm still a touch nervous about my fitness testing for the local PD. I think I'll be okay on the running and the sit-ups, but I'm not 100% on the push-ups. I've got another test two weeks after that, which I'm much more confident in passing. With any luck, I'll be on with a PD before 2018. Fingers crossed on that one. Hopefully it's the same department as my workout buddy. It would be awesome to work with one of my best friends.
Other than that, not much else. Work is meh, so nothing much to say there. I wish they'd get back to me about an armed spot but at this point I highly doubt it.
Of course, M, you're also there. Once again, I'm sorry for hurting you the way that I did. I should have never acted that way. I can't take back the past, so I'm just going to keep apologizing. I still wish you'd give me one more shot at our friendship. I miss you, more than you probably realize.
All right, it's starting to look like a potentially active weather day here in Iowa on Wednesday. It's still a bit out, so the forecast could change, but the models are locking in on a significant chance for severe weather. Large hail, damaging winds, and tornadoes are possible. Tornadoes will be more likely along the frontal boundary, which at this point seems to be targeting Iowa. I'll be keeping a close eye on this system as it progresses, and I'll post on my status as necessary. To those that I know personally, even if we don't talk, please make sure to watch for updates. I'll be more active on Facebook than here, but I'll update both as the situation warrants.
I'm sure people wonder why I post forecasts like this. It's simple: even though I'm not a meteorologist , I have a passion for severe weather, as well as helping people. By posting these forecasts and warnings, I could end up alerting somebody that was not aware of the situation. I also get to share a little of my passion with everybody, which I think is great.
So other than our upcoming severe weather, there's just one thing on my mind. Yup, you guessed it. M. She's there as always. Another day, another apology. I'm sorry, M. That's absolutely not enough, but it's something. Again, even an apology every single day wouldn't be enough. I miss you, M. I hope you know that I still care about you. That's why I actually hope that you are checking my statuses. I hope you're keeping up on this potentially dangerous weather. Since I don't have you on Facebook, I hope posting here reaches you.
Happy Easter to anybody that reads this! Can you believe that it's already halfway through April? I'm awaiting May eagerly, as I'm hoping our severe weather season in the land of corn is actually good for chasing this year. I didn't go last year, as it was kind of a slow season. I'm hoping this year is a bit more active. I'd be pretty damn happy if I could get a partner to chase with, but I'm more than likely going to run solo this year. I don't really know anybody that chases. Solo chasing is a lot more difficult, but it's doable. I need a laptop mount for my car. That would help things considerably, as it would keep my radar somewhat accessible.
There really hasn't been much on my mind lately. I'm a touch worried about passing my fitness test for the local police department, but I'll be very close if I don't. I've improved dramatically over the past few weeks. If nothing else, another nearby department is hiring as well, and their test is in June. I know for a fact I'll be ready for that one. Here's hoping that I pass and land myself a career rather than a job.
Of course, M is still on my mind. I'm pretty used to that at this point. I still feel bad about everything, and I still wish I could talk to her, have a second chance at our friendship. Maybe someday, but I think that's wishful thinking. I miss you, M. Even if we've both changed, I would be thrilled if I could talk to you again. I'm sorry. I can't say that enough. Even if I said it every single day for the rest of my life, it isn't nearly enough.
I wish the week had started off on a better note. Unfortunately on Monday morning, I woke to the news that the class of 2012 had lost another of our classmates way too soon. It's sad that already we're losing classmates, and we haven't even had our first reunion.
I wasn't really all that close to him. I knew him, sure, but never really talked to him outside of school. Regardless, the news of his passing is still very saddening. My prayers go out to his family and close friends that this has affected the most. Michael, we'll meet again someday. You put up a good fight. Rest easy now. The class of 2012 will miss you.
With the loss of yet another classmate comes the realization that life is a very uncertain thing. Our tomorrow may never come. Any day could be our last. In that sense, we should make the most of the time we have. Life is far too short. Forgive others, but don't be afraid to admit when you are wrong. Love with everything you have. Let the people you care about know every single day just how much you care. We aren't promised tomorrow, so make every day count.
Hey M, on that note, I'm going to add that I really do miss you, and I'm sorry for the way I hurt you. Just know, I still care about you. I always will.
I honestly do not think that I will ever like running. I do not understand how people can run marathons. My runs aren't going badly, but they aren't necessarily fun. To each their own, I guess. Not my idea of a good time. I just do it out of necessity. At least my workout partner hates running as much as I do.
I've got a little over a month left until my written and physical exams for the job I'm applying for. I'm thinking I'm going to be okay, but I'm going to get the most out of this month by working out whenever possible. I am determined to pass, even though I despise running. The academy will probably just make me hate it more, but it's part of the job so I'll do it. At least I've got my workout partner to suffer through the process with me. With any luck, we'll be in the same academy class. That way I've still got my workout partner, as well as having a study partner. Luckily her fiance likes me, because I'll probably be spending quite a bit of time over at their house if we both get hired on.
So for now, that's what's on my mind. M is also there, of course, but that's become a normal thing at this point. The thoughts don't seem to be going anywhere anytime soon. For some reason, they've been put there and I'm not able to clear them. I am not entirely sure what that means other than that I miss her, and that I regret the way I hurt her. I still wish I could have another chance at friendship with her. I wish we could start over, like meeting for the first time. Wishful thinking, I know, but oh well.
Ah, another lovely, rainy day, and another day of running by myself . Gonna go to the lake for a bit. As of right now it's my favorite place to run. I'm just hoping the rain doesn't ruin my phone, but it's supposedly waterproof so I guess we'll find out.
Hopefully the running and the rain will help me think a bit. I still can't get her out of my head, yet I can't act on any thoughts of talking to her. I don't want to upset her, and I know she doesn't want to talk. I do hope that eventually she will, but that's wishful thinking. I'd like to start over again. If we've really both changed, it'd be like meeting for the first time. "Hi, I'm Donnie. It's nice to meet you." And all that stuff. That probably won't happen but hey, a guy can hope.
Well, ended up having to work a few hours overtime today. Another officer was running late at the client's other location, so I got asked to cover it. Clocked out of one job and clocked in to the other immediately so my travel time was paid .
I had a pretty great evening. Got to hang out with a couple of friends. Went out for a bite to eat . Had a few good laughs and some good conversation, so overall a pretty good day.
The only thing: yup, at this point you've probably guessed it. M is still on my mind. I'm still kicking myself for hurting her. I don't care how many years it has been, I feel horrible for what I did. I'm sorry, M. I wish I could have one more shot at our friendship. I feel like I've gotten a bit better than I used to be, and I'm still slowly improving.
On an unrelated note, still haven't found my sanity. Lost that a long time ago. I have no clue if I ever had it to begin with. I think college took anything that was left of it. If anybody finds it, let me know.
Now I remember why I hate running. My training partner and I need to get back into the swing of things before May. We need to be ready before the physical fitness test. Time to buckle down for a long, likely painful month. Currently trying to devise a workout schedule that works for both of us.
In other news, my dad is still in the hospital. He seems to be improving at least a little as far as I've heard. Now my mother and sister are beginning to get symptoms of influenza though, which isn't good either. My dad was sick for almost a week before he finally went to the hospital. Plenty of time to get them sick, since he's so contagious at this point.
And finally, there's still that lingering presence in my head. It's you, M. I can't get you out of my thoughts, and I'm not completely sure why that is. I miss you, this is true, but there's something else. I'm not sure, but I think the reason I can't shake the thought is because God isn't letting me. I've prayed on this, yet the thoughts remain, and sometimes become more persistent. There's a strong desire to make things right, but I know you don't want to talk to me. I do want you to know though, that I'm truly sorry for what I've done to you. I hurt you, and at the time I didn't even realize that I was doing so. I was stupid for not realizing that it was me that was to blame. I wish I could make things right between us. I miss you. I miss our friendship. I wish I wasn't so scared to contact you, but I feel it would upset you. I am slowly fixing myself, but it's too little too late, I think. Just know that I still care about you. I miss you, and no matter what I'm always willing to talk.
Well, today was going okay until I got home. My dad's in the hospital (again). At this point nobody has any idea what's going on or how serious things are. His symptoms don't sound good. Very bad headache, dizziness when moving his neck, a sore back, and brown spots spreading up his legs, fever of 102. It's worrying having yet another family member in the hospital. Seems like there's always somebody.
So my thoughts for right now: first, I'm worried about my dad. He's been in the hospital several times before, and each time things seem to get worse. He has congestive heart failure. I don't know if that has anything to do with what's happening now, but I guess we'll find out.
The other thing on my mind : her. Is it because I miss her? I do, after all. I still care a great deal about her. I also still very much regret the way I've hurt her. I'm working towards becoming a better person, but it's a slow road. I wish I could travel back in time and make things right. My past self needs slapped quite badly. I wish I could have another chance, but I don't think I deserve it. I still haven't forgiven myself for what I've done. I can't believe I was so immature and selfish. I only thought of what I wanted. I didn't think of how my actions affected her. I don't blame her for not wanting to speak to me. I wouldn't want to either. But M, if you ever do decide to speak to me again, I'll answer, whether it's a PM, text, whatever. I'm sorry. I truly am. Just know that even after 5 years, even if we've both changed, I still miss you.
Note to self: I need a bigger desk. Seriously, my steering wheel is in the way of my keyboard. I have to reach over it to type. Not comfortable in the least.
So what's on my mind? Just a couple things. First off, the situation that a friend is in with her family. The notion that she should be doing nothing but looking for a job in her free time is completely absurd, and it pisses me off that they are constantly bringing this up and upsetting her. That's not okay.
Second: There's somebody that's on my mind. I really don't understand this. I was told that she's not interested in speaking to me again, yet I still can't shake the thoughts of her. I don't know what that means. It's been 5 years. Maybe it's because I miss our friendship . My own stupidity ruined anything we had. I hurt her very badly. That's not something I can forgive myself for. I wish I could have another chance, but I don't think that will ever happen. I honestly don't blame her for not wanting to talk to me. I messed up horribly. I wish I could fix things.. Also, if you read this, M, I'm sure you've figured out who I mean. I really am sorry. If you ever want to talk, PM me. I'll answer, and most likely very quickly . You can also text me if you still have my number. It hasn't changed. I doubt you'll want to talk to me, but if there's even a possibility of a second chance, I'd gladly take it.
All posts are either in parody or to be taken as literature. This is a roleplay site. Sexual content is forbidden.