.:Looking Into the Shattered Glass:.

/ By -Mirror- [+Watch]

Replies: 52 / 355 days 11 hours 32 minutes 57 seconds

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Roleplay Responses

[font 'Courier New' So I did a thing. I got Fortnite. I saw some videos on YouTube about it and holy crap it looks like so much fun. I'm gonna suck mega ass at it but I don't care.]
  -Mirror- / 2d 13h 32m 10s
[font 'Courier New' I'm done with this cold weather. My feet are beyond done with this cold. It's barely above freezing in my part of Texas right now. For the love of all that holy, STHAP!]

[font 'Courier New' On another note, I figured out one half of a slime set that I'm planning to launch with. I would like to launch with the set and one other slime as a signature slime but I need to really work on getting the recipe for that one. I want to make a super thick slime that's still stretchy and full gloss with glorious color. I'm not going to be saying any names but I have an idea of what going to be going into it. I just need to figure out where I can fine the particular type of glue I need to fiddle with to make it.]

[font 'Courier New' I found where the shop is where I can get the clay I need for a certain type of slime too. I also found an alternative to that clay at Micheal's as well that works just as well. I think it costs a lot more and doesn't has as much clay in the package though. I'll be going into town over the weekend to do a bit of shopping.]

[font 'Courier New' Things are starting to come together a bit more now. I'm going to be making up an Instagram for the slimey side of things and posting it in various places. I know for sure I'll post it up on here. I can't wait to get this going and making goo. The two small testers that I made turned out to be pretty good. I really need to look into scents though. Glue smells funny. Specially Elmer's.]
  -Mirror- / 5d 6h 36m 7s
[font 'Courier New' I'm in a funk again. I have this feeling that I'm never going to be able to do anything because no one seems to care. I'm trying to make something of myself. I'm trying to do productive things. I'm trying to find ways to support myself. But no one seems to be on board with any of my ideas. No one seems to want to help me out or give me any kind of support, even if it's words of encouragement.]

[font 'Courier New' I'm at a loss.]

[font 'Courier New' My anxiety is kind of plaguing me lately, too. I'm looking into a non-medicine method of managing it. I found some nicotine free vape juice stuff that I'm gonna try that's meant to help calm and relax. One type my cousin tried and she seemed to really like it. However, it's a bit on the pricey side and I need to get an decently priced starter vape kit first that's works decently. I don't want to take anxiety medication again. I react so badly to it. Makes me feel kind sick almost. So I'm going to try vape stuff first and see how that goes for me.]

[font 'Courier New' But seriously. I'm in a slump. I'm starting to lose my motivation and inspiration for doing this whole slime thing. I don't know what more I can do at this point. Without the supplies I need, I can't do much.]

[font 'Courier New' Why did I have to be born plagued with all these damn medical issues? Lupus, anxiety, depression and god knows what else. I'm not normal. I don't feel human. I feel like a damn joke.]
  -Mirror- / 9d 11h 3m 45s
[font 'Courier New' I think I know why I have tried and failed so many different things. It's because my motivation and inspiration gets wiped out so quickly.]

[font 'Courier New' When I started getting into polymer clay, I was excited. I went and spent a bunch of money and got a whole bunch of stuff. Clay, an oven, a couple tools. I made two pretty decent charms even though one kinda burned. But that was all I made. My motivation went out the window after that. I've been meaning to get back into it. I've been meaning to start creating again. But my inspiration went with my motivation. This was all due to the fact that it was because my mom and me were going through a very rough patch in our lives. It was up and down for us, just a world of uncertainty had settled in around us and my mind just couldn't be creative with that sort of stress.]

[font 'Courier New' But this time it's different. I'm not under that kind of stress. Yeah, I'm buggered by the fact that I don't have money but that's not enough to make me stop thinking.]

[font 'Courier New' I'm hoping that there's people out there that's willing to support me in my endeavor to start up this slime thing. I'm damn desperate to do this. It's a matter of getting over myself and my doubts. The only thing holding me back right now is me and my damn anxiety. I'm terrified to do anything even though I know I should just say 'fuck it' and do it. Blegh.]

[font 'Courier New' I wish I knew what to do.]
  -Mirror- / 11d 7h 42m 57s
[font 'Courier New' I'm considering starting a startup fundraiser to get me going on making slimes. I'm not sure yet.]

[font 'Courier New' Here's the situation: I need to play around with a few ideas of mine and in order to do that, I need to have the ingredients. BUT I can't get the ingredients because my mom doesn't want to spend the money and yet she knows I need it. Ya see the loop I'm stuck in?]

[font 'Courier New' I'm at a loss as to what to do. I'm even considering a work-from-home job but most of the ones I found all require phone involvement. Yuck. I'm just on the fence about it really. Cringing, actually.]

[font 'Courier New' If I do a fundraiser, I was thinking maybe one thing I could do is go live on something somewhere. Even though I have really bad anxiety and I don't like being on camera, I would still do it. Would something like that help show people how dedicated I am to this? I feel like that if I did something like this and forced myself to appear on camera to talk to people about the campaign and answer questions about what I want to do, maybe people would be more willing to help knowing I'd put myself through that much torment asking for help.]

[font 'Courier New' I wouldn't exclusively say anything about my anxiety or anything. I know I'll speak about my illness a bit but I wouldn't harp on it and turn it into an 'oh woe is me' thing. Yeah, I'm sick and working a normal job would be next to impossible. I'm finding my way around it by doing something that I enjoy doing that I can do on my own terms.]

[font 'Courier New' I'm gonna sit on this thought for a bit. Chew on it a bit. Maybe get some opinions from other people. I do have ideas for a couple of rewards if I do go head with the fundraiser. One is like a little drawing thing for some of my first slimes that I make. Not sure about it though.]

[font 'Courier New' Just gotta chew on the whole idea a bit.]
  -Mirror- / 11d 22h 53m 48s
[font 'Courier New' I'm pretty confident I found the path I should take. However, I'm not going to try and force this. I'm just going to let things happen. You can't swim against the current of a river, you ride with the flow of the water.]

[font 'Courier New' On another note, I think my writing mojo is starting to come back. I've been wanting to write more and more lately. However, ES has become quite slow in the uptake as far as finding partners. I mean, there are high quality writers on here, don't get me wrong. It's a matter of finding people to take a bite of my plot sandwich. There's not many ideas that strike my fancy right now but still. I have a ton of basic ideas that I already started writing out. Some silly, some dark, some are just a clusterfuck of 'whut?o.O'. But eh. If the opportunity rises and I happen to have a character that might work, I'll see about it. But who knows.]

[font 'Courier New' Otherwise, things are good. I'm freezing my patootie off and my feet are probably already blue and I'm tired and all hell but I'm feeling pretty good.]

[font 'Courier New' Time for a nap though. I am pretty sleepy.]
  -Mirror- / 13d 12h 19m 48s
[font 'Courier New' Welp. So much for that one. Attorney number 3 is down and out for the count. He decided to not take my case and for such a frustrating reason: because I'm young.]

[font 'Courier New' Ugh. I'm so stressed out I have heartburn. I'm at my wits end.]

[font 'Courier New' But maybe this is a sign. Maybe it's a sign that I'm trying to force something that just won't work. Like trying to shove a square peg into a round hole.]

[font 'Courier New' What if I just need to let go of all my stress, breath and look to the stars for my answer? What if there's a force trying to push me towards the path I'm supposed to go and I'm fighting against it without knowing it? I think I should try going to my hippie roots and meditate, clear my thoughts and find my zen. Find the center of myself and just let go of all my stress to help find the path I'm supposed to take instead of the path I'm forcing my feet to walk on.]

[font 'Courier New' Maybe all of these walls, all these hardships are just a sign that I'm not supposed to be going this route and it's just a force telling me to turn back and go a different route, a different path. Some walls I can't seem to break down, climb over or go around and I just seem to ignore the giant 'go back' in bright red letters painted on the brick. This SSI thing just keeps throwing more and more of those walls at me. Some I can break down and go around, others I can't.]

[font 'Courier New' I just don't know what to do. Maybe I'll take my own advice and find a way to let go of all my stress. My answer has to be somewhere. Maybe I need a good cry. Maybe I need to talk it out with someone who understands my thinking. Maybe I've finally gone insane. Who knows. I'll figure it out.]

[font 'Courier New' Eventually.]
  -Mirror- / 19d 11h 46m 59s
[font 'Courier New' After a lot of research and my mom busting my bubble, it turns out I will no longer be able to make geeky slime. Why? It's due to copyright laws.]

[font 'Courier New' But that's okay. I'm not upset. Bummed out, maybe. But not upset. It's not going to stop me from doing anything. It's just a tiny setback. I already have an idea for a potential replacement series. Not sure how it will work out but I'll figure it out.]

[font 'Courier New' In the meantime, I'll be rewriting some of my ideas that were originally for various anime series. Thankfully, many of them can be pulled from their series and made as a stand alone and no one would be able to guess. It's a fool proof plan!]

[font 'Courier New' I'm getting more anxious though. In another day I'll hear from the attorney. In one more day I'll know if I'll have to kick Plan Slime into action or not. Just one more day and I'll know what exactly what my next path will be. I'm waiting at the fork in the road. It's only a matter of waiting just one more day.]
  -Mirror- / 21d 2h 13m 36s
[font 'Courier New' I think I have decided on what to call myself once I start making slime. Since I already have Kawaii Cat Studio, I'll just go with Kawaii Cat Slime or Kawaii Cat Slimes, not sure which; may go with the latter. I figured I'd just go with this since it just makes more sense to me. I'll probably use my original name as a spam thing or just to post some of the other non-slime stuff like cosplay and makeup stuff that I originally had intended to use it for.]

[font 'Courier New' But that's the only good thing for today. I'm in a dark hole again. I'm not in a happy place right now. I'm having doubts about everything again.]

[font 'Courier New' I'm tired. I'm tired of being sick. I'm tired of being useless. I'm tired of being broke. I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of worrying everyone. I'm tired of being scared for my future. I'm tired of not knowing what's going to happen to me. I'm tired of worrying. I'm just simply tired.]

[font 'Courier New' I feel like nothing is working out for me. I feel like I'm stuck in this loop of never ending fail. I feel like I don't have much hope left. If this attorney says I don't have an SSI case, I'm done for. I'll have to get a job somehow. It would have to be a work from home job though. There is no other options for me. I can't drive. I can't handle the stress of a work place. Stress just makes me sick and makes me flare up. So working from home is my ONLY option. At least at home if I feel sick, I can still stay comfortable, treat my symptom(s) and work whenever I feel I'm ok enough to. Working from home is flexible like that. Usually there's no fixed schedule so long as you put in your hours for the day and that's the beauty of it.]

[font 'Courier New' If SSI is a complete and total flop, I have 2 plans in place. Work from home and my hobbies. I'll work from home and put money aside to get things for my hobbies. And eventually turn my hobbies into profit. That's Plan B. I do have a Plan C as well but that's a worst case scenario. Let's not think about that one just yet.]

[font 'Courier New' But all in all, I'm feeling pretty bummed out today. I don't really know what to do or think at this point. I'll know more on January 3rd when I talk to the attorney. Hopefully, I hear what I want him to say and not what I fear he will say.]
  -Mirror- / 25d 11h 1m 7s
[font 'Courier New' Ugh. I'm pretty sure I'm flaring up again.]

[font 'Courier New' I just all of the sudden feel like I've hit rock bottom. Ugh. Lupus and Mother Nature suck.]

[font 'Courier New' On another note, I just cringed so hard I think I gave myself a headache.]

[font 'Courier New' Kids trying to cyber roleplay is the cringiest thing I could ever see. Ugh. Not only is it cringe inducing, it's rule breaking. Just because jimmy hasn't been on in a while, doesn't mean the rules no longer apply.]

[font 'Courier New' Cringy kids.]
  -Mirror- / 31d 8h 24m 19s
[font 'Courier New' So I'm starting to prepare for a plan B if this SSI thing falls through even with an attorney. I'm working harder on putting together more ideas for this slime thing.]

[font 'Courier New' I'm jotting down more things that I could do for various types of slimes. I'm starting to think about what kind of extras to get if I have to ship anything. I probably won't do candy or edibles in general. I'll have to think about that one. I'll figure the extras out once I get to that point.]

[font 'Courier New' In the meantime, I'm still trying to work out a slimer name. I have a couple in mind. Two to be precise. But I just can't decide. I simply just can't decide.]

[font 'Courier New' Nya. *facewalls*]
  -Mirror- / 32d 6h 36m 8s
[font 'Courier New' So this slime thing might just really stick.]

[font 'Courier New' No pun intended.]

[font 'Courier New' However, my brain is ticking again.]

[font 'Courier New' If I ever decide to set up a shop, what should I call it?]

[font 'Courier New' I feel like I should have a fancy name for it. I have a couple ideas and one is kind of a branch off of a name I have already established.]

[font 'Courier New' Blegh. I don't know. I'm just sketical about this whole thing.]

[font 'Courier New' I mean, I'm working on getting SSI. I'm appealing a denial anyway. If I end up getting it, I'll have to watch just how much extra I make because otherwise I'll get dinged for it. Nya.]

[font 'Courier New' I'm all sorts of stressed right now. I dun feel good.]
  -Mirror- / 36d 8h 51s
[font 'Courier New' I never noticed net neutrality before, to be honest.]

[font 'Courier New' Before 2015, I was on the internet just fine and didn;t have to pay extra for packages like the 'entertainment package' or the 'social media package'. I'm not sure what people are getting upset for. Maybe there's somethings I can see that's worth getting upset over like letting companies throttle or slow down speeds to sites/apps but that's not fair anyway and any company that does that to create fast lanes are assholes and don't deserve to be in business regarding internet service.]

[font 'Courier New' Maybe it's a good thing in some areas and bad for other areas. Who knows. Only time will tell at this point.]
  -Mirror- / 39d 9h 19m 2s
[font 'Courier New' I don't know what to do at this point.]

[font 'Courier New' I don't have much hope for SSI pulling through for me at this point in time. My condition really isn't that severe. I'm only freshly diagnosed and less than 6 months into treatment.]

[font 'Courier New' I just don't know what to do.]

[font 'Courier New' I could possibly get a job but I really don't want to. Any amount of stress would put me in a flare.]

[font 'Courier New' Ugh.]

[font 'Courier New' I just don't know what to do.]
  -Mirror- / 50d 3h 5m 2s
[font 'Courier New' I'm in a rather odd frame of mind right now.]

[font 'Courier New' I'm kinda of numb. A bit confused. A little scared. A whole lot of lost.]

[font 'Courier New' It's weird. My thoughts keep wandering to the thought of money and how I'm going to support myself in my fight against Lupus.]

[font 'Courier New' Getting a traditional job would be dangerous for me. I can't handle stress. I flare up under any amount of it. Just worrying about this is making some of my symptoms flare up a bit. And on top of that, no one would want to hire someone who is actively sick. Who would want an employee that has to call in sick multiple times a month due to a flare up or has doctors appointments coming out the ass? Who would want to hire someone who would potentially be a liability to the company? No one, that's who.]

[font 'Courier New' To be honest, hell would probably be frozen over if there's a place the would even accept me as an employee let alone support me in my fight against this disease.]
  -Mirror- / 51d 8h 12m 15s

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