.:Looking Into the Shattered Glass:.

/ By -Mirror- [+Watch]

Replies: 92 / 1 years 196 days 12 hours 47 minutes 47 seconds

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[center [font "Courier New" Just a little journal.]]
[center [font "Courier New" Nothing to see here.]]


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Roleplay Responses

[font 'Courier New' I hate my brain sometimes.]

[font 'Courier New' I have this unbelievable itch to write. I'm hoping to get one story going but it's kind of slow on the uptake.]

[font 'Courier New' But then, my brain decided to pull a fast on on me and toss me another idea. One that might be kind of fun to mess with. Of course, it's a fanfiction I created. I've been watching a lot of anime lately. Shut up.]

[font 'Courier New' But yeah. Fanfic. I have several but this one I think would be kind of interesting. Kinda really want to give it a shot. Need to finish fleshing it out though.]
  -Mirror- / 15d 18h 19m 12s
[font 'Courier New' That itch to write is back in full force again. Oh how I hate it and love it so.]

[font 'Courier New' After finally figuring out that one thing I was stuck on for too damn long, my motivation to write has soared to new heights.]

[font 'Courier New' One problems though.]

[font 'Courier New' Doesn't seem like anyone else is on the same page.]

[font 'Courier New' There's so many search threads. So, so many. Like, I can;t keep track of how many I'm seeing. And I'm just contributing it it with my own. But what else am I going to do? I can't just sit and skim thorough all the search threads till I find something that seems to flip the right switch. But then again, isn't that what everyone does anyway?]

[font 'Courier New' I guess I'll peek into a few threads here and there and then just wait to see if anything happens with my own. Maybe I need to simplify it a bit? I don't know.]

[font 'Courier New' Maybe no one likes me.]

[font 'Courier New' But I'll just wait and see. In the meantime, I'll keep working on my new character and his background and the lore of his species. I'm sure something will turn up. I'm not giving up hope yet.]
  -Mirror- / 20d 5h 39m 17s
[font 'Courier New' After trying to figure it out, I finally have my ghoul character.]

[font 'Courier New' I've been trying to make the character since forever now and I finally have him. Now to figure out something to do with him. Maybe I can try doing that story I had originally intended for him. Or maybe try something else for him. I don't know.]

[font 'Courier New' I'll figure something out. At least I have him finally.]
  -Mirror- / 20d 10h 26m 48s
[font 'Courier New' Ugh. Dentist in the morning. Blegh. But it's something that's long overdue. The last time I went was when I had my wisdom teeth yanked out. Thankfully it's just a basic thing. Cleaning, x-rays, check-up. That sort of thing. But I;m also going to be talking about a couple issues.]

[font 'Courier New' My two front teeth need reworking. Badly. I kinda just want to have them yanked out and have implants put in. The semi-permanent ones where I can take them out if I wanted to. The reason I kind want those is that I thought that since I'm getting into cosplay, maybe I could utilize the implant stud in my jaw to have custom doohickeys that snap in so I can have a perfect smile with teeth that go with the cosplay I'm wearing. They wouldn't fall out that way and they would be easy to talk with as well as eat. It would be like natural teeth. I can make lower ones myself but the upper ones would need to be made to fit the implant. Unless I just make full sets myself like I had already intended to out of a resin or something and not have the custom implant caps.]

[font 'Courier New' I'll figure it out. It's too early for all that. Not like I can afford any of it anyway. But i know I'll likely opt for the implants. At least that way I won;t ever have to worry about the two front teeth from chipping ever again.]
  -Mirror- / 24d 2h 40m 39s
[font 'Courier New' I'm thinking it's time to give my profile a bit of an upgrade. Maybe add a new picture to it and update the description. Probably won't be all that pretty but I can probably make it look a little better.]

[font 'Courier New' I think I need to update my OOC character as well. I think I need to add something that's more 'me'. I have a few ideas in mind for what I want to do but I'll have to worry about that later. I have a headache. Partly because of my body hating me, partly because of stress and partly because someone was yet again pestering me about my gender identity. Ugh. I'll just leave it at that though. No need to grind my already worn down teeth over it.]

[font 'Courier New' I'll be getting my new headphones soon. Just can't get here fast enough it seems. I want them in my paws already! *tears at a rag with my teeth with tears running down my face anime style*]

[font 'Courier New' Anyway. I think I know what I'm going to do with my profile to make it look a bit prettier. But for now, headache meds and sleep.]
  -Mirror- / 24d 22h 31m 54s
[font 'Courier New' I really don't need this crap right now.]

[font 'Courier New' My little buddy rat, Nugget, is missing.]

[font 'Courier New' He's been missing since yesterday morning and I can't find him anywhere. I'm so distressed over it. I have food out for him to see if he'll come out. He can't stay loose like this for too much longer.]

[font 'Courier New' The only reason he got loose is because my mom was cleaning the cage he was in and didn't pay attention to what the rats were doing. I actually found one loose in the box that's kept in the cabinet the tank in on! That means Nugget fell off the ledge and is somewhere loose in the house.]

[font 'Courier New' Dammit, mother! This is why we do the big cages together so this shit doesn't happen! I want my baby boy back! I want my snuggle buddy back!]

[font 'Courier New' I'm tearing up as I write this. Nugget is by far the sweetest little ratty I've ever had and I now it's getting more and more likely that he's gone. He loves to snuggle with me and take naps with me. Those big ol dumbo ears of his are just too damn adorable. He'll let me hold him in my hands on his back and he'll just fall asleep, perfectly content and happy where he is.]

[font 'Courier New' I want my baby boy back. But I'm starting to think I've lost him.]
  -Mirror- / 26d 11h 19m 36s
[font 'Courier New' So I managed to find a pretty accurate costume for a character I want to cosplay as. Unfortunately, I got's no money for it.]

[font 'Courier New' Oh woe is me.]

[font 'Courier New' I feel like I'm teetering on the edge of giving up cosplay at this point though. I've been trying for years to get into it but I just can't get my foot in the door. It's always getting slammed in my face with someone laughing at me and making a stupid face like some brat making fun of me. It's depressing. I just want one costume, one character. That's it. I'll be happy with that. But who knows. Having that one might set off getting more because of how happy it makes me and how free and open it makes me feel. Maybe after getting that first costume, It will set off a chain reaction and the cosplay world will finally open up to me.]

[font 'Courier New' Or maybe I'm just being full of it and it's all just wishful thinking.]

[font 'Courier New' That's probably it.]

[font 'Courier New' *sigh*]

[font 'Courier New' Whatever. I'll just see what I can do and figure out a way to save up for at least one costume anyway. I mean, I found the one I want. I just don't have any money.]

[font 'Courier New' If only there was a way that I could make money without making my health worse.]

[font 'Courier New' FML.]
  -Mirror- / 27d 1h 41m 14s
[font 'Courier New' I'm getting a bit of a list of characters that I want to cosplay it seems.]

[font 'Courier New' Added, like, 3 more in the past couple weeks since I started on an anime binge.]

[font 'Courier New' Ugh. Why am I like this? I know I have no money and yet here I am gathering a list of characters to cosplay.]

[font 'Courier New' Me and my bright ideas. But it's something I'm passionate about so I don't see much of an issue with it. It gives me something to drive towards at least.]

[font 'Courier New' If only I could afford just one outfit, that would be great.]

[font 'Courier New' In other news, I'm finally getting those headphones I've been wanting for ages. Should be here some time next week.]

[font 'Courier New' I'm also going to be starting the process of figuring out what to do with my teeth. Probably gonna just have a couple pulled and have implants put in but I'll have to see what they say next week. I'd like to just not have to worry about it ever again though. I'm tired of dealing with it.]
  -Mirror- / 29d 4h 49m 40s


[font 'Courier New' i'M SO HAPPY I COULD CRY!]

[font 'Courier New' No. Seriously. I could cry tears of absolute joy right now. And it was so recent too that it was finished it seems.]

[font 'Courier New' ABOUT DAMN TIME!]

[font 'Courier New' Now to binge watch D.GREY.Man again from start to finish.]

[font 'Courier New' HUZZAH!]
  -Mirror- / 37d 16h 10m 27s
[font 'Courier New' Well, shit.]

[font 'Courier New' If I knew I was going to like JoJo's Bizarre Adventure THIS much I'd have started watching it sooner.]

[font 'Courier New' I didn't think I'd like it but after watching Toriko I decided to watch JoJo and holy crap it's good. I'm in love with it. So far, Joseph Joestar is my favorite of the JoJo's. But of course I'm only on the first one and I think I'm going to have a favorite that tops him later on once I start on the next season.]

[font 'Courier New' But so far, I'm loving the anime.]

[font 'Courier New' I wonder what my next anime will be to binge watch after this.]
  -Mirror- / 41d 5h 53m 33s
[font 'Courier New' I have to go off on a bit of a rant.]

[font 'Courier New' English dubbing of animes.]

[font 'Courier New' So, you decide to look into an anime and want to watch the English dub of it. You wonder how many episodes there are and see there are quite a few. So you decide to compare that to the subbed version of it only to see it's LESS THAN HALF THE NUMBER OF THE SUB.]

[font 'Courier New' THE FUCK?!]

[font 'Courier New' So apparently it's a licensing thing. The company that dubs the anime, goes under contract for, let's say, 50 episode. Once those are dubbed, it's a wait and see game after that to decide if the rest gets dubbed or not.]

[font 'Courier New' Here's what I think: Dub the ENTIRE thing right off the bat and just accept the losses if the anime doesn't sell. That way the people that DO like it have the whole series dubbed and the people that don't won't care. It's not like the losses would be that great and it can easily be gained back through sales of other animes and anime related products. There isn't a shortage of that stuff.]

[font 'Courier New' There are animes, some I've watched and thoroughly enjoy and some I plan to watch, that only have less than HALF of the entire series dubbed. I can't stand subbed anime. I want to watch the show, not read the damn subtitles. I'm not a chameleon either. I can't have my focus on two things at once. I want to know what the characters are saying and watch the action dammit.]

[font 'Courier New' DUB ALL THE EPISODES YOU SHITS! IT'S NOT THAT FUCKING HARD TO DO! *flails like Edward Elric after getting called small and Al has to hold him back to keep from attacking the person that called him small*]

[font 'Courier New' End of my rant. I can breath now. And maybe I can relax enough to watch something.]
  -Mirror- / 42d 22h 37m 46s
[font 'Courier New' I knew it.]

[font 'Courier New' I knew it would flop like a fish out of water.]

[font 'Courier New' That voice in my head was right. It wasn't going to work. Too many hoops. Too many roadblocks. It wasn't meant to happen.]

[font 'Courier New' Getting healthcare through the county was what I was trying to do and it didn't work out. Had an appointment today and the person that was taking car of my case turned out to be a real snob. Treated my mom and me like we were stupid or mentally not there or something.]
[font 'Courier New' 'Did you read this? You have to red it front to back.' We had some questions and wanted to make sure we didn't fill it in wrong, you old bat. Sheesh. We just wanted to make sure we didn't end up making a mistake and have to do it all over again. There were things we didn't get any specific on. We were just told what we needed and that was it. Ugh. I'm trying to get medical help. The least they could do is not sound like a stuck up bitch with a stick of their ass.]

[font 'Courier New' With that being said, I'm NOT going back. I'm going to say this: I REFUSE TO LET MY CASE BE HANDLED BY SOMEONE THAT WON'T LET SOMEONE ASK QUESTIONS OR HELP CLARIFY THINGS IN A FRIENDLY MANNER. When you ask for help, you expect to get a a kind response no matter how dumb your request may seem. All my life I've dealt with people, mainly TEACHERS, that made me feel dumb for having to ask for help. Because of this, I don't ask for help unless I absolutely need it.]

[font 'Courier New' But yeah. I'm going to be finding a different way to getting the healthcare that I need. Something will work out for me. It's a matter of figuring out the right path I need to take.]
  -Mirror- / 44d 4h 15m 32s
[font 'Courier New' I don't want to.]

[font 'Courier New' I do not want to.]

[font 'Courier New' There is something telling me to just not do this.]

[font 'Courier New' But I'm doing it anyway despite that screaming voice and my anxiety just flat out telling me [size20 NO].]

[font 'Courier New' I'm applying for SSI again and this time I'm doing it at my local Social Security office. It's for the sake of getting healthcare that I so desperately need. But there's something telling me that it's not going to work, the healthcare thing that is. My anxiety about it is running so damn high just thinking about it.]

[font 'Courier New' My CBD vape isn't helping. My chest hurts. My body is all tense. I feel like screaming but I can't. I feel like running but I'm frozen in place. I don't want to do any of this. Why am I putting myself through this?]

[font 'Courier New' Someone save me. I'm all alone in my own head and I'm trapped.]

[font 'Courier New' Ugh. I just do not want to do any of this. It's just going to make me feel even sicker than I already am since stress triggers a lot of my issues.]

[font 'Courier New' FML.]
  -Mirror- / 52d 11h 57m 4s
[font 'Courier New' The American people have forgotten their history.]

[font 'Courier New' The American people have forgotten how they got here in the first place.]

[font 'Courier New' This land. We did not get here by pleasant means.]

[font 'Courier New' No.]

[font 'Courier New' We got here in the worst possible way.]

[font 'Courier New' Our ancestors destroyed the Native American people when they were willing to share. Willing to teach. Willing to guide.]

[font 'Courier New' But no. Our ancestors had to take and take it all. And then destroy everything, too.]

[font 'Courier New' Eventually, the Native Americans were forced onto small remnants of their native lands, reservations they were called. Just a memory of what their lives used to be. But even now, they struggle to keep those sacred lands out of the hands of the government.]

[font 'Courier New' And what we're doing to people now is like a fuzzy silhouette of the past. Only this time, we are trying to keep people OUT of the country. People that are seeking shelter from war, relief from poverty, looking for better healthcare for their family and even just looking to start over with a new life. But no. They aren't allowed such things.]

[font 'Courier New' They have to get their kids ripped away and thrown into cages like stray dogs off the street.]

[font 'Courier New' It's sickening.]

[font 'Courier New' America is losing in the human decency department. Humanity in America is fading.]

[font 'Courier New' This world is fucked beyond repair and it's damn depressing.]
  -Mirror- / 58d 12h 4m 39s
[font 'Courier New' Man, I've gotten LAZY lately.]

[font 'Courier New' Or maybe I'm just not feeling great.]

[font 'Courier New' Perhaps a flare up is coming on? Need to check the calendar.]

[font 'Courier New' Anyway.]

[font 'Courier New' Finally gonna be getting my hair cut in a couple days. It needs it. The ends are so frazzled I cringe every time I feel them. It's like I go from silk to wire. It's horrible. I'll be able to see if my hair stylist has a certain product in her salon that I'm looking for. I was told it helps with itching. If she has it, I'm gonna be looking over it. I'm getting really tired of this itchy scalp of mine. Tired of the snow machine on my head too but the itching has to go first.]

[font 'Courier New' I'm starting the process over with getting healthcare. I have this niggling feeling that it's not going to work out. I don't know what it is but I just have this feeling that it's not going to go in my favor. Too many hoops to jump through, too many road blocks. Someone is trying to tell me that this isn't it. I'm almost thinking it would be better to just go to a doctor and just do it myself and not ask for help. It would be less stress on me and no middle man to deal with. And I can pick the doctor I see.]

[font 'Courier New' We'll see I guess. I'll endure the flare this is going to put me through. I just go through with it, watch it fail and then just start doing research on where the docs I need are.]
  -Mirror- / 60d 18h 58m 28s

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