paradise.

/ By txt [+Watch]

Replies: 21 / 1 years 156 days 12 hours 40 minutes 47 seconds

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12:41am
Sunday
May 13th, 2018

[Size10 wow i want to fucking die
  txt / txt / 15d 1h 53m 57s
[Center [size11 [b April 17th, 2018]

11 weeks along, my morning sickness is kicking in hardcore.
Why did it take two hours to puke?
Why was there a giant chunk in it?
Like for real it looked like I chewed 3 pieces of white gum and swallowed it.
I'M ALREADY READY TO PUSH OUT THIS CHILD FUCK
  txt / txt / 40d 18h 21m 50s
[Center Feb. 27, 2018

Annnnd I am PREGNANT!
dont worry, my "fun" didnt hurt it.
Due in Oct/Nov... i am so hyped.]
  txt / 89d 17h 12m 9s
[Center February 24th, 2018
[Pic https://78.media.tumblr.com/30d517980eb6932ef90d91c7cd5e2106/tumblr_ohzk5aM66s1smw5dno2_250.gif]

Shrooms. Psych. 7pm ate the caps, didnt start frying until i played soul Calibur with Johnny. Can say it was a huge eye opening experience, I even had a lotus flower crystal for focus if i hallucinated... only saw inverted rainbows in the shadows tho. Plus i was FRYING BALLS SO IT WAS SO FUCKING FUN. GREAT TRIP.
  txt / 92d 17h 31m 43s
[Center [pic https://78.media.tumblr.com/c296177f9bc4d07eb8bfb237a90a3d41/tumblr_oh5eng9Veg1ufwz7eo4_540.gif]]

[Center Jan. 30th, 2018

I will not give up. I will grind harder.
Pay debts. Be a teacher.
Year from now I will be normal.

Psych meds make me too drowsy.
  txt / 117d 16h 21m 26s
Nov 24 2017

Things looking up-down.
That's ok I guess
  txt / 184d 12h 23m 2s
(Center As of next week Midnight and Precious will officially be my companion/therapy animals! My therapist really is the true MVP thank you Todd.
  txt / 241d 19h 34m 3s
[Center [size10 idk checklist of desires and actual needs

- get vet for Midnight & Precious (500$)
- couch/coffee table/bookshelf
- get therapy animal forms from office next appointment
- 100$ left to hospitals
- 800$ to dentist
- 30 (300$) to phone
- 400$ left for car debt
  txt / 256d 18h 32m 11s
Please just fucking kill me all I know how to do is fuck things up worse and worse and worse and worse
  kim / txt / 1y 9d 14h 18m 54s
[center [size10 my doctors are really nice and understanding. They're helping me with my mental issues. Everything's gonna be ok.
  kim / txt / 1y 15d 14h 14m 6s
I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die
  kim / txt / 1y 19d 8h 2m 9s
[center I. Want. To. Die.
But I'm too afraid to kill myself.

[size10 May 4th, 2017
  txt / txt / 1y 23d 3h 3m 32s
[center [font "MS GOTHIC" March 25, 2017

Went to the ER the other night

According to the doctors my anxiety is causing a lack of appetite which led into malnutrition and my GI getting all fucked up. My stress levels are too high and they said I need to be more social and go outside more often if I want to get better. They've also referred me to two psych clinics and if I have another panic attack I'm suppose to go stay overnight in the psych ward there. Apparently when I have panic attacks my heart rate jumps to dangerous levels and it's just a mess tbh.

But I have some meds and I'm going to follow every single doctors order I get. I'm determined to get better. I'm not going to die and I'm going to keep telling myself that until the day I can finally get solid food down without puking again. I had to quit my new caregiving job and go back to fast food in order to help fix it though.

Spend more time being social
Get at least 15 mins of natural sunlight daily
Don't sit around too much
Eat 4-5 meals a day until capable of eating decent portions
Don't lay down when sleeping, sleep sitting up


There's so much more too. I'm constantly anxious and my heartbeat rarely goes down to a normal rate
  jpg / txt / 1y 63d 19h 13m 52s
[center [size11 [font "MS Gothic" and fucking Dennis sweeps in from no where.
His as of March 15, 2017

I can't believe I fell for one of my best friends...
  jpg / txt / 1y 69d 2h 27m 37s
[center [size11 [font "MS GOTHIC" I don't even know what day it is it's all been a blur of fucking tears and pain. I normally date these but I just can't, thanks for treating me like I was absolutely nothing again. Don't act like it is turning into something if it isn't. I'm done with it ✌️
  jpg / txt / 1y 88d 14h 18m 21s
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