[center [size30 [google-font http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Ranga:400,700] [div ∔ Get the [b HELL] out.
You don't have permission to post in this thread.
It was never your gender
It was never your appearance
It was the lies you told
It was the things you did
It was the actions you chose
It was the fact you could literally do all the bullshit you did to me and are able to still act like it didn't happen / able to run away and sleep at night without even the smidge of remorse.
I didn't lie to you when I promised
I saw your true colors
And decided they didn't look well on me
So you erased me
And filled the void in with the next best thing
I'm actually both excited and surprised I get to go to college
Can only move forward from here
Someone with better ass skills redraw this
Hey I just wanted to say my ex said "if you get pregnant you're getting an abortion" like I had no choice and even said he would leave ect
And now his state banned abortion
Those poor girls
What about the rape victims
...what a time to be a woman
[#ff0099 [google-font http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Oswald:400,700] [div I failed my math test by 3 whole points and I'm not even surprised
I suck. At. Math.
So we are hopefully trying again Tuesday. That's all I need.
Then I can go to college. What for? Fuck idk.
But damn I am NOT staying in fast food and retail
Tired of getting cussed out when I can't sell someone cigs cause they don't have an ID or some shit
I'm sorry? Damn bruh. My boss is strict. Fda is strict.
Stop attacking me. It's not my responsibility to carry your licence around.
That and fast food
Ew. They overwork you.
I aced every test but this math test and I was so damn close it's so discouraging to almost have it over with and to bleh
Hopefully I don't blow it again heh
But I act out for no reason at all right?
Yes. The evidence was for me. For me to see how people would react. I did not make it public because I still have many catoosa people family ect and school things on my friends list so I CAN make it public if you want :)
I wanted to see who would still be like "Yes its your fault"
Haha, only a handful.
The rest said "No that's willing" "I believe you"
So you see
yes, the evidence was for me, for me to see who can handle that people make shit decisions and blame other people, or to see those who want to let people blame and play victim by blaming others.
So yes, the evidence is for me, you have some pretty nice friends, good hearts,
those who still try to blame choices on others? Childish.
The evidence was for me to see, who reacted how, and I got everything I need. Now those told rumors of "she forced_ to do drugs" can be debunked and has. :)
the obsessed part wasn't about you
it was about the ones who still want to blame and attack.
My bad for not using names? Maybe I should, but then again I dunno.
"The evidence was for me" for me to feel better
Not "not going to show anyone"
Sorry for not clarifying? Not my fault the english language has many meanings. You didn't ask HOW it was just for me you just assume. But oh well shit happens. Carry on, sorry to upset you. But yes, it was for me, I showed an exclusive set of people.
And only you, and the other, had a problem. The rest reacted with "I always believed you." "Nah that's willing" "I know you wouldn't do that"
So ha. ha. ha. ha. Yes the evidence is for me and I'm not going to post it up where people who know Ash in person would see because I wouldn't want them to do it to me. Even though they have and would :)
I will however show the people they lied to me about, regardless of how 'late' it is. I opened google and found millions of items I forgot about on a new phone. Whoops. Whether you like it or not. That evidence made me happy. Because it debunked their lie. Like it or not. It did.
And that's all I care about.
And I shall stay as far away from those people who hurt me as possible, and be nicer to those who did have faith in me, and try my best not to attack personally those of you who still want to fight or harm or belittle me.
"The evidence was for me" You never ask what I mean. You just always go with what you assume or think it means or how YOU take it.
Then if I try to explain you say "Nah if you have to explain it you failed" "You are a liar" So I am not going to keep arguing this after this post. I'm not going to keep trying to make someone see that I don't do or say things the exact way they think I do.
Just like you were so upset over the stuff I said about blaming you over the Dylan stuff. You never cared about how I felt. You only cared when your feelings got hurt. Granted wish I didn't blow up.
But you didn't stop to ever think WHY I did it. I did that when you blocked me continuously when I tried to be nice or talk. Maybe I bored you. Maybe I couldn't hold conversations with you because we don't share interests. And you know what? That's okay. even if I never liked the shit you did. I still enjoyed what convos I did get.
And I remember personally telling you I couldn't lie to my Ash about what happened to their cat. I remember how hurt and upset I was and I even said "I wish it was my cat instead of theirs because I don't want them to feel that pain" So if you know I was that type of person and still believed their bullshit? Fine. I won't force you to see who I am anymore. You weren't there and you don't know what happened.
I blew up on you because you made me feel used. You didn't even tell me why. One second I am happy you got into inquisition and trying to talk and relate with you because we finally share an interest. The next I am blocked. When I asked your friends I was greeted with "Neon doesnt have to talk to anyone" "Neon is going through some stuff"
only later was I told "They are stressed out about the stuff that happens to you" Hell all I wanted to do was get you to rant to me about an oc or something so we could maybe relate or bond or some shit since I never got into animes or kpop as heavily as you. This was something I was genuinely excited to talk to you about with.
You know what I still don't know why I was blocked. So yeah I blew up on you. I wanted you to hurt like you hurt me. Was it right? Absolutely not. But Do not sit there and continuously treat me like a person who likes to hurt people for fun. do not treat me like someone who wants to fight for fun. Do not treat me like I am incapable of error.
I am not justifying blowing up on you. Not at all.
Hell I actually cried to Coty when I saw you "don't be so quick to throw her under the bus" I told him how I thought you never liked me and I was shocked how you came to my aid and how I needed to take you more seriously and open up already. All I remember is that night before you blocked me, we were cool.
I had woken up at four am and there was a scorpion on my arm and I flailed scared as shit. My first thoughts? "Lmao I gotta go tell Neon about this shit fuck texas" My first thoughts was to open up to my friends and be all stupid funny or try to make them laugh with something ridiculous that just happened to me. You were the first person I wanted to tell. You and Emz. But then when I went to message I was blocked.
Met with attacks over the blaming situation, you know what? I've told you countless sorries, and no you do not have to forgive me. But not once have you ever cared about how the little things you did here or there hurt MY feelings. Not that you should. You don't HAVE to.
But there is more to shit than you think. I don't really blame you. No. But the words can't be taken back. Just like you can't take back how you made me feel used several times and hurt me leaving me in the dark with no explanation. But you don't owe me an explanation.
You're not a bad person, you had your reasons.
If you want to keep calling me a bad person for my reasons fine.
I'm still the first one and only one to say sorry
I'm still the first and only one to admit I care and don't like fighting
I'm still the first one to admit "yeah I did that and I didn't mean to make you feel like that"
I'm the only one who cares about fixing anything with anyone
Cause you know what? That's who I am.
I am not going to force any of you to deal with me, I would rather you not in fact. :) You guys stressed me out just like I stressed you out [or so I was told]
None of us are bad people. You're not shit. No one is shit.
Not in my opinion.
We don't make the best choices but that doesn't mean we can't chose to do better, because we can.
I know, I know My sorries never matter and that's fine. But that's just who we are.
You want to invalidate sorries that's okay. That's your life.
My life? I want people to prove me wrong because people change. So I don't care about the shit you guys give me for 'forgiving toxic people'
If I can change anyone can change.
Stop attacking me and trying to change me, I will never be the 'tally' you want me to be if it involves invalidating sorries or cutting off people. That's not me. I am a ride or die friend.
People leave me. I don't leave them,
"Oh but---- you abandoned--- you ___"
No before you start.
If anyone messages me and talks to me usually I'm nice if they are
I am friendly
I like to be nice
If I am met with attacks? I attack back. I'm not your lightning rod.
I don't message anyone hardly. But people who do message me here and there I treat nicely.
IF you cannot accept I don't message first usually don't try to be my friend. And stop trying to attack me for not messaging you. Just because I do not message you does not mean I do not care.
Has anyone ever cared about how I felt?
What if I had no service?
What if I had no charger?
What if I had no phone or wifi at all?
What if I was just depressed?
What if I was socially drained?
What if I was going through some shit?
What if I was working?
WHAT IF IT WASN'T PERSONAL AND YOU GUYS MAKE IT PERSONAL.
If you are a person who makes it personal, stay away from me.
I am not into casual chatting here and there, group chats maybe, occasional rps maybe, one on one shit? No not really.
Stop attacking me for it and accusing me and for once open your eyes and see I am a living breathing person like you with her own life and errors to deal with.
Anyone who has a problem with me, I guarantee is all on them, because I will literally forgive and be nice to anyone. If anyone has problems it's their own faults or grudges or life styles.
So stop acting like it's my fault for everything. :)
Please and thank you.
"You gave it to them" Actually Alex talked us into it for the most part. Alex suggested. Alex brought it over.
Also. Ash was 16. Nana was still alive. Cry all you want but Ash is responsible for Ash's own actions.
You don't see me blaming MY choice to smoke on anyone. I was smoking at like 16, do you see me blaming my grandma for it? No :) You do not
The evidence, was for me, because I didn't force them.
IT's for me. Because I needed it.
I did not expect to flash it and magically things go back to the way they were.
No. Infact I expected you to try and warp it into how it was my fault like you did. Nah fam.
That was willing. Ash smoked that because Ash wanted to.
You can try and blame it on me all you want but at the end of the day, I know I didn't do the shit you all accuse me of.
So Ash is old enough to go chose who they want to live with but not old enough to be held responsible for their own actions?? Nah fam.
Infact I intended to keep the smoke away.
I did it in secret without them until Alex came out about doing it.
Do not hold me responsible for THEIR actions.
I am responsible for my own actions.
So sorry for not being a snitch???? :)
I mean yeah I agree with you. It was a bad choice to allow it.
But I allowed even things I didn't agree with because [b THEY WANTED IT]
And if anyone knew me, they knew my siblings got what they wanted if I could help it. Within reason. I told Ash about effects as did you. They only magically stopped doing it when they wanted a reason to frame me as a bad guy. suddenly the fact they did it was irrelevant.
Suddenly because they stopped doing it that day they were so good and pure.
I don't care if you do not care about this 'evidence'
it was for me. That jerk said I forced them, this is proving otherwise.
It was not force. Ash was 16 going on 17.
Ash was old enough to know what they were doing. They went to all the drug assemblies. Infact Ash even admitted to me that they smoked with my mother once way back before they saw me smoking. So is that my fault too? :) since I was an 'adult' right? Even though I didn't live with them at the time? No. Ash made Ash's decisions.
The evidence is for me. Because fuck your false accusations. I can move forward as I debunk their false lies to hurt me just like how they attacked me last halloween "Not some last minute slutty halloween costume" HAhahahaha I sat in that store for like an hour because Ash cried about having a good costume. Ash spent a long ass time and picked out the most expensive piece of bullshit but I didn't care because it was what ASH wanted. So why sit there and attack me like that? When you picked it out yourself? Yeah no.
In court, once one is 15 they are old enough to make their own decisions. I am not going to be blamed for their bad decisions like drugs or 'slutty costumes'
I chose to do drugs on my own when I saw my friends doing it and I felt suicidal. Big whoop. Atleast I'm adult enough to say I chose to do it on my own instead of blaming other people. :)
And that's all I need.
Watching you guys STILL trying to blame me, just shows me what kind of people you are.
You say I don't change, but don't worry, I have,
Because now I'm careful who I am friends with. All it takes is one little disagreement for them to flip shit and lie and frame you. No. Haha. I keep screenshots of all my convos now. No one will ever be able to frame me with their bullshit again.
Because I keep my evidence this time around. :)
So yes, I've changed.
I've changed in being careful who I trust.
Afterall, when I left it was them who hacked into my facebook, Not the other way around.
If I had put someone's name on the truck I assure you they would have attempted to take that too. That's what they do.
Humans are gross.
No one will share my things again. No one shall use me for gain again.
I shan't put someone's name on my apartment or my truck or anything.
Because once you guys get lost in your emotions you'll do anything to 'win' even if it means shitting all over the people that were there when no one else was regardless of what they did for you.
Alex claims they sent an email about the dog's money, yet I never ONCE got an email about the gofundme cash sitting around in my account. So, when I asked for a screenshot I was ignored.
They can't show it, it was never there or it's ;magically deleted;
But it's okay. I kept the like 64$ for myself.
Afterall. It was in MY account so it was MY money... right??
Atleast that was what you guys claimed about the go fund me for the dog. Watch you try to warp this around too. Double standard.
I won't listen to you guys anymore. No one can control me anymore. The biggest mistake made was leaving me to myself because now I only trust myself.
I know who's good now, I know who is 'just like that' now.
And I know who the real liars are.
And that's all I need. I don't need your approvals.
You just are obsessed with me, why else do you keep coming in here just to bark about what I say? Obviously you show no care for me nor want for my well being to be okay- you don't care for my mental health,
You come here because it's public and you want to and so on whatever reasons you use-
in the end, you're just humoring us all.
If no one cares like you claim, then why not follow your own advice and 'pretend I don't exist and hope for the best'
You can't. You see me post. You HAVE to say your input about me. It's honestly a little flattering. Do I like fighting? Nah.
But I'llBeDammed if i am going to sit here and let people continuously treat me like shit, no.
I'm not sitting down and accepting things anymore.
I literally have nothing to lose. So I don't care what I say or do.
I do what I want.
And I want. To complain, in my journal.
So shit happens.
I wanted to complain. Because I found more of my evidence. That debunks their claims. A lot of people agree with me that it was willing and not forced. Their numbers are greater than yours.
Also, most of them are in person. :)
Take responsibility for your own choices and actions and quit trying to blame others for it.
Look it's not that hard, I'll start for you!
*I chose to do weed
*I ignored my family when I liked a boy
*I yelled when mad about not being helped with chores instead of finding other ways to 'make them prioritize responsibilities' my bad but hey when you are treated like a fucking maid and cussed out for wanting help with dishes or the only one cleaning or feeding the pets you would get tired of picking up after grown ass adults 16+ too. :)
*I pushed every one of my online friends away in fear after Alex and Ash left me because I was in complete and utter shock and didn't know who to trust and ran to the closest person to me in person (Coty)
*I attacked people for attacking coty and hurt them instead of explaining that they were right and I wanted to find another way to help coty instead of attacking him like they wanted because I had seen self harm pictures and I ignored everyone who said it wasn't my responsibility because I understood how he felt wanting to die.
*Instead of ever opening up to people I hid my suicidal thoughts and tendencies and suppressed all emotion for years and would rather attack people and push them away and make them hate me that way if something did happen to me they wouldn't be sad when I die.
*I ignore warnings about staying away from people because I personally believe people continuously change throughout their lives
*I hurt people's feelings because they hurt mine instead of being a bigger person and explaining miscommunications.
End the end I don't care. I'm just going to be gone for a few days or weeks again. So even if you do bitch I still won't see it.
Look, I'll be honest, I like your blunt ass. Because most people can't be blunt.
[b What they did to me has turned out to be the best thing to ever happen to me.]
I am in the process of my last test,TEXAS cares about education so my GED is free. And honestly? I am going for Technician. They start out 23$hr here.
I've worked around so much in this town that people know me and greet me- this dude brought me a deadpool pin at work, another girl gifted me eyeshadow because I complimented hers.
I know many faces, I can work for my rent and live for free. Yay stoners :)
I get discounts at fast food places. My friend is going to get her pills from Mexico because it's cheaper and she is picking up contacts for me too. People care about me.
My insurance is paid early, my rent is paid early.
"You're that girl from murphys!" Haha accidentally left clothes at the washerteria and they re did them for me for free and kept them instead of throwing them away when they saw the murphy's shirt "We were like yeah she's cool and nice, I tried to tell someone at the apartments to find out where you live" Well aren't they fucking sweet
I've been invited to 2 baby showers, I don't even know these people but they invite me to thanksgiving or halloween or random things. Most time I'm too shy to go but you bet your ass I'll buy baby gifts lmao.
This community is way better than that shit town full of manipulators and money hungry assholes willing to step on eachother to get what they want.
I don't want to go back. Only for Alanna or my dad, that's about it, beside's my dad's side of the family I don't give a rats ass about Catoosa or Tulsa or any of it anymore.
I am finally free from the suppression. I don't have to go to church or pretend anymore.
I do what [b I] want.
I accidentally dropped groceries and someone noticed me and gave me money to replace what broke, ha I nearly cried.
While they tried to scar and harm me with their lies
Them pushing me away, even if it hurt and killed me, was the best thing that ever happened to me.
because around a month or so ago during one of those huge ass... hurricanes??? Storms, it rained a shit ton here for like a week or so and on my way to a friend's I hear screaming and I am like "that's a kitten"
"nah that's a bird" "No man, this is a kitten"
Sure as hell, I search around and find this tiny baby outside all wet.
I carried him around and let him mew to see if I could find a response from more kittens or a mother, I did this two other days too, no luck. So we welcomed Bear into our family.
None of you probably even know who Dandy was. But he was super loving. A purr box that laid around and just wanted pets.
Bear is my lil Hurricane baby.
Every morning I wake up with a smol cat headbutting me and purring, he's super fluffy and he lets me cuddle him all day and enjoys the attention. He and Loki get shit tons of toys.
That's just ONE of the reasons. I am glad I got away.
If I hadn't, bear would still be some random ass stray, and I would have never met my lil angel.
More reasons? Like I said the community.
I will be honest, I hardly know anyone's names, but they all know me,
even without name tag, and they like me.
So sit here and preach and try to down put me all you want about how 'shitty of a person I am' but that's just YOUR opinion.
My community thinks otherwise. They like me, so obviously, it isn't ONLY me, it's you too. You want me to be bad, you resent me. But you have your own reasons. And just like most instead of coming and talking to me about them [like the suicide is stupid stuff that happened when I was like 15] you chose to attempt to invalidate and belittle me in an odd way.
[not saying you are bad or anything because you are not, we are just very different people and in all honesty I don't expect you to agree with anything stated here, I do not aim to invalidate or change your opinion. People are different, it happens. All I can do is cut you out and only let people in who do see like me, is this cruel? No... I mean, ya'll did it to me. It's fair. This doesn't make any of us bad. In my opinion. NONE of us are bad. We just made bad choices. But we cannot take them back, we can only make better choices from that point on. Instead of yelling at Coty when things get messy I explained to him that my environment affects me and can stress me out or hurt me mentally when it is messy or disorganized. So now he helps more, wish I explained it better back then, but hey, was still growing. Shit happens and I learn. Just like any person does. Infact sorry if this seems more hostile than it should be, I'm just a little bit sharp around the edges due to the fact like I said- I cut out anyone who doesn't see like me instead of trying to force them to change. I don't want you to see my points. Especially if you do not want to. I want to open my arms to the people who did believe me, and I have, there's a nice handful of them but I dare not disclose their names so you can go heckle them,]
Anyways, have a good night and halloween
Thank you. :)
Okay so I found a video clip on my Google
It was a video of Ash smoking danks
In the vid it was 100% willing
Not "they forced me to do drugs"
This was a vid of Ash smoking because he wanted to smoke like his sister and best friend
This was willing
Not peer pressure
No tying down no violence
100% enjoying themselves and laughing.
Ash was 17 at the time
Ash should not blame me for the choices he made.
Do not exaggerate and hurt people because you are mad.
Ignore me. I will not make the video public on Facebook like I wanted
I do not wish to harm or bother them
I just want it acknowledged that they over exaggerated like a mofo
Dude a semi ran the red light and almost hit me head on and took out my fucking tail light
I'm so pissed
That was fucking... I'm
S h o o k
God was like "oh... Think you wanna die? Here's a scare" like legit... I could have froze up and been smashed
But I didn't
In the moment I acted quick and saved myself and... MOST of my truck
I could have just let it happen
But I didn't
I'm not ready yet
[#ff0099 [google-font http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Oswald:400,700] [div
I DO NOT WANT TO FEEL SUICIDAL AGAIN
I SHALL NOT
I SHALL IGNORE THE VOICES THAT BECKON ME
I cannot take a step back I cannot
I have to keep going even if no one wants to see me win anymore
I have to force myself through it.
I must for Bear and Lucy and Loki
I must for those who still care
Why is it so hard sometimes.
I WILL NOT hurt myself again
Why must these bad thoughts come back
I was doing so well
Please give me strength
Please pray for me
I don't know whar to do
I must not revert
It will not do anything but make people hate me more
I must not give in
And I won't
It just hurts ao much and I'm so weak
I haven't celebrated a holiday in 2 years it feels like
And every time I see a family in public it hurts
I must keep going.. For myself..
Even if I do not want to anymore
I can hardly breathe right now
One day I will no longer feel this pain
But today is not that day
You don't need weed to feel happy .. Just saying
And my demons are crawling back.
The only ones who comfort me.
I can feel them pull me under
Its so cold but I feel so safe.
For in the embrace of warm loving arms, I am terrified. Because it can change at any moment, and warp into hatred.
I am safest by myself. And with myself I either lose or live.
How can I chose to go on when the memories of loved one's warping my world around me, haunt me. Why go forward when it will just happen again.
What does one do when they are suffocated by lies.
What does one do when reality kills them.
How do I do this
Every fiber in my being wants to give up
This is why I encourage people to stay away from me.
This is why I am scared to have friends. I am legit fucking feral and I don't want to be
I think I want to start meditating. I can't comprehend or keep up with how much my perspective on things keep changing "growing up"
I would cry about abortions being wrong as a kid and now here I am saying it is not okay to force a rape victim to have an unconsented / force baby
I wouldn't get an abortion. But I won't tell others THEY cant... I don't know what they're going through. I know it's upsetting to kill kids.
But someone told me "making abortions illegal only stops safe abortions" and it's deep to think of those women who go and get unsafe abortions and end up dead or sick.
Bad subject I'm not trying to discuss anything with anyone please if you have a different mindset that's okay. This is just who I am. I wouldn't personally get one but if someone needs someone that's them not me.
I saw posts about costumes being offensive and I got upset and couldn't comprehend how it was insensitive to let kids dress up on halloween harmlessly but after being exposed to the topic I have been corrected and shown
Some costumes are very insensitive I get it.
I just wish fictional characters could remain off that list
I saw someone say a white boy shouldn't be allowed to dress as black panther because he isn't black and yeah I should ignore the shit I see on facebook. I got upset saying that's practically racist for one and for two there is an au where the white wolf is 'black panther" aka hunter and Paul told me about other characters that have switched ethnicity in comics too.
I agree indian princess and stuff can be insensitive and the garbs of the people in the black panther movie as a costume could be insensitive too
I just can't agree with super hero costumes being too offensive but there's probably ways to make them offensive people have surprised me before
As an ignorant kid around my 10ish years I ignorantly preached about it being mean to spay or neuter animals "what if they want babies"
Now I see the importance as an adult.
Examples on why I must keep moving forward..
I can never take back shit I'm not proud of but I can try to do better and learn.
Atleast I can accept myself for the most part. Atleast I can be me for the most part.
Everything around me is so complex and I just want to learn..
Guess time to do this math..
I remember crying in frustration because I didn't understand their formulas..
My teacher didn't give up on me and Toru tutored me too
I now know how to divide, find area,
and circumference, radius, median, mean, mode,
Turn fractions into decimals or vice versa, even percentages,
And can even find the missing numbers to shit like :
Some ridiculous shit like that? Yes I can do it now and I'm so proud of myself
I'm not as dumb as I thought I was I guess
I felt so stupid when they showed me how to divide I waa like are you serious.
Being taken out of school fucked my comprehension of math royally
But I aced all my other tests and this is the last one
I can do this shit.. Aye..
God I'm shaking
I knew they would still be mad at me
Fuck my anxiety fuck
I guess I fucking asked for this.
I still feel like someone saying you can't be a victim of racism because you are white is racist
Maybe I really am fucking ignorant
All posts are either in parody or to be taken as literature. This is a roleplay site. Sexual content is forbidden.