He gave it a bit of thought on what she just said. "Kind of. If we're on a vacation of sorts planning isn't exactly vacationy. We can wander our way around some places and the only plan would be getting back to the boat on time."He offered, but still she had a point. "I certainly wouldn't be waking up super early to 'go relax' what kind of sense does that make?"He chuckled a bit and thought on it, "I'll just have to make sure you are tired enough to feel the same way."
They did have a bit of a moment back there, and he honestly thought he had gotten out what he wanted to say, even if she had lost it immediately once he was angry. To see her deflate into him, like she was almost hiding in him, from her own self as she apologized was still pretty adorable, regardless of what she was saying. "I think we knew that you couldn't handle it a long time ago."They learned at the very least he was the only one subject to anger and he usually dealt with it. His hand moved up and began to stroke the back of her hair. Still, he apparently didn't see the need for her apologizing.
It was true. Planning was probably something she could never turn off, whether or not it was their wedding or something else. It was just the way she was. Hearing what he said, she chuckled. "Maybe, but would that be such a bad thing?" she asked, looking to him as she thought on it, "Then again, you probably just want to lay in bed all day. The cruise it is. So I guess the Caribbean would be a nice destination?" Still, she was happy with this decision. Ultimately, she knew that it didn't really matter as long as he was there, but it was their honeymoon, so why not make it special?
Laying there, she happily nuzzled him as they just relaxed after this stressful day. It really had been, considering all that had happened. What he said made her look up before lowering her eyes slightly ashamed. She still felt bad for having pushed him that far that he had snapped without even realizing it until it was too late. "I'm sorry...," she whispered, hugging him close, "I really didn't mean to make you so angry... And that I apparently can't handle you being angry either..." It made her wonder, if the situation was really defused or if he had just backed off, because he felt bad for making her cry. She wished she could handle being yelled at or at least have a proper argument with him so that everything that needed to be said was on the table. Slowly her hand reached out to take his, rubbing it gently.
He figured she'd never let planning rest until they were finally married, and maybe not even then since it was seeming they'd go on a honeymoon. "I swear..if we go on a cruise you'll probably read about each place we're visiting individually and find a certain activity for every minute of the day at said place."He chuckled a bit, teasing of course. He shook his head a little bit though, "We'll just stick to a cruise then..since we know it applies to two things."He informed her with a smile, "We can camp out in the desert some other time."He offered, figuring now they were probably a bit more drained after the emotional toll the day may have had. Laying here snuggling was nice for the most part. "I suppose you can't say I'm too calm anymore.."It sounded like the beginning of an apology of course, even when he was angry he didn't want to see her crying. She clearly couldn't sit there and just accept that he was angry..no matter how nice it would have been that's not how the world worked. She didn't want to lose him and she was upset that he got upset..cause he didn't usually it was understandable, but he just wanted her to understand.
"Oh, is that so?" she asked amused as she looked to him, "Hm, there is. Plenty of time to practice." She wouldn't mind practicing and it would be fun to do so.
It just seemed harder for her to plan their wedding. The other stuff she did on instinct, but this... it was hard. "How can I plan the wedding? It's for two people. And... I don't know, it's more complicated. It's so personal and... it's just not something that can be planned logically," she tried to explain, not sure why she felt so blocked when it came to their wedding either.
She did remember that they had had a similar conversation before and they hadn't really gotten much further than this then either. "Well... we did say that tropical would be nice, considering you haven't seen me in a bikini yet," she reminded him amused, "I don't know. I imagine a number of things would be nice to do. Maybe take a cruise. That way we combine both the sun and something foreign. I imagine it would be nice to do some sightseeing together. Or there was the idea of being out in the desert under the stars." There was just too many options.
"The other way around."He informed her and chuckled at her slight consciousness about it all the sudden, "Don't worry..there's plenty of time to practice." Still as they laid there together she was still planning away, she was always that way, but somehow it seemed to shut off with her in regards to their wedding. "To be honest I was kind of surprised you didn't already know all about what you'd want or not..you're always so, methodical, I've always joked that you plan out everything, but not for something like our wedding it seems?"He teased her, thinking on their honeymoon he had truly no idea. "Well what would you want to do? Find somewhere tropical? Find somewhere foreign? Lay around at a cabin? Something new?" He really had no idea, it seemed like he said the most common things already.
"Felt like what? That it's more that I belong to you than the other way around?" she asked, looking to him before shrugging, "I guess it really doesn't matter. As long as we know it it should be okay, right?" Of course, she supposed that if he belonged to her, she would just be more demanding, at least sexually, but she had no idea.
Shaking her head lightly, she looked to him. "Anything having to do with you is not a chore," she assured him, happy to be just cuddled against him. She gave a soft sound at him holding her close to him and his wandering hands. Her hand moved to his hair, running through it before she snuggled against him more. "Well, cuddling in blankets is never wrong, is it?" she pointed out, knowing they often fell asleep for a bit, "Well, maybe we're conserving our energy for the wedding night? After all, I don't think we will be sleeping a lot that night." They would probably be too excited to sleep anyway. "Have we decided on what to do for our honeymoon?" she inquired. Maybe planning something will help her be excited for the wedding.
He listened to her not expecting an actual answer to his teasing. He offered a small shrug. "I suppose I don't actually think on it all that much. But if you say so then maybe."He offered to her, "Though sure there were times I felt that way."He figured that was how it was supposed to be, but if she didn't feel it he was curious what her doing so would be like.
He didn't figure answering that was the best idea, "I dunno as long as you aren't seeing it as a chore."He chuckled a little bit to himself. Though now she clearly was just trying to cuddle and be close to him, which he would let of course, he enjoyed her legs tangling around with him as she pressed close to him and felt around. "I suppose it is pretty long for us..But it's easy when we just enjoy being on the couch in blankets doing nothing."They seemed content regardless of that factor, even if neither of them ever really said no it it either.
Maybe she really did have an issue. She wished she could just turn it off and not think on it, but she couldn't. Maybe there was a way for her to get past it. She would try, for his sake.
His hand in her hair was nice and she was glad that he kissed her. It made her feel like she hadn't completely screwed up. What he asked made her thoughtful. "I suppose usually it's more that I belong to you," she replied, wondering if that was also because of the typical role diversification between men and women, "Hm... I suppose then I should try and change that from time to time." She did reach a hand back to run it along his bare chest. It was nice to feel that. Why didn't she show it to him more?
"Oh, you really think I will ever let you get nothing?" she asked, arching a brow. Had it really been that long? "That's pretty long for us," she pointed out and slowly turned in his arms, "So you do feel neglected. Maybe I have to change that?" Her eyes looked to his as her legs entwined with his causally and she was just happy like this, but did kiss him again softly.
It hadn't occurred to her, but still it seemed she wouldn't have cared too much regardless.He let out a small breath, able to settle in with her for a few seconds before she turned back to him, her face red from the crying. He ran a hand through her hair as she leaned back towards him and did kiss her back for a few moments. "Hm.. do you?"He repeated back a bit, "I dunno..do you make yourself feel like I belong to you or do you usually feel like you belong to me?"He figured challenging her a little was fun enough by it's own right, reflecting back on times like that wasn't ever bad after all. He didn't know for sure, but usually it led to something different or fun with them. "That's a tough question..if I answer one way, you'll feel obliged to treat me..if I answer the other then..I don't get anything."He was clearly teasing, but he didn't let it hang around to long. "You don't neglect me, clearly. What's it been maybe..a week or two.."He teased a little more.
She looked to him. "She's married?" she asked, clearly not having known that. Not like she had ever checked her ring finger to see if she was married or not. Of course, she trusted Craig and didn't think he flirted around, didn't think he could.
To be fair, most women didn't handle it well to be yelled at. Feeling him lift her up, she snuggled against him, keeping her arms around him tightly. "Yes, I am," she muttered into his chest, burying her head there, because she felt absolutely stupid. How she couldn't trust a guy as good as him was mystery to her.
Hearing what he said, she gave a soft chuckle. It was nice to lay down with him and she snuggled against him, not wanting to be apart from him one moment, her hand holding his tightly. "Oh, don't I do that often enough already?" she asked, turning her head to him. There were still clearly streaks of tears, but most of them had ebbed away. Slowly she leaned up to kiss him, hoping he would let her after all that had happened. There was just so much stress with the wedding and everything else, such as work. Perhaps she had been neglecting him. "Have I been neglecting you?" she inquired softly, not sure herself.
"Because. I think a wedding planner who is married..is probably not trying to stop us from getting married."He didn't know how else to explain it, but maybe she didn't even know if the wedding planner was married or not. It wasn't like he was flirting around as it was anyway. Clearly though she was the one who couldn't handle being yelled at like Craig apparently could, when she was mad at him. "You're not stupid.."He told her and lifted her up into his arms, as she was surely accustomed to. He didn't want to feel her shaking anymore, or see her crying, even if he was a little upset, he got most of his feelings off of his chest.
Maybe he should just change the subject, or make a little bit lighter of it. "Perhaps you are supposed to remind me just who I belong to sometimes."Clearly he began shifting his tone towards a joke, no matter how dirty the connotation was. He did lay down with her, spooning her and holding her hand in his.
She was just exhausted at this point. There was their normal work, keeping up with being a couple and the wedding. It was wearing her down and it probably didn't help her disposition towards jealousy either in that regard.
"Me saying yes should mean I care more. I want to marry once and do it right," she replied, her breath shaking as she spoke, "How can you be certain when you didn't even notice Ms. Sunshine flirting with you?" And she had been damn obvious in her attempts.
Quite honestly she wasn't sure what to expect when he put his arms on hers, but when he pushed her against him, she gladly stumbled into him and wrapped her arms around him, breathing in his scent. It always did have a calming effect on her and she wanted to hold him more, her arms tightening around him. God, she just wanted to curl up with him and forget this.
His words made her feel stupid, probably rightfully so, considering how she acted. More tears rolled down her cheeks and thus onto his chest. "I trust you, I want to, but then there are these moments in my head where there is a voice and it tells me to worry and I can't help but worry. That these women are so much more than me. It's not that I don't trust you, I do, but I don't trust them," she sobbed, still shaking against him as her arms gripped him like a vice, "I know I'm stupid and I shouldn't get angry with you..." She felt even worse now. She knew she couldn't lock him away, even if she wanted to.
He knew he had snapped and he knew it wasn't exactly the best thing to be doing, but he had to make his point now. He shook his head a bit as she went on, seeing how desperate and sweet she seemed to be able to be at the same time wasn't fair at all. "You said yes to marrying me. You shouldn't care even if that was the case, because you say I don't notice, but I am certain, our [i wedding planner] isn't trying to flirt with me."He didn't know how else to take that, and as for her caring about him more than anyone else, her clear fatigue came through. He knew she hadn't bothered him about a lot of things for the wedding and it must have been weighing on her, but she probably let him know even less once she started thinking the wedding planner was hitting on him or something. He put his arms up on to hers, before pushing her towards him a bit, at least to stop her shaking a little by holding her. "I am marrying [i you]. I'm not going after anyone else..I never even went after anyone else in the first place. I don't know how I can make you see that I wouldn't hurt you like that ever. You care about me so much..but you can't give me enough credit or trust in that regard? And you get angry at me about it.."He didn't know if he had to go on really. His feelings were clearly in the open, he trusted her, she's told him too before even in the very beginning of their relationship, but she was apparently afforded more luxury than that.
She smiled softly at him enjoying the hand massage so much and was happy to see him relax because of it so she simply settled against him to continue with the massage.
Months passed and things were slowly getting better. They had found a planner, which did help, but it was still stressful for her, considering that women did a lot of the planning and she didn't always want to bother Craig with everything. Maybe it had to do with the fact that she had been cheated on before that she was sensitive on the topic of other men flirting with him, but she wasn't blind either. She really was flirting and it didn't help her stressed nerves either.
They had just gotten home from one of those meetings with their planner. Again she felt like she had been flirting with him and she had brought it up on the way home. She hadn't even realized that it was driving Craig crazy and that he wasn't listening.
She was placing her bag on the counter when she heard the growl, pausing at that, and turned in time to watch him rip and throw off his shirt, causing her to stare slightly. She had never seen him like this before.
When he went on in that stern tone she was stunned silent, having never heard that tone before as she just stared at him. She simply looked to him in silence, not sure what to say anymore. This was all too much for her nerves as tears began to roll down her cheeks. "Do you honestly think I want to be like this?" she demanded to know, slumping slightly onto a stool, "To worry about other women flirting with you. I wish I was confident enough to say I didn't care even if this was the case, but I can't."
Still, at the same time she couldn't sit still and got up, moving towards him. Her fist hit his chest, though not hard, more out of desperation. "I've never cared about anyone as much as you and I don't want to lose you. That you can't see how desirable you are to women doesn't help," she sobbed, her entire body shaking as stood before him. While she was still arguing with him, she was clearly all over the board with her emotions.
Well he'd always been one not imposing enough to ask for her to make the effort to get into a position for a whole massage. Though really he seemed to relax quite a bit as his body relaxed at just the hand massage and he didn't say much else just enjoying this.
Anyway, about a few months later in the heat of all the planning and things they had made some progress and they had actually found and managed to hire a planner. Which of course, seemed to be another one of Tamara's things..so unfortunately small arguments actually started to happen. This was one such day, but Craig wasn't exactly in the mood for it for once. So..he let a little steam off as they entered the apartment. He was almost not listening to Tamara at this point as he loosened up his tie and undid his buttons from work, getting stuck on one for a few moments he growled a little bit before ripping the shirt open and tossing it off. "All right enough."He said in a new stern tone, not the usual passive entertaining he did where he tried to defuse the situation. "I'm sorry MOST wedding planners are female. I'm sorry I don't believe a wedding planner is totally trying to flirt with me. She's planning our wedding. I don't enjoy you quickly getting jealous of most women and taking it out on me."
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