☆ ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛs ᴏғ ᴀ ғɪᴇɴᴅ ☆

/ By Hostile [+Watch]

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Roleplay Responses

Send halp they playing a cringey off brand hallmark movie

With the girl and guy having receding hair lines. They perf for each other.

Being with Liv and Alex makes me miss my daddy so much. Because my daddy treats me so sweet. :c He give me head kissies and snuggs on demand.

Also he’s so gentle with me. I love it all so much.
In my dream a disgusting person who I find absolutely repulsive violated me. He stopped after I kept protesting. But ugh. I feel so gross.
  ᴛsᴜɴᴅᴇʀᴇ ʙᴏɪ / Indefinite / 238d 23h 38m 10s
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[coming+soon [center [size15 [#859ecc [b Today has been steady slow. I did laundry and I tried to make myself sketch some more. :s

Mood as not improved.

I think I just need a lot more sleep lmao.

Or a lot more forgetti juice.
  ᴛsᴜɴᴅᴇʀᴇ ʙᴏɪ / Indefinite / 239d 13h 51m 54s
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[coming+soon [center [size15 [#859ecc [b So s l e e p y smh
I know I should start looking into adulty stuff but :s

I've just been feeling really... belrgh.

Don't get me wrong, I'm excited to get a job here... That won't be fast food.. I refuse. I refuse - I'd rather jump off a building, tbh. c: I just..... uneasy, about life's plans. I want to grow, I want to succeed, I just am not feeling it I guess? Like I have not recovered from all the bs from my last job.

I've been extremely exhausted no matter what I do, Gary suggested I actually work out when I am tired. Which never happens because as soon as I realize I'm tired I am O U T.

Idk. :s

I don't really want anyone to talk to about it, because I don't exactly know what it is I'm feeling. I guess. Unprepared, as always? Disappointed even now when I've got nothing pushing me I can't even improve/fight my feelings of exhaustion.
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[coming+soon [center [size15 [#859ecc [b Alex is LEGIT argued with me about whether or not a person can be deemed safe to eat lmaao

"If the person said they would be okay with being made into a dish, then yeah, I'd eat it."

I told him he would also have to take into consideration that not all people are specifically safe to eat.

Then again that would go into the argument we don't exactly know what and how our produce is treated so

we can't eat people so this argument really didn't matter in the end.
  ᴋʀᴜʟ ᴛᴇᴘᴇs / Indefinite / 239d 23h 26m 32s
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[coming+soon [center [size15 [#859ecc [b I had a dream I was dating someone who was very angry? I don't know. I just know that I was in the basement again. But the basement belonged to my Aunt. I wore a nice dress because we were going out. The guy I was dating had his ex all over him and he wasn't really doing anything about it. Right in front of me. He acted annoyed but didn't do much besides shoot down/corrected things she said. I was stuck in a wheelchair for some reason. Being strolled around by actors I admired. We got into a spat about something and he tried to make it up to me by buying me a fish. I believe it was an angelfish, but he mistook it for a goldfish. I'm pretty sure after this part he was morphing into my ex. The shit show of '17. Now that I'm actually thinking of it, it really was too much like him. He would talk to girls but when they hit on him he would just act weird about it but it would still be considered as turning them down. He would try to make me feel better by buying me things. When he would never do that otherwise.

My brain is still burned with the shitty things he's done to me. I just want him to leave my life. Meanwhile, he can't seem to get me out of his conversations LOL. No ill feelings, huh? I don't have any towards you as a person, as a past partner though.... I can't believe the things you did. I only wish you the best, but I know better, you'll find ways to ruin it. That's just who you are. A part of me is excited to see you fuck up, but the other knows how your brain is wired. Every day you wake up stressed that your car is making a weird noise. You go home and when you try to wind down via video games you get paranoid about how the buttons feel. You need to make everything perfect - even if nothing in this world CAN be perfect. Honestly? If you stress that much to try and prove to the world you're doing great and everything you do is perfection, I think you've got what you deserved.
  ᴋʀᴜʟ ᴛᴇᴘᴇs / Indefinite / 244d 22h 29m 12s
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[coming+soon [center [size15 [#859ecc [b So today I did a little bit of recording and I absolutely am so heccin' awk. Smh. But! I did something! Maybe I'll look into stuffs later I'm more comfortable with.

My belly horts.

Also took some pics in my Rick cosplay and lemme tell you... I really like being able to do little things that I enjoy.
  ᴋʀᴜʟ ᴛᴇᴘᴇs / Indefinite / 247d 16h 1m 42s
i religiously watch this
[youtube https://youtu.be/PQRhP2fb4Ao]
  ᴋʀᴜʟ ᴛᴇᴘᴇs / Indefinite / 247d 21h 4m 37s
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[coming+soon [center [size15 [#859ecc [b I had a dream I kept pets in boxes under my futon. This isn't the first time I've had this dream. I kept spooders and birds in these boxes. They actually weren't terribly decorated either. But I had feared what I would find considering the last time I "visited" them had been "months". When reality was it probably had just been a few weeks since I've had this dream. They were alive and well, so I fed the birds and released the spoods. I am no talented bug catcher, I knew I couldn't feed them.

The birds.... They were.... sparrows. Just like you. Except so much smaller than you. I know you wouldn't have lived for very long anyhow, but I wish I could have given you the full life I intended to. I still think about you all the time. When I try to imagine what it's like to mother children. To love someone unconditionally.

When I remember that a love a mother has for their child is unlike any other... I think of you.

Because when I knew I didn't want any part of raising a human baby, I saw you and fell in love. Within hours you couldn't stay away either. I remember. I remember every little think about you, baby. I miss you.
  ᴋʀᴜʟ ᴛᴇᴘᴇs / Indefinite / 248d 23h 53m 42s
Alex: You’re gonna use all these pillows...
Me: Yes.
A: They’re not gonna get in my way?
M: Yes.

Alex two minutes ago: [b Fucking snatches a pillow I was hugging. SMFH.]
  ᴋʀᴜʟ ᴛᴇᴘᴇs / Indefinite / 250d 4h 41m 57s
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[coming+soon [center [size15 [#859ecc [b So I finally relocated last night, it was hard to say my goodbyes to my little "family". Neon and Faith probably took it a lot harder than anyone else I'm sure. Neon especially because we have been partners and depended on each other. My son is going to have difficulties being on his own again. I knew he would struggle to adapt without me. But I brought him there knowing that he would be in good hands.

I'm still processing that I'm here as well. I just. Didn't feel any anxiety up until now. Ooops.
  ᴋʀᴜʟ ᴛᴇᴘᴇs / Indefinite / 250d 23h 40m 40s
I don’t know.
I feel like I fuck up everything I love.
Because I’m such a shitty person, lmao.
I knew from the end, to the new beginning, I was not it.

Back to where I was, unable to change, unable to break these bad traits.

It still baffles me people want to be around me.
Always being on my own, of course I welcome company..

But then there are those moments that remind me: [b nobody] should have to handle this. My attitude, my mean words, my clinginess, my mood swings, my inability to do anything - I’m so incompetent. Yet I do it so fucking confidently.

Do you ever feel like you’ve tricked someone into thinking you’re something or someone you’re not?
Well I am that. I guess. Just a fraction. People always see the slivers of me they like and think “Oh, you’re a great person.”

Even when I am not.
I’m human. I’m anger driven. Don’t get me wrong, I believe anger is just a shitty façade of other emotions. I’ve seen Gary for weeks and somehow still haven’t managed to manage my anger. Or resolve it.

It feels like the most productive thing we’ve done is when I have tried to explain my feelings. And he just makes me cry by saying I’m a good person.

But I haven’t learned anything..
I just. Have talking sessions with someone who is incredibly gentle and sensitive. That makes me cry frequently, lmao.

I’m so angry.
I’m so mean.
I wish everyone would realize that and just go.
  ᴋʀᴜʟ ᴛᴇᴘᴇs / Indefinite / 253d 23h 44m 58s
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[coming+soon [center [size15 [#859ecc [b Watching horror movies with my birthday boy. We were drinking and now we are sobering up.

I really wanted today to be special for him but my bills drowned me. I'm really disappointed in myself that I couldn't have made it more special.

My head really hurts.
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[coming+soon [center [size15 [#859ecc [b It’s been a week since you came over to see me. Before it had been a month after we had 11 days together. Now we only have twelve-ish days until we finally go.

My ex goes “i don’t care where you go or what you do”

Well, fucking finally.
That’s all I wanted, tbh. Even when we were together. I wanted you to stop caring about everything so much. Everything isn’t that big of a deal. It’s not that deep.

Also,
The next time you meet someone that almost got a Protective Order put on them, run, Isabelle. Smh. I know you try to see the good in people but often more than not they ain’t as great as you making it out to be. I’m really upset I was trapped with him for so long. Granted things wouldn’t have beautifully gone the way they have now. But I was so miserable. I was so numb. Even remembering all the bullshit still fucks with me.
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[coming+soon [center [size15 [#859ecc [b I saw all along all the bad things that I didn’t love about my ex. I ignored it because I couldn’t leave. Now I see all the right reasons I’m with you. Tbh you inspire me to enjoy things. You’re so sweet. Even if it makes me uncomfortable because I’m not used to it. Because I’m used to being manipulated and made to think I’m a pos. Not that I wasn’t toxic either, but those relationships were just a shit show. Consisting of me partially wanting to leave and me feeling like nothing gets better than that. And no one is perfect, there will be things to hate and love about a person.

I hate that you’re so sweet on me. It really just feels like a lie. Or my brain says it is. “He’s just saying that...” or it can’t understand the idea someone feels the same way I do about me. It doesn’t make sense to brain. How could it? When all it’s seen is people who don’t care.

I hate that everyday I spend with you I find another thing that makes me fall in love with you.

There’s so many things I hate about you that aren’t reasons to hate you. Or shouldn’t be. And they all bother me because my brain is saying I need to prepare for the bad time, not to let myself enjoy it for too long.

I don’t expect our relationship to be perfect. I’m not putting you on a pedestal either, considering I’m still surprised how we click.

I guess what I’m getting at is...
I’ve always felt in my gut that there was things about everyone else I didn’t like or trust. And that they never knew what to say to comfort me or console me. Not like you.

I don’t want to wait to see you anymore. I am so in love with you.
  ʟɪғᴇ - ᴘʀɪᴄᴇ / Indefinite / 259d 3h 45m 37s
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