☆ ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛs ᴏғ ᴀ ғɪᴇɴᴅ ☆

/ By Hostile [+Watch]

Replies: 547 / 3 years 364 days 18 hours 30 minutes 7 seconds

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Bruh this migraine can fuck off
Why does my body hate me so goddamn much
  ʟᴏᴠᴇ / Indefinite / 119d 12h 19m 7s
Me: girls that can kick my ass are attractive
Also me: *cries when there’s any tension between me and another living being even if it’s my imagination*
  ʟᴏᴠᴇ / Indefinite / 121d 17h 41m 19s
[center As of late, things haven't been right. I have been bored with the things I do. I can't get myself to do anything. It's probably because I'm just burned out. Or just one of those days. With all the highs, come the lows. My hip and legs have been sore. Egh. I just don't have much interest in anything right now.

I don't even have an interest in eating anymore. I don't want to eat but I know I have to feed my body. I am willing to eat, but eating in itself always makes me happy. I just find it pointless to cook something I'm not even excited about.

I woke up to a message this morning and while the news was-thankfully-debunked, it was not pleasant revisiting a dead relationship. I'm not upset at the person for notifying me, I'm glad they can voice their concerns with me. And that I was able to clarify things.... I'm just upset being reminded that nothing really ever changes with people.

I'm always sentimental about my past. Especially with people. I treasure those I allow in my life. So any falling out is heartbreaking. But I've become so exhausted with being worried for people who can't muster the strength to care for themselves. There's a line of "they need help and love" and "they're comfy with their self-destructive behavior and don't plan to change."

It's tricky, with mental illness. But at the end of the day if it is negatively affecting me to the point I can't function, then maybe we just weren't meant to have contact with one another. Sometimes the people who care about you aren't the people equipped to help you. Sometimes the people you care for just refuse to budge despite all the love you shower them in.

Things are so much more complicated than black or white. There are wavelengths other than visible light. People are so much more than just a troupe or stereotype.

I understand this.

I don't know what today holds.. But I want to try my best to enjoy it. Even in this slug.
  ʟᴏᴠᴇ / Indefinite / 123d 10h 35m 10s
Hi my name is Emma and my age is 22 and I ship the following:

Kagura Sesshomaru
Miroku Inuyasha
Sango Inuyasha
Sango Miroku
Kikyo Inuyasha
Kagome Inuyasha
Sesshomaru Rin
Sesshomaru Kagome
Koga Kagome
Koga Ayame
Rin Kohaku

The list goes on for some reason I just love everyone
  ⱽᶦᵗʳᶦᵒˡᶦᶜ / Indefinite / 124d 4h 23m 32s
Rewatching Inuyasha has reminded me the reasons why I fell in love with anime

The boys =q=
So tsundere so dreamy
  ⱽᶦᵗʳᶦᵒˡᶦᶜ / Indefinite / 125d 3h 5m 31s
Me almost always: nobody cares about me lol I have zero friends who think I’m important
Also me: man do I love my friends and they’re all so important to me I wish I could shoW THEM HOW MUCH I LOVE THEM
  ⱽᶦᵗʳᶦᵒˡᶦᶜ / Indefinite / 127d 9h 10m 37s
How is my bf so cute
Questions for god and more
After these paid messages
  ⱽᶦᵗʳᶦᵒˡᶦᶜ / Indefinite / 128d 14h 8m 11s
Hello
I am miserable
My throat is still really annoying
It hurts enough to be annoying and makes me not wanna talk sometimes

Otherwise doesn’t hurt that much

I also don’t wanna eat but when I’m rreeeeaaally hungry I eat

So I eat at least once a day
  ⱽᶦᵗʳᶦᵒˡᶦᶜ / Indefinite / 128d 15h 7m 56s
GUESS WHO HAS TO PEE AGAIN
HYDRATION IS NOT A FUCKIN JOKE

CAN YOUR URETHRA FUCKIN GET DAMAGE FROM PEEING SO MUCH
  ⱽᶦᵗʳᶦᵒˡᶦᶜ / Indefinite / 129d 2h 56m 31s
Might find another cover for this song, but I really wanna remake a MV for it. I did FFXIII for it years ago for my ex. I really love this song though because I'm basic as shit. Idk what media I'd use tho
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZT9CZ4QbdCU]
  ⱽᶦᵗʳᶦᵒˡᶦᶜ / Indefinite / 130d 2h 18m 24s
want to be productive
doesnt want to do anything

fuc
  ⱽᶦᵗʳᶦᵒˡᶦᶜ / Indefinite / 131d 1h 49m 21s
Asked my spirit guides this morning if I could see them today or sometime soon. The cards said I wasn’t ready.

So I asked about my past life. How did I die?

The story they gave me was that I was more than likely pregnant, living happily with what I had. I earned what I had and life was looking up. Everything was looking up. There was mainly water, fire, and earth signs. I had a choice to make, knowing I had to trust my intuition, I made the choice that ultimately lead to my death. The situation didn’t sound gloomy at all. It sounded like I was about to live it up. Then blackness.

Maybe my spirit guides just wanted me to practices my mind more.

After all, one reading exhausts the ever loving fuck outta me.
I would like to say I remembered when you opened your Christmas present. But I was so sleepy.
I remember being so excited to have you open it up. I knew you would love it. The bell sounds just like the one in the game. We had just finished Wind Waker and I remember how much I loved the little Koroks. And feeding the fish to map out the ocean. I’m happy I got to rediscover my favorite childhood game with you. I loved Christmas, because I love getting people gifts. I love making people feel loved. And the one person who I want to feel the most loved is you. Sometimes you still pick up Makar and shake him to hear the cute little rings.

I only had about four hours of sleep, but I’m happy to have woken up in your arms. I only got up because my nose was dry and tickling me.

I’m happy and thankful you’re so patient with me. I know you want to solve all my problems even when I want to avoid them. And I’m so thankful for that. I love that I can trust you. You haven’t put a doubt in my mind abo it where I stand. We talk about our point of views all the time and I am so happy we can communicate so well. When you grab my meds and fill my water bottle up in the morning while I sleep, I do notice it. It fills me with so much love.

How can someone so wonderful love me so much? It makes me so happy. So content. Knowing that I may not have a platonic close relationship, I can at least have you as company. And even when I’m with other people I always wish I could just be with you. I know you’re not social, not like me, so I don’t try to force you. I love you.

You’re so much more than I could have ever thought to ask for.
  ⱽᶦᵗʳᶦᵒˡᶦᶜ / Indefinite / 137d 10h 26m 28s
On the note of being “important” to people
I guess I can officially say I have zero importance to the people I thought I mattered to. Not all of them. Just some. The ones I thought I’d always have their back. The ones who could never do wrong in my eyes.

Even now I know I’m not even worth a quick peek. They aren’t struggling like I am. So why do I keep on bothering?

Huh.

I have serious attachment issues.

I couldn’t let go of my exes either before I met Alex. I cherish the relationships I have because it’s so rare I even get any. I don’t quite fit with other people’s social groups.

I don’t really dwell on my exes but the feeling of “I wish we could still be friends and occasionally talk” is still there. It’s miserable. Wanting to check up on the people who tore you down. I wasn’t guilty free, because when you’re with someone you shouldn’t be with-things get ugly. The bad on both ends just create more friction that poisons the rest of who you are. I am not the person I was when I was with Travis. We made each other into terrible people. But he refused to see it. It’s horrible that I want to stay in contact with lost relationships that have done me more harm than good. But it is what it is.

Bear has yet to tell me who this mystery girl is. I don’t want to make him tell me if he’s not comfortable. I want him to open up to me because he wants to. I’m fine with never knowing. I have to be. I’m his friend. But the fact he said I KNOW HER IS DRIVIGN ME NUTS. I have suspicion that it’s stitches but she doesn’t seem like the type. M16 went MIA since the Holidays. And she was into Zirus. There aren’t much girls in our “group.”

Playing Minecraft has really been keeping me busy. Well. I’m trying to keep myself busy. Otherwise I feel useless and dumb. I need to feel productive. I’m working on the Rats mod, so I’m excited. I haven’t touched it before but since I have zero tasks at hand I thought I might as well clear some quests and tame some rats.

My dreams have been good lately. They haven’t been school or college related so there isn’t crazy stress on me. The stories are very interesting. I’m enjoying myself again.

My roots are hella showing so if my bleach could get here-idfk last week that would be cool
  ⱽᶦᵗʳᶦᵒˡᶦᶜ / Indefinite / 137d 15h 27m 10s
idontshipit buuuut
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5dH8Irh8N8o]
  ᶜʰᵃʳˡᵉˢ / Indefinite / 141d 12h 4m 56s
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