☆ ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛs ᴏғ ᴀ ғɪᴇɴᴅ ☆

/ By Hostile [+Watch]

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idontshipit buuuut
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5dH8Irh8N8o]
  ᶜʰᵃʳˡᵉˢ / Indefinite / 66d 6h 22m 21s
[center For the past-uhhhh few weeks? I’ve been sleeping in the bean bag because my back has been sore to shit.

The bean bag is much more firm than our bed so it doesn’t do wonky ass shit to it I guess. Back sleepers need firm beds anyway. And boy do I love sleeping on my bitch ass back. It’s really too bad the epidemic thing is going in because I would really like to start seeing a masseuse or a chiropractor.

If I ever find that damned tank binder that would probably help my back as well. It’s gotten so bad lately I can’t focus on anything I enjoy. And I can only get comfortable when I’m on ibuprofen. Which doesn’t help me because I’m always radiating sleepy bitch energy so comfy means sleep sleep.

But that also means I don’t get a lot of sleepy time with my love and tbh I love waking up next to him and touching him. QwQ Nothing brings me more comfort than to touch him.

My back pain has gotten me very aggravated and it’s not a good look lol.

I’ve also been craving a game where I can customize a character and then do nothing because all I want to do is create characters LMAO. I really like DA:I’s customization because it was complex enough to really let my creativity flow.

I’d go back into Blender and 3D modeling but all of that was just so strenuous for me emotionally because I didn’t have any help. Made me feel useless and that all my efforts aren’t worth it.

I played some Minecraft today and we put on shaders-wow. Now that my computer doesn’t have a stroke every time I boot a game things are getting pretty nice. Graphic and FPS wise lol.

I have been recalling deja vu dreams I’ve had last year. It’s strange. Only because idk what to make of them. They’re mediocre glimpses of time passing by. Nothing that changes my life or anything. Faith said that just means the universe is testing me but idk. I believe the universe does what it does. I’d like to think it is fair and just, but I also indulge the chaos theory. So I feel like these dreams just happen because they can.

A year. Hm. A year since I left that shit show relationship. A year since I met my love. A year since I found someone so important to me. A year. Things fly haha. I don’t remember a year flying by with Ryan or Travis. I don’t remember it being so wonderful. There were specs where I was not doing hot but it wasn’t as bad as when I was with them. Truly thankful for this glow up.

Something is missing. I feel a gape in me. Like I need to play a specific game or I need to talk to a specific person. Do a specific craft. Can’t pinpoint it. Something is up.

Venus the other night was shining bright and beautiful. I couldn’t believe I was looking at Venus.
  ᶜʰᵃʳˡᵉˢ / Indefinite / 66d 9h 9m 37s
[center Fucking god
The Hereditary ending song is a meme now and that song triggers my anxiety hella

It’s because I associate the song with the beheading scene which only hurts me because neck slicing disturbs me so much. And the mother sawed her her head off it just fucked me up.

I could handle the head being swiped off. I can’t handle neck mutilation. So the song becoming a meme has really been triggering me.

It’s unfortunate and ffs I can’t wait til the kids find another song to meme because I’m emotionally over it.
  ʟᴀɢᴇʀᴛʜᴀ / Indefinite / 66d 10h 43m 5s
Crazy how I was so right about them regressing based on one bad choice but I’m still somehow uncaring

What ever
[b Shrugs]
  ʟᴀɢᴇʀᴛʜᴀ / Indefinite / 68d 2h 10m 40s
We finished B99 and tbh it got so much better since the switch of companies/or whatever lmao idk the technicalities

It definitely was a weird feel because they could openly say more things

We also finished The Magicians and it made me so sad. It was a good ending. I didn’t expect them to leave it open ended but they did. I loved it nonetheless. Sad to see Zelda finally go, The Beast made his shit last appearance-it’s too and he couldn’t say “hello” to Julia again lol. I was really hoping in some way Julia could become a god again. She deserved her godhood. Yeah she gave it up, but I love that girl and the glow up. I’m happy they smoothly put in the fact she’s pregnant lol. The Fen arc was semi anti climatic. Fen deserved more respect from everyone than she got. Was also hella bummed Kady NEVER GOT TO SEE FILLORY. I know she wasn’t bummed about it because it wasn’t crazy important for her and because she’s always been busyyyyy uuughh

As much as I loved how they handled all five seasons I really think they shouldn’t have extended it like they did. The book series was a trilogy and I’m positive only focused on defeating The Beast. I did enjoy learning more about the universe, don’t get me wrong, I just can’t help but hate when series do the “oh no we have one enemy-WAIT there’s a bigger badder enemy-WAIT BECAUSE WE KILLED THAT GUY WE HAVE TO KILL HIS BOSS WHO IS THIS GUY” and tbh that drains me. It’s why I stopped watching supernatural.

It’s been a bit since I checked in, but when I saw them again I had a terrible panic attack. Everything just came rushing back and the grief and anger took over. I read today that anger is just “reality not matching the idea in your head” and it stuck. I shouldn’t expect so much from people. I can’t help myself though. It’s my fault I get angry. But also I cannot get myself back down when I’m angry. I’m glad I’m away from my past situation, though. Because I know a lot of my anger stemmed from my bad situation. Bad environment. Bad people.

I’m also so fuckin desperate to make an MV for fruits basket but alas no songs come to mind.

I talked to Honey today. Aaah it’s so nice to talk to friends when you thought you were being ghosted but really you just messaged the wrong account lol. Can’t believe I had that breakdown the other day.
  ʟᴀɢᴇʀᴛʜᴀ / Indefinite / 68d 13h 36m 26s
fodigjon

made a new gif lick my ass

also 90 days is waccckkkk
  ʟᴀɢᴇʀᴛʜᴀ / Indefinite / 71d 18h 36m 30s
IF STEPHANIE AND ERIKA DO NOT MAKE IT I WILL FUCKING DIE

LOVE WILL BE DEAD

yesiknowihavemyonemyonlybutthiswillbeverydisheartening

Also david you guiLLABLE FUCK
hi i wanted to spend time with my jamjam but i also want to do 86544397 things so here i am jamjam asleep in one hand and me struggling to type in the other

i have zero problems with not doing anything coz jamjam is sleeping in me
Lmfao my friend just said I’m Haru from Beastars

I’m hella flattered tbh

Also I’ve been TRYING TO FIND A CATCHY LOVE SOMG TO EDIT SOME TURI PAIRINGS TO BUT GUESS WHAT I AINT FOUND SHIT
Fruits basket? More like
Welcome to trauma town we eat ptsd as a snack and sprinkle it with some smiles and cute moments because without emotional torture we wouldn’t know what fun is

HE MAY HAVE BEEN YOUR FATHER, KYO BUT HE AINT YOUR DADDY

now go hug your daddy you lil fuck
QwQ

Also I 100% ship Tohru with everyone it ain’t even fair or funny
Me: I get it people like Yuki more and they’re wrong
Me ten episodes in: kyo is best boy and yeah I guess Yuki is ok but KYO IS BEST BOY STFU STOP SAYING HE ISNT AS GOOD AS HE WAS
Why do I try to make friends when clearly I can’t click with other people like they do with their friends?

I’m always the odd one out and it pisses me off.
  Indefinite / 78d 14h 54m 48s
Can we focus on the fact this person literally only posts one liners and has the audacity to be offended I was correct that they can’t write anything fucking interesting lmaaaoooo

[pic https://i.imgur.com/dj5Stad.jpg]
  Indefinite / 84d 10h 58m 34s
Bro Kristen Andrew-Lopez and Robert Lopez are such good songwriters? I demand to see the Frozen Broadway show now. Listening to "Monster" is so good and I'm hella mad, [i but I understand why], it wasn't in the movie. I'm almost 100% sure now the broadway would do so much justice to the entirety of Frozen.
I can’t stop listening to this song. I’ve always loved that Disney was all for Elsa having zero interest in love or romance. She is happy with her life with her sister. She just wanted to be her best self and-hoo, boy, that’s my jam. And I’ve always LOVED LOVED Idina Menzel’s voice. I just fucking wish Evan Rachel Wood’s singing was more involved because GOTDAMN that shit is pure fucking talent.

It makes my heart flutter knowing she found her answers about herself. You can see finally in this movie she’s learned that she has zero fear of her own powers and destiny. She wants to step up and be everything she can be and more. Of course she still had to realize she needs to let herself rely on others, but now she’s so GROWN.

I feel the change for the better with her. I love it.

[youtube https://youtu.be/nrZxwPwmgrw]
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