☆ ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛs ᴏғ ᴀ ғɪᴇɴᴅ ☆

/ By Hostile [+Watch]

Replies: 479 / 3 years 254 days 18 hours 37 minutes 59 seconds

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Roleplay Responses

[Size7 Choking...?
You stutter and you wonder why the words can't come out?
Your legs are weak, but you're lying bed-
What's the point in making me feel weak if I'm not doing a thing??
I've acknowledged you more than anyone else has.
Maybe not at first but when it clicked in my head
I knew
It was you.
I'm your only friend but you make me
So miserable.
With tears in my eyes I stare at a blank page,
Trying to describe what it's like
To have you in the passenger seat
Of my mind.
They say if people have you they...
Chew on nails
They
Tap their feet
They need to dance
Or
Run certain meets
But they never tell you sometimes
It's the people you love
That can give you this uncomfortable gift.
And yet they wonder
Why you'd rather choke on the corner
Then to tell them why you're crying.
You're my most uncomfortable gift.
And I wish
You'd grow up and leave me alone.
But you think you're helping me,
Looking out for me,
My friends are tired of hearing the same shit
The same song
The same punchline that
"He's done something wrong"
Like well, "gee what's fucking new?"
Or talk while I'm turned saying,
"When is she ever going to get some self respect and leave him?
We're tired of repetitive things,
We're tired of the old news you tell
And we're tired of you."
...you whisper these things to me.
You tell me that my friends aren't good,
You tell me this man is no good,
You tell me my family couldn't give a shit
What pain or limits you can take.
And maybe you're right.
I know I shouldn't listen.
But the world is turning, landmarks are stirring
Into the ground
At a faster pace than I can keep up.
And you've been right before.
If I've been letting you win this whole time,
Why can't you just leave me be?
You win.
I can't trust anyone with what's inside and I can't believe I'm here.
Lost all trust because of a fucked up beau
Lost two best friends in a single year,
Lost all self respect, earned self hate
Wondered why I stay alive
And you know what?
[Right I don't fucking know.
  Hostile / 3y 230d 8h 44m 1s
It sucks that you knew all my stuffies.
And that you knew exactly what I wanted to name them.
  Hostile / 3y 231d 10h 2m 20s
Truth be told, bitch, if you wanna try and throw shade might as well call me out.

You know why I don't call any of you sad hoes out?

Because I know it will embarrass you.... bitch I'm doing you a favor.

You won't embarrass me though, hoe. So go ahead and @ me. What your profile pic jerking dark corner lurking ass so afraid of?
  Hostile / 3y 232d 15h 35m 53s
And lol might I just say that the one time I wanted to die out in the streets, I came back home. Four hours later and Coco was still on the phone. Waiting for me. That was when I realized he was my best friend. So yeah. I'm not gonna trust people again. Because if he could have waited four hours of static and silence for me and not regret it then what the fuck else are people capable of? That was my darkest night. My coldest night. My feet bled. I was drunk but not enough. Just enough to numb the taste of alcohol. If someone could really take back something that meant that much to me I don't think I could go through that again. I don't think I can recover. So yeah I'm salty he walked out. So yeah I'm going to keep Emma as a name. But no I don't want him back. All I have is his memory and you know what sometimes memories are better anyways.

It's always you shit head people who stir up my shitty feelings. People who I despise and want out of my life. I'm so sick of you all thinking I'm just a game or a pass time. I'm so sick of people on here honestry thinking they know Neon or me well enough to throw shade on JE. You just look silly. You're just pissing me off on company time that pays for neons bills. You're just wasting your unwanted time.

God I'm wasting my time.
I always think explaining things to you simpletons will change something.
  Hostile / 3y 233d 17h 37m 53s
FUCK YOU, FIRST OF ALL. OKAY? FUCK YOU FOR SAYING I WAS A SHITTY FRIEND.

FUCK YOU.

I DID MY BEST BEING ME, DO YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT IT'S LIKE BEING AN IDIOT DAWDLING AROUND THE FUCKING MIDWEST WONDERING HOW THE FUCK AM I GOING TO LIVE THE REST OF MY SHITTY UNWANTED LIFE? YEAH YOU AIN'T GOT IT ANY BETTER, MAYBE WORSE, I AIN'T GONNA SAY I WAS AN OUTSTANDING FRIEND EITHER, BUT WE NEVER EVEN REALLY CLICKED IN THE FIRST PLACE.

STOP TELLING PEOPLE MY NAME.
STOP INVITING YOURSELF INTO MY LIFE IF YOU WANT NO PART OF IT.
STOP WASTING MY TIME.
STOP MAKING ME ANGRY BECAUSE YOU'RE EXISTENCE LITERALLY PISSES ME OFF.

IT ISN'T EVEN BECAUSE YOU CHEATED. I LOOKED PAST THAT. IT WAS BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T HAVE THE CAPABILITY TO UNDERSTAND THAT I'M NOT PERFECT AND I CERTAINLY WASN'T GOING TO PUT EFFORT INTO SOMEONE WHO CUT OFF THE ONLY TWO PEOPLE WHO WAS CLOSEST TO HER. AND THE ASSOCIATED WITH ONE OF ES' MOST UNWANTED DICK FOR BRAINS, KURAMA. YEAH THAT FUCK BOI COULDN'T EVEN LEAVE ME ALONE WHEN I ASKED HIM TO AND THEN BLOCKED HIM.

YEAH I WILL JUDGE YOU FOR WHO YOU ASSOCIATED YOURSELF WITH. BECAUSE I WAS ASSOCIATED WITH SOME SHITTY PEOPLE BEFORE AND WOULDN'T BLAME OTHERS FOR THINKING "HEY SHE MIGHT BE A PIECE OF SHIT TOO"

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I HAVE THE RESPECT TO AT LEAST WARN PEOPLE IM SHITTY
THAT I'LL BE RUDE
THAT I'LL MORE THAN LIKELY BLOCK THEM
THAT I DON'T CARE ABOUT THEM

I HATE MYSELF
WHY DO YOU ALL THINK I'M SO CONCEITED? WHY THE FUCK ELSE DO I PUT OTHER PEOPLE DOWN? BECAUSE I KNOW I'M SHITTY AND I KNOW THEY ARE TOO GET A FUCKING REALITY CHECK, PEOPLE.

ALL I DID FOR 9 MONTHS WAS PLAY GAMES, GET CHEATED ON, ATTEMPTED TO KILL MYSELF, AND TRY TO MAKE FRIENDS ONLINE.

MY RELATIONSHIP IS IMPROVING BUT YOU DON'T CARE ANYMORE. MY LIFE IS FUCKING MEDIOCRE BUT YOU DON'T FUCKING CARE. MY BEST FRIEND LEFT ME BUT DO I HAVE TO REPEAT IT? [b YOU DON'T FUCKING CARE.] DON'T COME BACK. DON'T ACT LIKE YOU KNOW ME. DON'T FORGET THAT I'M A FUCKING BITCH AND THAT THIS SAD MESS OF A PERSON DOESN'T HANDLE OTHER PEOPLE VERY WELL. I DON'T OPEN UP ABOUT THINGS ANYMORE. I DON'T TELL ANYONE THINGS THAT REALLY HURT ME. I DON'T MAKE MYSELF VULNERABLE ENOUGH TO BE HURT BY ANYONE UNLESS YOU WERE ONE OF THE FEW PEOPLE I TALKED TO, BUT HE'S "DEAD" AND GONE.

HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES
DO I HAVE TO REPEAT MYSELF
STAY OUT
STAY AWAY

and for the lack of better words, I quote Lovers and Liars,
"[i [b there's nothing left here to burn.]]"
  Hostile / 3y 233d 17h 53m 3s
I feel like you're trying to start shit but in your unnoticed absence things happened so I don't even really care to make a thing of it.

But I don't even think that was aimed at me because never have I ever said or indicated I felt I own the place. So I don't think it was for me. Or for unmentionable person and neon. Coz neither of us claimed it. Either way hope he don't piss off the people he pointing fingers at.
  Hostile / 3y 233d 18h 31m 4s
[i God. Fuck bois are so fucking easy.] You just put up a picture of one girl, send some other girls nudes and they won't even doubt you.

Hope that bitch enjoys all the dick pics and spam texts he's gonna get.
  Hostile / 3y 234d 6h 26m 57s
My feet ache.

My stomach aches.

And I'm tired.

  Hostile / 3y 234d 18h 59m 36s
It's official. I'm just gonna block anyone who PMs me. If they can take the time to go on my profile to message me they can take the time to see my warning about my inbox.

Sick of repeating myself and I'm sick of people wasting my time making useless comments I could have lived without.

Edit:
[b I go by Emma because not only has it grown on me, but for some goddamned reason everyone calls me it anyway.] Pixel may have given me good memories and has left me a wreck, I'm going to [b own] the disaster of a person he abandoned. I'm not his lap pet anymore, but I won't go on living like it wasn't anything to me. I've changed from it. This name is for everyone to use now. This is my name. I won't discard it. It's a part of me whether or not I like it.

Kind of like how I gloat about myself being a dumb bitch. It's not degrading to me, I own it. It's me. It's a warning that I'll snarl at just about anyone.

I guess you can say it's my own special branding. You all now my name is Emma anyway. And for some damn reason people know my real name. It disgusts me. You're all so disgusting.
  Hostile / 3y 235d 6h 32m 11s
When someone inboxes you but you ain't in the mood to wait a lifetime to open up that inbox.

¯_(ツ)_/¯
  Hostile / 3y 235d 9h 5m 26s
I'm fucking getting nightmares again.
I can't tell what's reality and what's a dream. Not agaim. Not again not again not again.
  Hostile / 3y 236d 9h 20m 13s
Y Pail lurking tho

[s Petition to change Paul's name to Pail but pronounce it the same way.]
  Hostile / 3y 236d 11h 19m 43s
BTW my boyfriend and I had such nice sex today I'm fucking sore. It hurt so much at work.

I love when he puts my bitchy mean ass in my place.
  Hostile / 3y 236d 19h 17m 1s
You're mistaken. No one wants him back.

The whole time we have known him he was not afraid to make any statements, to confront anyone, or befriend anyone.

[i But suddenly now he's lacking the courage to say a thing?] Yeah, no. He said he has [b no regrets] in any decision he has made. Neither have I. Out of the lot of us, [u only I have blocked him.] And suddenly he's compelled to not contact the rest of the group?

Lmao.

No. This man isn't someone we miss anymore. Especially me.

Edit: I've put more thought into it. YOU'RE THE REASON WHY I CAN'T OPEN UP ANYMORE

I'm constantly afraid of being judged. Talked about. And I didn't care if it was from Chris or Aleks or even my ex friends. But you've always been so kind to everyone and would only say Neon and I were the ones who mattered. We were the only actual friends when there were so many people who treasured and valued you. I don't get it. Yet you've always had something the complete opposite to say about them. Given, my bf helped me build this wall up as well by constantly fucking me over, but you were my best friend. And I confided in you with my deepest feelings. Now my trust issues enhanced and I'm 10x more empathetic of others. I just need an output to all this anger inside of me.

And I hope the next time you make friends you tell them to stray away from this girl. Because I'll bare my teeth to just about anyone now. You taught me to not fear anyone. Not even fear the pain I'd put people in.
  Hostile / 3y 236d 18h 26m 55s
I would like to think I'm a pretty OK editor when it comes to photo editing. So when I give my opinion on editing it can be somewhat credible. And let me tell ya..... if I can't read it then I don't understand why you would even put it up. There's not reason to even edit it if no one can read it. Yeah, [i you] can, but editing is a supposed to please everyone else's eyes too. Imo. And yours just hurt my eyes.

I've never been a fan of the normal colors of the rainbow because they're so hard on the eyes. They're all such bright colors that are meant to compliment each other, not clash. I've always been a better fan of pastel gradients and the pastel rainbow. Bright colors I think should be limited to three colors tops. The rainbow gradient is a bit excessive unless it's vibrancy is taken down a bit.

But I am my own person. Take it or leave it.

Either way your editing sucks, no one can read it, so you edited for no reason. Your profile is indistinguishable. You wasted your own time
  Hostile / 3y 237d 5h 49m 1s
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