☆ ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛs ᴏғ ᴀ ғɪᴇɴᴅ ☆

/ By Hostile [+Watch]

Replies: 440 / 3 years 195 days 15 hours 59 minutes 7 seconds

Allowed Users

  1. [Allowed] EileenTheCrow
  2. [Allowed] Indefinite
  3. [Allowed] Suga
  4. [Allowed] RagnarLodbrok
  5. [Allowed] Lagertha
  6. [Allowed] Mothra


[Center ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ sᴇɴsɪᴛɪᴠᴇ? ᴇᴀsɪʟʏ sᴡᴀʏᴇᴅ ʙʏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴏᴘɪɴɪᴏɴs ᴏғ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀs? ᴄᴀɴ'ᴛ ʜᴀɴᴅʟᴇ ᴄʀᴜᴅᴇ ʟᴀɴɢᴜᴀɢᴇ? ᴘᴇʀʜᴀᴘs ᴛʜɪs ɪsɴ'ᴛ ғᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜ.

ᴛʜᴇ ᴘɪᴇᴄᴇs ʜᴇʀᴇ ᴡᴏɴ'ᴛ ᴍᴀᴋᴇ sᴇɴsᴇ ᴛᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀɴʏᴡᴀʏ.

ɪᴛ's ʙᴇsᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ʟᴇᴀᴠᴇ.

ʙᴜᴛ ɪғ ʏᴏᴜ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴅɪᴠɪɴɢ ɪɴᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇʏᴇs ᴏғ sᴏᴍᴇᴏɴᴇ ᴇʟsᴇ ғᴏʀ ᴏɴᴄᴇ, ғᴇᴇʟ ғʀᴇᴇ ᴛᴏ sᴛᴀʏ.

ɪ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ᴛᴀᴋᴇ ʜᴇᴄᴋʟᴇʀs. ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ʜᴇʀᴇ ᴛᴏ ʟɪsᴛᴇɴ.
ɪ'ᴍ ʜᴇʀᴇ ᴛᴏ ʀᴇғʟᴇᴄᴛ.
sᴏ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏ ᴛʜᴇ sʜʀᴇᴅs ᴏғ ᴍʏ ʟɪғᴇ ɪ ғᴇᴇʟ ɴᴇᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ᴘᴜᴛ ᴅᴏᴡɴ.

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Roleplay Responses

I miss you and I hope you've been doing well. It's crazy to think we haven't spoke in nearly a year. I never held it against you for not staying in touch. But I miss you.

I always miss the ones who don't stay in touch.

I always love each person with all of my heart.

Better to love and lost than to not love at all, right?

I'm remembering how lonely I am and how much I've wanted to play MMOs but no one wants to play them with me.

I'm sure you would've and we would've had so much fun.

But I don't wanna bother you. I just miss you.
This new event on acnh has got me on my toes

And by that I mean I really fucking want more goddamn earth eggs
I also am begging you, Nintendo, fucking make it easier to catch petals

I need to cover any open walking space with petal piles

Also please donate leaf eggs to me thanks
Person: unfriend me if you don’t like x
Me: kinda hard to unfriend you if you keep crawling back????

You said “unfriend you” not “lmk if you don’t like this so we can never talk again”

They always come back lmao

I ain’t got the energy to block all 74819864 accounts you have

Just go take a nap you fucking baby lmao
You ain’t worth the energy to unfriend
  ʟᴀɢᴇʀᴛʜᴀ / Indefinite / 3d 40m 33s
Me: not gonna think about it or bother with it anymore
Also me: ACTUALLY

I’m a whole ass mess lmfao
I’m so happy I can laugh about this already tbh
While everything still hurts, what’s done is done

And when you’re busy counting only loses you forget the blessings you have.

I won’t forget.
  ʟᴀɢᴇʀᴛʜᴀ / Indefinite / 5d 23h 1m 23s
Took a personality test today because we were watching Brooklyn Nine Nine. And tbh mine hit really fuckin close to home. As of late.

“Campaigners hold their friends in an unrealistic light, expecting them to keep up with the constant flow of ideas and experiences that they consider integral to life.”

“Campaigners tend to get deeply involved in others’ lives, going to great lengths and efforts to be the selfless, caring and supportive people they are, and all the while forget to take care of themselves. Both in terms of basic needs like financial stability and rest, as well as more emotional needs like mutual understanding and reciprocation, Campaigner personalities tend to give much more of themselves than most are even capable of giving back. This sort of imbalance isn’t sustainable, as (seemingly) one-sided generosity often leads to criticism and resentment on both sides.”

I practically worship my loved ones and tbh it’s so bad for me.

As for career advice they said as long as I’m working with people I’m set. I hate people though. But I love them! But they suck. People fucking suck. They also say I do not work well with being micromanaged and a work hierarchy is not ideal.

So not much help either lmao.

I’m still so baffled how I didn’t see the signs. The signs that I didn’t need to give it my all and more than I was capable of.

But I did that. I don’t do that just for anyone. So I thought it was okay.

I would’ve sold my soul if it meant they’d be happy.

My mom also said to me “people love being the victim” and tbh if they wanna play victim all the time-okay. Be the victim of your own undoing. My hands are off the table and I’m walking away.

I at least held myself responsible for hurting them. I didn’t just say “lol oops what ever deal with it.” I made sure I felt comfortable with leaving them in everyone else’s hands. But fuck me, right?

Fuck me for pursuing the first healthy relationship of my life. From the get go Alex has always been for what’s best for me.

I even talked to Gary about it whether or not it was a good idea. He said “it’s impulsive but what do you have to lose? You have a backup plan. You have a home you’ve made for yourself here. Go and chase this.” I thought real fucking hard before I did what I did.

So for one I’m glad we had what ever this is. A falling out? Fuck it. Fuck me for wearing my heart on my sleeve, giving them more than I’ve even gave LOVERS and taking a shot at something that WOULD NOT risk my healthy progress.

Travis was impulsive, yes. But you know what? I don’t regret it. I’m mad he did the things he did. He helped me grow. Also the breakup is not following my life everywhere. Score 84719 for me.

I. Didn’t. Put. Everything. On. The. Line. Again.

That’s the difference between the two of us.

Even Travesty has his benefits. I got a job, friends-no a family, a home in Interlochen, a therapist, a dentist. I was doing big girl shit. That toothless clown has only one benefit. To feed their need for affection. No need for me to explain all this, because it’s obvious between him and Alex who’s the fucking winner. Even Travis was more of a goddamn winner. A pedophile. Can you believe I’m saying a pedophile made my life better than some ex drug addict who passed tf out when he should be supervising his kid? Who btw hasn’t changed in all the years Faith has known him. He’s given Faith her kid. Yeah. That’s all the good he’s brought her.

So I’d like to see them compare my choices to theirs. I saw a liability to my mental well-being and I escaped. Tried anyway for a year.

Me and them, not alike after all. Ha. After all this time.

It’s 2020 folx.

We don’t get into relationships with shitty people we knew were shitty.
  ʟᴀɢᴇʀᴛʜᴀ / Indefinite / 6d 9h 57m 3s
Despite my mom not being very understanding and unbelievably harsh LOL I love that woman.

I’m so proud to have her as a mother and I’m happy to have a good relationship with my mom.
  ʟᴀɢᴇʀᴛʜᴀ / Indefinite / 7d 13h 57m 27s
Me: they’re talking about me, right?
Me:
Me:
Me: Nah that would mean I’m actually important LMAO

[hr ]

I had a really nice talk with Ben.

About exes and how relationships get so sour right before our eyes.

I miss opening up like this.

But at the same time I know only a few people deserve it.

Ben you’re a fighter. And I’m always rooting for you my guy. You know your brother and I care about you. We’re here for you.
  ʟᴀɢᴇʀᴛʜᴀ / Indefinite / 8d 14h 5m 38s
Murenase? You mean...
Wolf girl x human boy
And human girl x every other species of girl

I ship hitomi with literally every girl tbh
  ʟᴀɢᴇʀᴛʜᴀ / Indefinite / 8d 20h 6m 33s
So I decided to make my own cute lil OC and she was gonna be a cat lizerd but biologically makes no sense so she’s just a reptile who gives love bits and has scales where her skin I driest because she loves basking in the sun. Some days she won’t even move until she looks like a crisp scaley monstrosity. Her human skin dries into the shape of scales when she does not moisturize.

She is frequently v dirty because she loves to explore and dig around to kill time. Will claim she hates baths but the second her legs are submerged she will relax and even fall asleep in the tub. She loves head scratches and loves when people rub her back and belly. Her favorite food is a variation of leafy greens, vegetables, seafood, and very rarely meat.

She’s very territorial and does not like when people hover around her. She will how ever try and intimidate by making herself look bigger. Knowing this never works, she often hides behind others
I’m falling asleep. More on her later
  ʟᴀɢᴇʀᴛʜᴀ / Indefinite / 8d 22h 2m 11s
why aren't there more a2 content???
i could have made this longer smfh
[youtube https://youtu.be/vN_XAmB3F-w]
  ʟᴀɢᴇʀᴛʜᴀ / Indefinite / 9d 1h 31m 5s
bruh if I had known a headache from nail polish would make me not think about anything woulda just huffed that shit like mad LMAO

I trimmed my hair today and it was v amusing

I’m so bored in self isolation tbh
When ever I’m antsy I beg to go outside
Now I just nap

The ultimate escape

Obvi I’ve been thinking a lot lately

A lot about how much better off I am.

My health needs to come first. I’ve gotten this far. Which is so far! I’m so proud of myself.

The platform really made me think about life. The movie was good.

I get crazy confined for a few days. Not that I can’t go outside but I don’t like people esp how they are now.

People have their own story. I know mine. No one cares to hear it though lmao. That’s okay. I don’t like people. I like me. I dislike me. I have all sorts of complex feelings about myself. It’s only human.

I’m so thankful I have someone who loves me like Alex does. Makes me feel like life is worth it even when shit doesn’t feel like it. He also just loves to make me laugh when he knows something is off.
  ʟᴀɢᴇʀᴛʜᴀ / Indefinite / 9d 16h 54m 39s
Now that I think of it
You’re not capable of totally despising someone.
This whole thing is funny to me now actually.
Funny because I know this isn’t it.
I know your tendencies and I know mine. I don’t doubt that what ever happens will happen.
It’s not my business to care about you because at this point, it will never be enough.
I’ll teach myself to ignore you so I don’t have to feel this way again.
Like it’s my responsibility to take care of someone when they’re not putting 100% in taking care of themselves. An outlet can be healthy. It doesn’t have to be toxic like you chose it to be. All these years we “called out” toxic people and when you had your time to prove you could be better than what they made you to be you went along with it. Doesn’t matter if it’s because you were hurt I left. Everyone has a life and it can’t always revolve around you. I loved you and leaving you hurt me but knowing I could see you again saved me.

You claim this distance is what I created but I felt like there wasn’t any at all. So wouldn’t that mean you made it after all?

All this thinking made me realize what’s the point in fighting you about me being upset when you wouldn’t even bother talking your feelings out to me. I was willing to be open to you. You just bottled it up and decided what was best was to attach yourself to the nearest fuck up who we both didn’t like. Probably just to spite me.

I don’t care if I do visit and you’re over. I can be mature and still talk to you. I’m not saying you won’t be.

I’m saying I’ve had enough loving people who put in the work to be better than to enter a toxic relationship they knew was toxic. Faith says it’s because you weren’t raised right, but my dad wasn’t raised right. Didn’t make it okay for him to abuse his ex wife. It never makes anything okay. You’re an adult. You are being held responsible for what you do. Children even are held responsible for the trouble they make. You didn’t shit your pants in your sleep, you found some way to connect to a shitty person and thought you deserve at least this much. You deserve a connection with someone because you’re touch starved.

I was touch starved too. But I didn’t fuck with someone who can’t even support himself or his kid even with help. I fucked with someone I knew was together. I didn’t fuck with someone who I knew would definitely bring the worst out of me. I left travis to be better. To be treated better. You ghosted Paul and in half a year if things blow up in your face you’re going to message him again hoping he’s changed because you two are karmic soulmates. How many times does it have to be before you learn your lesson? He doesn’t want to change. You don’t want to change. I learned my lesson. It’s why I’m so mad and disappointed.

I hate even dragging this out but it won’t leave my mind no matter how many days pass by.

Call it beating a dead horse but I will always love you and loving you is obviously bad for me.

I can’t believe I feel like an awful friend for saying that. For saying loving you hurts me. When it’s the fucking truth. Sorry I wasted your time and got you to care about what we had only for me to find out it was bad for me anyway. I’m sorry you won’t ever feel loved enough to take better care of yourself.

I only “dismissed all your progress” because the relationship you are in affects the environment I put you in. Faith. Work. Friends. Seeing Gary. Because you made progress in Maine and lived with that fucking nut job only to spiral back to shits again. Jay is the key to you spiraling again. How many times can I say this for you to process that?

Yeah you don’t feel like killing yourself now, but when you and jay have problems he’ll treat you just like he treated faith right in front of us. He will tear apart the life you built there and who will help you then? It can’t be me anymore. I can’t cry myself to sleep again knowing someone is out there trying to kill you again all because you decided to hang around bad people.

I can’t believe I have to try and confirm with other people that I’m not wrong for not wanting to be your friend anymore. I have to have multiple people tell me “if they don’t want to rise up with you then you can’t do anything about it”.

I wish you the best. I’ll try and not care about what ever it is we are anymore. You closed yourself off. You were the only one who felt there was an end. I’m sorry I hurt you and I always will be. But I never failed for a second to try and be a good friend even if I moved away. I was open to you 100% and if you can’t put in that work that’s not my fault.

Coco taught me that. I had to learn a second time that people who refuse to change have to stray because misery loves company.

I couldn’t sleep at night sometimes without pretending I was next to you. I always wanted to sleep in the same spot as you because I loved you. But I felt like I was coming on too strong and I said “you’re an adult just sleep by yourself”. I wanted to be where you were and it hurt me every time you did things I knew wasn’t good for you. This is the cut off.

Jay isn’t cigarettes, Jay isn’t sleeping in bed all day, Jay isn’t bottling your feelings. Jay is worse than all those other depression induced habits.

Sorry I give a shit.

Sorry I left to try and start the life I always wanted.
I have it now. I’m happy. I may not have much friends anymore and I may not mean much to anyone, but I’m happy. I don’t drink alcohol every minute I feel remotely sad. I open up to someone instead. When I don’t want to take care of myself I do it because I know it’s good for me. It’s work. It’s exhausting. But I thought I had you with me doing it. Not anymore I guess.

So what ever. Wish I could just say “I don’t care” about you and be okay with it. Because I do care. So deeply. And I’m okay with what ever this turned out to be. I wanted answers. I got it.
  ʟᴀɢᴇʀᴛʜᴀ / Indefinite / 10d 7h 12m 23s
Everyone says it’s better off if I just drop it.

Maybe I am?

I don’t know. Just know it’s at a stand still and tbh I’m comfortable with it.

I believe I got approved for unemployment. Crazy huh?
  ʟᴀɢᴇʀᴛʜᴀ / Indefinite / 11d 5h 20m 12s
I love you so much.
I still do.
I’m okay if you hate me. Not really lol but I’ll still love you is what I mean.

Gary said “what’s there to lose? Plus you have a back up plan if it fails.”

I love you so much. It’s why I’m so angry. It’s weird even saying I’m mad at you. It’s weird knowing I’m being so critical when you’ve been there for me all along. I feel wrong for being mad. But it’s how I feel. Normally when it comes to other people, I wouldn’t have flinched. Would have said “I support you no matter what” and that would be that.

I don’t know why it clouds my mind knowing you’re doing this.

I don’t know how to make all of this stop. Because I love you more than I’ve ever loved any other friend. Shit, probably as much as I did coco. I miss him everyday. I miss coco like I fucking lost a part of me and it hurts more and more everyday knowing I won’t get coco back. Some days I want to run and tell someone something funny and I think of coco and I just break down. This shit hurts more than a break up. This shit hurts more than being cheated on.

I love you and all I’ve ever wanted was to show you that. I wanted you to know and to see you’re so worthy of love and happiness. It’s why I’m so mad. I feel like this is an insult to all of my love for you. Pretty stupid. Selfish of me, even.

It pains me to know that’s how you feel about me. But I know by now my words don’t mean shit.

Gary said you’d be fine without me. When I was in tears worried about leaving you. Gary said that this was good for me and you’re in great hands.

I told myself you were in great hands. And I’m glad to see you are.

I’m glad things are so much better off without me. I’m glad you’re moving on without me when everyday I’ve thought of you wishing you were here with me. I didn’t throw you away, don’t listen to your mean brain. To be honest I figured you’d be fine because I didn’t think I even meant that much to you. I heard you say to me you missed Maine and I felt like I couldn’t even compare to your love for it. I heard you say you cried that night and I cried too.

I miss you wholeheartedly but I’m not severing what ever it is that’s left of this. Not because I’m dicking out, but because I love you and I always will.

I love you even if you say I threw you away. I love you even if you don’t even love yourself. I love you more than you could ever imagine to love yourself. I love you even if you don’t love me. You can say what ever you want about how I did this or that for you, but I showed you how much I love you. If you can’t see that I don’t know what else I can do. I’ll never be enough and I guess we’re just back to me always adoring you from a distance. It would be ironic. Our relationship ending like how it started. Me just loving you.
  ʟᴀɢᴇʀᴛʜᴀ / Indefinite / 11d 11h 35m 45s
“So I know you ain’t really keeping up with me on how things have been going
I know I hurt you because I do things impulsively. I appreciate that you care enough about me to even be hurt that I would even do something bad for me
Even if it’s a smidge bad
But I know I go big or go home lol
I miss you and things have been hard without talking to you
I was hurt when you randomly did that to me
I guess it wasn’t random now that I’m thinking of it
I’m sorry that the things I do make you worry yourself to being physically unwell
Just know I am only human trying to do my best
You have to let me make my own mistakes
Even if it hurts you and you know it’s wrong
I’ll try to do better
I have been
I miss my friend so let me have her back”
  ʟᴀɢᴇʀᴛʜᴀ / Indefinite / 13d 8h 48m 57s
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