☆ Thoughts of a Fiend ☆

/ By Hostile [+Watch]

Replies: 178 / 249 days 9 hours 5 minutes 48 seconds

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  1. [Allowed] Suga


[Center Since I'm awful at opening up I'll confide here.][center Maybe posting publicly will help me.][center Hate-read all you like.] [Center Request access for special commentary/additional thoughts/exclusive information.] [Center Just kidding.] [Center Now scram.]

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Roleplay Responses

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[paprika [center [#a47f82 MAYBE THE REASON I'M A BITCH AND TELL Y'ALL TO STAY AWAY IS BECAUSE I'M TOXIC
DID YOU THINK OF THAT
FUCK YOU
MAYBE THE REASON I PUSH YOU AWAY IS BECAUSE I KNOW ME BEING IN YOUR LIFE ISN'T GOOD
FUCK YOU
FUCK YOU
FUCK THIS
THIS STUPID SHIT
FUCK IT

I'M A MONSTER FUCK OFF
STOP MAKING ME OUT TO BE SOME LOVABLE WARM FUZZY DUCK
I'M NOT
I HATE EVERYTHING
AND I'M SELFISH
AND I HATE ALL OF YOU
  ˢᵉⁿᵈ ⁿᵒᵒᵗˢ / Indefinite / 9d 12h 55m 30s
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[paprika [center [#a47f82
I love feeling like I come off as an ungrateful asshole and then someone says "hey you should say thank you that's the polite thing to do" or something like that because the fact is I'm not ungrateful and I'm so fucking thankful I just don't know how to express it and I'm an awkward child who isn't very verbal about their feelings.

So here I am feeling like the biggest dick in the world because I was asked to say thank you and my anxiety is telling me I'm an asshole.
  ˢᵉⁿᵈ ⁿᵒᵒᵗˢ / Indefinite / 9d 20h 22m 19s
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[paprika [center [#a47f82
My feet hurt.
I need to buy those gel soles.

I can't believe you keep questioning why I have an std when I told you I dont. Thanks.
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[paprika [center [#a47f82 I love my mom and my aunt, and I love the shit out of my son. They make me so happy and today I hope every mother feels as thankful as I do for them. <3
I miss my babies and I hope today theyre playing and being their bouncy little selves.
  Indefinite / 14d 17h 57m 40s
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[paprika [center [#a47f82 call me strange but the pink soft flesh is something ive come to like
  ˢᵉⁿᵈ ⁿᵒᵒᵗˢ / Indefinite / 15d 16h 54m 59s
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[paprika [center [#a47f82 Hel yeaaaahh
  ˢᵉⁿᵈ ⁿᵒᵒᵗˢ / Indefinite / 17d 14h 15m 10s
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[paprika [center [#a47f82 ugh
My stomach hurts.

Woke up at 9 because Travis didn't want to wake up but insisted I did. :) i love how that works. I can't sleep in but you can.
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[paprika [center [#a47f82 I have to give you everything.
An ears.
My energy.
My eyes.
My personal space.
My attention.
Can't even watch a movie without you needing me.

Yet if I try,
And make one keep.
You want none of it.
Or you shoot me down.

But yeah. Give me attitude.
That's a first. You gave me something.
Guess I better celebrate.

And don't go "I pay for you to live here."
Because that's not cute. Watch how fast I won't live here.
I'm so fucking annoyed.
Maybe I am an introvert.
Who can't stand people.
  ˢᵉⁿᵈ ⁿᵒᵒᵗˢ / Indefinite / 20d 13h 46m 35s
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[paprika [center [#a47f82 [Pic http://i.imgur.com/Ghv3lyA.jpg]

So tell me, sweet nectar of mine,
Was this what you dreamt of?
So tell me, baby,
Is the harmony not good for your melody?
Does your polarity drive away what you wanted like you'd fear?

We clap our hands and jump up high but no matter how loud we sing along we're just a colony of anemones.

The waves of the bitter ocean crash on us and when we're washed up we're not happy with what we see.

Out at sea-my heart oars itself
Out at sea. Never mind the sirens call or the spinning compass.
Never mind the creaks in the ship,
Or the beasts of lore.

So tell me, baby,
What is the beat in your song you desperately want to give me?
Why do you mummble the words as the song plays loudly?
What are you so afraid of,
And why did you hurt me?
  Indefinite / 20d 18h 7m 31s
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[paprika [center [#a47f82 [Pic http://i.imgur.com/VhIzSkY.jpg]

I'm so fucking sick of this.
  Indefinite / 22d 15h 33m 22s
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[paprika [center [#a47f82 Let me tell you about the girl I met today
We've spoken before and we have spent time together once,
But it was nice to see her.
It's funny how my angst and depression makes such wonderful things.

I still wanna die tho

I k now what I saw
I'm not crazy
It's fucked up I have to tell myself that.
That I'm not crazy and that I "am not sure what I saw because I got overwhelmed and shocked."

No.
Don't let them fucking win.
You know what you saw.
Remember it.
  Indefinite / 24d 13h 12m 41s
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[paprika [center [#a47f82 [Pic http://i.imgur.com/VhIzSkY.jpg]
Can't even confront em about it
I suck
I hate myself
I wish I died
Wish I never left the bathroom
  Indefinite / 26d 12h 17m 25s
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[paprika [center [#a47f82 [Pic http://i.imgur.com/VhIzSkY.jpg]
Hahaha
I'm the biggest idiot in the world
Is that what you wanted to hear?
Is it?

You wanted to hear that my fairy tale turned to shit?
Because it did.

My anxiety was right and I'm torn apart.
Because I let this happen to myself. Again.

Fuck love. Fuck it... so much.
Fuck me.
Fuck fuck fuck.

I'm the biggest fucking idiot
Fuck me
What am I going to do
Of course I ended up here again...
  Indefinite / 26d 14h 19m 35s
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[paprika [center [#a47f82 [Pic http://i.imgur.com/VhIzSkY.jpg]
Fuck I knew it fuck fuck fuck fuck
  Indefinite / 26d 15h 13m 3s
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[paprika [center [#a47f82
[Pic http://i.imgur.com/VhzeyaT.jpg]

It's funny how I found a word for what you fucking did for me. Gaslighting. Yeah I might have been a fucking psycho but you made me feel like one. Now I live everyday questioning my sanity. Good job, asshole. I hope to god you never have kids. You'd make them even more fucked up than you are. And we don't need that in this world.

It sucks. Because I still think being with you is reality. And this is a dream. Because reality is always always shityy. It's impossible I've got something like this going for myself.

I question even if I love this guy. Because he's so goddamn normal. So perfect and gorgeous and amazing. I question how I got this guy. I even ask myself if he just loves me because he needs or wants someone to. Not because I'm me.

I try to move on but the anxiety you've given me pulls me back into the fear I'm not worth anything. I hate you.

I'm so scared to be open.
  Indefinite / 27d 1h 8m 29s
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