☆ Thoughts of a Fiend ☆

/ By Hostile [+Watch]

Replies: 306 / 2 years 300 days 15 hours 50 minutes 4 seconds

Allowed Users

  1. [Allowed] No2
  2. [Allowed] EileenTheCrow
  3. [Allowed] Indefinite
  4. [Allowed] Suga
  5. [Allowed] RagnarLodbrok
  6. [Allowed] Lagertha
  7. [Allowed] Mothra


[Center Since I'm awful at opening up I'll confide here.][center Maybe posting publicly will help me.][center Hate-read all you like.] [Center Request access for special commentary/additional thoughts/exclusive information.] [Center Just kidding.] [Center Now scram.]

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[coming+soon [center [size15 [#859ecc [b I saw all along all the bad things that I didn’t love about my ex. I ignored it because I couldn’t leave. Now I see all the right reasons I’m with you. Tbh you inspire me to enjoy things. You’re so sweet. Even if it makes me uncomfortable because I’m not used to it. Because I’m used to being manipulated and made to think I’m a pos. Not that I wasn’t toxic either, but those relationships were just a shit show. Consisting of me partially wanting to leave and me feeling like nothing gets better than that. And no one is perfect, there will be things to hate and love about a person.

I hate that you’re so sweet on me. It really just feels like a lie. Or my brain says it is. “He’s just saying that...” or it can’t understand the idea someone feels the same way I do about me. It doesn’t make sense to brain. How could it? When all it’s seen is people who don’t care.

I hate that everyday I spend with you I find another thing that makes me fall in love with you.

There’s so many things I hate about you that aren’t reasons to hate you. Or shouldn’t be. And they all bother me because my brain is saying I need to prepare for the bad time, not to let myself enjoy it for too long.

I don’t expect our relationship to be perfect. I’m not putting you on a pedestal either, considering I’m still surprised how we click.

I guess what I’m getting at is...
I’ve always felt in my gut that there was things about everyone else I didn’t like or trust. And that they never knew what to say to comfort me or console me. Not like you.

I don’t want to wait to see you anymore. I am so in love with you.
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[coming+soon [center [size15 [#859ecc [b Wow, my daddy is so cute sleepy. He has the cutest voice. And his mumbling cute too. Really curing my moof of the night. I absolutely love him.

I am getting somewhat tired but my mental health is in shambles rn LOL.

Oh well.

In two weeks nothing can get to me, because I’ll be in my safe place.
Ugh. Smh. Shit sucks.
[youtube https://youtu.be/uEKI83zN0Dg]
Neon: Emo hours is 24/7 i can't tell sappy from sad

when talking about THIS SONG
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jy6w5yKG7jU]

also savin this shit for later... [https://colorcodedlyrics.com/2016/03/knk-keunakeun-knock kjdghds]
This weekend was a blast, I spent so much time from the cheesiest boy!!!

We had so much fun together - ugh. I know I keep saying it but holy shit. Loml right thurrrr.

I’ve never felt so comfortable being so mushy about someone tbh. Obviously not gonna if people ask. I shy up LOL. I still get embarrassed when people tease me about him.

I really wish I took more pictures, because I miss him so much already. But I was too busy soaking up all the affection I missed out on this past month. I’ve never been so clingy with someone, tbh. Well, since high school but LOL. High school puppy love is just like that no matter what.

But I love that this is what it’s like with us together.

Nothing... has to be stressful. It’s all easy. Every second is just another little moment I'd love to memorialize.

He knows me too well. Without even knowing. His touch, the way he speaks to me, how fast he can comfort me, how to deal with crabbo baby..

So I’m not really sorry that I’m convinced he’s mine. I’m not sorry for the mush, either. Yes, I am possessive. Because mother fucker, I did not stutter over text - HE IS MINE. I’ve never felt so comfortable being myself. Loving someone. Tbh I fought so hard to not get all his love. I did not want a part of it.

Ofc being the sweetest fucking cup of diabetes, I couldn’t resist for long.

I love how he talks to me. I love how he thinks. It makes so much sense. I love how I can be little with him. Even if it’s at places I’ve been to. When he’s around, I’m little! Too smol for everything!!!

I love love love him.
So when people ask me why I love him... I won’t be able to answer. Because goddammit I’ll just get overwhelmed by it. And the fact I get nervous when out in the spot, LOL.

I’m so happy to belong to someone so kind and mushy with me. Heart eyes, mother fucker.
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[coming+soon [center [size15 [#859ecc [b Is TODAY OVER WITH YET CMONNNNN

I had a specially annoying dream today. Someone was in love with me and would not let go. They clung to my leg and wouldn’t let me have my own space. It disgusted me tbh.

I had other unpleasant dreams, I don’t recall rn though.
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[coming+soon [center [size15 [#859ecc [b AAAHH
DADDY WILL BE HERE TOMORROW
ITS BEEN A WHOLE MONTH SINCE IVE SEEN DADDY

ugh
Have I mentioned I never thought I could do long distance? Like, wtf. With anyone else it would have failed. Miserably. I would definitely know.

But goddamn this boi.
Fuck he makes me so happy.

I had a dream my ex contacted me and Y I K E S
Fuck that shit thank god I escaped.

I’ve been having a lot of unpleasant dreams. Not nightmares, I just don’t enjoy them LOL. But tomorrow if I can’t sleep I have daddy to bother. I’m not excited at al. I love my daddy.

And ugh the things he says always gets me so weak.

I’m so clingy and I’m happy he is okay with that. Sleeping on the phone with me because otherwise I won’t sleep. I love waking up knowing he’s somewhat with me.

I just want to be covered in my daddy’s kisses already!! Time pls go by faster, so I can already be with him.
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[coming+soon [center [size15 [#859ecc [b I hope I have enough energy to tackle tomorrow, tbh. I get to introduce Gary to Neon. And tell him I didn't edit anything to his son's songs because I've been too tired. I'malyingsackofshit,Iknowthis.

Been trying to indulge in my artsy hobbies. So I can get them happy chemicals. I mean, it's fun, but I don't stay motivated for very long. Kind of bums me out if anything. Brain don't want anything to do with it. Or my heart? Idk. I just don't feel it.

Excited to see my daddy this weekend, ugh. He's my sweet dream boy tbh.
  ʟɪғᴇ - ᴘʀɪᴄᴇ / Indefinite / 11d 1h 51m 19s
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[coming+soon [center [size15 [#859ecc [b TBH I try my best to try and stay away from people who bring my vibes down. It's always hard since so many people - myself included, can be so negative. But the people I've learned will 100% piss me off? I avoid. I don't entirely understand why people are incapable of doing that. It's so strange.

Also today, work was meh. I mean, definitely could have been less ass fucking. Could have had more people, but it be like that sometimes.

Where's Terry Crews tho? Been Waiting for summer for this angel to come into my life????? tf?????

I'm right here??? Come to Wendy's, my bro, pls.
  Indefinite / 12d 2h 28m 16s
[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Coming+Soon]
[coming+soon [center [size15 [#859ecc [b I sincerely had so much fun fucking shit up for Dorki!! haha!

I know sometimes he can't tell if I'm joking or not when I'm messing with him, but I always tell him it's just jokes. I hope he knows that, too. I don't mean anything I say in a degrading way. I don't care what anyone likes/does as long as no one is hurt or in danger. Or in any way demeaning other human beings without consent.

I'm just a bantering asshole, lmao.

Kinda feel bad for him sometimes, honestly. lol.

I edited some LiS today and it's coming out nicely tbh.
I think my only issue is I'm not sure if I want to keep the flashes red or white. IDK. Red fits the song theme so I thought it was perf? But I'm not so confident anymore.

anyway here it is, my fans who lurk this journal LOL
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSnSnJHv73s]
  Indefinite / 12d 21h 32m 14s
Fuck before the storm but this editing is solid

[youtube https://youtu.be/qY1mSVo1YCg]
  Indefinite / 13d 2h 1m 0s
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9IaVcJdVhY]
[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Coming+Soon]
[coming+soon [center [size15 [#859ecc [b I always come here to try and write something but find myself unable to say anything.

I can’t say anything LOL. In the time we knew each other I never felt so speechless and unable to talk about things. Maybe it’s because my migraines were just awful. Idk.

I’m too excited to see you. To love you every day! To fall asleep again looking at your face... to feel your hand on my face.. I love you. Love love love you.

I’m always such a blubbering mess in your hands.

I hate that you’re so attractive to me. It’s like you know things that I’ve never told anyone and you go out and do it. You’re so curious, I am so sure it’ll be the end of you. Lmao.

I’ve been growing to love every bit of you. I’ve realized I was in love with you so close after we had met. I knew because, well no matter what I did and who I did it with - I was only thinking about how I wish it was you.

I wished it was you I was touching, talking, being good company - but that’s done. Because I will always be on your side. Your hip clinging onto your shirt.

Pulling up your skirt and trailing kisses across your body!

I love you. You’re too wonderful. So fuckin dreamy.
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[coming+soon [center [size15 [#859ecc [b ION WANNA GO TO WORK YOU CAN'T FUCKIN MAKE ME

ugh

also why are cancers like this
tbt to when i was actually in a studio. I should try and get in some again tbh.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qn8WNijHZss]
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