☆ Thoughts of a Fiend ☆

/ By Hostile [+Watch]

Replies: 254 / 2 years 244 days 16 hours 7 minutes 51 seconds

Allowed Users

  1. [Allowed] No2
  2. [Allowed] EileenTheCrow
  3. [Allowed] Indefinite
  4. [Allowed] Suga
  5. [Allowed] RagnarLodbrok
  6. [Allowed] Lagertha

[Center Since I'm awful at opening up I'll confide here.][center Maybe posting publicly will help me.][center Hate-read all you like.] [Center Request access for special commentary/additional thoughts/exclusive information.] [Center Just kidding.] [Center Now scram.]


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Roleplay Responses

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[coming+soon [center [size15 [#859ecc [b I seriously hope you two are doing well. I probably don’t have a right to be concerned about either of you. After all, I was the one who called it quits. I decided I should stop. I shouldn’t contact. I shouldn’t try to keep in touch. I shouldn’t check up on you. I still care. But it’s not my business anymore. I know I should stop keeping tabs, but I really just want to know if you’re okay. You two seem better without me tbh. I say this like the two of you are together, but what I really mean is... I’m grouping you two together because I was in love with you guys at the same time. It wasn’t fair. To either of you. Not that I think either of you need to know this. Or if you even bother checking up on me. I don’t know what you’re up to these days.

I’ve been really tired. I’ve been exhausted. I’ve been trying to keep up. Hold out until I can go visit home. I miss home.

The end goal was always to go back. It really was. But I sincerely don’t feel like I don’t belong there. Or here. I’ve said this before, yeah. I think the universe has some plan for me.

Where ever it may be.

Also these migraines and nausea is really affecting my mood tbh. I think my anxiety and depression isn’t helping it. Oh well. Lmao.
  ʟᴏᴠᴇ / Indefinite / 1d 10h 25m 0s
They literally did my fucking series wrong omfg
I mean I walked in expecting it but
  ʟᴏᴠᴇ / Indefinite / 3d 12h 45m 11s
No one:
Literally no one:
No one in any universe in any dimension ever:
Neon's Ankle: Cronch

A sequel: Neon's Jaw: Cronch
My fucking son sucking me into Kpop
[youtube https://youtu.be/rCeM57e2BfU]
  ʟᴏᴠᴇ / Indefinite / 4d 17h 35m 14s
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[coming+soon [center [size15 [#859ecc [b To be honest I’m suffer from daddy withdrawals.

I cried when he left [s oops I’m such a baby tbh]. I know I’m just dramatic and I feel intensely, but he really makes me feel nice. And comfy. And myself. And safe. And snuggly. Hecc.

I miss him. Am too clingy, honestly. How does he deal with it??
  ʟᴏᴠᴇ / Indefinite / 6d 3h 21m 29s
Aye this song is me asf
[youtube https://youtu.be/A7nUmJWLvNA]
  ʟᴏᴠᴇ / Indefinite / 8d 13h 58m 47s
[center I had a dream about you. I don’t think my heart wants to let you go. Which is too bad. I have to.

[youtube https://youtu.be/8TfeCAJEZeA]
  ʟᴏᴠᴇ / Indefinite / 10d 14h 4m 55s
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[coming+soon [center [size15 [#859ecc [b I can’t sleep. Not even fucking alcohol can help any fucking more. This broken piece of shit can’t sleep. I can’t function.

The only thing keeping me going is the fact that these home bois unsolicited dick pics are laughable. And the entitlement? Fuck. Ing. Laughable.

I could try to get some more sleep. But we all know that’s not gonna happen. I’m just fucking exhausted. Of life. Of trying.

I’m an idiot, I stumble through life and people want to try and walk with me. You don’t need me. You don’t want me. I’m just another selfish prick who loves attention because she can’t figure out how to love herself when it counts.

I have a short attention span, I have a wild mind, I entertain all thoughts while indulging in none.

I hate myself so much. You want that too? You want me when I fucking can’t stand being by myself? With my thoughts and feelings? I’m fucking not ready to be with anyone. But I let myself feel these things and lead you on. I’m fucking terrible, why don’t you see that? Why don’t you see I’m going to break your heart, I’m going to fuck you up, I’m going to be someone you hate.

I’ve always been a fucking monster.
And I can only seem to cope by loving everything in anyone else.

Nobody should like me. That’s why I’m sorry when you say I’m the reason you smile.
  ʟᴏᴠᴇ / Indefinite / 14d 16h 26m 19s
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=clKAdQnwJ7A]
  ʟᴏᴠᴇ / Indefinite / 14d 22h 36m 45s
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[coming+soon [center [size15 [#859ecc [b Do you even keep track of how many times I've pulled this on you? Aren't you exhausted yet? Does this not foreshadow the fact I cannot let anything go? You say you want all of me. You say you're falling in love with me. You say I'm not you, and I can't control you. But fuck sake when I hear you say you know when someone wasn't "right" you were able to walk away from it. Walk the fuck away from this. I'm not playing some hard-to-get game. I'm fucking telling you that this is a mistake. Trying to love someone like me. No, not trying. Stop fucking letting yourself fall in love with me. Stop, holy fuck. Doesn't anything tell you to fucking run for it? Listen, because it's fucking right. I'm not some one wonderful or great. I'm a fucking mess and I'll never understand why ANYONE would be smitten with me. Now that I fucking leave my engagement everyone jumps at my dick. I'm so fucking irritated with you. I'm irritated you could ever find anything about me remotely lovable. Fuck off.

Also everyone who has feelings for me? F-U-C-K O-F-F.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wKDU5pXhf5o]
  ʟᴏᴠᴇ / Indefinite / 14d 22h 54m 14s
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[coming+soon [center [size15 [#859ecc [b My dumb ass just realized I got a bunch of fucking angry signs in my natal chart. No fucking wonder I’m so pissed 24/7. I’m a Leo Aries decan, my Mars is Scorpio.... and tbh Moon in Aquarius is me thinking I’m #Special but reality is I never let anybody in LMAO. Venus in Virgo just means I just get flakey as fuck and over analyze everything LMAAAOOOO. Not only that but pretend I have zero feelings so my Aquarius and Virgo tag team that.

It’s great. I’m fine.

I’ve been so pissed all day today. I just want to get shit faced tonight but that more than likely won’t happen.because am a sad tired adult.
  ʟᴏᴠᴇ / Indefinite / 15d 5h 20m 12s
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[coming+soon [center [size15 [#859ecc [b The pouring rain makes me want to fall in love. Like... hopelessly in love. Like running after their taxi. Or opening the door and seeing there who is going to make everything better. Hell, even just playing in the rain is good by me. It just brings me so much joy! I wish it would rain heavy all the time... I love it. I used to go on walks in the rain. And without telling a soul I was leaving the house, and I’d come back soaked to take a shower. Then wash my clothes. Rain... god I love rain.

And I want to love it with you.
  ʟᴏᴠᴇ / Indefinite / 15d 17h 50m 7s
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[coming+soon [center [size15 [#859ecc [b I feel like I’m talking to no one, at this point. I guess I deserve it. But I’m kind of hurt? Maybe we can’t be friends even though we’ve never even been lovers. I don’t think that’s fair. But again, how would I sincerely know? I more than likely deserve this treatment from you. I only wish you the best. Even if it is nothing to do with me.

I should stop checking your journal. And stop trying to talk to you. There’s no point. And I still love you. But we’ve got to kill this love. It’s useless.
  ʟᴏᴠᴇ / Indefinite / 16d 18h 25m 39s
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[coming+soon [center [size15 [#859ecc [b A part of me wants you to read this, but, you’re honestly the sweetest person I’ve met. So I doubt you will. And with that I guess I’ll continue on to say what I can’t admit to you.

I fall in love... so hard. And so fast. It’s scary. It scares me. When I know I’ve fucked myself over from letting myself do it. As I’ve said before, and as you’ve told me, I can’t let past bad experiences effect my future choices. Learn from it, yes, but when it comes to other people you have to make these leaps.

And I like you, Alex. So... fucking much. I dream about you. I wake up thinking of you. I toss around in bed remembering how easy it was to snuggle up to you. How easy it was to fall back asleep knowing you were there.

I am so overwhelmed sometimes with how much I like you. I like you I like you I like you. It leaves me in awe how fucking strong I feel you.

Honestly your words charm me too fucking well. God, has anyone ever told you the words you speak are like a spell? Fucking gross. What I’m saying grossed me out. But I don’t mind as much if it’s just me... I wish I could be closer to you. I wish I could spend more time with you.
  Indefinite / 16d 23h 56m 15s
[center [pic http://68.media.tumblr.com/05448c14b3a333605a14856146bfe2c1/tumblr_oiohedxvpk1qmx8nto2_250.gif]]
  Indefinite / 18d 9h 19m 10s

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