Nénar nón-

/ By Salada [+Watch]

Replies: 34 / 1 years 5 days 15 hours 19 minutes 38 seconds

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[i [center Star born child, you were meant to write and so you shall.

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[center [size10 [#7B77A5 Delusions of Grandeur, that'd be right..
  >>Ich bin da<< / Mercy_ / 16h 37m 53s
[center [size10 [#7B77A5 Life hit me hard
[center [size10 [#7B77A5 More than I planned
[center [size10 [#7B77A5 It knocked me down, like an avalanche
[center [size10 [#7B77A5 On the edge of hopeless
[center [size10 [#7B77A5 I called You from the darkness

[center [size10 [#7B77A5 God, come quickly
[center [size10 [#7B77A5 Only You can save me
[center [size10 [#7B77A5 Will You lead me where the light is?
[center [size10 [#7B77A5 God be with me
[center [size10 [#7B77A5 Don't know where I'm going
[center [size10 [#7B77A5 Will You lead me where the light is?
[center [size10 [#7B77A5 I've been living in the dark
[center [size10 [#7B77A5 I've been looking for daylight
[center [size10 [#7B77A5 You're my daylight
[center [size10 [#7B77A5 So God, come quickly
[center [size10 [#7B77A5 Only You can save me
[center [size10 [#7B77A5 And lead me where the light is

[center [size10 [#7B77A5 There's no hurt
[center [size10 [#7B77A5 No scar or bruise
[center [size10 [#7B77A5 There's not a wound too deep for You,
[center [size10 [#7B77A5 'cause
[center [size10 [#7B77A5 You're everything You say You are
[center [size10 [#7B77A5 You're bigger than a broken heart
[center [size10 [#7B77A5 So hear me now, hear me now
[center [size10 [#7B77A5 I'm calling

[center [size10 [#7B77A5 God, come quickly
[center [size10 [#7B77A5 Only You can save me
[center [size10 [#7B77A5 Will You lead me where the light is?
  >>Ich bin da<< / Mercy_ / 3d 23h 40m 52s
[center [size10 [#7B77A5 Absolute terror, anxiety, depression and loneliness. Is this all I am for? To cry and scream into my pillow late into the night. Is this purgatory? An eternal purification.. am I to suffer endlessly for no reason but for being?!

[center [size10 [#7B77A5 I am alone, again. No sisters. No friends. No shoulder to cry on. Just the pulling of my hair and the sobbing into the night. My regret is it isn’t raining so everyone in the hallway can hear me sobbing. I’m losing it. I miss you J. More than I can possibly describe. I wish you’d lived in my place. You’re a better person then I.
  >>Ich bin da<< / Mercy_ / 4d 10h 23m 46s
[center [size10 [#7B77A5 I would love to know how I'm a liar even now, even now after all I have done I'm still considered 'The Liar'. It's just typical really, I'll stick to my own writing I guess. No one trusts me.
  >>Ich bin da<< / Mercy_ / 4d 18h 35m 3s
[center [size10 [#7B77A5 It isn't unsurprising, this attitude and behaviour. When all the facts would speak to the contrary shall we resort to abusing one another? As difficult as it has been to just carry on, shoulder my rifle and take every day as it comes your abuse and the abuse of your peers is surreal. It's a drowning feeling, overwhelming hatred bombarding me. Yet I've continued. In an effort to fight on.

[center [size10 [#7B77A5 I wonder how much what people say is truth anymore. Your hatred of my own father, the man you don't even know, you can't speak of. "You're smart, Claire", "Keep at it, Clogs", "That's actually kind of cute." People I trust and had trusted have said these things and now I question it.

[center [size10 [#7B77A5 I am my own woman, nothing you or anyone else say will make that not so. I have a soul. My heart is good. My intent has always been for good, even when I fall.

[center [size10 [#7B77A5 I will never surrender.
  >>Ich bin da<< / Mercy_ / 8d 12h 49m 53s
[center [size10 [#7B77A5 I'd teach you if you let me, but you hate me. Your friends hate me. I've literally no one but my friends from my section and class.

[center [size10 [#7B77A5 I really need strength and perserverence right about now. I'm struggling.
  >>Ich bin da<< / Mercy_ / 8d 22h 2m 18s
[center [size10 [#7B77A5 Warfare. Urban warfare against an insurgency and against a trained enemy. I trained for days under the assumption I would return to friends, a woman that despite it all I would be loved. I can’t emphasise how scared I am to be so close to the end of my training that by next year I’ll be leading from the front, men and women. It hasn’t sunk in yet. But when we fight an enemy using Soviet doctrine or an insurgent doctrine in training it feels real. The heavy rain, the cold nights. The sudden outbursts of gunfire. It grows intolerable, where the only warmth you can find is by sitting side by side.

[center [size10 [#7B77A5 Picket was torture, watching the same damned field, the same road. Attacking a hill line only to lose person after person, to carry them back. Of course there were jokes about weight, laughing and the dreary reality of carrying almost one hundred and fifty kilograms of human on your shoulders. But it’s the end of the day, crawling into your sleeping back and one-man hootchie that your imagination wanders, that nightmares creep up on you. It’s not even real combat and yet. I wake up to bolts of lightning that crack in the night sky.


[center [size10 [#7B77A5 I write this and all I can think about is that someone will make fun of me, someone will call me out. Is my self-esteem so low? I’m so angry. I want to snap and break, twist and crack. What the fuck is it? What gives any of you the write to challenge me for giving my everything.
  >>Ich bin da<< / Mercy_ / 11d 10h 39m 12s
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FTQbiNvZqaY]
  >>Ich bin da<< / Mercy_ / 16d 12h 23m 16s
[center [size10 [#7B77A5 Utter bullshit. Lying piece of shit, I just want to get my AUG and fuck you all up then finish it with myself.
  >>Ich bin da<< / Mercy_ / 16d 15h 10m 47s
[center [size10 [#7B77A5 Happy Birthday to me~ Happy Birthday to me~ Happy Birthday dear Claire...Happy Birthday to me.
  >>Ich bin da<< / Mercy_ / 16d 23h 1m 25s
[center [size10 [#7B77A5 They knew loyalty.

[center [size10 [#7B77A5 Fluchen Sie uns oder hageln, was auch immer sie sich entscheiden

[center [size10 [#7B77A5 Wohin wir gehen, gehen wir und Teufel lacht so.
[center [size10 [#7B77A5 Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha !!
[center [size10 [#7B77A5 Wir kämpfen für Deutschland
[center [size10 [#7B77A5 Wir kämpfen für Hitler
[center [size10 [#7B77A5 Wir geben den Roten keine Ruhe

[center [size10 [#7B77A5 Wohin wir gehen, gehen wir und Teufel lacht so.
[center [size10 [#7B77A5 Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha !!
[center [size10 [#7B77A5 Wir kämpfen für Deutschland
[center [size10 [#7B77A5 Wir kämpfen für Hitler
[center [size10 [#7B77A5 Wir geben den Roten keine Ruhe
  >>Ich bin da<< / Mercy_ / 35d 18h 14m 37s
[center [size10 [#7B77A5 Good grief. So done with being second best. Left out of what is important. ]]]

[center [size10 [#7B77A5 I guess subconsciously I thought, yup this'll work if I fork out monies. That was stupid. I'm such an idiot sometimes]]]
  >>Guardian<< / Mercy_ / 38d 23h 4m 5s
You're such a liar..
One minute, "Don't go to others, I'll look after", next minute, "Fuck off, I'm nothing to you"

Nice, real classy.

Whatever, I never spent hours trying to look after you.
Convinced you to call an ambulance.
Offered to pay for the fees.
Asked to join you in Japan.

Yeah, you got me. I've only self interest at heart and I want to hurt you.


Fuck, I just want to beat the shit out of the next person I see.
  >>Guardian<< / Mercy_ / 43d 12h 59s
>Guardian<<
Oooh look at me. I'm gonna be an uber hypocrit.

Get ready for this. I'll slam one of the few people who is giving everything to me for just having a conversation with someone who wronged her. Meanwhile I'll basically let five of the enemy fawn over me because I don't have anyone that cares. Blah blah blah.

What bullshit.
No I can't edit because I've a life. Contrary to what you believe.
I'd send you money and lollies and treats but you don't trust me and yet you trusted that fuck to send him things. I am so entirely done with being your shoulder to cry on while you twist the knife in my back and watch me squirm. You're a liar. Bullshit about you having no time for me because of messaging everyone else.


Well guess what. We make time for those we care about.
  >>Guardian<< / Mercy_ / 43d 22h 39m 15s
Oooh La de da.
Gotcha new 'old' friend to come kneel and suck up to you?
So many men circling you its a wonder you don't just give in.

But no one tries hard enough?

I wondered if you could quantify enough for me. Say....I would say enough Milk for my week is 3 Litres or a Gallon for the Imperial amongst us.

Enough force to crush a finger? 243lbs.

What is trying? How can I quantify it's worth? Is it hours? Is it affection? Is it the amount of times that you get kicked in the face and shoved into the dirt only to get up and 'try' again?

Mmh..
  >>Guardian<< / Mercy_ / 46d 11h 38s
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