☾✩ Foxtrot ☾✩

/ By TwoSidedFox [+Watch]

Replies: 56 / 3 years 347 days 9 hours 16 minutes 32 seconds

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Sorry for the post delays everyone I have just been very busy and slightly stressed out....
  Fox / TwoSidedFox / 278d 18h 10m 4s
As I was saying before I don't have much positive things to say at the moment....

My depression was starting to eat at me last night. I really miss him... I want to see him but don't really have time until this coming Wednesday or Thursday. Maybe I was upset because I didn't text him right after work yesterday but I din't want to wake him up...Sometime I get in those mood if you want to talk to me you will text me... He end up texting me he said I could pick one of the days to hang out with him. Which is great but why not both? I shouldn't be greedy... I miss him. I go from 4-5 days to 1. I shouldn't care but I do... Another thing that bothers me... He said I could move in any time. He also phrase it if I had no where else to go... I do have somewhere else to go... so I don't need to live with him... but I want to... I don't want to ask... I want him to bring it up... We said we talk about when we seen each other again. I hope we do... I just hope he missing me as much as I miss him...but I doubt it... I'm crying right now.

Last night my depression started to eat at me really bad at work... I seriously thought about telling him goodbye... because anymore all I do is work. I work 7 days week.... this still new to me... still something I am trying to get use to... It is really hard because I still want to go out on dates...but I don't really have time... The best we can do maybe grab dinner....maybe a movie but anymore all I want to do is be lazy stay in... We really don't have time for one other... or at least that is how it feels... I mean we still plan things... eventually i will get use to seeing once a week but my brain like eventually I won't see him at all... I feel our dreams of living together is slipping far from reach...I feel lonely again...just like how I use to feel... I feel like I am alone again...

I know I am getting extra emotion because it almost that time of the month...It kind of weird I was thinking of how we were falling a part but then my phone played our song... and his ringtone I felt okay for a little bit then I got sad again...but I also remember it playing another song that made me think of him... made me clam... sadly that calmness didn't last work had me stressed my depression snapped at me once more. It eventually went away... I am calm...or clam as I can be...

I just want to go home and feel welcome... I do at dads but here I don't... I just want to live with him and feel loved and always welcome...

-_-' I think I annoyed Step dad.... shouldn't they be happy I got another job just like they wanted... I work all the time now... granted I just started this and it tearing me apart...but whatever I have to what I have to do...right?

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhNp7i4xaUU]
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBG7P-K-r1Y]
  Fox / TwoSidedFox / 280d 10h 58m 48s
I wish I had some positive things to say but I don’t. I mean I am visiting grandmas. That’s always a good thing.


I guess I’m just really stressed lately. I haven’t really gotten to see him much that bothers me. But I have to work. I guess I just need to get use to seeing him once a week.
  Fox / TwoSidedFox / 280d 14h 20m 1s
I really feel like I need to cry but the tears just won’t come out...
  Foxtrot / TwoSidedFox / 283d 12h 14m 2s
I am really stressed out... Work is becoming overwhelming...

There so much to do at the first job... I lately I felt like crap leaving from there because I'm just not good enough...
  Foxtrot / TwoSidedFox / 283d 18h 11m 33s
[center [#2a457a Well let's start with the good news today. I got another job finally. I will be working part time after my full time job. Hey at least mom can be proud and I will hopefully be out of her hair! Now that I have this job I can talk to Austin more about moving in with him. It might be the only way I will be able to spend time with him!

Moving on to the bad new... stressful news?

Work really sucked today. I package about 80 dozen donuts. That is a lot... then I could hear my coworkers whispering about me... Look I know I am slow at wrapping bread... I just wish she say something to my face than behind my back...but whatever...

It just fed into my depression and insecurities... I have a hard time trusting people this just makes it worse...

So on top of being stressed out about what my coworker were saying I was also nervous about my interview. No the catering manger had to come and tell me about a delivery that I will have to be taking tomorrow.... Luckily it isn't far but... I have to take coffee... I hate delivering coffee... I hate taking deliveries in general....I'm just ready for this week to end... I just want to spend time with him... before I start working like crazy...
  Foxtrot / TwoSidedFox / 289d 19h 48m 39s
I had a great time with him. There was one part... Where the teasing got to be a bit much. It mess with my emotions. Good thing he didn't see me cry... but I am sure he knew I was happy considering how he try so hard to make it up. I hated leaving... at least he said he didn't like when I left. I wish we would of brought up the moving in with him again... Then again I don't have another job I would only be a disappointment... I could hold my own... but I know he wants me to have a better job... Sigh...

I love him so much. I can't wait until I get to see him again... maybe he will want to hang out Wednesday. He said something about it. Maybe I will even make him dinner.

I still need to find a dress, since I got invited to go to a wedding with him. <3
  Foxtrot / TwoSidedFox / 294d 14h 49m 4s
Well I guess my feeling of disappoint was for work. I mess up a delivery. I took to the wrong building... The staff members were really nice... but I guess the took some of the things out of the boxes... -_-'

...Sometimes I really wish i didn't exist!
  Foxtrot / TwoSidedFox / 296d 23h 49m 13s
I'm happy but at the same time this feeling of disappointment still lingering...

I hope it will go away soon... I hope I have a good day at work... I just can't wait until Saturday...more time to spend with him... I just hope I won't be a disappointment to him... I still don't have another job...

It hard when I have mix feeling about the place I work at... I like it there just need more pay... but that isn't easy to get so I feel trapped...
  Foxtrot / TwoSidedFox / 297d 12h 44m 48s
Went from being semi happy to just kinda pissed... Work was really busy today...but I think the worst part was coming home to the dog pooping all over the kennel then stepping in it... -_-'
  Fox / TwoSidedFox / 303d 22h 45m 27s
[#b4c8ee I had a great time with him these past two day. I went to see him yesterday and didn't leave until today. It was great, I don't know why but I feel really close to him. Closer now than ever. It's a great feeling... at the same time I am sad that I am home now. It's lonely without him.

He said something that I still haven't been able to get out of my mind. That I could move in with him anytime... I wonder if he really meant that or was just really sleepy when he said that. It honestly made me happy hearing him say that... I told him it was very tempting. I just feel so lonely with out him by my side. My heart weeps in away.

He only has two more day until he done working at our store. I really am happy for him but at the same time I don't want him to go. It be okay.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBG7P-K-r1Y]
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-J7J_IWUhls]
  Fox / TwoSidedFox / 304d 23h 3m 6s
There I applied at two screen printing places. Hopefully I will hear back from them. I really hope I can balance having two jobs. I am sure I can do it. It be great to make enough money to be on my own. I just wish one job was enough. But I do not make enough... I probably wont there for a long time... I always feel like a burden there.... Always so much to do never enough time... or perhaps I am just slow...

I didn't finish all the bread today. I am pretty sure I heard my boss whispering to another coworker that I need to be faster... I can never seem to do anything right....Well that is how it feels anyway...
  Fox / TwoSidedFox / 309d 21h 53m 3s
I can really tell when I am down. I was so happy yesterday now I am just feeling down.

I'm tired and stressed out. Like I said before when I am down I think of all the thinks that bring me down... Messing up at work... Not getting a second job... not being independent... it all comes rushing back... I hope after a nap I will feel better...
  Fox / TwoSidedFox / 310d 12h 37m 25s
[pic http://i.imgur.com/6OUoW1p.jpg ]

Holding on to this...

[http://rp.eliteskills.com/pm.php?u=51469 [right [pic https://i.imgur.com/OaguWIC.gif]]]
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  Fox / TwoSidedFox / 287d 19h 56m 31s
Ugh... I am nervous... I that day I had my melt down I talked to one of my coworker and I let her read my journal page. I sent it to her on Fb. It just makes me nervous because she reacted to it today.... I hope she didn't tell Austin... I never want him to see that page. It was just a meltdown that day ... all the bad things that came back to mind...

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SaC0YVaIMno]
  Fox / TwoSidedFox / 312d 1h 59m 48s
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