☾✩ Foxtrot ☾✩

/ By TwoSidedFox [+Watch]

Replies: 20 / 3 years 53 days 5 hours 30 minutes 50 seconds

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[center ☾✩ Just as the tilted says personal space...I like to write how I feel. Words are a very powerful thing...

[pic https://i.imgur.com/IJn2asS.gif]

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I had a great time with him. There was one part... Where the teasing got to be a bit much. It mess with my emotions. Good thing he didn't see me cry... but I am sure he knew I was happy considering how he try so hard to make it up. I hated leaving... at least he said he didn't like when I left. I wish we would of brought up the moving in with him again... Then again I don't have another job I would only be a disappointment... I could hold my own... but I know he wants me to have a better job... Sigh...

I love him so much. I can't wait until I get to see him again... maybe he will want to hang out Wednesday. He said something about it. Maybe I will even make him dinner.

I still need to find a dress, since I got invited to go to a wedding with him. <3
  Foxtrot / TwoSidedFox / 11h 3m 22s
Well I guess my feeling of disappoint was for work. I mess up a delivery. I took to the wrong building... The staff members were really nice... but I guess the took some of the things out of the boxes... -_-'

...Sometimes I really wish i didn't exist!
  Foxtrot / TwoSidedFox / 2d 20h 3m 31s
I'm happy but at the same time this feeling of disappointment still lingering...

I hope it will go away soon... I hope I have a good day at work... I just can't wait until Saturday...more time to spend with him... I just hope I won't be a disappointment to him... I still don't have another job...

It hard when I have mix feeling about the place I work at... I like it there just need more pay... but that isn't easy to get so I feel trapped...
  Foxtrot / TwoSidedFox / 3d 8h 59m 6s
Went from being semi happy to just kinda pissed... Work was really busy today...but I think the worst part was coming home to the dog pooping all over the kennel then stepping in it... -_-'
  Fox / TwoSidedFox / 9d 18h 59m 45s
[#b4c8ee I had a great time with him these past two day. I went to see him yesterday and didn't leave until today. It was great, I don't know why but I feel really close to him. Closer now than ever. It's a great feeling... at the same time I am sad that I am home now. It's lonely without him.

He said something that I still haven't been able to get out of my mind. That I could move in with him anytime... I wonder if he really meant that or was just really sleepy when he said that. It honestly made me happy hearing him say that... I told him it was very tempting. I just feel so lonely with out him by my side. My heart weeps in away.

He only has two more day until he done working at our store. I really am happy for him but at the same time I don't want him to go. It be okay.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBG7P-K-r1Y]
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-J7J_IWUhls]
  Fox / TwoSidedFox / 10d 19h 17m 24s
There I applied at two screen printing places. Hopefully I will hear back from them. I really hope I can balance having two jobs. I am sure I can do it. It be great to make enough money to be on my own. I just wish one job was enough. But I do not make enough... I probably wont there for a long time... I always feel like a burden there.... Always so much to do never enough time... or perhaps I am just slow...

I didn't finish all the bread today. I am pretty sure I heard my boss whispering to another coworker that I need to be faster... I can never seem to do anything right....Well that is how it feels anyway...
  Fox / TwoSidedFox / 15d 18h 7m 21s
I can really tell when I am down. I was so happy yesterday now I am just feeling down.

I'm tired and stressed out. Like I said before when I am down I think of all the thinks that bring me down... Messing up at work... Not getting a second job... not being independent... it all comes rushing back... I hope after a nap I will feel better...
  Fox / TwoSidedFox / 16d 8h 51m 43s
[pic http://i.imgur.com/6OUoW1p.jpg ]

Holding on to this...

[http://rp.eliteskills.com/pm.php?u=51469 [right [pic https://i.imgur.com/OaguWIC.gif]]]
  Fox / TwoSidedFox / 16d 14h 12m 20s
Ugh... I am nervous... I that day I had my melt down I talked to one of my coworker and I let her read my journal page. I sent it to her on Fb. It just makes me nervous because she reacted to it today.... I hope she didn't tell Austin... I never want him to see that page. It was just a meltdown that day ... all the bad things that came back to mind...

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SaC0YVaIMno]
  Fox / TwoSidedFox / 17d 22h 14m 6s
[#b4c8ee Well I told you about my kitten. I hope you will like her... I really do.

I still need to try explaining some things to you. Why I was so bitter towards you at work... I mean I'm happy you got a new job I really am. I just the though of only see you once a week. It's killing me. I can never seem to get enough time with you... The thought of less time with you breaks my heart.

Then I get bitter try pushing you way in hope that when I do only get to see you once a week it wont hurt as bad... Even that hurt... It hurt a lot... The though of cutting you out of my life... When you my whole world. It's funny how tangle you are in my the strings of my heart. I wont admit it but you don't ever leave my mind. You are always there sometime towards the back of it... Mostly in the front... thinking of you...How I messed up... Hearing you disappointed... It get stuck on repeat..
  Fox / TwoSidedFox / 18d 7h 9m 33s
I feel like I am losing you now... I can't see you... Then again I need to get used to not see you very often anyway... Then again maybe there's no point in us anymore... I kind feel like we are falling apart we just don't want to admit it...
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TkV5709EG5M]
  Fox / TwoSidedFox / 19d 13h 53m 54s
[center [#2a457a I can't believe you're gone... You were the best cat I have ever known. You were so sweet. Everyone loved you. You always greet me at the door when I would come home. I just loved that, I am gong to miss you so much. Miss hearing your little meows.

Miss hearing your demand food that you normally got... Miss hold you ... hearing you purr. I think I will miss the most is when I would cry, you would come and comfort me. I thought that was the sweetest thing. There are so many things I am going to miss about you... You were the best cat ever! I love you Kato. I hope you make it to that rainbow bridge... I hope we meet again someday. Same goes for your brothers. I am glad you can be with the again. I am sure Fred missed you a lot. I hope Fred, Kash, Rascal and Oliver got to greet your first.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xgemEmFhGtQ]
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yntDx4Y4baw]
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SaC0YVaIMno]
  Fox / TwoSidedFox / 19d 16h 13m 47s
[#b4c8ee I wish I could say today has gotten better but sadly it really hasn't. I hope that I can see you Tuesday or Wednesday Kirai. I really need to get out of town. I'll text you about the days. I know, I will be taking Austin home on some of those days. It be nice to spend sometime with him. I just hope I can get rid of this depressing attitude.
  Foxtrot / TwoSidedFox / 20d 19h 49m 15s
[center [#2a457a So today hasn't been great... Let start off with what went wrong....

I got to see him at work it was nice. He asked if I wanted to come to dinner next Sunday. I told him no right away. I work Sunday and if have to work Monday morning that would make things rather hard. I need to sleep on top of all this I am dog sitting until Sunday. I am not sure what time they will even home Sunday... I think that bothered him just a little.

I think part of me is trying to push him away. He told me his last week would be the 15 of this month. That is coming up fast. I need to get used to only see him once a week. I think part of me becoming bitter towards him at work so It wont hurt so bad when he is gone. It'll be strange without him there. It be lonely but that is okay I getting use to the loneliness. Considering I am alone 80% of the day....

Then my coworker bothered me. I managed to wrap all hard crust bread all by myself... of course I got called slow first... It was frustrating. I had to worry about the church oder . Which they weren't there when I got there. They showed up as I was leaving so I had to turn around and talk to them...

Now I get home. The dog seemed to be good. I let him outside left him out there for a while. What does he do. He shits in the house. It so fucking frustrating. I was ready having a crappy day. I'm tired...luckily my cold is almost gone... Still this is all too much....
  Fox / TwoSidedFox / 21d 19h 29m 5s
[#b4c8ee I feel better talking to people after my little melt down today. Thank you everyone. You know who you are. Thank you for hearing this old fox out...

There are somethings I need to work on. And things that he needs to work on as well. I think we have both come to those terms. I ended up texting him today. I apologized again, since I was the one to get snippy first. He said it was okay that he need to work on handling things. At least it not over I think that is what I feared the most.

As I have said before when I am down I remember everything bad that has happened and it just builds up and I blow up. I need to work on the things that I keep locked away. I need to talk them through more. Although to be honest he never really bothered me much. Just today I was a little more irritable. I think it because of this sickness.

All in all I think things are going to be okay. I got this toxic feeling out... I will work harder on letting him in, trying not to snap. Trying not to be bitter.

Again thank you everyone for listening to me.
  Fox / TwoSidedFox / 24d 3h 10m 17s
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