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[size9 I miss you less as a lover
And more as a best friend now.
[#fff As much as you say I can't be replaced..
I felt like I was, am, will be..
I'm just one you'd call at night.
Well, that's also gone.. so.
But, we don't do anything together anymore.
You have her. You vibe well.
She's there, she's present.
She can game with you, gets to call with you during the day.
You share a roleplay interest, or the same anime interest.
That started out as something we were gonna get into together.
But that's gone.. cause it turned sour to me.
And it's something I feel I can't touch..
The only difference is that I know the sides you don't want her to see, since we shared 6 years of our lives together.
I know the darkness that you can get into.. your baggage.
But honestly, it's only cause you choose not to show her.
Because once you do.. once you really let her in..
What good am I really?
If it weren't for me knowing too much, I'm basically insignificant to you.
I've been reduced from a lover, to 'a best friend'.. I might as well be just another friend. Or officially your ex now, which I'd rather be than just another friend tbh.
We're two different people, I know that.
I'm the less nice one, the 'asshole' best friend.
It makes me feel good that you were still attracted..
But what good is that if that's all it will be..
I guess.. if we were doing what you do with her by actually having fun together-- then it would feel too much like a couple for you.
But hell, I missed it. I miss the true best friends feeling.
The nights were fun, but yeah.. nights just entailed one thing.
And then my attempts to stay walled up through it all and failing, cause it's you.
I'm rambling.. just. I miss the life of a true best friend.]]
Because you actually said you want to cut me off..
Because you said I realy hurt you and I’m toxic..
That’s enough for me to know it’s truly done.
I won’t look back.. and this is the end of my fight..
I won’t try fighting for anything anymore.
I have said this plenty of times but.
I wish you the best, happiness and all.
You may regret me, you may forget me in the long run, or will yourself to..
But I will never for you. You were my first great love regardless of the pain that came afterwards.
I’m truly sorry. I am. I hurt you much more than you hurt me this time.
I acknowledge it. I realize no matter how much I try to justify why I reacted a certain way.. why I didn’t just take it this time, it will always be that i hurt you with it. I can’t go back from that, and you won’t want to either.
Know that you were always enough to me, I think you knew that.
You made me love you to the point I went insane about it.
Even though we’re like this, thank you for sharing a part of your life with me for some time.
I keep these memories close.
I hope you find someone you found worth it as much as I found you worth it. Someone you’ll know is a love worth fighting. Just find happiness.
Farewell, my first love.
[center [pic https://66.media.tumblr.com/0cc797cc6dbb07ee6fdfd72e5648e462/tumblr_pczvuilPxr1r05bkco5_540.gifv]]
[size10 Once upon a time. . . there was just me and you dancing under the sky of endless stars.
We matched our steps so well, we never skipped a beat, we were each other's stars.
Our dance was beautiful, a constellation that people admired.
They all wanted a closer look with their telescope, to see where these two shooting stars were going.
But we used up all of our fuel, like all stars that die out.
We died out, we no longer shined together in the night.
Our dance was messy, clumsy, lacked rhythm and soul.
People can't find our constellation beautiful, even if they wanted to.
So where do we go from here?]
[size10 I like my girls just like I like my honey; sweet
A little selfish
I like my women like I like my money; green
A little jealous
'Cause I'm a beautiful wreck
A colorful mess, but I'm funny
Oh, I'm a heartbreak vet
With a stone-cold neck, yeah, I'm charming
All the pretty girls in the world
But I'm in this space with you
Colored out the lines
I came to find, my fire was fate with you
Heartache would stay with you
Fly great escapes with you]
[center [pic https://66.media.tumblr.com/f428d2b6ff5944d6e72c22b46e0183c1/tumblr_pnpkdy0T0c1tw2hyao3_r1_540.gifv]]
As much as I resent you right now.. I'm living in memories that honestly help me be less angry at you -- even though it spikes up when I think about things again.
I miss us, a lot. I'm not even saying the ones in the honeymoon phase years ago, that's a given. I'm saying us two months ago. It was short-lived, but we were.. all over each other, we were happy. I know it's cause I had visited and gone back home, so all those feelings are like a breath of fresh air, and it feels new again. I didn't have those worries of being replaced, I had no insecurities for a small moment.. I miss that.
Something about me being there in person, and knowing I only have a small amount of time to have fun.. pushes you to learn to be understanding and patient, and actually wanting to make up. You were right about that.. it's easier to forgive when they're in front of you sometimes. Because I'd be able to hold you and tell you sorry, and you'd feel more sincere, we'd make up and make out.
Maybe you'd be able to see me saying you 'screw you' from anger, you would be able to see a hint of actually wanting to literally. I know it sounds bad. But I notice sometimes we just.. have to do that to get it out of our system, and that gives you more ease to talk to me, to walk me through your true thoughts, to be more open to me.
I miss calling you these pet names again. I miss teasing you, making fun of you till I know you make that 'hmph' sound and a jigglypuff face.
Passion is what I put out, whether it's anger or love.
And passion is what I loved seeing in you.
So.. when I see you've given up, when you don't bother -- it cuts me more than you spouting angrily back. Because it feels like you admit I'm right, and I don't want to be. I want to be proven wrong for once.
I sometimes blame myself for not getting over what I need to let you back in.. because I miss it so bad. I desperately.. just want to forget it all and truly leave anything that happened in the past where they belong. No reminders, no lingering things, nothing. I'm still trying to heal certain wounds, otherwise.. I'd be having you back with open arms like always..
And maybe you wouldn't have -- maybe we wouldn't have end up this way.]
[size10 We came too close to the edge now
We almost died last night
This champagne laced in regret now, I relapse every time
Your heart too hard to protect now, it hurts to watch you cry
My feelings mixed up right now]
[center [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0QTlz9mbfOo]]
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[size10 I read the old letters I made you.
A lot are pretty cringey, and cheesy.
But.. I know that each one came from me pouring my heart out, my real feelings into every word to you.
I know I'm not the most comforting to you right now.. quite the opposite.
I caused you pain, and I hate myself every time I do.
I may have changed a bit over the years
But-- those letters.. I still mean every word and feel every emotion in it.
I remember the previous post I made about soulmates.
You will always be my soulmate.. you've been such a big part of my growth as a person, helping me and supporting me.. being patient to me, loving me more than anyone could and would love me. I know that.
Through all the changes that we both had, we fell in love with each other again with them.
I know that no other person will accept and know me as much as you.
That is someone I did find worth moving my world to.
I would be a complete fool to let something like this go..
And a fool I am for making you feel not worth it.
Though you loved me, it came with pain.
Even though it has ripped me to shreds, you made the right call.
Because I'll be damned if I have you suffer more than you did when you're with me. I know it only gets more complicated if shit doesn't go my way..
We found out we are not meant to be lovers.
But I truly believe.. we are meant to be soulmates.
You will soon find out what I'm about to say means but..
You are my person.]
[center [pic https://66.media.tumblr.com/07521a000c69f65a127d70d9f2d3efdc/tumblr_pq91tuXCK61qhg86k_400.jpg]
I love it when you make posts about me, about how much you're in love with me. Because.. I obviously feel the same way.
Hearing it from you just.. makes my heart warm.
When I hear you cry happily, I can't help but get emotional too.
Just when I felt like I wasn't doing good.. having a night like that lets me know that maybe I am doing right, that I treat you how I plan to.
You deserve the best.. and I always aim for your happiness.
I love nights like last night..
I never thought I would have no trouble professing my love for someone.
Considering how I am, I always felt like I would have trouble but.. meeting you has shown the opposite.
You make me love to my fullest.
And I am so.. grateful and overjoyed that you love me back with just as much passion, that you're madly and deeply in love with me.
I'm so so so madly and deeply in love with you too.
My love, my precious bunny.
I didn't think I would use so much pet names either.
But cause I use those.. know that I'm just.. all about you.
You feel like home.. that's how I know you're my soulmate.
I love you.]]
[center [pic https://66.media.tumblr.com/2d78ecb953d1ede34957bb827825252e/tumblr_ppzdr5QW2J1s5bkp1o4_r1_540.gif]
[i You are my queen.]
Somehow your presence instantly makes my body react.
And I just wanna give you all of me without stopping.
I like when you have that suggestive tone, when you're about to surrender to me.
Though you put up a challenge sometimes, which only drives me even more.
I don't know if my energy alone is the reason I get the way I am.
But undeniably, our chemistry has been a force unstoppable.]]
[size10 I thought of a future so many times with her.
I imagine just being happy and living together a lot.
Sometimes.. the white dress on her came to mind.
Even now, I think about it. How twisted am I?
It only makes me hurt more.]
[center [pic https://66.media.tumblr.com/65832e2437584d7bd18bb1e40f07b206/tumblr_p7radgK9eb1qlzdpio1_540.gif]
As much as the idea of romance in movies is dead and seen as cheesy, admittedly I fall victim to wanting something like that.
When I say that.. I mean I try to be the partner that jumps all in because of love, and at the same time I want to have that for me.
It's like I forget that reality will not allow that, even if you try.
You can't be reckless.. you can't just do it as you please without consequence later.
You're just racing against time.. and maybe the journey might seem like a movie.. but the ending.. it may not end the same way.
But I'm just this fool who wants to believe in that still.
That two people in love will follow the other, do anything for.
It sucks.. it really does.
I still have hope.. but I don't want to put more hurt in you for something so uncertain.
It's just unfair.. to the both of us.
Only in my dreams.. am I certain for this happiness.]]
[center [pic https://66.media.tumblr.com/b2d3956dfff9ca4a0c30f866767d55c7/tumblr_pmzk93BB8J1qzwoilo2_540.gif]
[center [pic https://66.media.tumblr.com/090dbde025d6723b8c27e227889dd022/tumblr_ppnql5BZZB1xqq5qqo2_540.gif]
All posts are either in parody or to be taken as literature. This is a roleplay site. Sexual content is forbidden.