My Journal

/ By pinkra01 [+Watch]

Replies: 1093 / 1 years 56 days 20 hours 34 minutes 2 seconds

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Think I'm going to have a panic attack, I don't know how to hold this crap in anymore. My phobia is going haywire. I'm loosing control over this crap, I keep doing dumb crap I don't mean just because I'm all messed up. I need t get away from certain people right now
  ~Prince~ / pinkra01 / 44d 1h 9m 16s
When you low key have dance music ready to be posted
  Kitten / pinkra01 / 44d 20h 6m 27s
Ew ppl being in love, gross. I'll never understand it. I hate v-day, doesn't matter if I'm with someone or not. It's the worse day for my phobia.

Best day for my sweet tooth thooo
  Kitten / pinkra01 / 44d 20h 49m 4s
Maybe I am a little crazy too. All of my symptoms of my phobia make me question if it's more then just that. The ablitity to shut off my emotions and not care at any point, cut people who are close to me off, not being able to understand other people's emotions, not really feeling anything more then anger, being selfish, I don't know..and I'm totes inconsiderate and forgetful about things that matter to ppl.i forgot my moms own birthday. But then again I feel bad about that sort of, she is one of the few ppl that can bring empathy out of me. Or other emotions. She's like this insane force in my life when otherwise I'm emotionless and don't care about anything. No one has been really able to make me feel so many emotions like her. And she's definitely nuts. I don't know, I don't want to struggle like this. I just want to be healed.
  Kitten / pinkra01 / 45d 7h 33m 56s
When snakes come crawling out from their holes in the ground to wrap themselves around anything that's nieve enough to believe them. I still hate your guts
  Kitten / pinkra01 / 46d 20h 58m 30s
The reason I could do it so easily was because you're basically like anyone, as I did it to anyone. I didn't care if it was done to you.
  ~Prince~ / pinkra01 / 47d 15h 26m 23s
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=arq59eGIUw0 My Bambi]
  ~Prince~ / pinkra01 / 48d 6m 3s
I don't care if you don't say it any more. That simple thing. I'm just going to keep focusing on what I'm doing. I don't need you to really say anything to me again. And it wouldn't matter
  Kitten / pinkra01 / 48d 16h 39m 48s
Why should I take you back. What have you done for me. Other then promise me that you'll fix me and then give up on me like the rest. I'm so, tired of this, and over this. And maybe starting over is a nice theory. But deep down you're still the same psycho. God I just want a girlfriend. A girlfriend that gives a crap. Who's going to support me and be there for me and pick up my broken peices. And I'll protect them and fight whoever I have to. And yeah I'll probably be a jerk a lot because I'm So damn protective over my heart but they wouldn't fight me, they'd heal me and make me feel like I don't have to do that to protect myself. I want to feel love for the first time. Not some manufactured "feelings" I lied about having to explain crap I didn't understand. But real raw emotions and feelings. I want them to show me how. I want them to show me how to care, and not be a selfish idiot and stomp their feet every time they didn't get their way. I want someone who doesn't give up on me, one freaking person, that just doesn't give up on me. And I want to spoil them crazily. And I want them to know their mine and never question it, and I want to know I'm theirs and never question it.

Dammit I'm asking for too much
  Kitten / pinkra01 / 49d 4h 23m 7s
I'm disappointed in myself


I'm worth more then this
  Kitten / pinkra01 / 49d 4h 37m 33s
[U New profile info:]

Thought of the day:

Philophibia

Asuna (chan)/ female/ broken/ kitten/ Brat

It's not like I care..or anything

-

Asuna (kun)/ Master/ Broken/ Prince/ Emotionless

Shut up and let me protect you


Unobtainable


  Kitten / pinkra01 / 49d 21h 24m 51s
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fq3BCAxlfn0 All that's left]
  Kitten / pinkra01 / 50d 3h 45m 53s
But tomorrow you're just not going to care again, let someone else be selfish with me for once.
  Kitten / Pinkra01 / 50d 15h 57m 53s
It's honestly just the sneaking. I told you I didn't care, and then your the one who just vanishes from their lives. In fact I told you so many times to go out and get some people to hang out with. Mend ties. All of it. So it doesn't makes sense that you hand to do it all underhanded like that. I have my own conclusion as to why you were sneaky about it, and it has nothing to do with friends since that was never anything that I minded. I'm not going to keep you some place you don't want to be. And if you had to go that far, that tells me enough. I'm not good at love. I never was. I can't even feel it. I don't think anyone can pick up my broken prices and make me feel that. I, too damage. And I sure as heck ain't going to force you to, dummy. Go enjoy life and do what you want to do. I don't want me being broken to hold idiots back anymore.
  Kitten / pinkra01 / 50d 20h 17m 18s
Just going to close the door right. I feel like such a jerk. It's the least I could do
  Kitten / Pinkra01 / 50d 21h 41m 20s
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