My Journal

/ By pinkra01 [+Watch]

Replies: 1142 / 1 years 116 days 13 hours 13 minutes 25 seconds

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[pic https://68.media.tumblr.com/a095298a115d6d07289d43328c03e940/tumblr_o39x2fzeQc1tk48vko1_400.gif]
  Old Pro / pinkra01 / 50d 10h 45m 1s
[https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0vaifrqaIfc Hurt Me]
  Grumpy Prince / pinkra01 / 50d 21h 18m 8s
Other then to annoy me I don't know why the hell my door bell Is getting rang at 1am. I'm a grumpy prince, remeber. Beat it.
  Grumpy Prince / pinkra01 / 51d 34m 37s
Grrr this is why I can't be around people. Only ends up with them hurting, dammit. Whatever at least this way you ain't got be around a monster
  Grumpy Prince / pinkra01 / 51d 8h 51m 47s
Dammit, what the hell have I been doing that's so feminine that I've been getting that crap shoved down my throat lately. Other then being an emotionless jerk that doesn't give a crap about anything. Tch, it's one thing to see my other side that way but there's only so much my damn pride can take before I loose it. This is side of me is androgynous and handsome, but people's minds get too wrapped up in whatever the hell they want to believe
  Grumpy Prince / pinkra01 / 51d 15h 34m 6s
[youtube https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=jkaMiaRLgvY]
  NF2 / pinkra01 / 54d 18h 5m 24s
Tch, course even when you're literally told you still don't do crap about it. So much for family. This is why I don't let anyone in
  Grumpy Prince / pinkra01 / 54d 19h 26m 50s
Dammit, my chest feels like crap.

But there's still one person on this entire planet that gets me. In away it's relieving, no matter how apart we stay. Just sucks that you only get it bc you have to suffer through this crap too.
  Grumpy Prince / pinkra01 / 54d 22h 8m 5s
Just say whatever you have to and numb yourself and cut out. It's easier that way.
  Grumpy Prince / pinkra01 / 54d 23h 51m 39s
Dammit just stay away from me. Im in a messed up state, being around me is only going to make it worse for you, stupid. Grr..I hate how torn I am, part of me pulling me one way wants to be protective. But how can I be when again, another idiot came into my damn life and acted like they gave a crap and didn't try passed a day of me pushing. Just fell into the background knowing how badly something like that triggers my phobia. Everything in me wants to shut people out and tell me not to waste my time. I'm so messed up. crap. I don't believe any of the bs people say when they say they want to be around me. Why would they want to be around someone as damaged as me. Just get lost
  Grumpy Prince / pinkra01 / 55d 10h 34m 52s
What is it that draws you to me? If its the same reason as everyone else, it's because you think you can 'fix' me, like anyone really has a chance at that. I am beyond fixing. I'm not just dented, I'm totaled. And nothing, anyone can do can bring me happiness. I don't understand things like happiness and love. I only understand anger and nothingness and loss. It's why..when something becomes important to me, it's dangerous. I struggle between griping onto it so tightly it's impossible for me to want to let it go, I would end the entire world with my bare hands to be the only two on this earth...and banishing them from my site so I don't let that passionate crazed side out, So may be I'm not just tsundere. Maybe I'm tsun/yandere. Theres a crazy wild passion but its hidden under 100s of layers of walls of attitude and anger. I...have never let myself care for someone with the passion inside of me, I'd rather giver them and swift whack on the back of head first and push them away. Every part of my phobia tells me, I'm nt suppose to love, it will end in disaster. Fight it, fight them, fight until you're completely alone. So you cant fix me, because I won't ever give you the chance.
  Grumpy Prince / pinkra01 / 56d 8h 27m 6s
[https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7fEbW568CZo No one could]
  Grumpy Prince / pinkra01 / 56d 12h 6m 7s
Jeez how many damn times do you need to freaking post
  Grumpy Prince / pinkra01 / 56d 17h 25m 2s
Not wasting my time on anyone that doesn't give a crap. If you care you'll try, if you don't just get out of my face. I've dealt enough with idiots saying crap they don't mean. And trying aint just one or two words one time. You don't freaking stop. That's care.
  Grumpy Prince / pinkra01 / 56d 15h 58m 34s
In the end, no one understands me. They make assumptions and in the end they're just idiots. I CAN'T LOVE. I can't even LIKE. I have something called Philophobia. It's not a joke its a real freaking thing. The second, the VERY second I even suspect that I might care about someone, even as a "friend" I PUSH THEM AWAY. Why...why is it so hard for people to understand. In fact, if I AM talking to you that means I DON'T care about you it means I took whatever thoughts or feelings I had or was suspecting I might have, whether they were merely friendly or more, and I burned them...threw them in the trash and grew numb to them. I made myself stop caring before I could even start. And I don't care. I feel nothing. I stopped myself before I could. That's all I want to feel. I don't want anyone close to me and my phobia will stop at nothing to keep people at a distance. No one is important to me. I can't let them be.
  Grumpy Prince / pinkra01 / 57d 15h 53m 21s
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