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Not what I expected
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-V1S9IWFrwM I really don't]
God dammit you're the worst. And a liar. Making me feel protective over people I'm just getting to know because you're such scum. I hate you. I gave you a chance to change in the beginning and be a decent girlfriend, and your doing all the same crap you did to everyone else. Except I hated you, always hated you, no matter what dumb decision I made to let you close to me. And I will probably always hate you. Because you couldn't stick with your change. And your an awful freaking person, you have hurt countless. cOUNTLESS people doing what you're doing to me right now. But you can't hurt me. Because I don't give a crap about anything or anyone and I never let you close enough to matter.
Demi a chief now, proud of that baka
Still got some way to go before you catch up with me thoooo
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wC4l3LzLUUo jeez it's word for word]
I know, you want me to chase you. But a philophobic doesn't chase after love. And you know that
How to understand Philophobia:
Step 1: *I tell you something intimate, warm, loving or caring*
Step 2: *you haven't replied in 10 minutes*
Step 3: *assumes you don't give a crap*
Step 4: Me "Shove off I never liked you anyway."
My phobia on a timer. I can feel it ticking away at each passing moment. The more frequent of a response I get, the nicer I am. Sort of. But the more spread out they are, my phobia tares me apart from the inside. I freaking hate this, I wish it would go away.
When you sitting here getting previews to all the side crap going on in your life that you have any control over and just guessing which way it's going to go
I'm not like normal people.
When your heart has been shattered, kicked around, used and abused as much as mine was in the past, every idiot that comes in and attempts to "heal" me and my phobia, and just ends up leaving has less and less of an effect on me. Instead, I just stop caring and cut them off. And it's like nothing. It's so easy for me to shut off my emotions and never think twice about this dumb crap again. I already started going through the numbing process. And a couple days in. The person who failed to try for me is not more then a distant memory that I don't care for anymore. Maybe, a very days ago, before I started the numb process, I would have been reachable. But you didn't want that then. And I don't want it now. So many layers of walls were put up in the last two days alone, things would never be the same anyway. I don't have any trust or faith in you. My phobia believes firmly that you don't love me, as you failed to say it for 5 days or even try. Honestly I knew you'd come annoying me again when you got home. I knew you'd see the things that reminded you of us and remember that a part of you had love for me at some point. But it's just too late. You should have known that then. And you should have acted like you cared in the slightest about me. Instead you treated me like trash.
Now, I don't care anymore. And I don't know what you expected. I don't know why you thought you could act like we weren't in something all week and come home and want to be invested again. When you weren't even invested two days ago. I don't think I'll be wasting anymore of my time making posts about this. I don't know what there is left to say. If you loved me you should have acted like it instead of pushing me away to the point that I don't want anything to do with you anymore. I understood your reasoning to some degree, even though it was screwed up. But either way I can not see love through your actions. Any of them. I am a philophobic, the only thing that matters is literally actions! Actions to prove love and commitment. Not selfish and psychoticness. Nit killing yourself, not ignoring me. Whatever. None of this crap matters anymore anyway.
Sick of lairs. But they all aren't my problem anymore. The other idiot could never do the decent thing and give me an honest answer about the girl he was talking to while annoying me. And you're on the same level and now place as him. And that's where you'll remain. Meaning nothing to me. Maybe you all can start a club of people who lie to me because they think it's going to help them when it just pushes me away completely causimg me mot to give a crap. Good riddance
Jeez could have sworn I already put this in writing...oh yeah:
[i "Don't even think about getting back on my dick when you get home after freaking ignoring me all this time because I told you that you needed to start acting like a gf and stop hanging up on me or I'm going to take this as its over. And you failed hard. I'm not bending over for you. You want to kill yourself because you don't want to put in an effort, then you're an idiot. But it's not for me, and it's not because you love me. It's because you don't love me and your selfish. If you loved me, you'd get over yourself and be my gf and actually try, but you're exactly like everyone else. And Since that's not happening;
It is pretty damn funny. You talked to me like what 2 times this week? Hung up on me both those times didn't say goodnight or I love you. And suddenly now your out you "love me" and miss me. How about no. So what happened the person you were talking to there wouldn't be at available reach so you decided to annoy me? Did you really think I'd still give a flying crap about any idiot that didn't give a crap about me? Uh no. I'm moving on and you should to. Nnd not by killing yourself like a coward. Bc we both know you're not doing that crap becuse you "love" me. If you loved me your backside would be fighting for me. And not giving up like the rest. But honestly I don't really care if you try at all anymore. As far as I'm concerned its not ny of my business and I got other stuff going on.
Killing everything I built, and becoming the monster I really am
Being the bad boy ain't an easy job but someone's gotta do it
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