So, this is going to be a journal about feelings and whatnot or stuff that is happening in my dull, dull life. If you don't like what is in here, tough. It's a place for me to rant. Nothing I say is to be taken personally, but if there are any questions or concerns please kindly message me and we can hopefully work whatever out. Thank you and have a wonderful day.
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12 March 2019
Well, these last few days have been kind of hard. I made a decision to walk from someone who was important to me. I just couldn’t handle being left in the dark on things and a last resort when there was basically no one else. I know that I probably should have said something, but when I had tried in the past, I would have to be the one to apologize and things would only change for about a week or so before going back. I’m a coward and child, I know. For what I had done, all I can do is say that I’m truly sorry for doing things the way I did, I should have said something sooner. Too late now.
13 January 2019
Hard to believe that it’s a new year. It has definitely been a long time since being on here. Still don’t have the motivation to write and working. Though work has been a bit irritating since a switch but at least I am making a bit more money. Start school soon so that should be fun. Don’t know what else to say.
2 September 2018
Well, it has been a long time since I have been on the site, just been checking things here and there. I just don’t really have the motivation to write much anymore. I don’t have the time either. I work a full-time job and also have school, though only one class away from being a full-time student as well. So, there goes most of my time.
4 July 2017
Seriously? You are going to throw a fucking fit because we got home about an hour later than you said? You were the one who said that you would see us around 2:30 or later! If you wanted us back sooner you could have fucking called. Also, EVERY time we want to do something with you, you shoot it down but expect us to do what you want when you want it?! Honey, it does not work that way. This right here is why l want to find a better job and move out. Damn. Well, there is so much more that l want to say but l won't. Just know that even though you say that you don't want to hinder us in our lives your actions sure as hell say different. Fuck this day and rant over.
25 May 2017
Well, the semester is finally over so l am happy about that. However, l think l failed my math final and maybe my Anthropology. Not sure lol. But overall l guess l did okay. I have maybe two more semesters and then l am done with Community College! Erm, this internet sucks because it keeps freezing on me. -.- I will have to deal wit that. Guess that is it. Peace.
17 May 2017
Only a few more classes before the semester is over! I am so happy to almost be done with the Community College and then can transfer to state. It should only be a couple more years if I don't slack off and/or have to take classes again eh heh. Hopefully that won't happen. I may be putting some of my muses back on site, well those who want to make friends and whatnot. They have been bugging me but I've just been too lazy to do anything. xD I kind of feel bad about that, but at least they are being patient. Erm, well l guess that is it for now. Peace ES.
18 April 2017
I don't know what's wrong with me as of late.. I am not feeling like myself. I have this anger and coldness deep within me that I can't seem to get rid of no matter what I do. I don't really enjoy much anymore and all I want to do is sleep. It sucks because I want to get rid of these feelings or whatever they are but I can't. All I can do is try to act/be happy until I can get rid of the feelings. I don't know.. I'm rambling now.. Peace all.
1 April 2017
Well, that was fun. My lovely cimputer decided to kick me off the internet when I was just about to do some homework that is due by Sunday at 11:59 PM. I got it to work again and I got some things done, but not many. Going to do it tomorrow/later today when I am more focused. I also think I should probably go to sleep soon seeing as I have work tomorrow. Yay weekend job lol. Erm, not really sure what else to say right now other than a big thanks a lot/fuck you to my computer for kicking me off fhe internet. That was really nice. -.- I hope everyone has a good night or whatever time period it is to them. <3
30 March 2017
The semester is almost over, only have about 6-7 weeks left. I can't believe it! But, there are two tests I have to study for before Spring Break and one test after. So, the next few days I have a lot of studying to do ha ha..
On a brighter note, I did make up with one of the friends whom I had lost and I am grateful to have her back. I mean, I know that things can never go back to how they were, but I am happy that she is doing well. I did miss her and I do hope that I don't fuck up again..
Other than that I don't really have too much to say about anything that's going on. Peace.
25 March 2017
Things have been a sort of rollercoaster these past few months. Family drama and me not really having the motivation to write are the negatives that seem to be around. Also, I did lose a couple of people who I never thought of/dreamed I would... I do miss them.. and all l can do is say that I'm sorry for the wrong I have done.
But other things have been looking up and are much better. I have found a somewhat part time job that I do on weekends and I am nearly finished with Community College to be able to transfer to a four year. :3 It should be about two more semesters after this if I don't mess up and have to repeat any of my classes eh heh. Also, after August I am planning to look for a different job and possibly still keep the thing I have for weekends. It kind of feels good to be able to make my own money for things and not have to fully rely on my mother. Though, I must admit that I still do rely on her for things.. but I am working on it.
I also have the most amazing friends and the most wonderful girlfriend in the world. I don't know how someone like me has been lucky enough to be blessed with such amazing people. I just pray that I never lose any of them because they honestly are my world and I love them all more than words could ever describe. I guess that's it for now. Peace all.
19 December 2016
Only two more days before I go to see my dad, so that should be fun. Probably not going to be doing too much because he is kind of paranoid about people and spends most of his time in his home. Going to try to get him out and do something if I can, or rather, if it's the last thing I do when seeing him haha.
On another note, going to be starting a new role-play so that should be fun! I just have to do a couple of more things for my character so yeah. Hmm, I guess that's really all for now.
Peace and I hope everyone has a great day/night. And happy holidays!
16 December 2016
Well, where to begin? I guess first off I will be going to see my dad for two weeks come the twenty-first of this month, so that will be cool I guess. I mean it will be nice to see family, but I will be bored with no internet connection during that time.
On another note, I have the world's greatest girlfriend and I am so thankful for her. She is amazing beyond any words I could ever say and I hope she knows that. She is my queen and world. <3
I guess that's really all I have to say. Peace all.
13 November 2016
Well, I don't even know where to begin with this ah ha. So much has happened that I can barely wrap my head around any of it. I don't really know how to feel about certain things anymore, but I suppose that life goes on. You win some and lose some, y'know?
I just know that I am extremely grateful for the people I do have in my life and I love each and every one of them, more than I can ever put into words.
Erm, yeah. I guess that's really all I have to say. Peace.
18 September 2016
Well, this sucks. I feel like all I do is bother people and like that no one really wants me around. I know that I'm a bit clingy and annoying, but I can't really help that. The feelings that I had a couple of days ago are just getting worse and there doesn't seem like anything I do will make them go away... I just.. I don't know.
I feel like I'm not good enough for anyone, whether that be for friendship or relationship. Sometimes, I feel I never will be no matter how hard I do try. Those feelings too have become stronger..
I just wish I was enough for once. Just once. But, I know that won't happen. Ugh, just fuck it all..
15 September 2016
Well, I found that I am really starting to hate people and can't deal. First off, had to speed up in order to avoid having someone rear end me and basically ran a red light because of that, the person right behind me. Then, a person behind me honking because I was waiting for someone in front of me to turn, the person waiting for people to cross the street. Meh, I don't really know honestly.
And then there are the feelings that I am battling within myself, hard to actually explain. I am thankful for the friends that I do have, yet there is this fear that I will mess up somehow and lose them all. I know I'm not the greatest person or friend, but I really do try to be around for the people I care about.
I find it kind of funny that as I type this, tears are forming in my eyes and threatening to fall... the main point of this entry is that I am scared to lose the people I care most about due to how I am as a person.. meh. Such cheery thoughts to have..
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