a cruel angel's thesis

/ By Fatal [+Watch]

Replies: 95 / 2 years 189 days 19 hours 27 minutes 14 seconds

Allowed Users

  1. [Allowed] Hanahaki
  2. [Allowed] Chrysalis
  3. [Allowed] Widowmaker
  4. [Allowed] Magilou

[google-font http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Merriweather]
[merriweather [center Your dream is where your heart is.
It’s something more fragile than life itself.

[pic http://68.media.tumblr.com/386e4109c3ed2b8ac620b072774779d2/tumblr_oay23v1dX01tqjhmao2_500.gif]

No matter how many times you throw it away, you still find it.


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Roleplay Responses

[size10 dunno why it's so fucking hard to believe me when I say that you left me with no headphones. but you're being an asshole and I refuse to talk to you anymore.

fuck people right now ... I'm sick of getting treated like shit.
granted, this isn't directed at everyone lmao ... I just can't seem to catch a break.

just gonna chill and spend time with my cat. and work my ass off apparently.

lol. i'm like 99% dead inside at the moment.
  . 。 ❀ 。 . / Moonfall / 3h 1m 30s
[size10 I want to go to you so I'll feel a little better, but all I am is a bother, and you deserve good things.

I'll just leave you be. I'm sorry I'm not good enough to be noticed.]
  . 。 ❀ 。 . / Moonfall / 1d 8m 41s
[size10 I was so happy for Thanksgiving. Happy to see my dad. I should've known better. I'm just the forgotten child. The outcast. I don't know why I bother with showing up to your family functions anymore. You just break my fucking heart.

I brought donuts from work to share, but of course [i she] wouldn't let me put them out. Had to be rude about it too. Fine. Sorry for trying to be nice . Didn't have to be rude though. Fucking hurt like hell ... But what can I do. You married her.

Her family is more of a family to you than I am to you. I [i begged] so many times for you to show up and see me. [i Begged] and you couldn't even be bothered to come visit me. You never had the time or money. I have less money than you but what does that matter when that's the only way I can see you ?

Hah ... Then I think about last Christmas. You "didn't know what to get me." I gave you a fucking Christmas list. You've known me my entire life, yet you have no idea what I like ?? That's fucked up ... All I got was pajamas and socks from you. My stepbrother was the only one that gave me a gift that I actually liked, and it was a $10 blanket. I've always put effort into your gifts. I don't know what more I can do, as your daughter.

You don't care. You break my heart constantly. You've been breaking my heart since I was little. I'm tired of you breaking my heart.

I don't know if I want to bother showing up to Christmas. I'm conflicted, because I don't want to hurt you. But I also wonder, would it feel like the sharp stab of pain that you've constantly caused me?

I didn't ask to be born. I didn't ask for you to be my father. Yet here we are. I'm alive, you're my father, and you can barely give me the time of day. I wonder what you would say, to little five year old me, about all the pain and hurt you've caused her. Your "little girl."

I don't mean shit to you. Have fun with your new family. You don't need me at all. You're lucky I love you so fucking much ... Only reason I pushed through all of my pain.

I can't do it anymore. Enjoy your wife and your new family.
I'm not a part of it.]

[center [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gdT-JG2hb8w]]
  . 。 ❀ 。 . / Moonfall / 1d 1h 18m 57s
[size10 post bc it cute and I blame Mochi/Ace for me liking this lmao
[+white woo white text bc I'm so upset
I wanna help so bad and it kills me to not help
I wanna kidnap the babies and kidnap mochi
I've been upset all day
I swear majority of my friends get dealt a shitty hand in life
I mean I do too but like ... why the hell you gotta hurt my friends?
I don't care what happens to me, I know I'm tough as hell and I'm gonna get through my shit
but I hate seeing my friends hurt
I wish I lived close to them all
I just wanna hug them all and cry with them and play stupid video games with them
why tf couldn't we have all grown up together lmao
it would've been awesome
I love you guys so much and I hate that people are so shitty to you guys

I just want to do something to help
[center [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kDM5c5ImW_Y]]
  . : 。 ♥ 。 : . / Moonfall / 3d 22h 40m 20s
[center [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ph6yj9rEVs]]
  Moonfall / 6d 23h 33m 40s
[size10 raki pls
you're traveling with two awakened beings
both of them hella powerful
isley seems cool but priscilla ?? sneak ass bitch
idk if they kill her in the anime but if they do, I am looking forward to it
she deserves it
lowkey also waiting to see her awakened being form again
her voice was mesmerizing and just good voice acting/audio editing
I'm stupidly into that stuff sometimes
guess it comes with my major haha

I should play some nights of azure before I crash
well anyways , bye bye computer !
until next time
  / Hanahaki / 10d 22h 28m 54s
[size10 I just want your attention. for some unknown reason.
I'll never get it though.]
  / Hanahaki / 41d 2h 11m 32s
[size10 gods forbid I ask you for things. some family member you are. I'm sorry I need fucking rides to work. I'm sorry picking me up from work is a waste of your fucking precious ass time. I'm sorry our mother couldn't afford for me to take driving lessons and neither of us really had the time to teach me. I'm sorry my fucking anxiety makes it hard for me to be ok with driving. Gives me shitty ass anxiety, but what do you care ?

It doesn't seem like you do. You're mad at me for having my things in the spare room. You're mad at me for having my things in the garage. You won't help with dishes because you "don't really use any." Meanwhile I've been struggling to do them for over a month because I'm working and going to school at the same time. Oh, but you understand, because you used to do the same thing. Yet you just sit on your ass any time you have free time.

Gods forbid man ... Gods forbid I exist. I should've died years ago, because I swear my family would be happier. Everything is always my fault with them, at this point. Oh, things are going wrong? Time to blame the sister/daughter. :D

Days like these, I wish I was fucking dead. I was going to shower , but I don't even want to leave my room now. I don't want to risk having to talk to him. I'm so mad, and hurt. I keep getting myself stuck in shitty living situations. I lived through one shit year already. Here's to nine more months of this bullshit. Idk why I bother with existing at this point. Might as well just move all my shit out and throw it away. Give my brother the extra room lmao . He'd be happier if I was gone.

Fuck me for being born. Fuck me for not dying when I was 14.]
  / Chrysalis / 47d 8h 21m 36s
[size10 ajgwaejjjeiotjewioaj

  「 c'est la vie 」 / Chrysalis / 48d 50m 39s
[size10 I know that no one wants to talk to me. I'm invisible. Unnoticed. Not all that important. You've all got the people you want to talk to in other places, so why bother with me ?

It's always been this way. It's never changed. Dunno why I thought it would. I just ... Don't think I care right now. I'm a bit bummed, but I guess it's whatever. It doesn't matter at the end of the day.

Sometimes, being invisible is nice. I suppose I'll just embrace it and slip back into my abyss for a while. not like I'll be "bothered" by anyone. Like I said, unnoticed.

Sigh. Debating about whether I wanna play League, XV, or respond to sayonara. I'm so tired that responding to roleplays sounds tedious ... But I don't want it to die or to worry the creator of the roleplay. u-u I'm just so tired that I doubt my post will be any good, and I don't wanna force out a shit post. I'll at least go back and read everything though, before I hop in the shower. At least get everything ready for me to post. Then ... Try to respond tomorrow to sayonara, and millisecond limelight. since everything else is dead dead dead.
  「 あんか 」 / Chrysalis / 49d 2h 38m 14s
[size10 who cares ? it isn't like anyone misses me . I'm certainly not anything or anyone that should be missed. I'm merely ... Here.

Today though , was a new kind of hell. Don't feel like getting into it. Doesn't matter all that much. No one really reads this anyways.

I'm so tired. mosquito bites on my left leg itch like hell. that leg is already bruised to all hell for some reason, so kinda really sucks that I have mosquito bites now.

not much to say . just feeling down and exhausted.

gonna focus on homework now.
  「 あんか 」 / Chrysalis / 49d 4h 6m 44s
[size10 pretty fucking sure I did bomb af on my first exam
fucking thrilled
I didn't miss much of the t/f questions and I breezed through the essay questions and vocab questions. I am fucking proud of myself and I'm gonna treat myself lmao.
not too much tho because y'know
I'm poor af and need to pay electricity and the internet
but I have a little extra money so I can splurge some. not SG jacket splurge though. sadly.
  「 あんか 」 / Chrysalis / 58d 7h 34m 42s
[size10 when you realize that your dumb self didn't bother to eat

like it's ok I didn't wanna take care of myself anyways

also taking medication should probably be a thing

well whatever
no one said I had to practice self care lmao
  「 あんか 」 / Chrysalis / 59d 11m 30s
I'm so fucking fat. I should just quit eating for a few months. Gods know I have enough fat to last me that long, if not longer.
  Chrysalis / 59d 9h 11m 17s
[size10 I should've stuck with my decision to distance myself, because the truth is, I'll never be noticed. We'll never speak more, no matter the effort I make. It's all pointless, and I would rather just give up before I get too attached. Distance is always a smarter choice.
  /ᐠ。ꞈ。ᐟ✿ / Chrysalis / 60d 1h 44m 1s

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