1. The Police - Every Breath You Take
2. La Dispute - Such Small Hands
3. La Dispute - Only Everything Below
4. P!NK - Please Don't Leave Me
5. Sia - Free the Animal
6. Pierce the Veil - The First Punch
7. Cage the Elephant - Ain't No Rest for the Wicked
8. Florence + the Machine - Heavy in Your Arms
9. Marina and the Diamonds - Bubblegum Bitch
10. Panic! At the Disco - This is Gospel
11. Tonight Alive - Revenge and Its Thrills
12. Paramore - All I Wanted
4.) Three Days Grace-I hate everything about you.
At LEAST two decent paragraphs or more. Love me some long ones.
The usual ES rules apply.
I just have enough respect for this place NOT to do it HERE.
Age: 18 going on 19* in human terms.
Bio: As a ghoul, Cress is required to eat human flesh in order to live. She's been around for centuries now, and at first, the feeding bothered her, but she has slowly evolved into being the apathetic, unaffected creature she is today. She preys on the bodies of young adult girls because of the chase, which is her favorite part. In her original lifetime, she was a fun-loving, charismatic, easygoing girl. It's safe to say that Cress Blackbird is dead--this isn't even her real name.
Parent: curse // I'm Destiny. c:
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Kat was only a bit surprised when the one to question her further was not the reluctantly following Carlisle, or Cress…but Manson. With Lana under one arm and Angel under the other, the ghostly ghoul kept them walking again, knowing where their room was supposed to be from the mind of the chick called ‘Alex’. A name Manson dared to bring up again and made her want to roll her violet eyes.
[b [+purple “How the fuck should I know, Manson? I just told you, I don’t know how this shit works, okay? I just know I’m here. As for this ‘Alex’ you and Cress keep harping on like lovers in some triangle, I do remember the things she’s known or seen or whatever, but more like a ‘here and now’ instance of memory and not a ‘I was there’ scenario.”]]
Cress started up as they started walking and Kat fell silent to let them talk. Aliens…ghosts…bodysnatchers…They spoke as though she wasn’t there and she let them hash out their thoughts, leading them as she always had towards and up the stairs of the motel towards the girl’s room. It would be small, but give them all a place to sit down. Cress thought an Alien. Lana thought she might be ghost. Carlisle…the ever-logical, was going all multiple personality on her and then there was Manson. A headache started to pound in her skull as she reached the Motel room door, finding it unlocked, which was not a surprise. No one was going to rob them and live very long if they did. Lana’s question came as she moved inside the room. She released both girls and walked to the pile of clothes they had raided before, starting to go through them.
[b [+purple “C’mon then. Everyone inside and shut the goddamn door before someone reports us for something like an orgy.”]] Her response was not to the question, grumbling as she checked the pockets of every jacket and jeans before sighing heavily and sitting on the bed. Kat glanced at each one of them in turn, seeing curious and concerned faces. Her usually aloof look turned very serious and straight forward.
[b [+purple “You want to know what I remember last? I remember….your names at the time. Lana, you were SUCH a Karen….Manson was Jerrid, Angel, you were Ruby. Carl…more like Charles and then of course, Raven….And Logan…Oh god, Archer….”]] She could barely say his name. The pain that came with it wasn’t something they’d have seen in the young girl who barely knew their missing party member.
White-knuckled fists were tight at the thought that came back to her again. Had she been there…had she been able to do something…A deep and slow sigh entered the very quiet room before she felt Lana’s hand on her shoulder, meeting that gentle and hopeful gaze.
[+blue “We will get him back. It’ll be easier with you here…I know it will.”]
Understanding was written in those eyes, but the hard violet gaze seemed older and distant as Kat felt the full weight of what had gone on without her rest on her shoulders. She looked at each face in turn before summoning a calm and collected state of leadership.
[b [+purple “I remember we were attacked one night. An ambush that didn’t go as they planned. It’s strange…I remember the pain of cutting off my own arm to get those motherfuckers away from us…then it gets a little hazey. A lot hazey. White coats…weird sounds…Things kinda flip-flop a bit and I get the memories of this body all tangled together. Perhaps I am an alien or body snatcher or ghost or whatever.”]]
A smirk as she stood suddenly, stretching a bit as she moved back to the door. [b [+purple “If all of you want to just hang out here, that’s fine. I am at the point where I have half a mind to slaughter half this place if I don’t get to smoke. Old habits, I guess, hm?”]]
Manson sifted a bit, as Carlisle put an arm across the door.
[I “Do you really think it’s a good idea for any of us to be going anywhere alone? I can’t stop you, sure, but at LEAST take someone with you. We are being hunted, after all.”]
He reminded, meeting the fury in those eyes with a bit more concern and stubbornness that made Kat tilt her head before letting out a soft chuckle. She turned and grabbed Cress’ wrist and Manson’s arm. [b [+purple “Fine, fine. Three and three seems like a good split. We’ll hit some quickshop somewhere and be back in a moment. MOM.”]]
She released both of her chosen counterparts to shove Carl’s arm out of the way, pushing him further into the room with a quick slap to his rear end. It made Angel and Lana giggle on the bed together…good sounds, those. They broke the tension. Kat gave a peace sign as she moved out of the room again, knowing she’d be followed. She still had some say in them after all.
[font "Times New Roman" There was no more denying it. They could all see it. There was no turning back from what came out of Katherine's mouth, because she was, without a doubt, [i Katherine]. Even Cress was speechless as she watched the woman, even in Alex's frail body, perform a perfect takedown on Carlisle. No way he let her do it voluntarily. His pride would never allow it.
He struggled under her, but she held fast. It was impressive. None of them could tell if they should be assisting Carlisle or just letting it happen. It was really looking like, once again, Kat was the top dog. And she could back it up. Cress didn't know how she felt about that idea.
No one could tell what the brunette was whispering to Carlisle. No one was going to ask, either. It was above their pay grade, whatever it was, if Kat felt the need to keep it personal.
Cress wondered how far back this phantom's memory went. Did she really have it all, from the very beginning? Was it just the more recent events that were fuzzy? She had to have enough if she was addressing the white-haired ghoul by such an [i old] name. [i Theodora]... Fuck, how she'd hated that. But the way Kat said it always made it feel better. It always made it feel [i hers].
Angel pinched herself, looking visibly surprised afterward that she was not waking up from a dream.
Cress rubbed the back of her neck to ease the tension gathering there as the group began dispersing in the direction of the motel. Everything was so fucked up that it almost felt... laughable. Comical. There was no way these events were happening consecutively, right?
Most of all, was she supposed to tell their former camp counselor about this new development? What was going to happen to them if HQ found out she didn't?
[b "Where [i have] you been? Hibernating?"] Manson asked as he joined Katherine, stopping in step with her as she turned to address Angel and Lana. It was all moving and everything, but he had so many questions. [b "Have you been in Alex this whole time? Like, didya see her get bit on the obstacle course? Or you just got here or somethin'?"]
Cress didn't know where to fit in. She sucked at consoling people. Carlisle's aggression ebbed after his little bout with Kat. It seemed whatever she'd said had shaken him so bad that he paled and shut up. Ironically, Cress felt his pain. She could probably narrate his thoughts, because more likely than not, they were the same exact thoughts she'd had, like: [i How does she know this? Would Alex have ever been privy to this before?]
[+crimson "Maybe she's an alien,"] Cress remarked lowly, following the group up the stairs and back into the girls' room. It felt much too small now. Katherine took up a lot of space.
Carlisle settled on the windowsill, Manson on the desk chair, Angel and Lana on one bed, Cress stood, and everyone just kind of directed their attention to Alex/Kat, sitting on the other bed. There was a long time of wordless staring.
[+crimson "She says this is her body young,"] Cress finally started, gesturing with a free hand before crossing her arms over her chest. [+crimson "Not like she's in a stranger's body. But she doesn't know Alex. It's like... It's like she doesn't even care about her."]
[+teal "What does that mean?"]
[+crimson "She's, like, indifferent to her. Alex is a stranger, literally. It's just that the body is familiar."]
[b "You were serious about the aliens? She's a body snatcher?"]
[i "Do body snatchers steal memories, too? Because she has... she knows things only Kat would know."]
[+crimson "Tell me about it."]
[b "I dunno, I'm not a alien-ologist."]
[+blue "So what does that mean? She's not a ghost, right?"]
[+crimson "It was like she was taking over... Alex's mind or something. I can't really explain it. It started in her eyes, when they started turning violet. Then Alex was like 'help' and she was gone."]
[i "Sounds like a recessive personality or something. I think I saw some of it when we were jumping off the roof earlier. I just didn't know what it was."]
[+crimson "Still, we're all struggling to understand how she could be in Alex's body [i just now]. She didn't even show when we were being... interrogated. And no doubt Alex was in danger for that, too. It was something about eating that woke her up."]
[+blue "Right. I don't think ghosts work like that."]
[b "So what does, then?"]
[i "What did she turn into after we left her...? There's no ghoul... red-eyed or not that an do this."]
Lana leaned forward, resting her arms on her knees to look into Katherine's eyes. [+blue "Well? What's the last thing you remember before waking up in Alex's body?"]]
The silence rested weirdly before they seemed to wake up all at once. All her little lovelies, voicing their thoughts at her appearance. Manson’s confusions…Lana’s silent tears of disbelief. Angel’s hope…and Carlisle…Ah, good old Carlisle. Ever the level headed skeptic. To be quite honest, if the ghostly Kat could even try to be honest, she had considered Carlisle to be the one she’d have chosen as a successor, but Cress seemed to be …[I somewhat] keeping them together. There was a moment of silence for Kat though, as she counted heads..and a somber, blinking gaze turned from face to face, counting. It was immediate, the lack of one of her own. She’d practically been the strangely dominant and sadistic mother of them all for some time. It was painful, reaching back into that Alex girls’ memories…Archer.
They didn’t feel complete really, not without his determination in the mix of feedback. The sudden pain of realization of where he actually was turned an aloof smile to a very somber and deep-thought Kat. It also made her a bit irritated by the way the others started to bicker.As though the searing pain in her chest was insignificant to their stupid bantering. It was Carlisle’s go at Cress that brought her back to the present. Giving a very deep and irritated sigh as she turned, without hesitation.
[b [+purple “Carl! Enough!”]]
The very harsh and venomous tone in her voice was not that of the young girl she possessed. If anything, it was the sound of an ancient. An ancient, tired soul who did not hesitate to grab the much taller man by the arm, swipe his leg out from under him with her own, and circle his arm with her body onto his back, raising it enough to be excrutiatingly painful, but not completely damaging.
[b [+purple “It seems to me…that in my rather long absence, you’ve all gone a bit soft on me. How cute. Maybe you don’t remember what you are. Who you are. Or maybe you just gave up and don’t care anymore, fuck if I know. So you say you killed me? With these hands?”]]
Kat put a bit more pressure on his wrist as her knee laid deeply between his shoulders. She did not hold a smile. No laugh or chuckle came from the demand to be respected. They were Ghouls. Not humans. Such a display had kept them in line for generations and made them the best that HQ had…if not the most dangerous and most rebellious. Because they didn’t forget what they were. They were monsters.
[b [+purple “So what if you did? So what if you succeeded? Maybe that’s the most logical explanation. If Ghouls exist, then ghosts probably do. Fuck if I remember you killing me, but isn’t that how ghosts work? Tch. I don’t have to explain myself to you or anyone else. However…”]]
Kat leaned forward, coming close to his ear, so close her voice would lower to only his attention. Only his ear. Carlisle had a secret…Didn’t they all? Trusted her with all their thoughts and worries and secrets.
[b [+purple “I remember why you followed me. Out of all the more mature, more obedient, more well-read groups under the head of HQ for you to be a part of, you went with the most insane and unstable. And why? All for the still-hidden life of a boy you died for. The life and freedom of your dear, sweet, Michael.”]]
Her voice lowered to an octave that would not be heard even by the ears of the ghouls around her. It was their secret. Their private little outing to that tiny hick town…putting the boy into hiding from HQ and their enemies alike. Safe. And no one knew of his existence save the two who did it. Not even Cress knew. This was personal and the more people who did know, the more chance the secret would be shared…putting the runner’s life at risk.
Kat licked right below his ear before slowly sitting up, letting go of his arm and rolling off of him, though her frown remained. She turned to offer him the same hand-up that she’d given Cress. Gaze never to leave his as they demanded his resignation to the idea that this was not at all the little dweeb girl from before.
[b [+purple “I can’t say I remember dying. I can’t say I remember a lot after a certain point. If you all need to question me, you’ll do it like we used to. One on one. Personal and deep. To be completely honest, I don’t give a flying fuck if you believe me or not. It’s just good to be back here…even though we are missing one of our own.”]]
She wanted it to be clear that she hadn’t forgotten. It tore her insides up more than many could imagine, an anguish that was written deeply in that violet gaze. Cursing under her breath, she looked over the motel in front of them and started towards it with no intention of telling them to follow. She knew they would without her having to say anything. It was just how she did things.
[b [+purple “Manson, Alex may not smoke, but I would eat the world for one damn light. Especially with trying to figure out this whole shit-load of …whatever this is.”]]
She shook her head, noticing that the first to follow her was Lana…grabbing her from behind into a very deep and tear-filled hug. It made her halt in her tracks, feeling those arms around her middle holding so tight as though letting go would make her vanish again.
[+blue “I knew you’d come back. You’d have to come back….You wouldn’t have just..left us like that.”]
They were sobbed words, getting the phantom Kat to wriggle her way into turning and running gentle fingers through the girls’ hair, not going to pry her off or make her let go. A soft, sad smile slid on that young face. It was not unlike Cress’ breakdown earlier, strangely enough.
[b [+purple “Shhh…I remember telling you guys that if I were dead for some reason, I’d come haunt your asses. I gotta admit, the body is a pleasant surprise…but like I would really have left you alone?”]]
Lana’s embrace was hesitantly followed by the blond haired Angel, who, though without tears, still held so tightly to this memory..this ghost…whatever she was. A daring and challenging gaze shot across to Carlisle, almost begging him to say some stupid ass shit like he had been.
[font "Times New Roman" Cress's cheeks burned profusely. Katherine could be so crass and the younger ghoul had forgotten that tidbit over time. She was disgusting and vulgar and sometimes mean.
But by the gods did Cress love it.
It felt kind of... predatory. Wrong. Alex was technically still there, wasn't she? Like how there'd been pieces of Kat before she had managed to completely take over Alex's body. Cress could recall Alex talking about small things she could remember, like science-related things. Were those Kat's memories? Was she recalling those how Katherine was mentioning fine details of Alex's life?
So how, then, did Katherine not know how her story ended? How were there [i some] memories she possessed and others she had no recollection of at all?
Was Katherine... alive? Or was she truly a ghost?
[+crimson "I like my women alive,"] Cress corrected her companion after a moment of mulling it over. [+crimson "One that can grab my ass without me killing her in the process is just an amenity."] She couldn't help the beginning of a grin that played on her lips, though. She had missed this... back and forth. She had missed, for once, not being the biggest bad in the immediate vicinity. For once, there was someone around worse than her.
It was actually kind of a relief.
She laughed as she took Kat up on her offer, breaking into a run to compete with the girl. Cress didn't really run as fast as she could've, though. She lagged a few steps behind, every instance of her attention focused on the brunette sprinting in front of her. They had years of experiences together to treasure but she hadn't looked back on them in a long time. It hurt too much. Everything that was in the 'Katherine' box in Cress's head hurt too much to even think. Now with the woman in the flesh--the [i impossible]--Cress found that it was still too hard to think about it. To remember what it had been like to be so happy she couldn't stand it.
Now she was in a position to repeat it all. She couldn't tell if she was happy about that or not.
The last time she had chased after Alex like this, Cress had been so intent on ripping the brunette's throat out that she'd felt like a junkie chasing a fix. It was strange that it was only a few hours ago that the best feeling in the world would've been bathing in Alex's blood.
That last cry for help still hung in her head.
She blinked hard for a second. Where was her loyalty supposed to be? Was she supposed to be helping Alex or Katherine? Did Kat even want help? Was Cress even capable of providing any?
By the time the white-haired ghoul arrived to the scene of Kat's reintroduction, all she found were slack jaws and wide eyes. She caught the tail of Katherine's explanation, observant green eyes trying to gauge everyone's reaction. Carlisle looked like he wanted to call her out for lying, but even he was speechless.
[b "Alex... doesn't smoke,"] Manson started, his thick brows reflecting his complete and utter confusion.
[i "How are you here right now?"]
[+blue "Is it really you? I mean, it's been..."]
[+teal "We looked for you."]
[i "Are we seriously entertaining this right now?"] Carlisle rolled his eyes as he crossed his arms over his chest. [i "It's no fucking way that's Katherine.] No fucking way. [i I washed her blood off my hands for four hours."] He shook his head along with his statements. [i "No way anybody hides from us [b and] HQ for this long and survives."]
[+teal "We found Lana."]
[i "Yeah? And how much of her did we get back?"]
Everyone paused to look at him. It wasn't often that the level-headed Carlisle lost his temper and displayed it.
[i "Look at her,"] he continued, gesturing to the woman in question. [i "Are we so gullible that you think we'd just take it at face value cause your eyes are a little different and you say a stupid speech? Without further ado, Katherine is back from the dead?"]
[i "No, Cress, don't interrupt me. What'd she tell you, huh? To make you believe?"] He began walking towards her now, ignoring Katherine to advance on his 'fearless' leader.
[+crimson "The truth. I don't know."]
[i "'The truth'? Bullshit. Your new plaything runs off into the woods and comes back claiming to be your old fuck and we're just supposed to... accept it?"]
[+crimson "You explain the way she jumped off the roof, then. And her eyes. How about you explain her new fucking personality to me, Carlisle?"]
[b "You guys need to relax,"] Manson piped up unsurely.
Lana couldn't decide what she believed. Carlisle had a point. There was just something in the way Alex was looking at her... Or, well, Katherine... It made her feel naked. And seen. And she couldn't help the tears that quietly made their way down her cheeks. In fact, she hadn't even noticed until she felt Angel's reassuring hand on her back.
[+teal "This is actually kinda fucked up,"] the blonde ghoul said offhandedly.
Cress and Carlisle continued staring each other down before the older ghoul decided to relent. [+crimson "You're asking me like she's not right here. Why don't you history quiz her, since you're so fucking curious? Because I [i promise] you, I am two seconds from playing Cress the Ball Juggler with your nuts if you don't get out of my face."]]
The phantom that was Kat shook her head at the idea of being raised with a family of boys. Though she could see the memories clear as day in her mind of each male in the household and what they were like, it was weird still…something did stir in the memories though, something that would have indeed connected this ‘Alex’ to herself…Looking down, she gingerly touched the hilt of the knife on her belt. Something this form should not have, and yet did.
[b [+purple “You’d think that growing up with a house of men would make her..I dunno…stronger? Just my damn luck to end up with a princess for a body. Hell…she’s not even been laid. Maybe we should fix that.”]]
A smirk and playful laugh come to her lips, though she put up her hands in mock surrender as Cress suddenly claimed the little hyena bitch as her personal target. It wasn’t uncommon for them to have special plans for their called targets. Hell, the ghouls usually called targets like someone calls shotgun on a ride.
[b [+purple “Alright, alright. You can have her…and if there’s anything left, I’ll take it. As for the other bitch…I kind of liked the taste of that ear. I wonder what her heart tastes like, so bitter and cold. Toss it in the microwave a while, it’ll probably be fine.”]]
Kat stood from the tree she leaned against and moved closer to Cress, though still kept a small distance for a moment, looking in the direction that she’d gestured. Ah yes..the Motel. It would be a bit of a walk..unless.. Moving quickly to Cress, she put her arm around the ghoul’s middle, not taking any protests at all as she started to walk them both side by side.
[b [+purple “We could walk all the way back…or we could race it. I could use a good run now that I don’t have to wait on this Alex you keep harking about. Seriously, did she get your attention being all small and stuff like that. Here I thought you liked it when a woman just up and grabs your ass.”]]
As though to make a point, the older seeming ghoul gave Cress’ rear a squeeze, having tilted her head to whisper her words against that soft neck. She gave a not so gentle bite right at the shoulder before letting her go entirely and taking off with a glance over her shoulder.
[b [+purple “A drink, a smoke, and a good, hard fuck! We’ll see just how much this young thing can handle, shall we?! Try to keep up, slow poke!”]]
With that, she was gone, concentrating on the Motel and retracing the steps Alex took to get away from it all. It was indeed quite a distance. Had this body of a person been so afraid? Ah..yes she had, Kat could feel it, the memories meshing and mixing together as her past met with Alex’s present. It made no sense, but it didn’t matter. She was with her people. Her crew. Her family…with Cress again.
It was Manson who met them first, though she gave him no real time to ask any questions, tackling him at her dead run to his surprise, and rolling with him until she were on top. Kat stared down into those eyes, her violet ones flashing as she grinned and stretched a bit.
[+purple [b “You’re still as soft as ever, I see. That’s a relief. Here I figured the years would have gotten to you.”]]
Her words, mixed with the way she rolled off him, giving him a hand up as she did so and brushing herself off as the others had started to gather. Complexed and confused looks all ‘round as expected. Kat wasn’t even breathing hard, meeting every pair of eyes one after the other.
[+blue “Alex? What the hell was that? You were supposed to go splat! And where did you take off t…”]
Lana had been marching over, but froze as those eyes took hers. A sudden movement had her in the woman’s arms, cupping her cheeks a little too tightly before chuckling as she let go and stepped back.
[I “What the hell is going on…?”]
[+blue “I….I don’t….”]
Manson’s voice was a breathless whisper that made them all shudder over.
[b [+purple “Ding, Ding, Ding! Give the boy a prize. Look. I know…Cress said things ended rough…a lot has happened….A lot that you might not understand too. But ask her if you like. Somehow…someway, I’m back, bitches. And I swear to the devil himself, if you all don’t quit looking like dogs that tore up the couch cushions, I’m going to have to beat some ass. Now. Does ANYONE have a cig I can take off your hands? I’m getting desperate.”]]
Kat had her cocky smile in place. Her cool and calm demeanor followed her like a friend, as she laced a hand on her hip and looked back over her shoulder at Cress, giving a wink.
[font "Times New Roman" It was truly a blast from the past. It was like time travel to feel her again. To touch her, listen to the way she breathed, to hear her voice. It was different, but it was also better than Alex's best imitation. More like a close knockoff of the real thing. This must be what Katherine sounded like young. Much, much longer before Cress ever entered her life.
It was strange, confessing attempted murder to the almost-victim. Kat should've died. Or maybe not; Cress didn't know how to kill a ghoul, not really. Not at that point in time. They had just done their best, hoping HQ would buy it. Praying they would never have to deal with the consequences if they found out Katherine had survived. It worked for twenty years. Twenty long years with no fear of the shadow called HQ hanging over her shoulder.
And now, just as fast, it was back.
How were they supposed to cope with this? Them, who had never correctly dealt with anything?
Kissing her was the same old fight for dominance it always was. Katherine was a speeding bullet, Cress the skull she was meant for. The aggression was almost... exotic. It was few and far between that a woman could really catch Cress off guard, much less that one would be able to bend her to her will. But alas, strong women were snake charmers to Cress, and on that note wholly irresistible.
Messing around with Kat was like holding a hand over an open flame. It was dangerous. Anyone could see it was very, very dangerous. In the same breath, though, it was the most exhilarating thing anyone could ever do.
“There you go again…with this ‘Alex.’….her memories are….interesting. Strange that I don’t find myself there a lot. Mostly …there is quite a bit of strange lab-related bits and pieces…and you, of course. Tsh. Daughter?…no daughter of mine would be so …god, she’s more insecure and indecisive than a magazine model.”
Cress's brows lowered at the way Kat talked about her bunk buddy. Alex wasn't all bad. Sometimes in her insecurity she had moments of incredible bravery. It was impressive that she could look Cress right in the eye without backing down. She was wonderfully unafraid sometimes. It was refreshing, especially for such an easily breakable human.
It was scary that now she could look at the same woman she had shared an intimate space with for the last week and see someone else. The hair, the eye color, even the way Katherine was carrying herself in Alex's body... was all very, very not Alex. Very distinguishable. They were polar opposites.
[+crimson "That's what happens when a girl grows up surrounded by boys,"] the ghoul muttered offhandedly, congratulating herself on retrieving that tidbit of information relating to the brunette girl. It just made her feel worse about the situation. Every second spent with Katherine was a second that Alex was in some unknown void, in a purgatorial state just waiting... waiting for what, though? The cue to become conscious at last? For Cress to swoop in like a knight in shining armor?
There was a newfound anger stirring in her, though. She wanted to know how Kat was able to stay present for so long. Where this help was when Lana was getting her eyes gouged out, or Cress was getting electrocuted until she passed out. Just thinking about it made her heart race, like she was going to have to fight for her life again any moment. Where the hell had Katherine been then? When they needed her the most, losing Archer?
Cress kept her eyes facing anywhere but Katherine's direction as the brunette straddled her. How ironic that they would find themselves in the same position Cress held over the other woman just minutes ago. Quite literally the other woman.
The white-haired ghoul swallowed her critiques of the other woman, letting Katherine's low growls silence her. She was about the only person that could ever get Cress to hold her tongue with just a tone.
"Only a pity I didn’t get my hands on the heart of that ghastly woman and her pet hyena," Katherine lamented, causing Cress to look back at her. [+crimson "Aimi is [i mine] to bleed,"] she declared, thinking of all the ways she was going to crush that woman's pretty little jaw under her heel. [+crimson "I don't much care about the other one. You can have her."] She took the hand offered to her begrudgingly, dusting herself off when she got to her feet. She pondered not taking Katherine back to camp at all. Whether that was pure selfishness with the woman attention or a protectiveness over her makeshift family, she couldn't readily tell. It was a muddy line. Muddier than anyone had ever could have accounted for.
[+crimson "It's not as if you sound like you'll listen to me if I say no,"] she grumbled. Then louder, [+crimson "I think you're a little young to go back to how things used to be. And frail."] She gestured towards the direction of the motel. [+crimson "Alex was running like she was actually gonna get somewhere, so it's back that way. Be my guest."] [i Especially when Lana sees you.] [+crimson "I don't think there's a such thing as taking this well. I need a goddamn drink."] She sighed, scratching her head. [+crimson "[i That] we can do like old times. I'd give anything to see you a lightweight like Alex again."]]
The ghostly Kat could only chuckle at the very thought that the group she’d bonded together had even thought they could actually kill her. Is that what happened? Had they succeeded? It was the only logical thought as she put the thoughts from her own mind. Despite the lofty way she tried to handle everything, This confused remnant was thirsting for the ghoul…not because of the act itself, and more…afraid that she’d let go…and then what? Vanish? The feelings were peculiar, and she tried to shake them.
The taste of the white haired ghoul was good at driving everything away. The darkness that had taken place in her mind with patches of memories here and there of this ‘Alex’ that she shared this form with. Cress was someone she’d fucking missed and didn’t know she missed her…not that it made any fucking sense to begin with.
At first, there was a slow hesitation. It was like every gentle nibble was to draw something familiar from the white-haired ghoul. Muscle memory in a body that the action was strange and alien to. She’d slowly started to bend the other, just slightly to the kiss. It was almost a pleading for the same old passions they once shared. [I ‘Just keep pushing…she’ll see…I’m here.’] Her thoughts slid past her mind, and then, as though something clicked. Cress started to return the kiss. The two entwining more than lips, as Kat fought to keep her dominance over the other, just as she always had.
Twenty years…could it really have been so long? So long sense she had tasted these lips and twisted tongues with her in such a lewd dance of taste…and all of a sudden, she had pulled back. Just about jerked herself away from the other so quickly, the phantom nearly lost her balance.
The ghostly Kat regained herself fairly smoothly, sighing deeply and running a hand through her own hair. She moved easily as the other freaked out, leaning her back to a tree and giving a soft chuckle.
[b [+purple “There you go again…with this ‘Alex.’….her memories are….interesting. Strange that I don’t find myself there a lot. Mostly …there is quite a bit of strange lab-related bits and pieces…and you, of course. Tsh. Daughter?…no daughter of mine would be so …god, she’s more insecure and indecisive than a magazine model.”]]
Laughing to herself a moment, the older seeming woman turned a rolled gaze to the white haired ghoul, shaking her head slowly before leaning it back against the tree. Cress was a mess. This whole thing was a mess. Maybe she really was possessing her offspring. Relative lines and such. No one killed a ghoul before, so it was likely not a thing anyone had tested.
[b [+purple “Cress. Chill, alright? Just….calm your tits. We don’t have all the answers, either of us. We know that I’m here. This body may not be mine, but here the fuck I am. If HQ wanted me dead, they shouldn’t have made you and the others do it anyway. That’s just….It’s so like them not to have any real balls to get their hands dirty.”]]
Anger…a familiar annoyed anger at the group that she once had to follow. All their rules and regulations and such. Important as it were to be under the thumb of HQ, it had never been a secret that Kat had resented them in many ways.
The question that Cress proposed to her though made her go quiet, looking down as the memories of the girl she resided in played back the images in her mind. Her usual certainty faltered slightly. She turned her gaze to the white haired ghoul, tilting her head slightly in thought.
[b [+purple “…I don’t know. It’s foggy…like I was but was not there. Like a bad dream..or..something. A bad dream where I couldn’t do anything…Do you think I liked watching you get hurt?”]]
She pushed off the tree, an intensity in her movements as she used a burst of speed to knock the other over, taking her wrists to pin them above her head and giving a very deep sounding growl as she did so, straddling Cress as she leaned forward with a strength Alex had lacked.
[b [+purple “The only one allowed to lay a finger on you…on any of you…is ourselves and each other. Always has been. Always will be. After you fed her...me...I enjoyed the rush…freedom…ripping their throats out like they all goddamn deserved….Only a pity I didn’t get my hands on the heart of that ghastly woman and her pet hyena.”]]
Her voice was low. Scary. Her she pierced the green eyes below her with the violet ones of her own. She hesitated, taking a deep breath and enjoying the view of the ghoul beneath her with a soft smirk. The mood changing as she leaned forward, barely brushing those lips with her own before rolling off and getting to her feet easily.
[+purple [b “We should go see the others. It’s been so long…I don’t know how well they will take it…whatever this is…but I ache for them, Cress. I ache for them like I ache for you. If nothing else…just for the rest of the night….can we just pretend to go back to how things were?”]]
She lowered a hand, offering it to the ghoul to help her up if she would take it.
[font "Times New Roman" It had to be her. Even [i she] was confused as to what the hell was going on. Still, though, she had a way of sounding like she knew everything. A way of being confident in spite of it all.
Cress found solace in Katherine asking for a cigarette. It was another thing she could add to the list of things Alex would never do.
Alex, who waved the smoke out of her face every time Cress was an asshole and blew it at her. Alex, whose last words had been 'help' before she succumbed to... whatever this was. Was Katherine really a ghost? Was she possessing the poor brunette, after everything else the girl had been through?
Whoever god was, it was like they had a personal vendetta against Alexis the Bunk Buddy.
The white-haired ghoul tried to keep the details of [i that night] at bay. She had nightmares about it sometimes still, but other than that, she didn't dwell on it. The only way she could wake up every day was by convincing herself that night was behind her. Because the truth was, with Kat gone, they were all safer.
Oh, gods, HQ was going to roast Cress on a spit. She knew it. A failure as big as this... They were going to throw her in a hole. She could feel it coming.
[+crimson "It was damn near twenty years ago,"] Cress muttered in response to the woman's questions. [+crimson "We did it the only way we knew how. We tore you apart."] Fuck, it was happening anyway. She was thinking back to that night. It had been foggy... you could barely see a few yards in front of your face. That alone had made it so perfect. No one would ever see or hear a thing. The road was already desolate enough, but that was the icing on the cake.
She thought back to how they had tasked her with recovering an unnamed asset. She started to wonder if that had been a baby Alex. If she had been successful back then, how would things have turned out? If she had been able to find Alexis as a baby all those years ago and finish her mission...
Recovering Alexis was only an optional part of the mission, but Cress had still been punished for not completing it. That, and the fact that when the recovery team finally came to reclaim what was left of their great leader, they couldn't find as much as they'd been led on. Cress thought back to how many days it took for them to dry her out, to leave her in a steel pit in the sun to bake and fucking die. And she knew they wouldn't hesitate to do it again. For longer this time.
It was hard to be happy when she knew what lay ahead of her.
But Katherine's hands... they were warm... and small...
[i And Alex's.]
Cress held back the urge to cry. Not again. Katherine took the ghoul's face between her hands and spoke to her in a way Cress hadn't heard in years. The same way the ghoul had convinced herself she would never hear again.
It wasn't necessarily surprising when the brunette pulled her into a hungry, desperate kiss. Not in the slightest. In fact, Cress had been expecting it. The truth was that she knew she would've done the same thing if she could get her thoughts together fast enough. It was strange, though not in a foreign way. Strange in the way kissing a ghost could be expected to be: like it's supposed to be familiar, but it isn't. Like something just on the tip of the tongue.
It took a long second for Cress to respond. Not like Katherine cared about her lack of initial passion; she had enough for both of them. But then it clicked. It really clicked that this could [i only] be Katherine. She knew too much... She felt too real. Too real to lose again.
Cress kissed her back, hesitantly at first. Katherine was undoubtedly leading the dance. Cress felt like she was kissing her crush for the first time, every move soft and cautious with uncertainty. But after a few times of Kat's nipping at her lip, the white-haired ghoul found her feet again. She found her [i familiarity] in the other woman. It was clockwork, but also something completely electric and new to kiss Kat again. It was fire rushing through her veins every time she kissed her old flame again. It made her feel weightless and manic, kissing Katherine with a hunger that was bad enough to send her into a frenzy.
She pulled herself away, reeling back a few steps before catching her balance. [+crimson "We shouldn't be doing this,"] she gasped, fingers coming up to touch her lips as if she still couldn't quite grasp how they'd just been used. [+crimson "Alex would fucking [i die] if she..."] She couldn't bring herself to answer Kat's curiosities. She didn't [i know]. She didn't know shit. [+crimson "Fuck's sake, I really screwed up this time. It's fucking crazy. You know, all of this is so fucking weird!"] Her hands went up in frustration, the edge in her voice growing as she rambled. [+crimson "I'm kissing you in somebody else's body. Somebody who, by the way, is supposed to be your daughter? And I turned her... into a ghoul... But not exactly a ghoul. I turned her into you. I'm so fucked."] She threw a hand over her face. [+crimson "HQ is going to skin me. Jesus Christ they're going to skin me a-fucking-live for this."]
Not only that, but Alex wouldn't see the light of day again. Not until they could figure out what she had to do with Katherine. And who knew how long that would take.
[+crimson "I don't understand why you're here. What you are."] She shook her head aimlessly. [+crimson "I guess I'll just have to say I'm not meant to understand it right now. But can you at least tell me... where the hell have you been for the past week? Where the hell were you when I was getting fucking kneecapped right in front of you?"]]
The ghostly Kat seemed confused as asked what this was all for. Accused it as being revenge, an it made her eyebrow raise. The touch of the white haired ghoul itself was intoxicating and sweet and she wanted more of it. Something from her past…a touch of normalcy…was that what she wanted? Watching Cress push her away, wanting to cling tighter, but letting her go. The woman tilted her head a bit, running a hand through brunette locks before hanging her head a bit.
[b [+purple “You always were so hard headed. I like that about you. Always have.”]]
She sat back, one leg outstretched and the other curled up to her chest, absently pulling blades of grass from the ground.
[b [+purple “You’re right, you know. There’s something not right about all of this. I don’t know why I’m in this body, for starters. I mean, younger is nice and all… there’s a lot this body hasn’t been through, really. I just know….that I’m here whether you think I should be or not. You think you killed me? why? I don’t remember you killing me….God, What I wouldn’t do for a cig right about now.”]]
Tilting her head back, and twisting her neck to give a pop, she sighed and shook her head, closing her eyes. A sudden thought occurred to her, looking back up at Cress with one eye open.
[b [+purple “You say you killed me? How? Ghouls don’t die easy, you know. Not really die. I’ve tried most all the ways and always came back. Hell, for all I know you did kill me and I’m back as some ghost. Ghosts don’t remember how they die, right? That might be it. Fuck, I don’t know. My memory is all weird. Last I knew, we had that one fight where I lost my arm. You remember that? How long ago was that?”]]
She stood, slowly, and moved closer to the ghoul again though facing her this time, and placed a hand on either of the girls’ shoulders. She stared deeply into those green eyes with her violet ones, daring to meet that gaze and moving her hands from those shoulders to her cheeks.
[b [+purple “Would you rather I leave you? Is that better somehow? I’m here, despite all the odds you think are against that fact. So you tell me…Theo…Raven…Cress….You tell me…would you rather I not be back at all?”]]
She closed the distance suddenly, taking the white-haired ghoul’s lips with her own, kissing deeply, entangling herself with the other rather forcefully, before giving that lower lip a soft nibble. Her arms lowered to wrap one around her middle and the other up into that hair…she let herself get lost in that touch that she’d missed so much.
[font "Times New Roman" She couldn't believe it. It was unbelievable. [i Unthinkable.] It was... How was it possible? How was any of it happening at all? It was like she couldn't think fast enough... How was she going to tell everyone when they got back? What was she supposed to do with all this goddamn information?
She yelped in surprise as Alex--or Ka...Alex roughly grabbed her and pulled her into her lap. It was all so fluid for the brunette in a way that she would never actually do... And Alex was so shy with having her hair down, but she threw the ponytail holder away as if she wanted to make sure she couldn't find it. And the way she was making Cress blush... well, Alex didn't often do that, either.
Still, there was no way. None. None at all.
[i I killed you.]
Cress huffed at the brunette's crass flirtation, rolling green eyes in disbelief. There was no way in [i hell] Alex would say something like that and not induce a heart attack on the spot. There was no way she would ever touch Cress like that without fearing Lana would rip her head off and make straws of her arteries. [i There was no way.]
[i So why can't I accept it?]
"My lovely. Little. Theodora."
Her breath caught in her throat, her heartbeat racing as adrenaline rushed through her veins. How could she know that name? The one she had hated so much almost... five hundred years ago. The one [i she] had told her wasn't so bad with the nickname. Back then, everything was so different. She was different. She could remember the first time they met, and how she'd tried to undermine [i her] at every turn.
Cress grit her teeth. No. Nobody would've ever told Alex something as trivial as that. As [i stupid] as that.
It could only be... [i her.]
[+crimson "So what?"] she scoffed, allowing Alex to turn her head to the side and swallowing the embarrassed lump in her throat that formed when the woman began leaving a rough hickey on her neck. [+crimson "This is you getting your revenge for that night? You gonna kill me?"] Goosebumps ran across her entire body under the other woman. [+crimson "I don't care. But I want you to know I would do it again if I had to, for what was at stake. It was the right thing to do, but... That doesn't even matter, does it? This isn't possible. I don't know [i what] the fuck you are, but I killed you, whatever you think you are. Whatever this is supposed to be--"] Cress pulled away, pushing herself to her feet and whirling on Alex [+crimson "it's over. It's over."] She was confused and upset, her brows low and angry. It was a complete 180 from the breakdown she'd just had, but she had no idea what the fuck she was supposed to be feeling. Or how to react. Was she supposed to be defensive? Beg for forgiveness? She couldn't tell.
[+crimson "You can't be her, you know? You just can't."]]
The ghost that Cress needed so badly did not say anything for a long while, simply holding and caressing the Ghoul’s white hair in gentle motions. Over and over, she would bend to kiss that head, hushing softly as her other hand had started to move up and down the other’s spine, slowly and gently. When she did speak, it was in gentle whispers, filled with caring and concern…and love?
[+purple [b “Shhh….there now, I’m here…it’s going to be okay now. You’ve been holding on to this for so long…all this pain. It’s alright.”]]
The words were soothing and coaxing, like a gentle song with no tune. Finally, Cress found her words, and the ghostly Kat winced a little as she cut off saying her name again, sliding a hand down from that hair to brush a cheek, softly. There was a second wince at the name she did use. Violet orbs darted to the side, before returning to the ghoul she held, feeling her pull away and whimpering just slightly at it.
She did not hold too tightly, letting Cress pull away from her completely and watching the way she turned to sit to the side. The ghostly Kat raised both arms to tuck them behind her head a moment, falling deep in thought to the challenge.
[+purple [b “Proof? It’s proof you want? First what I’ve seen, and now you need me to prove myself to you…I guess it’s only right…This is all so…very strange. I have your proof…but are you ready for it?”]]
She moved, placing herself in front of the white-haired ghoul. The first thing she did was take down that goddamn pony tail. It was constraining and irritating her ability to think straight. Tossing the little ring to the side in disgust, she sighed, running a hand through dark locks, before moving in a crawl to sit behind her. Leaning closer, she all but grabbed her around the middle, pulling her into her lap. One hand raised, tracing phantomly over Cess’ chest to rest gently on her neck, tilting that pretty head of hers back so she could see those green eyes. Her other hand had stayed around the ghoul’s middle, keeping her close as she felt the other’s pulse beneath the fingers on her neck.
[+purple [b “So easily…I could snap your neck right here if I wanted to…but I’d rather kiss your lips…both pair.”]]
She chuckled warmly and leaned her head to the side, nibbling the top of Cress’ ear instead and giving the lightest breath of a whisper.
[+purple [b “My lovely. Little. Theodora. You always were oh so skeptical about everything. But I loved that about you. My little questioning Theo. But maybe that is my fault…forcing you to drown with me like that. And now look, you do it for fun…I’m honestly impressed.”]]
The mixing of memories seemed clearer in this moment. Like she could put the pieces together a little better, but there was still so much that didn’t make sense. Kat ran her tongue down from the Ghoul’s ear, across her neck, pausing to give a rough, suckling kiss that would indeed form a dark bruise, and she didn’t care. She always took what she wanted and she wanted to taste Cress in that moment. That was how she always was. Nothing stood in her way.
[font "Times New Roman" It was more difficult than Cress could've ever imagined to keep it together. Maybe the hardest thing she'd ever had to do. Harder, even, than that night in the middle of nowhere she had said her final goodbyes to... [i her].
Cress could see it now. How scared Alex was to not know [i who] she was or what she had been born into. Cress could see how fragile and human Alexis was at long last. How her heartbeat fluttered just inside her ribcage and gave it all away. How she was sweating and crying and begging to be let inside the loop.
Green eyes got pinpoint small as Cress's amazement became visible at Alex's irises fighting, fully blue and then violet and then a mix until it finally settled on violet. Cress was barely breathing when Alex pulled a white-covered head down to her chest. She didn't even sound like herself anymore. There was that smooth, even voice she loved so much, but it didn't have the confidence and depth Cress had gotten used to.
Alex stroked her hair soothingly, obviously trying to placate the ghoul. It was jarring, to say the least. Cress knew exactly who was holding her but she couldn't accept it.
The tears slid down her cheeks quietly. She couldn't hold it in anymore. After a few, her entire body was being wracked by quiet sobs as Alex or Katherine or whoever continued to talk to her. It was too much going on.
[+crimson "I'm so sorry!"] she wept into Alex's chest, too scared of being understood to even look up. She didn't know what she was apologizing for, just that she had a [i lot] to render apologies for. For taking [i her] from this world in the first place, to start with. For being so goddamn selfish. Because it was selfish, after all, to keep Alex so close when Cress [i knew] how much they looked alike. It was just a nice reminder. Or a jolting curse.
She couldn't speak for several more minutes. The tears just flowed freely down her face until the sniffles subsided. Until she could find her voice to speak again.
[+crimson "Is it really you?"] she whispered. Her tone was hesitant and shaky. Every word was coming to her as she said it. [+crimson "K--"] she stopped herself again, cutting off the name before it could pass her teeth. Twice in one day was too much. Three times was unthinkable. [+crimson "Alex, I'm so sorry. I don't know what to do here. I'm fucking... I'm scared and I don't know what to do."]
She wiped her eyes and sat up, pulling away from Alex's hands in her hair and moving from on top of her, instead sitting on the ground beside her and trying to figure out what the hell her options were from here. Then, [+crimson "Prove it. Prove to me you are who you--who I think you are."]
Alex wanted to get away from the Ghoul. A sudden sense of danger was followed by the white-haired ghoul’s fist hitting the ground and leaving a sizable dent behind beside her head. It was less a dent and more a hole, the action being one that made her jump, and flinch away. But she couldn’t go far. Even with the one arm free, what good would it do? If she got caught again, Cress would probably actually hurt her right now. The words though, that shout, brought the blue eyed girl back to reality.
Alexis watched something she’d never seen before. Cress was falling apart. What did she mean? She couldn’t say that name…the name of the person who actually deserved these thoughts. It was because she did something…did she feel guilt? What had she done? It made Alexis’ lips part as Cress’ eyes started to water. That was a first. She didn’t think the ghoul capable of crying.
But she didn't. Cress had stopped talking to Alexis. The tone and the words were not meant for her and it started to make her feel like she was just an intruder to a private moment….between Cress and…herself…but not her….the thing taking her …or giving back to her? She flinched at the Ghoul’s touch crossed her eyes. Something stirred….something warm in Alexis’ chest.
That name. It stirred such deep emotions that seemed like some great wave taking over and pulling at the edges of Alexis’ sanity itself. She fought the crashing tides that welled from her toes to her mind, but the fight was too much for the tired ghoul and much stronger than herself. Outwardly, a dance of blue and violet slipped and vanished from those eyes that met green. A war. An internal war. And now it had a name…[I ‘Katherine’].
Alexis’ pressed, her own gaze sliding into view…fear plagued them as a word slipped from her lips in the most gentle of whispers.
[b [+blueviolet “Help…”]]
For a moment, the blue held place. Not even a hint of the violet tone at all, then all at once, almost forcibly, the color diluted completely. Violet and shining. Staring up at the white haired ghoul, this ghost lifted a hand to the back of her head, bringing her down to rest Cress’ head on her chest.
[+purple [b “Shhh….You never lost me. Do you know how long I’ve wanted to hold you for? My dear, strong Cress.”]]
Her fingers never left that white hair, brushing through it as she jerked her other arm free to hold her correctly, lowering her chin to kiss the top of her head. It all felt so clear and light and new. So much time felt lost, but where? It didn’t matter…The summer camp didn’t matter, or the events that lead to this one very moment. But how?
[+purple [b “I’m sorry it’s taken so long to get back to you. It feels like time stopped somewhere. Just stood so still…like some kind of limbo. But it doesn’t matter. None of it does. I’m here…I’m ….Wow, I’m a lot younger than I should be. Hah…Gotta put that to good use.”]]
She laughed..it was a hardy laugh. A loud one. Not like Alexis’ small chuckles and soft giggles. This ghost made no move to leave their current state, enjoying the feeling of the ghoul on her chest, held like she should be, never let go until she was ready. It felt right. It felt amazing.
[font "Times New Roman" The ghoul sat atop Alex breathlessly, processing everything the brown-haired girl was saying several seconds after it came out of her mouth. Her brows were low and focused as she listened, hanging onto every single syllable.
She couldn't exactly piece together what Alex was saying. Hell, it sounded like Alex couldn't, either. Alex had no idea how she had landed the first time or jumped the second time because she was still scared shitless of heights. She was such a stark contrast to the person she'd imitated on the roof.
Cress couldn't bring herself to tease Alex about admitting to wanting to kiss her. She wasn't stupid; she'd seen some of the signs along the way. It had been fun to tease her. Now Cress didn't like being the one strung along.
What did the smaller girl mean, she didn't feel like herself? It was a terrifying thought to imagine. Cress didn't even want to put the pieces together, but they were all there, weren't they? Right in front of her face, staring at her with the bluest, saddest eyes Cress had ever seen on someone so young. And in that moment, she felt incredibly bad for Alex. And everything she was going through ever since Cress first slid into her seat on the bus.
She felt so goddamn guilty. But she couldn't stop. Not when, for the first time in years, there was hope again. For [i her]...
Alex was seeing memories that weren't her own... Including ones with Cress, and saying things like--[i exactly like her, verbatim]. And she was landing like a seasoned vet after almost losing her shit just on the climb up the ladder. It was the craziest chain of events. But Cress didn't dare put it together.
“What I see? You want to know what I see? I’ve seen a lot…”
The ghoul looked mildly alarmed as Alex wriggled out of her grip once more, astounding the woman with the display of strength. Cress visibly reeled when she realized there [i was] a violet hue in Alex's baby blue eyes, her mouth opening in surprise. [i What the fuck is going on?]
Then Alex pulled her down, and Cress couldn't draw a breath if someone paid her to. She wasn't sure if she wanted to. She was hanging on to every single delicious word. It didn't matter that there was a blush in her cheeks burning hotter than it had since... Well, how long had it been, exactly, since she was so caught off guard? It was an odd and unfamiliar feeling. But when it came to those violet eyes... it was not unusual.
"Why can’t you say her…my….our name?”
Something snapped inside the green-eyed ghoul and she found herself squeezing Alex's arm and exposed side harder than could possibly be comfortable. Her breaths grew hollow in her anger and she found her fist drawing back before she could stop it, fully prepared to cave a hole in the other woman's skull.
But she didn't.
Instead, the fist came crashing down into the ground next to Alex's head and she stopped constricting her, the ghoul deflating immediately after. Her shoulders shook. Anger and something she couldn't quite put a finger on wracked her body. [+crimson "Because we don't [i talk] about her!"] she shrieked, louder than she meant to be. She immediately reigned herself in, burying the heels of her hands into her eyes. [+crimson "I don't deserve to say your name anymore. I... I did something bad, man. I did something [i really] bad and I can't... I can't figure out how to live with it."]
She felt the tears threatening to fall from her eyes. She couldn't afford to start crying, not while Alex was crying, too. She didn't deserve to.
There was just so much pain in her chest. It felt like she could barely breathe around it.
[+crimson "I don't apologize for it anymore. I had to do it, for the rest of us. But it is eating me alive. Every day, every night, every [i minute]. Fuck's sake."] A desperate sigh left her as she leaned down to peer into her bunk buddy's eyes once more, her hands much more gentle this time as they shook. She was as afraid to see violet as she was to see blue. [+crimson "If I said it, would it help anything? If I said your name, Katherine--"] her voice wavered and threatened to break [+crimson "would you come back to life?"]]
Though she was waiting for Cress to hit her, or bite her, or something, the ghoul sat atop her, more confused than anything. The questions as to whether she had indeed been the cause of these…strange images was one Alexis didn’t have an answer to. There was definitely a correlation between eating the flesh of a human and the memories that followed, that much was certain. How odd…How unfair. Was it not like this for any of the others? Why?
The hand that landed over her mouth made her trembling continue, though her words stopped and she was afraid to even breathe. Ah.. breathing. Was that optional now? Now was not the time to ask such things, though, as Cress was clearly trying to gather her thoughts and decide what to do. The way she bent forward, the weight of that head to her chest…a sudden passing fancy wanted to hold her…just to hold her and tell her it was okay…but Alexis focused, trying to quiet such things, store them away.
Still shaking, she jumped slightly as Cress went off on her…but not for the kiss. Not for the words on top of the building…but for claiming to be a coward. For admitting that she never did anything and pretty much always ran away. It’s what she was best at…running away. But Cress was so insistent that she never speak such things again. That she never claim to be coward…even using the term ‘bunk-buddy’ …as though they were still at camp. As though it meant something. The whitehaired ghoul had no idea how much it actually meant.
Alexis was growing stronger in the debate with herself. Able to shake off the obsurd notion that she could be anyone but Alex. Alex the bunk buddy. Alex the new kid. Alex the hopeless romantic who would never have worked up the courage to kiss the girl like that. Feeling the hand leave her lips, she bit down on the lower one, trying to find words.
[b “Y…yes. I understand…I think…”]
Alexis heard her request then, to tell her everything. Everything?! The images that threatened to invade her mind. She shut her eyes to block them out a moment, try to make sense of them all…even put them in some kind of order.
[b “I…It’s so…chaotic. Sometimes…I look at you…or on of the others…and there’s passing thoughts or …scenes…short and out of all context. Feelings I don’t understand…and a want to do…things. Th..the first time you threw me….I was terrified. I didn’t want to fall. I didn’t want to hit the ground. I still don’t want to fall…It was like …It felt like….something inside me said [I ‘You know how to do this.’] …but not with words.”]
Was anything she said making any kind of sense? Or did it all come out jumbled like her brain at the moment. Alexis swallowed, turning her gaze to the side, not wanting to look at Cress as she tried to explain it further.
[b “The second time…I was standing there…terrified. With you. And it was like…scenes from a place I don’t remember, and a time I don’t belong in played through like a memory. But how can I have memories of places I’ve never been? You were there. Lana was there. Then Lana wasn’t…and it was just us. Not us…but us…and I…”]
She swallowed. How to even? A chill ran over her skin. If she said it, what would Cress do? What would it mean? She needed to SAY something.
[b “Cress…whatever this is…whoever these belong to…it’s not me. Or is it me? But it makes no sense…I mean….I mean yes, I’ve w..wa…wanted to k..kiss you before, but not …I mean…Not like I’d done it a hundred times before. N..not that it wasn’t pleasant…far, far from. It didn’t feel like me. I didn’t feel like me.”]
She sighed, a tone of defeat as she bit down harder on her lip and turned her gaze back to Cress. It was just the tiniest bit different, as she took a slow breath, steadying a shakey tone. Blue eyes indeed looked into those green ones…but with the faintest hint of a violet hue, circling the edge of the iris. Alexis’ brows furrowed and a small, defeated chuckle left her lips. Pathetic sounding.
[b “What I see? You want to know what I see? I’ve seen a lot…”]
She wriggled one arm free from under the ghoul, lifting it to grab Cress’ shirt collar, bring her down to whisper in her ear.
[b “I’ve seen that adorable face you make when someone brings you over the edge of pleasure. I’ve seen small towns burn in the distance as we roast marshmallows and watch the sunrise on our desolation. I’ve seen the way you melt so easily with a hand run just right through that goddamn white hair of yours. I’ve seen those green eyes ready to rip my heart out, but calm when I offer it to you myself. I’ve seen all of you…all of you become stronger…and I don’t even know why….I don’t know why I see it….why I know….and most importantly…why you hesitate so fucking much to tell me who this….all this…belongs to….Why can’t you say her…my….our name?”]
She let go of Cress, moving the hand instead to her face. Panting as though she’d just run a marathon, Alexis pushed and wrestled with the foggy feeling that always took her away when the weird shit started up again. Remembering it all didn’t help. She wanted to block it all out.
[b “I…I’m sorry….this is all so fucking stupid! I can’t think straight…it’s all chaos. All of it. The current with the past with all of this new jumbled mess of data and I can’t make it all …fall in line.”]
The tears were silent..she herself didn’t realize they’d started to slip away again.
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