[✧ I n t r o s p e c t i o n ]

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j o u r n a l]

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[font "Times New Roman" [size12 DREAM LOG {24/01/2020}:

I had a dream that me and Adrian were back together only he looked just like Bill Hader, which is funny because he always sounds just like him. My grandfather also told me how precious I am and it made me cry, and then I kept trying to eat cinnamon rolls even though I don't care for them. I miss Adrian.

v2. I was at a party and Donna, Jordan and Austin were there. We did Karaoke and I sang Baby by Clean Bandit/Marina/Luis Fonsi. Donna and Austin did Barbie Girl.

JOURNAL:

[i you're the plaintive note that my soul latched onto ignoring all the caucophony of phoniness.

you're dangerous cause you touch the parts of me I try to let die]

God I miss you. You had to say these things to me, didn't you? My heart is aching for you today. Why did you leave me in radio silence?

[i I so want to hang out with you forver

is it going to be awkward when I lust you

now I definitely want to be in a confined space with you

you're that dangerous girl Ive been warning myself about

you're my heroin

it does feel like we're bound to each other in ways we can't control

I carry you with me after we talk

I want to put your hand on my chest so you can feel how hard you make my heart beat and feel the heat of us

that I want you to give yourself to me

let me slip into the darkness of your soul

dont you feel the tendrils of our souls locking into each other?

i want all of your intensity]

CARD OF THE DAY:
[i ---]]
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[font "Times New Roman" [size12 DREAM LOG {22/01/2020}:

Due to the negligence of a child , my house [i exploded], so me, my girlfriend , My mom and my friend drove downtown. Apparently my mom was Francine Smith, as we ended up in Langley falls that just looked a lot like my hometown irl. We stopped at a museum and there were dinosaurs and big lizards and I woke frightened by one of the moving ones.

v2. As some kind of killer, I think I killed Bro and Dave, and scared the daylights out of Elizabeth

v3. As Rose, I helped my best friend give birth to a baby. She need him Brandon and I immediately fell in love with him when I held him for the first time.

JOURNAL:

I have weird dreams. I'm still on the fence about children but that last dream really made me want one. I miss Kasey a lot, I hope her and Brooklynn are doing well.

CARD OF THE DAY:
[i ---]]
  [ᴛʜᴇ ᴄʀᴇᴀᴛᴏʀ] / Black- / 2d 11h 18m 51s
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[font "Times New Roman" [size12 DREAM LOG {21/01/2020}:

I went out to eat with the gang, and Austin drive me home in a convertible. We sang along to music, and talked about the last times we had eaten fast food. He told me that everyone in Utah misses me, and now I miss my friends.

JOURNAL:

I feel terrible about yesterday. I can't believe I broke the washer. I am excited about today, though! Adventures with my boy and homestuck with Kirk, plus work. Busy day!

CARD OF THE DAY:
[i xxxx]]
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[font "Times New Roman" [size12 DREAM LOG {20/01/2020}:

I was trying to become a sorceress, like Yennifer. A story was revealed to me, of a set of siblings who had their family murdered by Wolves for some reason. I had a very hard time finding any kind of curl definer, as if that was important.

v2. Spent a very long time consoling a friend's boyfriend over the fact that he's allowed to still be hurt over an ex and he's allowed to not be okay all the time. I gotta take my own advice lol. Drove home and saw the wreckage that was my great grandma's old house. Went home and had to take the stairs, but they were replaced with curvy almost ladders. Woke up as I was starting to sing So Far So Great.

JOURNAL:

1861 words yesterday. 9802 characters. I'm stupidly proud of that.
There's a guy I've been talking to since around Christmas time, and he doesn't seem to understand that I just want to be friends. He's being overly affectionate as clingy, and it's starting to make me irritated. I've been ignoring him, which usually isn't my style, but if I'm being honest, he scares me a little. I'm not sure what to do yet.

CARD OF THE DAY:
[i Page of Wands- Good News, Youthful Energy, New Ideas, Exploration]]
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[font "Times New Roman" [size12 DREAM LOG {19/01/2020}:

Working out the details of a storage locker with Donna. The plan was to clean it out, and see what all I could pack and what I wanted to get rid of, which was a good most of it. Very tedious.

v2. I somehow managed to our an exactly knife through my lip. No hospital, but I couldn't figure out how to stitch it so it bled a lot.

v3. Best friend was opening up a 90s themed night club. That's all I really remember.

JOURNAL:

Last night was super nice. The park was beautifully the company was perfect. My candle lit bath and tea afterward were all I could have asked for.

CARD OF THE DAY:
[i THE DEVIL: Addiction, Unhealthy influence, Corruption, Materialism]]
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[font "Times New Roman" [size12 DREAM LOG {18/01/2020}:

Joe fucking Goldberg.

He got into a car in the middle of a snowstorm and called me while he was driving to tell me he loves me and that he wanted to hold me. I was so happy I started crying, and his car went off the road.

v2. My aunt, uncle and I were travelling to take me to an airport. He was teaching me how to make these cheesy taco things. For some reason I owned tiny raptors, 2 of them.

JOURNAL:

Why do I need to identify so hard with Love? Hell, I dreamed from her perspective. What's wrong with me?

CARD OF THE DAY:
[i Ten Of Pentacles- Family, Success, Secure Home, Inherited Finances]]
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[font "Times New Roman" [size12 DREAM LOG {17/01/2020}:

Wandering around with Ashton, Donna, the kids and Braxton. Braxton made some offhand comment about people and ignored me again. I got frustrated and refused to talk to him and he left and got drunk. When he came back I hid from him, and he came back trying to be sweet but I was mad because he was drunk. Went on ES a while later and he had joined, asking me to be his girlfriend in A Call To Arms.
Woke up because oh god what no.

v2. Went to a movie alone, saw some really old flick with my grandmother in it from when she was younger. There was an underwater IHOP. It was wild. Ended up walking back to my mother's house.

JOURNAL:

I've accomplished a lot, so I'm allowing myself to take it easy today. I'm going to do laundry and get caught up on YOU season 2. Also my stuff is out for delivery so I'll have that back today. ]]]
  [ᴛʜᴇ ᴄʀᴇᴀᴛᴏʀ] / Black- / 6d 16h 38m 47s
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[font "Times New Roman" [size12 DREAM LOG {16/01/2020}:

I was playing some strange game in gym class with all my old peers. Donna was there, which was out of the blue. Ethan bought me lunch, and we drove around in Jared's Jeep and got high. Richard was there, and so was Taber, and I had crushes on both of them. We got into a wreck, and it freaked me out.

JOURNAL:

I'm proud of my progress lately. I've enjoyed myself and managed to get a good portion of my house clean, which I consider impressive for only having been home for 4 days. Sleep schedule needs some work.]]
  [ᴛʜᴇ ᴄʀᴇᴀᴛᴏʀ] / Black- / 8d 11h 41m 59s
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[font "Times New Roman" [size12 DREAM LOG {15/01/2020}:

Some strange cross between Outlander and Witcher. Details are a bit fuzzy, but I remember Ned Gowan looking particularly run down and old, and the Dies Irae was playing in the background of the dream for the latter half.

edit: v.2 I was lonely and scared, and ended up going to Rae's house to watch a new Hercules series? And me and her sister made plans for a party the next day. We had to go shopping in the morning because I don't own anything metallic.

JOURNAL:

I woke up unnerved. A lot of my time lately has been devoted to either tidying or playing music. A small aside for writing has been a candle in the window on a long and arduous journey to getting a grasp on my own creativity and a decent stretch of the vocabulary.

To be honest, I feel as though I could sleep forever.]]
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[font "Times New Roman" [size12 DREAM LOG {14/01/2020}:

We were trying to make love, but kept getting interrupted. At one point you laid me back in the goddamn garage and [i still] we were interrupted. Frustrating, but it just made me more desperate for you.

JOURNAL:

I have been so tired, I haven't even wanted to write anything. ]]]
  [ᴛʜᴇ ᴄʀᴇᴀᴛᴏʀ] / Black- / 10d 5h 41m 51s
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[font "Times New Roman" [size12 DREAM LOG {13/01/2020}:

We took a walk through the Asian part of London, and got bao together. It was really good. You dropped one and I caught it before it hit the ground.

JOURNAL:

I am home and safe in Canada. I'm probably going to sleep for the next three days. ]]]
  [the CREATOR] / Glitch- / 11d 11h 33m 48s
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[font "Times New Roman" [size12 JOURNAL {12/01/2020}:

Goodbye Utah. I'm going to miss you. The mountains here were gorgeous. I made so many good friends. I can't wait to see you again.]]]
  [the CREATOR] / Glitch- / 12d 13h 23m 26s
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[font "Times New Roman" [size12 DREAM LOG {11/01/2020}:

I dreamt we were staying at my grandmother's place, and I was working on something to take to the beach with us. I went downstairs in the morning and asked if you knew where the sandpaper was, and your answer was "I'll get it for you, but you really need to start thinking and doing stuff for yourself."

I got angry and said "Fuck you, I'll find it myself." My grandfather was proud.

JOURNAL:

I didn't end up staying up all night like I wanted to. I think I crashed 4 episodes into YOU. It was like 5AM. I wanted to stay up longer but I guess I was too tired. I'm still tired. I can't wait for this emotional exhaustion to end. Today is my last day in Utah. I wonder if things will be different. ]]]
  [the CREATOR] / Glitch- / 13d 6h 42m 4s
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[font "Times New Roman" [size12 DREAM LOG {10/01/2020}:

I dreamt about staying at Sir J and Girl's place again. Rai was there and he put a collar around my neck and asked me to be their third and I was ecstatic. All I really remember is feeling overjoyed and my heart was racing.

JOURNAL:

I think being a switch is a good thing. I think I've been feeling less than submissive lately, and that's completely fine with me I guess. I think I'm in a weird headspace lately. I'm leaving Utah in 2 days, and I don't know if I'm ready, but I need to be.

My whole body aches lately. I can't wait to go home and sleep on my own bed, I think.

I can't stop thinking about "I wanted to play with my new toy, but still had to drive." Goodness. ]]]
  [the CREATOR] / Glitch- / 14d 7h 12m 27s
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[font "Times New Roman" [size12 I sort of feel like I'm at war with myself. I want to stay, and be the person I know you want me to be, to live my life and talk to people and be friendly and consistent, but it's hard to be consistent with a mind like mine. I'm all over the place, and hurtful without meaning to be, and too tired to function but too restless to sit still.

I either make myself sick or I feel better, and then I work that feeling so hard I get sick again. Calm is not a thing for me. Peace is not a thing for me. I'm getting tired of pulling my hair out in chunks when I wash it. I'm tired of being too tired to fall asleep. I'm not superman. I don't even think I'm human. Are humans so apathetic? It might not even be apathy. Just a void of emotion.

I want to do something but I don't have the attention span. ]]]
  [the CREATOR] / Joker- / 3y 123d 8h 31m 3s
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