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My early Thanksgiving was good. I enjoyed spending time with my grandparents. The food was good too. Tomorrow will be pretty stressful, though. Friday will be just as bad. Saturday and Sunday will be better, but still worse than a regular workday.
Wish me luck!
I hope you stick around.
Maturing is something I've struggled with, so any small signs I'm getting better are welcome.
It looks like I'm getting better at keeping my mouth shut.
If I can keep it up, I might be able to not fuck up my friendships for the millionth time.
That'd be pretty good.
[Left Never Forgetti]
[Right Mom's Spaghetti]
I don't know how to treat her anymore.
I try to be an friendly sort of person, but I've got no clue where the line between friend and something more is with her. She made it quite obvious that she's not really interested, despite how friendly she's being. I don't want to do anything over the line.
That, and because how everything happened and the bit of fallout it all created I've shoved all of my emotions, good and bad, down deep when I'm talking to her. I don't know where to start with the web of emotions I've got when it comes to her, so I've just resorted to acting like they aren't there. Go me.
I doubt it's healthy but it's whatever. I'm sure eventually she'll stop working there or stop talking to me and I'll forget it all. Or maybe not. I don't know..
I'm sick and damn tired of you both.
So damn pissy and overdramatic about things.
I'm a "white cis straight male" and I feel like I'm neither under attack or in a position of power.
And he asks why I'm talking to "that Vasectomy guy".
Vmeste isn't that hard to hard to pronounce, c'mon.
And you know what? Mun and Victor and Setka are much better company than you two are.
I'd rather be alone than dealing with you two sometimes.
You ever just get fed up with life in general?
It fucking sucks.
Oh boy, I've hit the anger phase of post relationship living.
I'm getting more and more questions and I'm growing more and more bitter about things.
So I guess we're just friends now
I understand that
I guess things are just different to her
I guess she sees things in a way I just can't understand
Which is understandable, a lot of people I'm close to see the world in ways I just can't understand
I guess it's whatever tho
God that pissed me off more than I have been in a long time. Like, normally I can step away from a situation and pull myself together and be all good but it feels like now I'm just bitter and low-key hostile to everyone at the moment.
[size7 I'm a fucking wreck.]
Joji's new EP is like perfectly timed.
It's half sad and half romantic and it's fucking me up a bit.
"Demons" hits way to close to home. [size7 For so many goddamn reasons.]
So does "Pills", and the name alone brings up shit.
"Will He" is what I've been listening to on repeat since it dropped.
"Window" is basically my sad aesthetic.
"Bitter Fuck" is how I've been acting here recently.
And "WorldStar Money" is an old fav of mine from Chole Burbank that he rereleased and it fits in pretty well with the other songs.
Well all have to figure ourselves out.
It just sucks that I got stuck in the middle of it all.
Then again, I guess she got stuck in the middle of me figuring out who I am.
[size7 I'm a piece of shit, by the way.]
There goes that
Can I really tell myself "I told ya so"?
Well, whatever. Back to the usual grind
[Center Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb]
I'm now the League sugar daddy.
Which is fine by me, giving stuff to people is something I enjoy.
[size7 Also when your gf disappears you have to fill that "person I buy stuff for" shaped hole in your heart.]
Why am I such a chickenshit? I can't even make a call to see if she's alright? God damn it, why am I so nervous? I hate being like this.
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