Journal/Venting Place

/ By Caleb1021 [+Watch]

Replies: 413 / 3 years 192 days 8 hours 15 minutes 45 seconds

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  1. [Allowed] -Kira-


[Center I write down my thoughts here.]

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Good Lord, what is happening in there?
Low-key tho, I can't joke about autism?
Fuck.
[https://youtu.be/V856p0yjfEA My disappointment is immesurable and my day is ruined.]

Seriously though, everything ought to be made fun of. From mental illnesses to tragedies, no subject is too taboo. Nothing is off limits. You can take the puss out of anything. I'm not excusing bad jokes though. A shite, edgy joke is still terrible. A good joke though can tackle any subject in a way that not much else can. Don't limit your humor.
  Amser Feitheoir / Caleb1021 / 6d 13h 24m 24s
Because this is my journal and I can post three times in an hour and nobody and do shit about it: Another post!
[Center [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2mNeXmfYTw&list=PLU7UXNxzrXheOMSqcuXpHphf2aqVPib_c .]]
So yeah, it's the usual bullshit. It's sad boi hours and I'm listening to a bunch of sad music and I'm sad, surprise surprise.
You know what's great? Being sad and being angry at yourself for being sad. Like, these levels of unironic self-loathing shouldn't even be possible.

But like, the numb feeling that shows up occasionally is low-key amazing. I prefer being just plain ol' tired over sad tired. I'm down with not feeling shit. That's what I need to get through life.
  Amser Feitheoir / caleb1021 / 9d 13h 50m 6s
[Center [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DOuhKdhfsfU]]
  Amser Feitheoir / caleb1021 / 9d 14h 40m 55s
Here's my two cents, take it or leave it:
Maybe write the story by yourself?
That's what I did for an RP I really liked.
The group I rped it with fell apart, so I decided to just do it by myself.
I already knew what I wanted out of it. I had decided on a certain storyline.
I didn't need anyone to write it for me.
Honestly, I'm not that good at writing, so I haven't gotten very far in writing it down.
I think about it all the time though. I use it as a basis for D&D settings and rpg characters and stuff I mess with in RPG Maker.

I don't think you need anyone to play a role for you. Just write it yourself.
  Amser Feitheoir / Caleb1021 / 10d 17h 22m 16s
Whelp, back to the daily grind.
Best to put it out of my mind and try to get back to life as usual.
Eh.
  Amser Feitheoir / Caleb1021 / 21d 3h 14m 53s
I guess what he doesn't realize is that I'd move past her and go back to living my life. I've learned my lesson a long time ago. If something has come to an end, then it's done. Bringing it back up and shoving it in my face will only make things take longer. The relationship has been over for a long while now, there's no reason to keep poking me with it.

I don't feel like wasting more energy on her than I have to. I'm A-Ok with being her friend, but I am not going to hold out hope for the impossible. Honestly, doing so would be rude. I'm not going to regress into the person I was my junior year of high school. I'm not doing that again.

So please Alex, just drop it. I don't care if she offends you. Just leave her alone, yeah? Live and let live. Keep your mouth shut. I know you don't care, but for fucks' sake, other people do. I'm not bothered by your shite jokes, but maybe the guy with an autistic kid and the girl struggling with her sexuality are. Maybe, just maybe, you should learn to read the reactions of the people around you. I don't want to see you get fired for something stupid.

Or maybe I'm overthinking everything.
  Amser Feitheoir / Caleb1021 / 22d 14h 57m 26s
Let's hope tomorrow is better than last time.
Bob should be there most of the day, so that should help.
And if Em and Melissa end up playing something boring for most of the day like last time, I can always shoot the shit with Bob.

Getting out of the house and getting some food should be good, too.
  Amser Feitheoir / Caleb1021 / 22d 18h 28m 9s
[Center Behind these three doors, I have three variants of the same scene. Pick your poison.]
[Left [https://youtu.be/1Bix44C1EzY Door 1]] [Center [https://youtu.be/3NuFVQk_CCs Door 2]] [Right [https://youtu.be/hf1DkBQRQj4 Door 3]]
  Amser Feitheoir / Caleb1021 / 34d 14h 50m 36s
Tonight isn't a complete downer, but I really wish she would have at least said no instead of leaving me hanging. Then again, that seems to be what she's good at.
Eh, well, whatever. There's always another day or something. Besides, there are other, [i much] cooler people I can spend my time with who are infinitely less confusing and a hell of a lot easier to talk to.
  Amser Feitheoir / Caleb1021 / 37d 20h 54m 40s
Today was good.
I got out of the house for once.
I bought a bunch of weeb shit and some really dragon egg bookends.
I grabbed a Metallica cup for my dad.
I know it sounds weird, but I think he liked it.
I guess this is the reward I can give myself for not entirely fucking over my finances.
Go me.
All in all, I'm happy with it all.

Sure, there's more stuff I want to buy.
I'll probably irresponsibly spend my money on things I don't really need for years to come.
Still, if it makes me happy, even for a moment, then I guess it's worth it.
  Amser Feitheoir / Caleb1021 / 42d 13h 2m 14s
Boy oh boy, am I glad that today is over.
Working 6 hours alone is a real pain in the ass, but I survived.
Now it's time to relax and prepare for tomorrow.
  Amser Feitheoir / Caleb1021 / 46d 16h 30m 11s
3.0.0.5 has so many relatable lyrics.
Childish Gambino is one of the few artists I can relate to.
It's also kinda funny that what seems like a sorta love song has a bunch of existential lyrics and shit.
[size7 Note for anyone reading, or me in the future: Go listen to the song, it's worth it I promise.]
[Center [https://youtu.be/tG35R8F2j8k .]]
[I Hold up, wait a minute, all good just a week ago
Crew at my house and we party every weekend so
On the radio, that's my favorite song
Made me bounce around, like I don't know, like I won't be here long
Now the thrill is gone

Either the head is so hydra, or we let bygones be bygones
"My God, you pay for your friends?" I'll take that as a compliment
Got a house full of homies, why I feel so the opposite?
Incompetent ain't the half of it
Saturdays we Young Lavish-ing
Saddest shit, is I'm bad as it
These they took from the cabinet (woah)
Sorry, I'm just scared of the future
Till 3005, I got your back, we can do this, hold up

I used to care what people thought
But now I care more
Man nobody out here's got it figured out
So therefore, I've lost all hope of a happy ending
Depending on whether or not it's worth it
So insecure, no one's perfect
We spend it, with no shame
We blow that, like Coltrane
We in here, like Rogain
Or leave it, like Cobain
And when I'm long gone, whole crew sing a swan song
Cause we all just ticking time bombs, got a lambo like Lebron's mom
And no matter where all of my friends go
Emily, Fam, and Lorenzo
All of them people my kinfolk
At least I think so
Can't tell
Cause when them checks clear, they're not here
Cause they don't care
It's kinda sad, but I'm laughing whatever happens
Assassins are stabbed in the back of my cabin
Labrador yapping
I'm glad that it happened, I mean it]
  Amser Feitheoir / Caleb1021 / 60d 12h 17m 30s
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AdviceAnimals/comments/7zzq7u/it_will_all_be_over_soon This] post and its comments have left me a little shook. The Terry Prachett quotes are so good too.

Time to read all the Rimworld books.
  Amser Feitheoir / Caleb1021 / 60d 17h 57m 28s
Maybe I shouldn't spend time around her. Melissa is fine, as are Bob and Ed. In fact, I think Bob and Ed could teach me a thing or two. Em, however...just seems to complicate things. My mood seemed so up and down tonight. I was alright for most of the night, but there was at least a couple of hours that I was getting more and more disinterested and upset. Then Ed got out the guns, and I had something to play with. That helped quite a bit

Still, I'm feeling all weirdly emotional and I hate it. Life is way too damn complicated, man. I wish this shit was simple.
  Amser Feitheoir / Caleb1021 / 65d 15h 38m 56s
Tfw someone would be doomed to mediocrity and I'm over here living it on the daily. Like, god damn. Is it bad that I'm content with a mediocre life?

Then again, I don't want mediocrity.
I just want to live a quiet life.
  Amser Feitheoir / Caleb1021 / 66d 16h 36m 14s
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