I may let a few people in here and there, but....not likely. Read if you care, or don't, send a pm if you want or don't, it doesn't matter now does it....
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Life is never kind and to some she is downright cruel. Lady Luck fickle and rarely ever lasting when you need her, when you even have her favor in the first place. But time, time is the cruelest of them all. It speeds by in the good times, kicking them away as soon as possible, yet slows to a snails pace during the bad...just to make those last for as long as possible. It's flow isn't even consistent, going slower for some yet flying by others. And the saying "Time heals all wounds." isn't even fully accurate. Sure it'll close the gash but the painful scars remain, hidden below the surface waiting until you're most vulnerable to strike again. Worst part is sometimes you don't even know they're there. And when you miss someone as much as I do, waiting for that person not only to be online but to actually have the free time to talk...well it's not easy, especially with everything else going on as well.
In other, better news though, some of my writers block has faded away enough for me to get a general idea for a story and the characters in it. As far as plot, main villan, twists, and all that other stuff I must admit to still being pretty darn lost but...I'm trying and...blagh, why the heck am I even writing like this ? It's not like anyone's really reading this. Yet here I am, typing and venting like someone's around and caring. Eh, it makes me feel better so I don't even care anymore who reads or not or whatever.
[i "Love is a beautiful yet dangerous thing. It can lift us up from darkness or send us falling deep into the rabbit hole. The only thing that influences which it does, is if the other person's there to catch you when you fall..." -Rebel ]
21, almost 22 days, since the last time HE even said anything to me. I know he's busy, working so hard and barely having time for anything other than eating and sleeping but...that doesn't make each passing day any easier. I miss him so much and...truth be told, I'm scared. I mean, I'm nothing special, just the person who's always in the background...the person just there. The one that's easily forgotten, betrayed, left behind, even after all I've done for some people...Just the thought of losing him hurts so much. Well, I always knew long-distance relationships were hard but this...[i sigh] ..He's worth it. I just hope he doesn't over-exhaust himself.
Lemme tell you a little something about depression...it SUCKS. Somedays I feel like I'm alright, but then others it like What-The-Fucking-Hell...Today was especially bad. I mean, it was rough enough on it's own, but to have the constant insults and provoking from my aunt, not being able to reach the one person that can cheer me up, and everything else...It makes me wonder...if I were to die in my sleep tonight, or even end it all tomorrow, would anyone really miss me ? I don't mean for just two weeks, if even that, but to really actually miss me. I know my family wouldn't, hell they all hate me so much they'd be dancing on my grave.Even my dogs would get over it in a day, if that. My friends, well most of them already forgot me already. The friends and family on es, hell they wouldn't even know...That one person though, he's the whole reason I can even get through days like this, just knowing he cares, that he wouldn't hurt me by like others have, that my clinginess doesn't bother him and he understands why I'm like that ...He's just the most amazing, sweetest. most wonderful person in the world and I KNOW I'm just lucky to have him. He fixed my broken heart, made me believe in love again when I was so numb inside...I could go on, but just talking about him, trying to say everything, would take up way to much room...
My mind is my worst enemy, it makes the long time without talking to that one special person even worse. I trust him completely but...it reminds me of something that happened and...i-if that happens again...ah, but who would know what it'd do to me besides...well,me. Just like nobody knew the last time, ...I know this is just my own fears but...still I fear that pain, I never want to go through that again...
I wish that was all that was going on in the hell that is my mind, I really do....UUUUGH ! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH MY BRAAAAAAAIN !?!
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