A Fallen Angel [Journal]

/ By FallynAngel [+Watch]

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[center [pic http://media2.giphy.com/media/zHGXhFJCVCbD2/giphy.gif]]

[center [size10 [#FF00FF I left this account for a boy that did not want me. Why am I always doing things for boys that don't want me? I am cursed. I tell you. I'm writing to no one because no one cares.]]]

[center [size10 [#FF00FF It is easier to write out my feelings here than on any other site. If I did that then my friends would wonder what was going on. The father of my child would say some hurtful things to me once again. I just want a break from everyone. I vent because I want to get it all out.]]]

[center [size10 [#FF00FF I wish I did not rely on love so much. I rely on it too much. When I fall in love, I fall hard. I love hard. I try to do the right thing. I try to be the best person I can be. I give it my all and without having to give any pity in it. Is that so wrong?]]]

[center [size10 [#FF00FF I have been doing some reading and have come to the conclusion that I have bipolar manic depression. It is the most logic reason behind my mood swings and just who I am. I wish it were different and that I didn't have it. It just is what it is. Some days I can be on top of the world. Some days I can be a bitch. Some days I'll just be very depressed and lethargic. I'll just have to deal with it.]]]

[right [size10 [#00FFFF ~Going Crazy~]]]
  FallynAngel / 4y 342d 22h 48m 50s


Giving up seems like the easiest thing to do right now. A part of me wants to give up. A small part, but it is there. The other part wants me to keep fighting. I would like to say eventually I would stop, but I cannot say something that is not true. I cannot look myself in the eyes and say I would EVER give up on this guy.


No matter how hard it gets or how long I have to fight, I will still be there fighting to be with him. I will be a ninety year old woman still fighting for him to notice me. NOTICE ME!


All I want is him to notice that I am right in front of him wanting to love him and have him love me. We have weird conversations, but they are the best. We are so unconventional when we talk and it is just amazing. Is it weird that I can picture our love life like a Disney movie?


Speaking of Disney, did I mention that I call him my Flynn Rider? It is so weird to think of him in that manner, but I do. It is hard to even say I think our relationship could end up like a fairy tale, but I do. He is the Prince Charming I have been waiting for, and yet he is in love with another.


I am practically the girl next door character or the girl best friend character or the rebound girl who happens to be the true love character. Either way, I do end up with the main character in the end, right? That is how it should be, correct?


~Damsel In Distress~

  FallynAngel / 5y 69d 10h 23m 43s


I feel lost. I feel alone. I feel left behind. I feel abandoned. Does he not know how I truly feel about him? Does he not understand what I would do for him? He is my everything. I have tried so hard to please him and make him the happiest boy ever. Was I not enough?


He says one thing and then another. I get so confused and feel like I am being pushed away. I love him with all my heart. He says that we need a break. A break entails that we will eventually get back together in the end, but that is not the case here. There is a possibility that I may lose him in the end. That is not a break.


Why do I have to go through all of this? What did I do wrong? He thinks I do not need him for anything because I put on a front. I would not cling to him if I did not need him. I feel less lonely with him. I feel happy with him. I feel like I can take on the world with him. I may have walls and not show how much I need him, but I need him more than he thinks.


~Confused~

  FallynAngel / 5y 70d 3h 9m 0s


Have you ever had one of those moments where you just wish things were very different than they were? Well, I am having one of those moments right now. I am sitting here, listening to my boyfriend sleep on the phone, and I just cannot help but wonder what will happen in the morning. I love him with all of my heart, I do. I cannot live without him. I say I will be okay, but in reality, I just will not. I need him.


I live for nights like this, just to listen to him sleeping. We have not been together very long, but I am so attached to him more than ever at this point. I can be myself with him and I love that about our relationship. I feel like we are best friends and lovers all at the same time. It seems strange to think, but it is true.


Sometimes I wonder what goes through his mind. I wonder if I am doing something wrong and he will not say. I wonder if I am doing too much or loving him too much. I love his family already. His mom is nice, she may not be the best kind of mom, but she loves her kids. His brother is adorable, He reminds me of my own brother and I love it. I want to be a part of his family more than anything. I want him to be a part of mine.


Maybe I am just thinking too far ahead in my life. I just know what I want, when I want it. Is it so wrong to love him the way I do? Maybe I am just helpless. Who truly knows at this point.


~Hopelessly Devoted

  FallynAngel / 5y 70d 19h 36m 21s
Status: Online! SOBER is SEXXY






Name: Jillian Farah Knapp
Nicknames: Jill, Fallyn, Jay, Angel
Age: 24 years young
Birthday: November 23rd, 1989
Gender: Female
RL Status: Taken & A MOMMY!!! (3/26/2012)
ES Status: Taken
Favorite Colors: Light Blue and Pink
Sex: LOL I lost that a long time ago, except I'm a born again
Sexuality: Straight *wink wink*

Likes: Music, writing, animes, Hello Kitty and boys
Dislikes: Controlling boys, drugs, smoking and bad language
Favorite Book: Daughters Of The Moon series
Song Of The Day: Collar Full (Cover) by Joey Graceffa
Favorite Quote: "May the odds be ever in your favor!"
Favorite Animals: Dolphins, Penguins and Pandas


Bio:

My life has gone from not so good, to amazing. All because of one special someone. My beautiful mini me. My daughter. She is my inspiration for everything. She is my true love. I would do anything for her. I'm a mom and I'm proud of it. I may be single but I know what I am doing. She's happy and healthy, that's all i could ask for.



To Whom I Owe My Life:

Tiffy - I've known her for so long it's not even funny. Well it is, because we are so silly when we are around each other. She's one of my best friends here. Like family to me. Don't even think of hurting her or you will be dealing with me!

Stephii - My RL sister! What can I say about her? Well she's my sister, so I gotta love her. I do everything with her. I think I joined the old ES with her, or she joined just after me. Well we have been here awhile and I can't imagine life without her in it. Sister by chance, best friends by choice!

Chris - Even though we have just met, it seems like I have known you forever. We have sooo much in common. I think I wouldn't mind you being my Loki to my Lucy! But I know that will never happen. I will always be there for you for everything and I will never hurt you. We've become so close so fast and I absolutely love it!

Matty - He's too cute! I just wanna hug him and squeeze him forever and ever. He's an awesome friend that I have known for like ever!! He knows how to make me laugh and yet he can be serious with me all at the same time. He never makes any sense, which is confusing but funny all at once. He's one of a kind.

Myles - What can be said about him? Well, he is profound, intelligent and a very great guy. He's an awesome friend to have on your side.There is just so much about someone you could never know, unless you put in the effort. At first I was intimidated by this guy, but soon enough I learned I could just be myself. Mess with him and you mess with me!

Vanity - She is one of a kind and very well-rounded. I am very glad I met her. She's funny and sweet. Very caring. She's actually a little like me, we are both investigators and a bit nosey. Don't mess with her or you will have to deal with me!




Second Profile







Third Profile

Status: Possible Hiatus/Not feeling well...


Angel
"Amy" or "Angie"
Immortal
Forever young
Gender-Confused
But if my gender isn't obvious already..
Sexually Curious
Won't you like to know?
Jellybaby anyone?
They are so nummy!
Guardian Angel
I have someone to protect already, sorry
Taken by my Rory
He is my knight in shining armor, so fuck off

Around:{X} Away:{} Sleeping:{} Busy:{} Lurking:{X}


Fourth Profile


~ Juliet ~Immortal ~ Broken ~

Because hearts are often broken...


By words left unspoken.


Fifth Profile Structure







Minnie Immortal

Isn't it obvious Looking for my Mickey


" Remember, you're the one who can fill the world with sunshine. "





Sixth Profile


FillerrrrrFiller

Angel Ageless

Female Married

" You are the first and last thing on my mind each and every day "

This Profile Was Made By S-MEXT
Fill


Seventh Profile




Feeling adventurous? PM me!


Eighth Profile



Ninth Profile

|| Status: Got my Marceline wig! ||
Qᴜᴇᴇɴ || Aɢᴇʟᴇss || Sᴀɢɪᴛᴛᴀʀɪᴜs || HɪsQᴜᴇᴇɴ


Tenth Profile



Come little children, the time’s come to play


Wicked Witch


Queenie


Single & Flirty


Sagittarius


Ageless


Here in my garden of magic



Profile made by Lancu

  FallynAngel / 183d 9h 26m 54s
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