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[center [size10 [+hotpink Thanksgiving wasn't terrible, so that's a thing. My mom cooked dinner. Only her cousin came to dinner, so that was good. We said what we were thankful for and my mom was distracted when I said mine. Thank goodness. She always has a comment about anything I do.
I'm starting to get sick, it's greaaaat. No, not really. My nose is stuffed up and I'm coughing bad.It's hard to sleep at night because of the coughing and stuffy nose. Hard to breathe I guess. But, I'm trying to muddle through.
I've decided to try to get back into my exercise routine. Hoping to start Monday. That way I can have a fresh start to the week. I know everyone will be mad at me for over doing my exercises, but it really makes me feel like I'm doing something when I do it like that. Every day and rest on Sunday.
Things are going alright with the guy I am talking to. Still having those moments of doubt. I know I have a lot of self care to work on. But that is for me to work on, not anyone else. My jealousy isn't an issue per say, cause it's not jealousy. It's more of a worry that I am not enough. I don't think I have ever been for anyone really.
Many of my exes have cheated on me. I've always wondered what I did wrong. I know in one of my last relationships, I wasn't the best girlfriend, so I know what went wrong there, at least towards the middle. The beginning, I have no idea and the end, I have no idea. One day maybe I'll understand.
I do think about my ex, constantly. That's bad, I think. I should move on. He's moved on. I know it seems like I've moved on, but it's really difficult when I thought I had a future with them. When I made them my world. When I really had strong feelings for them. When I was attached. I know he'd never believe me. We fought quite a bit. At the end, I think I cried more than I actually argued. But I'd still trade any of those moments for what I have now with him, which is silence.
It only makes sense. He's moved on. I probably sound crazy. I'm done ranting now. Sorry.]]]
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[center [size10 [+hotpink Yesterday was my birthday. I turned 30 years old. Not sure how I feel about it though. Indifferent, maybe. Hard to tell. I’m not happy or sad. I’m just older. Another year around the sun I guess. I am happy for the celebration though.
It started Thursday night this week. I had decided that I was going to do a whole birthday weekend. I’ve never done that before. And 30 is a milestone. So I went with my friends to see Frozen 2.
It was AMAZING! Purely amazing. I loved it. I hope there’s a third. We saw Frozen 2 then went to karaoke. We’ve been going every Thursday for about 2 months now. It’s really fun and I’ve made some amazing friends there. They’re so nice and sweet. I love them.
Friday I got my nails done and then at night we went to Hawkwood Game Cafe. I got a really nice mermaid design on my nails. I’m in love. I just can’t. Hawkwood was fun. My brother paid for it. So I liked that part.
Saturday, my actual birthday, my brother treated me to breakfast. Then at night I went to the casino with my friends. I even played the slots for the first time. I won some cash. I couldn’t believe it. I cashed out after that small win. I had this pretty Ariel cake. I was excited for it.
Now, it’s Sunday. I’m headed to dinner and an escape room with one of my friends. I’m excited for this.
On Friday we went to a bar after the cafe, I got to see the guy I’ve been talking to and been on a few dates with. Nothing official there. We were there for a couple hours. So I started my birthday there with him. It was really nice.
I do like him. He’s different than my normal guy. So it’s strange to me. It’s nice having someone there physically. But I’m also learning about myself along the way. I’m trying to become a better me.
He’s super understanding though, so I really like that. Sometimes I text him too much and I think I’m annoying him. I’ve actually talked to him about it though and he’s told me that he would tell me if I was. So that’s reassuring. I try remembering that every time I start feeling like that.
I’m a bit broken though. And he’s okay with that. He’s broken too and that’s okay. We can help each other.
I’m in like, so that’s a start.
I’m happy with my birthday celebration. I love my friends so much for making it special.]]]
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[center [size10 [+aqua Everything is changing and I'm not sure how I feel about it.
There's this guy that I absolutely love but we barely talk. If you don't want to make time for me, then that's fine. I don't need to waste my time waiting for you to come to me. It's been two weeks. And you texted me, maybe, a few times.
I know you're going through some stuff, but you can make time for people. If you really wanted to. Sorry if you hate me for saying that. But when you want to spend time with someone, you make time for them. Obviously, you don't want to spend time with me.
That's fine. It's really fine. I love you and I probably always will. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I made time for you, even when I didn't have to or I had other things to do. I found time in my schedule for you.
But it's okay. I'm going to be okay, I think. I hope you will be okay though. I really do.
A friend of mine passed away. He suffered from depression and was not in the right state of mind. He constantly told me how depressed he was. Every time we talked, I convinced him to stay alive. I wish I had been there for him during his time of need.
He was into some heavy drugs, as well. Apparently, he had been drinking and doing some drugs the night it happened. It makes me dislike Florida even more. That's where he was living. He was being aggressive with some cops and then they shot him. But he wanted to die that badly cause he kept egging them on to do it and they fought hard not to use guns. But it ended up being inevitable. It just makes me sad knowing that he was that depressed.
In a happier note, I guess I met someone new. Not sure where it is going to go, but we've been vibing anytime we are together. We text a lot and he's a really good guy.
I feel guilty for liking someone new. I still love my ex, but this new guy makes time for me. He's super understanding and nonjudgmental. I told him I had a daughter and he was perfectly fine with it. Said that he wanted to see if there was something there before getting involved in her life.
But I still feel guilty for being happy. I shouldn't though. But I can trust his words more than I can trust my ex. So that means something. It should mean something anyway. But he's super nice and we may not have a lot in common, but we do have some things. We match in our musical tastes and some nerdy things. But we're both open to watching what the other likes.
It's weird doing this all over again.
I always wanted a Doctor Who life reference and I finally got it. At first, I was crushing on this really cute guy at the bar and I wanted to get to know him. So I decided to get to know his friends to see if I could find a way in to getting to know him. And I wasn't even attracted to his friend at first, just thought he was cool.
Then, I got to know his friend and his personality just sort of became him and I started to crush on him instead. And I wanted to know more about him. I'm learning a lot about him and I'm liking everything so far. Everything may not be peaches and cream with him, but that gives him depth and character.
Basically, he is the Rory to my Amy. It happened by accident and I can't help but like that. His friends are super nice and we definitely get along. So I'm for that.
But I still feel guilty. I shouldn't though. But I do.]]]
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[center [size10 [+hotpink Sometimes people surprise you and sometimes they do exactly what you expect.
I thought this girl was my friend, but it turns out, nope. Extremely nope. I have the opportunity to talk to her and I'm not sure I want to. Literally found out that she has already hooked up with and been in a relationship with the guy she knew I had a crush on. And she hasn't even been single very long. Soooo... you're a crappy friend and you weren't really in love.
Yeah, yeah. I know, people heal at different rates. But when you're in love, it should really be like a long time. At most 3 months. And she hasn't even been single a month. Maybe it's been a month now, but not when she dated the guy. She had been with her ex for four years and they were engaged. Going to get married and she just moves on like he's nothing to her. That just makes me sick. I say 3 months to wait is a good time to wait after a guy breaks up with you. Especially if you were in love with them. If you break up with the person, it's a totally different story.
I'm really debating on not being her friend anymore and not having that talk. I doubt it will happen either. She's not a talker. I've tried in the past to talk to her and she's brushed it off and lied about me. I don't really think that is someone I should be friends with. Even lied [i after] we made up as well.
My crush/ex surprised me by doing something sweet. At least sweet to me. He knows what he did and that's that. It just surprised me because I wasn't expecting it and it gave me a smile that he did it with me in mind.
Yea, he's my ex, but I still have feelings for him. I can't help it really. I just can't picture my life without him in it to be honest. He's my best friend. I tell him everything really. And he tells me quite a bit. Can't say I'm his best friend, but I know we are close. I'd like to be closer to him, but only when he is ready. Yes, I know I am pushy, but I can wait. Great things are worth waiting for.
Which reminds me of another quote I like "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love and be loved in return,". I'm not sure why it is resonating with me these days but it's been helpful I suppose. I'm learning to love the proper way. To communicate, without arguing, which was and still is a bit of a work in progress for me. So hopefully things will get better.]]]
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[center [size10 [+hotpink Some days I don't seem to know up from down or down from up. Even left and right get mixed up.
That's how my days seem these days. I'm in a funk. But... I got a laptop and my creative juices have been flowing and I really want to role play more. I want to chat with more people and make new friends more. I want to do more cosplays.
Currently debating on which one to do next. Currently, I've done female Sonic, female Deku, Ariel , Amy Pond, Juvia Lockser and three different original characters. I think I have done some other ones as well, but I cannot remember all of them. They're mainly on my TikTok page. But I also cosplay Ariel quite frequently with my cosplay group.
I did one event so far with my cosplay group and it was less than successful. Only because there were very few children there.I'm hoping the next event will be better. Currently, I go as Ariel to them, since that is the cosplay I have the full costume for. I do Ariel when she is human with no voice, but I can talk as her, as long as I stay true to her character when talking to children.
I love cosplaying and doing makeup. Experimenting is so much fun. I have a vampire/angel original character named Fallyn Angel. She has three forms to her. Her mother was a vampire and her father was an angel. In angel form she has blue eyes, curly read hair, no fangs and wears all white clothing. She sparkles even. In her normal form, she has straight hair, purple eyes, small fangs and wears whatever she feels like. In her vampire form, she has straight hair, red eyes, all black clothes and her fangs are much longer. Her personality even changes with each form too. As an angel, she is wise and fair. As her normal self, she is shy and timid, since most of her life she has been looked at as a freak. As a vampire, she's seductive and cruel.
My second original character is a werewolf named Ren. I don't have a backstory for her yet. But she has curly hair and pointed ears, fangs too. She wears a tank top and glasses. It's a specific tank top I have for her character. She's on the sarcastic side and I love her personality.
My third original character is Derya, she a fae and I love her. She has blue hair, blue eyes, wears a white dress, has white wings, wears a blue flower crown. She's sweet and kind and very new to the human world. But she tries to protect everyone to the best of her ability.
I do have a Hufflepuff original character, but she doesn't have a name yet. But she has straight hair, glasses and wears a yellow plaid dress with a Hufflepuff pin on it. She's on the shy side, but has a lot of Slytherin friends.
I want to do an Evie cosplay from Descendants 3. I loved her outfit and I just love Evie so freaking much. I identify with her all too much. I tend to identify with the blue haired women, I've noticed. Evie and Juvia for examples.
What else has been going on? Hmmm... I'm still in love with my ex. I wanna be with him, I really do. But it always seems like he's looking for something to fight about. I'm not sure what is going on with him these days though. I am literally expressing my feelings towards him, I'm not implying or inferring that that is his intention whatsoever, but just telling him my all around feelings towards what happened. And that seems to start a fight.
It used to be that I scared him. Now a days, I'm scared to tell him how I feel in fear of starting a fight. I love him dearly, do not mistake that fact at all, but I'm not trying to argue with him at all. I'm expressing my feelings. Before we had miscommunication all the time because I didn't speak up about my feelings. And now I do and it seems to cause more of a mess that I did not want. Just a peaceful conversation about feelings is all I was looking for. Just give me some reassurance that it's not what you are trying to do and that's that. Hug me, kiss me, tell me I'm being silly. Acknowledge that my feelings are valid because of the abuse I went through in my life and tell me that I have nothing to fear with you.
I admit that I have issues in relationships. I'm not perfect and I do not claim to be. I have jealousy issues and self esteem issues. Most guys I have dated or been with intimately end up telling me beautiful lies. They say one thing and then I see another thing. It's not nice to be the girl no one wants to be with. It messes with your mind a little. It messes with how you look at yourself.
Not only that, I got bullied growing up. I still get bullied. Not only by my peers occasionally, but also by my own mother. That's not kind at all. I do not bully my daughter. I tell her she is beautiful no matter what. My mother, from a young age used to call me fat and tell me that I needed to lose weight. I was just a child then. She still berates me to this day. No only on my outer appearance, but my ability as a mother and on my job.
I have a job, it may not pay a lot, but it is a job. When I finish school it will pay more. I just have to finish school. I may not live on my own yet, but that is because I am being a mother and trying my hardest for my daughter.
I go through a lot of things that people never see. Because I literally hide it all. I hide small stuff. I suffer from depression and anxiety. I'm not okay. I cry sometimes. And you know what, it's okay to not be okay. At least I am aware of that and I am trying to help myself.]]]
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[center [size10 [+hotpink I haven’t written here in a long while. Hmmm... where do I even start?
I’ve made some rash decisions in life thus far, but I’m trying to make better ones lately.
I broke up with my boyfriend in October. I met a new guy that I thought I liked. Turns out he was a jerk, at least to me he was. Or maybe, I was too much for him. I won’t lie, I’ve got a lot of trust issues, so I can get a bit jealous sometimes, but I tried to keep that in check cause he was a bit weary at first of even dating. First wanting to be open and then changing his mind and then changing his mind once again. He put a lot of trust into a 14 year old girl, not me, but another friend of ours. It’s weird to say that though. He’s much older and yet he treated her like she was older. It was strange. I bit my tongue a lot.
Moving on. I lost a friend recently. I chose to get rid of her out of my life. She called me a not so nice name via Facebook and proceeded to spread lies about me to my own sister and to people I was friends with. Said I used her for rides and would get mad if her car wasn’t working. I never used her for rides. I always offered her a ride over my place any time her car wasn’t working. I always gave her gas money, even when I never got a ride. I always bought her food whenever she didn’t have money too.
It all started over a boy. She had to be sneaky about a boy she liked. Cause I liked him. She has a boyfriend and she was flirting with another guy. She refused to give me his number when he said I could have it. She hung out with him all the time. She admitted months later that she liked him. When she knew from the beginning I liked him. And she told me right from the beginning that he wasn’t her type. Then, she got him to block me on Facebook. Told him that she blocked me. She didn’t block me at all. I blocked her very recently. I admit, I went about my feelings the wrong way and should have went to her first, but my sister, MY SISTER, shouldn’t have done what she did. She’s my sister but I guess blood isn’t thicker in this case.
Found out my sister was doing drugs in the house. That’s wonderful, right? She says she’s not addicted. But she does it every day. So that makes sense. Makes me worry for my niece.
Currently, I’m still in love with my ex and unsure what to do. I wanna be my own person. But I wanna be with him. I wanna make him happy by being myself. But myself is either not enough or too much. Literally no in between. And I feel like that makes me a bad person. I love talking to him and I can tell him anything, but I also can’t tell him my feelings all the time. It’s like I get sad cause of something and I can’t tell him because he gets defensive and it scares me a bit. I love him though, very much. I want to be at that level that I can tell him anything. That I can even protect him.
Recently watched The Rising of the Shield Hero. I highly recommend it. I’m hoping for a second season. Loving Raphtalia. Working on a cosplay of her. I have a lot of cosplans planned out. Just gotta slowly put them together. Gotta get a new laptop, that’s number one on my list.
Let’s see. Found out that I have to go to physical therapy twice a week soon. That’s not gonna be fun at all. It’s for my back. I fell a few weeks ago down the stairs and lately it’s been bad. I think it stems even more from when I over exerted myself a couple months ago exercising and hurt my back then. But that’s just me.]]]
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[center [size10 [+hotpink Stop being so silly.
I’m not in this for money.
You don’t need to pay me back for anything.
My money was not wasted at all.
It was put to good use.
I’m not in this for money.
Or even some sort of prize.
Let’s be honest here.
The real prize is you.
No I didn’t have to play a game with you.
That’s not what I mean.
I mean that you’re one in a billion.
And I’m so freaking lucky to have you in my life.
Not just as my best friend, but as my lover.
My other half.
I’m in a state of bliss.
As of late.
I feel like I was worrying over nothing before.
I will probably always worry.
But not as much as I have been.
I was worrying so much before, that I was having mini panic attacks.
That’s not good for anyone.
I know you worry.
And I appreciate it.
But no need to worry anymore.
I’m literally feeling so much better now.
Having taken some time to truly think about a lot of things.
And lots of reassurance from you.
I’m feeling 75% better.
Not 100%, but pretty close.
And that counts.
I still have my moments.
But I’m going to be more trusting.
Of course, I want to be with you forever.
I’m in this for the long haul.
I’m not looking back or giving up.
As you are doing the same for me,
I’m sorry if I pushed you.
I didn’t mean to.
I love you so much.
I feel like the luckiest girl right now.
So very lucky to have a guy who cares and loves me.
Not only me really.
But even my daughter.
You’re truly amazing and I couldn’t ask for better.
I mean everything I say.
I promise you that.]]]
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[center [size10 [+hotpink You ever just love someone so much?
That you literally can’t get them off your mind?
That you can’t eat, can’t sleep, feeling over the moon kind of love?
I guess that’s how I’m feeling lately.
I love someone so much.
I’m not sure what the future holds for us.
But I’m not gonna give up.
You told me to hold your hand.
So I’m gonna hold your hands.
You told me to trust you.
So I’m gonna trust you.
I’m giving my all to you.
Like you are for me.
I’m in love with you, you big lug.
I hope you know that.
I can’t wait to spend the rest of our lives together.
You’re really something else.
In a good way silly.
Like when I talk to you, it’s like time stands still.
I feel like I’m on a cloud.
Cause you make Heaven our place on Earth.
Always so understanding.
Always there for me.
Putting me before anything.
I am so lucky to have you.
God gave me you for the ups and downs.
God gave me you for the days of doubt.
For when I think I've lost my way, there are no words here left to say, it's true.
God gave me you.
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[center [size10 [+hotpink August 20th to August 26th.
Those days will live with me forever.
I can’t begin to explain how I feel right now.
Elated, that’s a good word to use.
Excited for the future.
I could even say that.
Above it all I feel pure happiness.
I’m really bad at keeping things in lately.
When I feel something I just go for it.
I suppose that is the Disney Princess in me escaping.
I probably sound crazy with all of this.
No pure explanation.
So August 20th of 2018, let’s start there.
I went to the airport, nervous as heck, to pick up this really cute guy I know.
I think it went well.
I picked him up and brought him to my house to stay for the week.
We spent a wonderful week together.
I’m hoping to spend more days together as well.
I am in love with Christopher.
I’m not afraid to say that.
I put four long years into him and I’m not giving up.
I guess that sounds crazy.
To be in love with a guy who has denied me for so long.
I guess you can’t help who you love.
He can deny me all he wants.
If he wants.
We shall see.
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But I miss him now.
He left August 26th, 2018.
Seven long days we spent together.
Seven days of emotions.
Seven days of love and passion.
Seven days I would not change for the world.
He held me in his arms.
Made me feel safe.
I owe him so much.
It was perfect.
Yes, I did cry.
Lots of tears were shed.
Because I have insecurities.
A lot of them.
But he made me feel like it was okay to feel how I felt.
That I had every right to feel how I felt.
He was amazing.
That’s all I can say.
Any time I cried, he wiped my tears away.
Any time I smiled and laughed it was because of him.
He made my heart flutter.
Pure happiness was felt.
Still felt now.
I’m just head over heels.
Of course we have our issues, but who doesn’t.
I’ll take him no matter what.
I know he’s broken, but I love him and want to support him.
[center [pic https://i.imgur.com/VM74n7r.jpg]]
Did I mention he’s a great dad to my daughter?
Yes, I have a daughter.
And she isn’t his.
But he treats her like she is his.
He gives her so much love.
I am so lucky to have found him.
My daughter and I are so lucky to have found him.
To have him in our lives is a blessing.
God works in mysterious ways.
God has been watching out for me.
I just know that we are meant to be.
So I am in a good place in my life.
Mentally and emotionally.
Which rarely happens for me.
But to the point, I love Christopher.
I guess we’re not officially together but I wanna be.
I’d do anything for him.
He’s perfect in my eyes.
Just an amazing person.
I don’t deserve him in my life really.
I really don’t.
But there he is.
Putting me on this pedestal that I don’t belong on.
He loves me for me.
And all my flaws and craziness.
He just loves me.
No expectations other than to love him back.
He’s my best friend and I love him so much.
I can’t help my feelings.
I wish I could convey my feelings better than this, but my computer is out of commission for awhile.
So mobile is the only way I can go about this.
Hopefully this wasn’t too bad X3]]]
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[center [size10 [+hotpink I suppose this end is bittersweet. Maybe. I'm not sure how to truly look at it really. On one hand, I'm feeling okay. No real anger is boiling inside me. Just some hurt and a bit upset is inside of me.
I understand what you're saying but I'm not sure how to feel. Indifferent is a good way to put it. I was happy about last night. But then this afternoon it all went down. Like I said, I understand what you're saying.
Just because I understand doesn't mean I agree with what you say. Relationships are supposed to be about growing together. That's the best part. Starting at the bottom together and working our way to the top. Seeing our bad sides and working through them.
Been watching Hallmark movies so much lately. I'm becoming a softy. I'm not sure how to feel about being soft. I want to be soft, but I also want to be a bit tough. I don't want to let my guard down sometimes. Getting hurt is not fun.
Hurt is how I'm feeling though. I let my guard down. I guess I always do with you. You're my weakness and I got hurt. I knew I would get hurt in the end, but I guess I trusted your words. And I know why I got hurt and I'm not mad at you. I'm just hurt because, well, you can't help who you fall in love with. I'm not upset that I let you in either. On the contrary, I'm quite alright with letting you in over and over.
Maybe that's toxic or maybe not. But I'm okay with that because I don't find you toxic. You make me want to be a better person. Which is what you're supposed to do in a relationship. I don't make you want to be a better person, or maybe I do, you've never told me.
One day maybe. Who knows what the future holds. I know, even though you say not to wait because the future is unclear, but I'm probably going to wait. Be foolish and wait.
On another note, hopefully buying tickets to see [i Be More Chill] soon. Going in September with my friend and I'm super excited about it. Like super excited.
I want to go to an upper part of the state in October just to see Rocky Horror Picture Show Experience. I've always wanted to. So I am putting it on my bucket list of things to do.
Hopefully starting my classes back up soon. Just have to talk to my advisors. Can't wait to have my degree finally.
I have to start doing things better for myself. I just need to. Like getting my license. Losing weight again. The things I really want to do. Nothing toxic. Only positivity. That's my goal for the summer.
I think that is all on my mind right now.]]]
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[center [size10 [+hotpink Sooo... I got my haircut today. I’m actually super happy with the outcome of it too. I got it trimmed all around and I have swoopy bangs. It’s perfect actually. Eventually, I’m going to end up dying my hair a completely different color than what I normally do.
Normally, I dye my hair with henna hair dye. I do wine red. Only because when I do it, it comes out like Ariel red. Which is exactly what I want. But, next time I’m dying it rainbow. I saw a few different styles of rainbow hair I liked, but I think I’m just going to go full rainbow.
Of course I have to let the henna dye come out first, that’s a must. And I know it will be a big process. I’m prepared for it though. Granted I won’t be doing it till around my birthday. If not then, maybe for Christmas. Depends on my hair really. I just want something to treat myself too. That’s all. A treat for having made it through another year.
I’m already planning on going to see Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them 2: The Crimes Of Grindlewald for my birthday with my friend. So that will be a treat, too. I’m super excited about it too.
This summer is fast approaching. I’m excited for it too. I want to do so much. I want to start walking more and getting back to my school work. I wanna finally finish school and start losing weight. I don’t have much longer for school. Like three more classes really. Not that hard.
Each class is five weeks long. So that’s fifteen weeks. Which isn’t that bad when you think about it. So it won’t be long till I’m done. I’m excited to finally have my degree in school. Then I could probably leave the job I’m at and work somewhere else and get paid more. It’s exciting to think about.
I’m also working on my license as well. I wanna get that within the month. Super nervous about that actually. But I can do it. I’ve been practicing here and there with my dad. It’s really sad that I am 28 years old and can’t drive. But soon I will. I’ve already driven to a couple places with my dad in the car. I’m still alive. Just have to practice parking and more confidence.
I wanna go to the beach this summer, with my daughter and just have fun. I can’t wait to visit Maine again this summer. I’m excited. It was beautiful there. I want to have an awesome summer. My friend is visiting in August. Can’t wait for that.
I’m going to see ‘Love Never Dies’ next weekend with my best friend. It’s a sequel to ‘Phantom Of The Opera’. I’m super excited to see it. In August, we’re going to see ‘The Little Mermaid’ movie, even though it’s nothing like the cartoon. In September we’re going to see ‘Be More Chill’ in New York. I’m extremely excited for that one.
I might go to this theater a few towns away for Rocky Horror Picture Show in October. I’ve never done the live viewing, so I’m excited to try it. I’m trying to see if a few friends will want to go.
I became friends with my ex’s ex. So that’s interesting. She’s nice but I feel like she doesn’t trust me. That’s to be expected cause I was a real witch to her. I’m older and I should have known better. I want her to come to the Rocky Horror Picture Show with me a few friends. I think it would be fun.
That’s all for now, I think.]]]
[center [pic http://media.tumblr.com/6d88dc6b72cb14a2fe1ac341eee774c9/tumblr_inline_na3o4vKPdp1ssvy8m.gif]]
[center [size10 [+orchid Life has been taking some twists and turns throughout these past few days. Do I regret how things have been going? Yeah, I do. But I cannot change the past no matter how much I truly want to. I'm not a timelord though.
What else can I say now? I'm scared but happy. We've been together five months now and I am happy about that. Some days are harder than others, but I have to try. Try hard for him. For our love.
I love him more than anything in the world. In a few weeks, he will be here. For my belated birthday gift. I love him more than anything in the world.
A couple months ago he asked me to run away with him. I said no then. I regret it everyday. So much regret. He could have made me so much more happier than I am now. Not so say I am not happy. Cause I am so happy. But I know if I was there with him we would be so much happier. No fighting. Nothing of the sort. I know that.
I regret it everyday more and more. I should have packed my things and left without a goodbye to anyone. I have nothing here now. Everyone has stopped caring about me. He is my everything and I should have given him everything.
We made it though. Five months today. Five months together. Lots of ups and downs. But unconditional love is about putting up with one another and fighting for each other. We love each other. He always comes back. I know he does.
He was almost gone. But he stayed. He stayed and made me so happy. The happiest I have ever been. He may not think it but he is the most amazing boyfriend I have ever had. I'm the luckiest girl in the world to have him. Out of all the girls in the world that he could have, he chose me. [i Me.] I still can't believe it myself.
We talked this morning and he told me I was being really cute. I was being myself. He started to fanboy over me. It was the most kawaii thing in the world. He told me I sounded like an anime girl the way I was laughing and talking. I was just so happy, I couldn't help but talk that way.
He knows how to compliment me so well and be there for me through everything. He means the world to me and I could never lose him. Please God let him stay in my life for forever and a day. Please.]]]
[right [size10 [+mediumvioletred ~Blushing Beauty~]]]
[center [pic http://i7.glitter-graphics.org/pub/2650/2650047vi0t7za8jl.gif]]
[center [size10 [+fuchsia Sooooo.... There is about 15 days until my birthday. I cannot wait for it. I honestly cannot wait. My boyfriend has been super nice to me lately too. It is hard to imagine my life without him in it. To be quite honest.
I know, I know. I can be a pain in the butt sometimes, but I love him to death. He is getting me THE BEST GIFT EVER! He is coming to visit me as my birthday present.
You see, he got a job so that he can come and visit me and help me save up to go and live with him soonish. He is the best guy ever. He really is the light of my life. The reason to live and breathe. He is even a great father figure to my daughter. Always giving her kisses and playing around with her.
I love my boyfriend, or should I say my fiancé. I cannot help my feelings for him. Him and I fight, and when I say fight, I mean more on the verbal side and to the point where we almost break up. I suppose it is something I deserve. I do start a lot of the fights. I do not mean to though.
I love him so much. I cannot put into words the feelings that I have for him out on paper or a screen. I would be here for days and I am sure no one wants to listen to me drone on and on about him for days.
I am just in a really good mood, even if my birthday present will be a bit after my birthday, it will still be the best birthday present I will ever have gotten from any boyfriend, current and past.
To be honest, it will most likely be the first gift I have gotten from a boyfriend, past and current. I am absolutely excited about it. I already have the perfect outfit to wear.]]]
[right [size10 [+hotpink ~ Ecstasy ~]]]
[center [pic http://data3.whicdn.com/images/44202031/large.gif]]
[center [size12 [b [+blue Keeping this here:]]]]
[center [size10 [b [i She smiles and then turns around and faces him, still smiling at him.]]]]
[center [size10 [+deeppink "Each day I'm loving you, more and more."]]][center [size10 [+deeppink "Listen to your heart, can you hear it sing?"]]]
[center [size10 [+pink Nothing can ever take me away from you. What we have is special. Not only to me, but in general. I'm never going to leave you like the rest did. You make me wanna be a better person, as well as a better girlfriend to you.]]]
[center [size10 [+deeppink "Even if the skies get rough..."]]][center [size10 [+deeppink "Even the stars, they burn..."]]][center [size10 [+deeppink "God knows we're worth it."]]]
[center [size10 [+pink There is so much out there for you and I to discover. To discover together. Destiny brought us together. God knows that we are supposed to be together. Remember? I told you, I hesitated to join your chat. It was on my watch list for 24 hours. I finally posted. It was fate when I did. It brought us together.]]]
[center [size10 [+deeppink "You make me feel like I'm living a teenage dream."]]][center [size10 [+deeppink "Let's run away and don't look back."]]][center [size10 [+deeppink "My heart stops when you look at me."]]][center [size10 [+deeppink "This is real."]]]
[center [size10 [+pink This is real. It has to be real. Your touch. Your kisses. Your warmth. Your safety. It all means so much to me. More than you can ever know. Laying on your chest, being held in your arms. It was pure ecstasy. I do not know where to begin and I do not want to end. It all felt so right. So perfect. Two un-perfect people. It was just perfect.]]]
[center [size10 [+deeppink "The girl that never wins..."]]][center [size10 [+deeppink "Never made it as head cheerleader."]]]
[center [size10 [+pink Remember this song? This was the song you said reminded you of me. Of me. A song reminded you of me. After everything we had been through. Hearing about her constantly. This song, an underdog song. It meant the world to me to know you even think of me at all.]]]
[center [size10 [b [i She kisses his cheek sweetly.]]]]
[center [size10 [+deeppink "One step closer."]]][center [size10 [+deeppink "I have loved you for a thousand years, I'll love you for a thousand more."]]][center [size10 [+deeppink "Time has brought your heart to me"]]]
[center [size10 [+pink I feel like I was born to love you and only you. All the others were just practice to finding you. I made mistakes and took wrong turns, but I found my way to you. We both found our way to one another. Fate has a design for us. I just know this has to be true. I feel that it has to be true.]]]
[center [size10 [+deeppink "I wanna hold your hand."]]]
[center [size10 [b [i She takes his hand and holds onto it tightly with both of her small hands.]]]]
[center [size10 [+deeppink "Hey baby, I think I wanna marry you."]]]
[center [size10 [+pink I don't think, I know I wanna marry you and spend the rest of my life in your arms. Feeling your kissing against my sweet lips. This is a no brainer for me.]]]
[center [size10 [+deeppink "You make me wanna act like a girl."]]][center [size10 [+deeppink "You make me glow"]]]
[center [size10 [+pink If only you knew how I truly felt about you. I love you, I do. I care about you too. So much. Yes, I get hurt and get jealous and cry, A LOT, but I do love you. I get upset, but my love never dwindles. In fact, it keeps growing, no matter what bad thing you do. I still have you in my life. I smile, even when you think I am so sad. You give me attention and it brightens my day. You shush me and sing to me. It's like an angel has come to my rescue. I swear all of this is true.]]]
[center [size10 [+deeppink "You're the closest to Heaven that I'll ever be."]]]
[center [size10 [b [i She kisses his hand gently and holds it close to her heart.]]]]
[center [size10 [+deeppink "In your arms, I can still feel the way you want me."]]][center [size10 [+deeppink "There ain't no way, I'm letting you go now."]]][center [size10 [+deeppink "I'm keeping you forever and for always."]]]
[center [size10 [+pink I don't want to lose you and all that we have. I could never imagine my life without you in it. No matter what fight we get into, I still need you in my life. I still need you here. I just need you and your love. It means the world to me. You mean the world to me.]]]
[center [size10 [+deeppink "A day without you is like a year without rain."]]]
[center [size10 [b [i She reaches one hand up to his face and caresses his cheek, her other hand still holding his hand to her heart. A smile crosses her lips.]]]]
[center [size10 [+deeppink "I wish I was beside you."]]]
[center [size10 [+pink All I want in this world is you. I am working my butt off so I can be with you. I am doing everything I can to run away with you. I want us to be stable. To be able to do things we never could have imagined. I really do.]]]
[center [size10 [+deeppink "You are the thunder and I am the lightening."]]][center [size10 [+deeppink "When you look in my eyes, it takes my breath away.]]]
[center [size10 [+pink I'll never forget the day we met face to face, outside of the computer screen. You walked up the stairs and pushed Brandon and your mom out of the way. You hugged me so tight. That was the first the you did. I was in shock and surprised and nervous, all at once. My heart jumped when you hugged me. The hug, though awkward, felt real and felt sweet and loving.]]]
[center [size10 [+deeppink "You're the glitter in the darkness of my world."]]]
[center [size10 [+pink If only you knew the pain that you decrease for me. The joy you bring in my life. All that you truly do for me. It seems like you do nothing, but you do a lot more than I let you think. You make everything go away with your sweet words. You make everything feel better with your singing. I've grown so attached to all of your parts. Good and bad. Nothing could make me love you less.]]]
[center [size10 [+deeppink "My whole heart, will be yours forever."]]]
[center [size10 [b [i She grabs his other hand and puts it to her heart with a smile. Tears begin to form in her eyes, happy tears.]]]]
[center [size10 [+deeppink "You're the pulse that I've always needed."]]]
[center [size10 [+pink You feel that? That is what you do to my heart. You make it race to no end. My love for you is boundless and unconditional. You have shown me how to truly love someone no matter what. You've taught me new things and I love you for that.]]]
[center [size10 [+deeppink "Baby even on our worst nights, I'm still into you."]]][center [size10 [+deeppink "Not a day goes by that I'm not into you."]]]
[center [size10 [+deeppink "When we're together it feels so right."]]]
[center [size10 [+pink Unconditional love was not something I had ever truly heard of or even considered a real thing. Only for the movies, I thought. Not for real people. Not for the real world. It didn't exist until you showed it to me. Until you showed me how to love that way.]]]
[center [size10 [+deeppink "I swear that I can see forever in your eyes."]]]
[center [size10 [b [i She takes his hands in hers and holds them between the two of them. His hands now off of her heart. She smiles as she looks up at him. A small sigh escapes her lips, as a tear drop falls down her face. A smile still across her lips.]]]]
[center [size10 [+deeppink "I will always love you."]]]
[center [size10 [+pink You are good enough for someone. I could never give you up and I don't want to. I always have and I always will fight for you. You are a great boyfriend, even if I don't show you that enough. You took me on a date, no guy can ever say that. You were a true gentleman, not a player. You love me for me. You don't want to change me. You want to help me. You know my potential and you want to be there by my side through it all.]]]
[center [pic http://i.imgur.com/9h9xKja.gif]]
[center [size10 [+pink Keeping this here for now...]]]
[center [size10 [i She walked up to him, her head down and tears streaming down her face.]]]
[center [size10 I love you Karuta, I really do. But lately, you've changed. You used to strive for me attention. Beg me to comfort you, even when I did not know what to do. Beg for my attention when I was busy on the computer. Now you have my attention and I do not have yours. I get it, it's not fun. I wish this cruel joke would end.]]
[center [size10 [i She cries more, shaking a bit now.]]
[center [size10 Karuta, you are sweet, charming, beautifully handsome, funny, caring, kind, generous, strong(physically) and very bright. You are like no one I have ever met and I love you for that. You are uniquely you. I would never want to change you. At least your personality and looks.]]
[center [size10 Loving unconditionally is giving your heart to someone freely and without any limitations. When you give someone your heart, you trust them not to break it. You trust them to keep it safe and sound. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I fall head over heels in love faster than most.]]
[center [size10 [i She sniffles a bit crying some more.]]]
[center [size10 About seven months we have been in each other's life. The first three were rough.l On and off dating plus on and off talking. I don't think I want to forget my past. It is something to learn from and to remember, both good and bad. You have to take the good with the bad and the happy and the sad. It's how life works.]]
[center [size10 These past four months have been a roller coaster. We both mistakes. We both have our faults. I regret the things I've done to you. They weren't right or moral. I should have more respect for myself than that. You have shown me so much. You tell me how beautiful I am. You tell me how smart I am. How sweet I am. You tell me all these special things, and I can't help but believe the words from your mouth.]]
[center [size10 [i She covers her mouth and closes her eyes as more tears fall down her face.]]]
[center [size10 I'll always love you. Always been in your life. Be someone for you to come to. Even if we are not together, I will still be here for you. I promise that to you. I'm not breaking up with you, I could never bring myself to do that. My love for you is bountiful and passionate. I get jealous easily. I can't help that. When you have someone you love so much and care so much about, you can't help but think everyone sees it too. Which from how it seems, is true. I'm not the only one who cares for you. Who loves you.]]
[center [size10 [i She takes a deep breath and opens her eyes crying still.]]]
[center [size10 Please don't forget me in the future.]]
[center [size10 [i Her lips quiver as she leans closer to him. She closes her eyes, tears streaming down her face. She kisses his lips softly, tears falling over her lips. She let's go of his lips after a few moments and looks down.]]]
[center [size10 I'm sorry for not being enough for you. Not being what you needed. I can tell now that I cannot give you enough love for you to stay with me.]]
[center [size10 [i She turns away from him, crying, and begins to walk away from him.]]]
All posts are either in parody or to be taken as literature. This is a roleplay site. Sexual content is forbidden.