I wish I could know the truth.
Do you love me? Like you say you do? Because if that's the truth, why do I feel so... insignificant? Why do I feel lonely? Why do I feel like I'll never amount to be enough for you?
Why do you ignore me when all I want is to hear your voice? We hardly ever talk anymore, but you continue to say that you adore me.
I think we both know that isn't true.
I fell in love with your jokes, your word, your smile... and that damn smirk. You say you love me too, but is it true?
I wish I could know what's going on in your head.
Am I as important as you say I am? Or am I just another girl to you?
Dear Baby Siblings,
I’m trying my best. I don’t expect you guys to understand... but life is really fuckin hard. I’m sorry I won’t be there to be an awesome older sister. To support you and hold you. To buy you comfort food or have fun with you. I’m a struggling person. It’ll kill me to know you’ll despise or resent me for not making time for you and family, but it’s just this way. I always wish happiness on all three, going on four, of you. I might be the oldest, but your parents will show just because I’m older doesn’t mean I know what is going on. I’m trying really hard. I hope it isn’t as hard for you guys.
Sincerely, your eldest sibling.
Dear You Know Who You Are,
You did what made you happy at the expense of other people's emotions and feelings. I understand these times are hard, but there's no reason for what you did. Especially when you don't have jobs and one of you lives off of welfare. You don't take anyone else's feelings into consideration except your own. You all deserve each other and your petty childishness.
why you cringe boi
you like the granny patties.
also m you should like
do the do with mun and desmond in front of me
i love u n i miss u uh
Dear Server Owners,
Can you stop trying to get me to play on your servers please? Face it, your server's dying. You also fail to realize people fail to understand the concept of modpacks. I've been loyal to your specific server for 2 years. What did I get out of it? Nothing but bragging rights.
Sure bragging rights are great, but when I work my butt off for 2 years and get nothing in return don't you think it's a bit much to ask me to come back?
Also, for me to work my butt off for [i two years] and only get a tag that gives me bragging rights then to accept people onto your media team instantly is a bit stupid. I fought for this rank for two years. And the newbies got it within hours of putting in an application. Okay, sure. Whatever. You're not getting me back until you sit and beg for it. Or at least apologize for the basically two years I ended up wasting.
Someone comes in and basically takes my place. How long is that going to last? No one lasts long on your servers. Most people left within days of getting the media tag. Who stayed around the longest before finally leaving for something better? Me. Yes me.
Don't come knocking on my door when your server finally dies. Karma is coming for you, and it'll come for you in the worst ways.
A fellow Content Creator
I'm sorry I'm so distant.
that's a lie, no I'm not. is that bad? I know I'm supposed to love you but this isn't something I can help. I feel lost and broken and no one is here to guide me out and I know confessions like this are supposed to be poetic but instead its just a mindless jumble of words incomprehensible to anyone else looking at this from the outside. I should feel sorry. I should love you. but I'm not and I don't. is there something wrong with me? who am I kidding of course there is I'm about as fucked up as a person can get. sometimes I wonder if I even am a person. when you think about it this entire ramble is just chemicals and electrical signals firing and typing this of their own accord. I'm not a human. I'm just a brain sitting inside a bone skull and that brain doesn't even function properly. we always try and distance ourselves from our brains but that's where our consciousness lies. none of us are real we're just brains pretending. some succeed and some don't. I don't. I don't work right. I almost never feel right. when I do feel I usually feel wrong and I don't know what changes when I feel right or wrong but I do know that I don't feel a lot. I wish I could get help. but help is hard to find where I am. theres no help theres no hope. I'm all alone. fuck everything.
a human (?)
p.s. is this a nervous breakdown or a mental breakdown? is there even a difference? does it even matter?
[size10 Dear fucks who live in the living room][center [size10 If y'all could stop smoking pot and then eating all the food in the house that would be great. Some of us like having more options than having to cook a meal every day. Hell we'd like to be able to buy food and leave it in the fridge and not worry about if y'all gonna just vacuum clean out the fridge along with the food we spent OUR money on. Like it's fucking stupid that we're going to start putting notes on our shit to let everyone in this apartment know it's ours and not just everyone's. Tho granted if I buy cheese and mom wants some she's welcome to it i don't care but y'all fucks best stay tf away from our shit. I'mma buy supplies to actually cook food cause i forgot how much i actually missed it while i was money-less and going off of donations. And like fuck am I offering you anything i make cause y'all been being hella petty about cooking dinner but not offering us any.]][center [size10 it's whatever. Y'all waste your fucking live smoking pot and eating all the food in this house. Y'all losing a lot of privileges from mom you had before. And I don't feel bad for you at all. It's your decision to waste your one paycheck for the 3 of you on pot, you can't put that on anyone else. Ain't mom's job to support y'all, you're adults, you have a kid, be fucking responsible. You aren't allowed to blame anyone else or judge anyone else. Don't be calling me or your sister out cause we don't have jobs. I have to be careful the kind of job I work and she's trying to get her fucking diploma.]]
[center [size10 Moral of the story, pot is okay, but to the fucks who say you can't get addicted, you're fucking wrong, these fucks that live here are addicted 100% and I know full well if I started smoking that shit I would be too. Not everyone gets addicted but if you got an addictive personality you gonna abuse that shit and then get fucking dependent on it and it WILL change your personality and mood. I know people who smoke it and live productive lives but it's so fucking easy to lose yourself to that lifestyle if you don't watch yourself.]]
You honestly confuse me.
You claim I harass you. You claim I did things to you. You threaten a restraining order on me, yet when I drop off the face of the earth and don't do anything for months or weeks you hack into all of my old acxounts probably just to be the "on they don't deserve this username" vindictive bitch that you are.
I've not once attempted to take any of your accounts nor did I want to.
But then again you did lie and slander and tell everyone I sold my brother.
Cause I totally sold him, cause its totally about money,
I subcame into my depression and drank and got high to numb my pain when I realized I couldn't take care of all of us. I refused to let you beg on the street and spared that humiliation doing it myself. I sold my things. I hunted down labor jobs.
My credit was ruined because of my mom and I couldn't afford to manage my money without help.
Yet I was too distrustful to let your parents help me or that woman with money.
I got obsessed with a boy again and didnt learn my lesson.
So I started spending all of my time with him neglecting you and important matters telling you not to worry.
In truth I had planned to let you live with your parents again and the kids with either the lady or family.
I had planned to attempt suicide under the pressure of the complexity of being an adult with so many responsibilities but too proud to get help and never made enough probably from lack of education-
My existence seemed hopeless. I took pills in small attempts. Each time more and more pills. I made excuses when caught. So I wouldn't hurt you.
Them. I kept lying and lying and losing myself to pain.
I kept trying to make a boy love me because he kissed me and played with my emotions giving me false hope and I crumbled. I didn't want to be played. I wanted the impossible fantasy life. Yet I also wanted my friend back at the same time.
I slowly shut more and more people out and focused on him more deciding on if I wanted to even try anymore.
I had already focused on dying.
I had stopped talking to you. My best friend, and my sibling as well.
I stopped communicating or trying. I evaded. I pushed and nudged further and further.
Then everything happen throughout those fights between us all.
Seeing you both actually turn on me snapped whatever insanity I had left. My whole world built upon two people I had ignored everyone else for, for years, prioritized, protected, constantly got into fights for-
I fought my grandma and family several times just because you didn't have enough food at home and were hungry, or I didn't want you to be mistreated or yelled at at home.
I keep remembering how when I first met you I tried to run away and this is why. You were hurt. You couldn't handle always being pushed away. You couldn't handle me not letting you help me. I always shut you down when you wanted to help. I treated you like a child and ignored your attempts to get closer to me.
Yet I kept trying to help you
I conflicted and hurt you
I would buy you gifts and do small things for you
But I would also snap at small things you did whether it be in concern for you or not
I guess I was controlling
I will never know how to appropriately have friends.
It hurts to hear my brother said he felt like I used him as a toy.
My brother I still idolize even though they are perfectly fine and don't miss me.
I just wish I could have been born normal. I could have tried more or learned how to let you in to save me... I wish so bad I let you save me. Because I keep trying to ignore it but I miss you. Yet you still show hostile signs or slight cyberbullying tendencies.
I realized I was just saying more and more vindictive and hurtful things some even not true in spite to hurt you because you hurt me. But then I realized I don't want that. I don't want to hurt you more than I already have.
I really wish I could die but I've done it again and made more friends so I cant leave them even though I really want to at this point.
I have co workers who look up to me and work well with me. I don't want to be that person. They say I'm happy they think I'm happy and fun but its all an act.
But then he holds me and cuddles me all night and everything is okay
So I guess I am happy... But never will I be as happy as I was with you guys.
My soul aches.
I know I'm a gross person and I wish I didn't exist.
I wish I never grew close to you.
I wish you didn't have the need to go out of your way to lie that far and hurt me.
I didn't care about my image. If I did I wouldn't have begged on the street.
I wanted to leave and die. Not this. Not drive you to this.
I cant believe you so easily replaced me with eachother like I was nothing.
I cant believe you lived with me so long. Had so much fun with me and couldn't even write down my proper eye color on the restraining order submition.
I can't believe you played drinking games with me while we watched scary movies in your moms living room and laughed all night having fun in our private fantasies yet you allowed my brothet to claim I forced them to drink when you were there and had fun with us.
I can't believe my brother claimed that I abused and forced drugs on them when I never did either but now that I'm a bad guy suddenly everything was forced.
I just can't swallow it and ill never get over it.
You guys have broken my heart more than any boy ever can.
Because I still love you but I shouldn't and I really should just stop
Because its toxic for me to love you guys and I'm going to be attacked for even posting this
And I'm going to be told I never loved you or what I've done wrongly to you
When deep down inside I just want to cry and have my loved ones back
But this isnt a fairy tail
And I'm the villain now
I'm not going to stop smoking
You guys not being here hasn't really given me a reason to.
I'm not going to be able to trust anyone
Because all I had was you
I'm just working hard making money and living day to day
Sometimes its good
Were getting an apartment and im a manager at nanas fav restaurant
And I cant leave this guy even if he doesn't always treat me the best
At least he didn't lie about me
As for online friends I told in confidence that I had attempted suicide. They retaliated with saying I pop pills for fun. And proceeded to bash me more. So they didn't help either and I don't care to change anymore because its utterly pointless nothing will change if I do and the truth will never be told so this is my life now. Numbing the pain and keeping to myself. Always.
So I will just keep rotting here
But remember l will always care
[center Dear Stupid boyfriend,] [center I hate you so much for what the bullshit you pulled yesterday. Why tf didn’t you just take a nap when you had the chance or pulled over and let me drive sooner? You kept dozing off and swerving. I understand that I get scared driving on the highway but I’m still learning. The road was empty. This is why I hate it when you’re out at night because I know you and I fear for your life. You told me it doesn’t happen all the time but it does! Do you know how many times you would call me I keep you up? How many times you drive with the window down so the cold air can keep you up? How we got you pack of gum so you can chew to keep you up? Bruh. When are you going to learn?][center Sincerely,][center Your mad GF]
[center Dear Pain in the Culo,]
[center We’ve been through so much. Done so much. I love you to the crack of Satan and back. But why do you keep confusing me? Lately you’ve been talking about marriage and me being your wife but we both know you’re scared of it. You’re scared of big life decisions. He’ll you broke up with me and slept with someone because you got scared of how well we were doing. We’ve done things that your cousin who’s been married to the same guy for 10 years never done. Doesn’t that mean something? Not to mention both our parents keeps getting bad medical news that scares us which is why I want to talk about ttc sooner than later. It’s not like I’m saying wh should try tomorrow but an estimate for when we’ll probably try would be nice. Oh and I hate your brother. He creeps me out and is super annoying.]
[center Love,] [center You’re annoying, jealous GF]
Dear [b You],
Wow... There is so much to say, yet not a whole lot to say. The only way I can think to say this all to you is through a list, because otherwise this would be a jumbled mess. Lol
Sorry that I did not return your feelings and that I made my own feelings clear.
Sorry I wasn’t willing to cheat on my boyfriend with you. No amount of “he doesn’t have to know” and “I want you” would convince me otherwise.
Sorry I didn’t want a friends-with-benefits relationship with you. I thought just being friends was an option.
Sorry I thought *cuddles* and *kisses on cheek* was silly and pointless.
Sorry that I thought my feelings would mean anything to you. I should have known that only yours were valid.
Sorry I blocked you as soon as you said you wanted me no matter what.
Sorry I didn’t forgive you after you messaged me through another account.
Sorry I wasn’t easy to manipulate or gaslight.
Sorry I don’t want to be friends anymore.
Sorry you felt the need to block me with a “fuck off” as your last message. I’ll block your other account as well just to make things fair.
Sorry that I don’t care if you ever “forgive” me or not.]
Great. We both know where we stand loud and clear. With this letter, this is the last time that I am going to stress, let alone even think, about you.
[right [i Weightless Me]]
[coming+soon [center [size15 [#859ecc [b Dear, Noob
I'm really glad you decided to stay the fuck off
And the fuck away
Hopefully you've learned by now that no one gobbles your bullshit anymore.
Not even Prince.
All you cared about anyways was getting compliments.
What did them old trolls used to call people like you...
Oh. Attention whores.
Best of wishes I guess.
Happy as fuck without you
I don't know why you were driving the way you were but you took my friend from me. You took a man away from people that loved and cared about him. He was the kindest person you would ever meet and had a smile that could make anyone's day better. You stole him from us and I hate you. I hope the rest pf your life is filled with pain so you know just a fraction of what everyone who cared about him is going through. He didn't deserve this.
Why did you do it? Why did you take him from us? Why did he die but you get to live? He had so much left to do. So much....
[size11 Dear self,]
[center [size11 Relax. Try to be happy with your best, it's all you or anyone can do. It's painful and tiring any time we beat ourselves up, or panic over circumstances beyond our control. And even when we make mistakes, we need to learn to forgive ourselves. Simply take the experience and use it to do better for yourself and others in the future.
It doesn't matter what [i 'she'] says, she is someone else who is never satisfied. Not with herself, and not with anyone else. Regardless of how well you do, or what you accomplish she will find a way to tear you down if you let her. For no reason above the fact that she cannot except happiness or success for you or anybody. She once told us that she was done trying to change. She is standing still. Accepting unhappiness as a given fact without a fight... This view has caused her to become bitter and ignorant to the good that surrounds her.
Yes she's family. And you will always love her. But more importantly, you must love yourself. I'm tired. Worn out from fighting a losing battle of her impossible expectations. I'm weary from all the energy we've spent hating ourselves for no good reason. I don't want to give up on being happy, I don't want to accept being frozen in place the way that she has. She's the only one who thinks you're a failure, while everyone else supports you. So then why? Why focus on her venomous words born from bitterness and apathy? Why focus on pleasing her when she has never once been proud of you?
Most find a silver lining even in your steepest of failures.
She finds a shit lining in your brightest of successes.
Family or no, she should hold no power over our life when she has clearly given up on her own.
It's time to listen to those who believe in you, who have [i always] believed in you. It's time to believe in ourselves. So let's work for our happiness, and embrace pride in our successes no matter how minute.]]
[right [size11 [i Sincerely;] You.]]
[center [pic http://68.media.tumblr.com/26020d11497a4f8a6c66a3bf7a5b08ff/tumblr_o8viciPt2F1sb16a9o2_500.gif]]
[size10 dear dad,
[center you've made it pretty evident that you don't consider me part of your family anymore ,
no matter how much I beg for you to come see me and help me out with something , you won't .
yet if any of my step siblings need help, you'll drop whatever you're doing
I know I live further away, but you haven't come to visit me in the past four months, despite me asking repeatedly for you to
I get your message loud and clear now. I won't bother you anymore]
the daughter you've abandoned]]
All posts are either in parody or to be taken as literature. This is a roleplay site. Sexual content is forbidden.