☆ѕιℓєηт тнσυgнтѕ σƒ α ∂αяк ѕσυℓ☆

/ By Druecilla [+Watch]

Replies: 31 / 4 years 198 days 5 hours 18 minutes 7 seconds

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So depressed... So tired of losing long time friends all because they don't understand that I'm a full time mom I barely have time for myself to think muchless be able to reply to messages and texts constantly sometimes I go days and weeks without talk or responding to anyone... All part of my mental disorder and being a parent.... But when you've been friends 10+ years and can't understand that I can't be at your beck and call 24/7... So you block me on everything it really hurts... I'm sorry I just suffered a tragic loss... And I need time to grieve.... But fuck really?...
  Druecilla / 11d 13h 57m 39s
You know my circumstances... You know the depression I've been battling due to my miscarriage... You know I have two sons to raise and barely time for myself to think.most days... And yet... You get upset because I can't txt you or I forget to respond because I barely even remember to brush my hair most days... but yet you block me and unfriend me... Discard me like I just don't matter... I'm truly hurt.. I thought we were close... Guess not as close as I thought we were....
  Druecilla / 11d 14h 9m 30s
My back hurts....
But I'm also getting cuddles from my smallest mini me....
Sooooo.... On the grand scale of things....
Totally worth it....
Can't sleep because oldest mini me...
Refuses to let me...
Summer time and he continues to wake me up at 8 am.... Ugh....

On another note... Aiden's tantrums are at their worst...
When he gets mad he starts hitting and kicking me...
He's really strong for a four year old and it actually hurts me physically and emotionally...
He also tells me he hates me and doesn't love me anymore and I know he doesn't really mean it but it still makes me cry...
His father barely comes to see him and when he does after he leaves or brings him back Aiden acts really bad....

My fiance's father doesn't help.... Because he's always undermining our authority with Aiden.... When we get onto him or tell him to take a nap or go to bed he turns around and let's Aiden do whatever he wants and then wonders why he doesn't listen to us or we have to be extra strict and stern with him.... I just don't know how much more of that I can take....

I mean like foreal he is my son not yours... I didn't fuck you and have your kid. I'm his parent not you. So back the fuck off and let me parent him. I don't care that you had eight kids of your own he is mine not yours....
God how I wish I had the guts to say that to his face...
It sucks living with your soon to be father in law . . .
It's not even his house it's ours but he still makes me uncomfortable in my own home...
Makes me feel like a child again....
And not in a good way....
  Druecilla / 180d 13h 49m 34s
I need to write my current feelings and thoughts down but I don't have the motivation or will power....

Sooo...

Currently depressed and stressed.... With a big side order of anxiety....
  Druecilla / 180d 14h 43s
Well since I am able to write in threads again. I've some news.
I'm expecting baby number two.
Hopefully he will make it to his due date in September.
His name is to be Greyson Alexander Garcia.
I'm so excited but at the same time I just can't seem to wrap my mind around it.
Aiden is going to be a big brother and I a mother of two.
Things have gotten better between my fiancee and I.
We had broken up for a month but when we got back together in November of last year everything fell into place.
We still fight of course as anybody does in a relationship.
But needless to say his birthday sex at the end of December did the trick of conceiving our son after we had been trying for over a year.
Do we still struggle?
Yes, of course we do.
But we have loved each other since junior year of high school.
It just took us time to reconnect and find each other again.
But now that we have I'm so very happy.

On another note... I'm struggling with depression due to the fact that my grandma passed away the day after my brothers birthday on February 26th. We raced to Tyler, Texas to get there in time but we were about 15 minutes late and she passed away and this is yet another important family member that I didn't get to say goodbye to.
It's hard knowing she won't be here to meet her newest great grandson or that Aiden doesn't understand where his great grandmama is. Or even the fact that she didn't get to find out the gender of Greyson. The fact that we were in a fight because my Grandpapa had said some nasty stuff when he first found out I was pregnant again and she didn't defend me. One of the last conversation we had she had told me she hated the color of my hair and I just ignored her comment. But what hurts the most is I never got to make up with her and to tell her how much I love her and how much she meant to me. Now all I have of her is a necklace that holds her ashes that I haven't been able to look at much less touch since I put it in the velvet angel case.

So that's what's been happening with me for awhile now.
  druecilla / 1y 140d 5h 19m 3s
Seems I am always bringing others down.
Making them feel bad.
Making them doubt our friendship.
Discouraging them.
Making them think I've left them.
Things are just so hard right now.
Stressed about money.
Stressed about providing for my child.
Stressed about not being able to work.
Stressed with my son's father and his father's gf.
Stressed with my bf.
Stressed with my current living situation.
I honestly am so lost right now...
  Druecilla / 2y 121d 23h 9m 43s
Insomnia....
No one to talk to...
Feeling alone...
Lost...
Anxiety and depression ridden...
Kitten curled up to my face...
Missing Aiden...
To much on my psyche...
Ugh....
No one wants me around....
All of my friends on here have pretty much abandoned me...
  Druecilla / 2y 122d 18h 17m 48s
Anxiety and depression is at an all time high.
Can I ever truly catch a break?
I just wanna curl up and hide away.
Fade into the blackness.
Why is it that I'm always the one fighting for any relationship I'm in?
Why is it that for once in my life I can't be happy?
I try so hard...
But again and again I am reminded that I don't deserve to be loved.
That no one is gonna ever put into any relationship as much as I do....
Ugh.
  Druecilla / 2y 132d 21h 11m 59s
[pic https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpa1/t31.0-8/10556948_10152622581654976_1146473511889266074_o.jpg]
  Druecilla / 3y 65d 22h 52m 58s
My heart is lonely and it knows not what to do,
It knows not how to function without you,
Our love was one of a kind and it felt oh so true,
But I always felt like I wasn't good enough for you,
Now I'm alone and crying,
I'm feeling as blue as blue can be,
Because I am having to learn what it feels like to be me without you,
Sleeping alone and waking alone is the hardest part,
When I felt so safe wrapped up in your arms,
But now there are no arms to hold me tight,
No hands to wipe away the tears that I am trying to fight,
When the nightmares come your no longer there to hold and comfort me,
I don't have you to fight away all of my fears,
I make this look easy like us being over doesn't bother me,
But how can it not when I love you so much,
My heart is aching it's literally breaking,
Trying to be strong for Aiden is hard when I want to just curl up and hide,
My heart was completely yours,
The love I felt for you was new and I never wanted it to end,
Everyday is a struggle but I know one day I'll be fine,
I have to take it day by day,
The memories that we shared will never fade,
It wasn't all bad and I'll hold onto that,
Because I'd rather remember the good and let go of the bad,
I'm not mad at you I just wish you could have loved me like I did you,
Maybe one day I'll find someone who is afraid to lose me,
I'm not looking trust me I'm not,
I think I'll put my heart up on a shelf and give it a rest,
One day it will be in shape to love again,
But until then I'll do my best to smile and I'll never forget that your the one who always made me smile the best.
  Druecilla / 3y 117d 12h 56m 12s
I am currently single and I hate it....

Something I wrote about him....


It's still hard waking up without you,
Not feeling your arms holding me tight throughout the night,
Those nights that you would randomly kiss me and nuzzle my face,
The touch of your hands your warm embraces,
I am lost right now and my heart still aches,
I miss the moments that me me feel irreplaceable in your eyes,
My smile is now forced and my laughs are dull,
I know things will never be the same,
But somehow my heart seems to feel like I deserve all the blame,
Maybe if id have been a better girlfriend,
Less naggy, less overbearing, less clingy, less needy, less of everything that made you want to leave me,
Maybe then you'd have never felt the need to live somewhere else or to break up with me the first time,
I don't know what to do without you,
You made me happy even when I was sad you could cheer me up if you wanted to,
I hope one day... Someday I can love again,
But right now....
I have to shut this heart down to anyone who wants to try to become apart of mine and my sons life,
Because right now....
My heart needs to be rebuilt.
  Druecilla / 3y 118d 37m 33s
I am so lost right now....

So yeah my boyfriend of seven months told me that if we get into one more argument over something stupid that he is breaking up with me and then he told me that after being single for three years that he has emotions/still loves a cuntface bitch of an ex girlfriend of his. And he hates that he does but he guess he needed more time than three years to get over her. So I am confused and hurt and I don't want to lose him and he says he loves me and my son but I mean how can you be in love or have feelings for two seperate women?

I love him so much but I can't help but feel betrayed and torn apart....
  Druecilla / 3y 147d 4h 28m 22s
I am so happy. I have never been happier. I have found my love and he makes me feel like a goddess. I love my Antoine. I took me being brave enough to leave the depression and self loathing that I felt with my soon to be ex husband and learn to open up and let someone in and now I am glad that I have. It is a wonderous feeling to wake up in the arms of the one you love and that you know loves you to no ends.
  Druecilla / 3y 292d 7h 10m 29s
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
  Druecilla / 3y 351d 3h 38m 59s
There's a game life plays
makes you think you're everything they ever said you were
Like to take some time
Clear away everything I've planned

Was it life I've betrayed
for the shape that I'm in
It's not hard to fail
it's not easy to win
did I drink too much
could I dissapear
and there's nothing that's left but wasted years

There's nothing left but wasted years(2x)

If I could change my life
Be a simple kind of man try to do the best I can
if I could take the sides
I'd derail every path I could
I'm about to die
won't you clear away from me give me strength to fly away

Was it life I've betrayed
for the shape that I'm in
It's not hard to fail
it's not easy to win
did I drink too much
could I dissapear
and there's nothing that's left but wasted years

There's nothing left but wasted years

There's nothing left but wasted years

Was it life I've betrayed
for the shape that I'm in
It's not hard to fail
it's not easy to win
did I drink too much
could I dissapear
and there's nothing that's left but wasted years

Was it life I've betrayed

for the shape that I'm in

did I drink too much

for those wasted years


Was it life I've betrayed
for the shape that I'm in
It's not hard to fail
it's not easy to win
  Druecilla / 4y 5d 2h 39m 22s
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