But send me any PMs saying anything nasty about me, or anyone I like, I'll fucking hurt you...
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[b February 7, 2018]
[b 10:31 pm]
Only now finally putting it down
My mother passed away December 30th, 2017
Need to remember this date...along with a few others
I'm done, I love it when I have one of these off nights, where I feel like complete shit and just wanna die...these are so much fun...
[b December 14, 2017]
[b 12:37 pm]
Thank you...thank you so much asshole
Fucking jerk had to go and rub fricken salt in my wounds yesterday
Just when I thought I had the memories buried once again, people just have to go and bring them back. The guy just couldn't back off and leave well enough alone...
And I was actually having a good day yesterday evening, till the guy just had to open his mouth and keeping prodding. I fucking hate people who don't know when to back the fuck off...
Least there's a few people yet I can still enjoy being around...
[b December 8, 2017]
[b 4:13 pm]
I wanna forget, yet you still linger in the back of my mind. I try to bury your memory deep, but I still find myself looking back upon it, wondering what happened, and why...
I mask the pain, hiding it
Though there are those times where I wish I could just fade away, to disappear...
[size7 Fucking hate Depression...need to get my meds renewed again...which means I have to visit my shrink...fun...]
[b November 9, 2017]
[b 11:46 pm]
I'm done with life
I'm just ready to end it all now
Fuck me, god fucking damn't...
What, we'd known each other, almost 5 years now, and suddenly told he found someone else, ONLY FUCKING NOW TELLING ME THIS!
LIKE WHAT THE FUCK!
The one fucking time I actually thought I found a guy worth having...only to be shoved to the side like usual
[b July 26, 2017]
[b 5:33 pm]
[center [h3 Note to Another]]
Sorry I haven't spoken to you in forever, I had a really hard time...still not fully up there, but getting there...
Probably doesn't mean much to you, but my Squishy baby passed away the 10th.
You know, he was old, but he was the first kid I ever had when I first started raising goats. I was there for his birth, but...I wasn't there for his death...
I was devastated when he didn't come home, to where I couldn't sleep at all that night. Think I managed to maybe get 2 hours of sleep...not much.
It was only in the morning when dad came to me and said he found him laying under the tree near the river. Old age and the heat finally did the big boy in is what dad said...
I didn't eat for 3 days straight, drank very little...and honestly just felt like ending it...there was little mom and dad could do to bring me back.
Heh...I'm actually starting to cry typing this...
Sorry for the sob story, you most likely not interested in that...
[b June 24, 2016]
[b 8:41 pm]
My dad's in the hospital...
He's been really sick for the last 2 days, not quite sure is going on
Today my mother finally convinced him to go see the doctor, and now he's in the hospital. He's staying over night...
He called this evening, he sounded better...but still...
I hate the thought of him being in such a place...it makes me feel alone...helpless...useless...
I can't do anything to help or anything...
My dad's my everything, my entire world...I look up to him...without him...I'm lost...I'm dead...
I just can't bear the thought of losing my dad...I cry at the thought every time...right now as I type this I'm crying...it upsets me...
Though, he told me everything is better now for him. The doctors even said that he could be released tomorrow.
But still...I'm just upset...and having a hard time controlling my emotions...
[b February 14, 2016]
[b 6:23 pm]
Happy Valentines day!
To [i Simmal]:
I was lost, then I was found
You who found me long ago
I am so happy that you finally chose me to be yours
Without you, there is no sunshine in my world
Without you, I feel alone despite being in a crowd
I hope someday we will meet
Hopefully it will be soon
Just know that from now and forever onwards into the future
I love you and always will
You have shown me that it is ok to love, that one doesn't have to be alone despite feeling that way
Just know that I am always here for you if you ever need anything love
My wings are your shield
My fire is your guide
Your heart is my healer
[b October 23, 2015]
[b 10:48 am]
It's all my fault...I know it isn't...but I still feel like I could've [b done] something...
Guess the good lord needed my cousin...but at 23 years old, and in a car crash? He passed away on October 20th...
I've been acting like nothing has happened...yet, I know I am lost now...
Why did Ignitus have to go...I should be the one who died...morbid thought I know...but he had a brighter future than me...
I'm just the disappointment of the family, useless, a nothing...
[b October 10, 2015]
[b 6:36 pm]
This drama isn't going on ES, but I just need to get my thoughts out, my anger, rage...otherwise I might end up speaking to the bitch...
And of all things, it's in a game, [u Warframe], which you could get on [b Steam]
A certain bitch put words in my mouth, that I didn't say
She thinks our clan, yes, we have a clan, clan leader is favoring me, hence the reason she left, to go with her other French buddies
I think what annoys me the most, is that she did not confront me herself. She went to the Clan Leader, who I'm good buddies with, but she thinks it is...'serious', which it isn't
She's had a thing for the leader, and accused me of saying things about her, which I never did, and being allowed to get away with things, which I did nothing wrong, I know better than that
I was fine with her, I was more than happy to help her out when she asked, hell, I traded a couple of good things for her shit.
But I've learned a couple things about this little [i 'C***']. Yes, its that serious to where I'm actually using that word, for once in my life. It takes a lot to annoy me, but she's becoming clingy to another member of my clan.
She believes the world is all 'happy, innocent, etc.'
Well newsflash bitch, life isn't like that, get used to it
I really wish it was, I really do...but when faced against the real World, the real world will easily flatten you if you don't get used to what it throws at you.
I've grown use to how the world works, how it plays with one's feelings, etc. It's not fair, it never will be, no matter how hard we try and want the world to be kind
[i Survival of the Fittest]
The strong will live, while the weak fall. I'm refraining from snapping at her myself...so that's why I'm typing my thoughts here...to try and keep from going into complete [b 'Bitch Mode'] there
As for my friend, a clan member, one of the first friends I made in the game, she's starting to get 'clingy' with
I think he see's it...but yet he still helps her when she asks...
There is a fine line between being [i nice], and being [i too nice]
I see she is no longer part of our clan, so why should we aid her to get better? It's no longer our job, she's in a different clan, not ours
HER clan should be helping HER, not US
I don't fucking get it...
[b July 9, 2015]
[b 9:40 pm]
I wonder if it is natural to always feel so alone...
I am not sure...sometimes it is probably for the best, other times, it is simply sad
This life is so short, yet it is hard to try and live and make the best of it
How do some even manage?
I know I most certainly cannot...
Silence, it can be a beautiful thing...but it can also be deadly as well...
Yet, what is silence to me? I do not know, and I don't know if I should care anymore...
What I find annoying is people who bitch [i 'no one ever talks to me'] or [i 'everyone ignores me']
However...they do not know the true meaning
They say that, yet, if one were to take note of myself...they would know how it feels to be [i ignored].
People are blind, blind to other's lives. They worry about their own, never taking time to step in another's life, to see through that person's eyes, to see what they see...to feel what they feel...
[b April 27, 2015]
[b 11:39 pm]
Just had to put the goat kid down...he gave up his fight today...
Found him laying on his side, too weak to do anything
So...I took control...I took his life...but it was for the best...right? He was suffering, its better to put them out of their misery instead of watching them suffer.
Yet, I hauled him out, laid him down. I had the gun, laying down opposite onto my stomach. The barrel was pointed at his head...and I paused...
However...I feel remorse, but still knew there was nothing else I could do. He was already gone
...I finished the job, returned home, and sat down...thinking about life...
[b March 18, 2015]
[b 9:29 pm]
[i Untitled sent by StrayGuardian want to reply?, 10m 41s ago -- Delete]
I'm sorry, Dragoncita, I really did try, I only wish you had done the same, sorry for not realizing you would always want me around despite my own negative thoughts...
[i 'Pffft, I have gone beyond caring']
[i 'Bruh, if you closed your eyes, you wouldn't have to']
[i 'You did it first, gecko']
[i 'Might as well, not like you cared enough']
[b [http://rp.eliteskills.com/u.php?u=35157 ~StrayGuardian]]
[center [h3 -]]
Yea, sounds really sorry next to all those snooty comments...
[b March 18, 2015]
[b 6:30 pm]
I'm trying to keep it together...I honestly am...
But it's not working...nothing I'm doing is working
Goddamn't...trying so damn hard not to cry...don't want to get the keyboard all wet...
Despite it all...I still feel pain...emotional pain...the usual pain I've been having lately...
Even the goats can't cheer me up...that's bad...
[center [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGceZX84LlQ]]
[b March 17, 2015]
[b 1:59 pm]
[center [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lmd1Eywaueo]]
[b March 17, 2015]
[b 12:15 am]
*Settles head between paws, exhaling a cloud of smoke. Slowly closes eyes*
Stupid, what makes you think this is gonna work now?
Such I fool I am...to think I could manage such a thing
Can never keep a proper 'friendship', be it old or new...they never last a good bunch of them
Only 2 for certain I know who will be around, everyone else...I'm going to be wary of
Seems every time I put my trust in a person, they leave or just downright ignore me. Each time, I wonder why the hell it happened, I mean meeting that person, becoming supposed 'friends', to only have all hell break loose and this fucking drama
...think I'm gonna go cry myself to sleep now...yea...
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